How do i forgive myself?

I feel a bit pathetic posting this. So many people are feeling pain due to real loss - after some1 they love has died.

My loss is just the end of a relationship.
I'm trying to grieve the loss of the best thing in my life, but I know that it's also brought up lots of old stuff that I can't handle.

It's just that i have no-one else to talk to. My friends just think i should move on. And whenever i try to express how bad i feel about it, how i blame myself they just say that it takes 2 so i shouldn't.

They don't understand that it was my fault. I ruined it all.
I'm hoping that someone here will understand.

I feel i've ruined the best thing in my life. And now i hate myself for it.

I let my depression bury me, so i had nothing to give to my gf. Plus i was drinkin too much, and wasn't being very nice when i was drunk. Finally she got tired of the way i was being and left me a few wks before christmas. I didn't see how i was being at the time, but now i do. And it's too late. I know i should have tried harder. Been a better gf to her. I didn't do enough. Now I feel like i've pushed away my soul mate & it hurts like hell, & I just want to hurt myself for it. I feel like I don't deserve love. That I ruined my one chance at happiness because I'm such a horrible, pathetic person.
And now I'm rambling, sorry.

I'm sorry if people think I shouldn't post this here - I know it's trivial really.

The only thing I can see to do is work at getting better so you don't make the same mistakes again? I would start thinking of it as "the best thing that has happened to me so far" and remember that you're young yet and there's more good (and bad) stuff to come. Work on the drinking problem and the depression and becoming the sort of man you wish to be for yourself first and some special someone second.

It won't be easy if you are doing this all by yourself... as when you begin to distort your thinking, you won't generally know it.

I think moving on can mean many things. Yes, move on, but towards healing and health... check out the 10 Cognitive Distortions list at the top of the psychotherapy forum.... find a therapist who can help you find yourself before you begin to find a relationship. The best was to have a great relationship is to not NEED it to live, but have it as a addendum to your already great life!

Trivial? IDK... if you're feeling loss and grieving, then why not here?

TC

Thanks for the replys - and the advice guys.



I know you're right. I guess I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed by the pain right now. I'll do what I can.