[Larry_Hoover]

In less than four weeks, I've become an orphan. <wry grin>

My dad passed Dec. 5, and my mom on New Year's Day. Both were in the hospital at the same time, but they divorced (after 44 years), and we had to kind of keep separate processes going. They even had the same doctor (internist).

I'm just stunned. I cried for my dad, but I'm numb about mom. I'm hoping I'm not suppressing too much stuff, as I know I'll just have to deal with it later. I'm hoping it's ambivalence. I just needed to say something.

Lar

[nothemama8]

Larry, prayers and possitive vibes to you
Love
Angie

[Perna]

Larry, I'm so sorry! Yes, it's a very "stunning" feeling when one becomes an orphan. My mother died in 1954 and my father in 1992 and stepmother in 2001. It was odd when my father died and I realized there weren't a whole lot of people who remembered me as a young child before my mother died. My stepfamily I'd known since I was 5 started to unravel (I ceased to "belong" as securely as I had when my father was alive) and all the shifts and plot twist and turns sent me back into therapy. Do you have any siblings, close cousins/relatives? I'm much stronger now than I was 5+ years ago before my stepmother died. But it's a heck of an experience. Wishing you some love and comfort somewhere during your current journey.

[Soidhonia]

Hello I am sorry to hear about your loss. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care Soidhonia

[bebop]

(((Larry)))) I am so sorry for your losses! Not sure how I would handle losing both of mine at the same time. Numb is how I was with my mom. I still have Dad and I know the day is coming that I will lose him too and I can't stand the thought. You take care and come here as often as you need to hon.

[oksomaybeimnuts]

{{{{{{{{Larry}}}}}}}}
i'm so sorry to hear of your losses. i lost my mom and my sister four months apart and i remember how devasatating that was, so i cannot imagine the grief you must be dealing with. sending you positive thoughts, Karen

larry, i understand your feelings. both of my parents died and i feel "unrooted" now. i'm so sorry that this has happened and i hope you will continue to post and talk to us.......xoxoxo pat

oh larry.....i am so very sorry.......please stay with us and let us help if we can.......

[wisewoman]

Larry, I am sorry for your losses and confusion right now. Do what you need to for yourself. Everyone is different. Good luck

[Boopers]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Larry))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry for your double loss. How tragic. You will probably feel numb for some time to come. Losing one parent is tough but losing them both in such short of time, is tragic.
I lost my Dad when I was 42 and my Mother when I was 46. I am now 52 and it still hurts.
Holidays are just not the same anymore.
I wish you peace as you begin your new journey without your parents.
Do you have any siblings that might be able to help you get through this? Of course, they can also make it more difficult, I found out the hard way.
The best thing I found out to do to help get through it was to talk about it alot. Talk about it whenever you can, instead of keeping it inside. The more you keep it inside, the more it builds and then you are going to have to let go sometime and then it is worse.
Wishing the best for you and come here anytime you need to talk. Let us know how you are doing.
Hugs,
Linda

[Larry_Hoover]

I appreciate all the support. I'm not up to making individual replies.....I hope you understand.

Reading what was said did begin to get me in touch with my feelings. My mom could be very harsh. E.g. she disowned her own twin sister nearly fifteen years ago, over a dispute over their father's estate. She never allowed another contact of any sort. I think my ambivalence is part of why I feel stuck, between two extremes. And what this all did to the holidays.

One day at a time....

Lar

[(JD)]

I have recently learned much more about grief and the grieving process. Though I've lost many in the past... dear friends, work buddies, church saints and family... nothing compares to the grief I feel with the recent loss of my service dog, Figaro.

I didn't expect this huge hole... I didn't expect to still be grieving so (even though he went to sleep Saturday night the 6th) With humans, I coped and went on... I am immobilized with this loss.

I said all that not to overshadow your losses... but to share that each grief and loss and grieving process is it's own... allow it.... you aren't in any position to be thinking into it or deciding anything... like you said, not up to individual replies...

You have suffered so much loss so recent and close together. Do your best and know that that is good enough... take care of yourself...and allow yourself the feelings you have (but don't overthink right now.)

((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

[agony007]

(((((Larry)))), I am deeply sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your parents in my prayers.

[EJ711]

Hi Larry,

I find your comments about being stuck between two extremes, very insightful.

My remarkable mother could be very loving, but very tough at the same time. I also often felt stuck in the middle between my parents, who often did not see eye to eye.

As I wrote to you, I almost lost mine back to back, and I can't imagine what that is like.

I like the way Pat said you are beginning a new journey. I am an orphan too, and sometimes it is just terribly painful to be without the parents who once loved me.

Please let us help you.

You did a great job of watching over and caring for your parents. At least feel peace in that realization -- it will help you make it through.

Hugs,

EJ

[Larry_Hoover]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
EJ711 said:
You did a great job of watching over and caring for your parents. At least feel peace in that realization -- it will help you make it through.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thank you for reminding me of that. I did do everything I could.

My mom was my childhood abuser. She installed buttons in me, that she pushed to the very end. She had a way of saying things, that would hurt me, but nobody else would pick it up. Nothing she did or said came without strings attached.

I think it's going to take a while. I think I have a number of emotional journeys to take. I think that is sufficient clarity for now.

Thanks, everyone. Thanks, from the heart.

Lar

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Larry_Hoover said:
My dad passed Dec. 5, and my mom on New Year's Day....

I cried for my dad, but I'm numb about mom. I'm hoping I'm not suppressing too much stuff, as I know I'll just have to deal with it later.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

<font color="purple"> ((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))) </font>

Some times we are unable to morn for a loved one when it would hurt to much to do so... for either what was lost or for what never had been. It took my husband a full year after the death of our daughter for him to be able to shed a tear, but when it did happen - the tears flowed like a rolling river, grief was finally released.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[darkeyes]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.Grieving comes in different forms and not always the same as others,nor do the different steps fall in the same order such as anger,sadness,denial,and acceptance.
I'm sending you many wishes for strength,and healing.
Take care,
DE

(((((((( Larry ))))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm 51 and I lost my Mom 3 years ago and my father two years ago. My father's death hit me so hard. I felt orphaned even though both my parents were well into their 80's. I can't imagine going thru what you are right now - with both deaths so close. There just aren't words for the grief.
Take Care, Freewill

[gardenergirl]

Larry,
I didn't know about this until just now. I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine how difficult that was and is for you.

Namasté

gg

[Larry_Hoover]

Thanks, gg.

Lar