I don't understand why I'm feeling so sad after 33 years

Wednesday will be the 33 yr. anninversary of my brother's death. It was a sudden death, and my brother was only 38.

For some reason feelings of grief I guess I hadn't processed are flooding me this year.

EJ

when you least expect it it pops back up. ((((Jane))))

((((((((( EJ711 ))))))))))))

I feel your sadness....I struggle with my own sadness over the death of my husband and my mother. There is never a time frame for a loved ones loss...

In my life, I think I understand why, as I get older, the grief over my mother's passing 26 years ago hits me harder than in the past. When I was younger, I was raising my family, working full time, tending to everything that needed tending to. Keeping busy made it easier for me to go through the grieving process.

Now, even though I am still busy in my life, I take time to look back over the years. When I do that, I realize that my mom wasn't here to enjoy all the good times, console me during the bad times and she wasn't able to LIVE her own life. I'm sad because she didn't get to see her grandchildren and ggrandchild grow and thrive. I'm sad because they didn't get to know her and enjoy her love. I'm sad for what we all missed. Does that make sense or am I rambling?

{{{{{EJ}}}}} I hope you work through this and feel better very soon!

Hugssssssss
Jean

EJ....sabau has some very wise thoughts on delayed grief and reasons for...it may fit your situation or it may not.

grieving can be so individual in how it surfaces, resurfaces, gets worked on, gets worked through, arises yet again.....and so on....

the 33 years you've survived and the 26 years for sabau both resonate in our life as we've spent more than a quarter decade w/o a parent.

loss is loss. when the loss happens and how the loss is dealt with at that time can indicate how it will be further down the road....sometimes.....and like you're finding out now there still remains some unfinished grieving to do.

very sorry for the loss of your brother and so suddenly as well.

glad that you're writing about it here. grieving doesn't need to be a mysterious hidden process. the more shared, sometimes, the easier the burden and the less alone one can feel.

you're not alone......your subject line hits home with many.

I do understand your grief. My Dad passed nine years ago and my Mom passed almost five years ago, and I still grieve for the both of them so very badly.
Wishing peace for you.
Hugs.

(((((((((((((((((((EJ))))))))))))))))))))))))))

My mom has been dead for 8 years. She passed away in the first week of January. December is a hellish month for me. I fall apart every December like clock work. Memories of the good times we shared flood back as well as how she physically and mentally wasted away...it was horrible.......haunting. I never got to say good-bye to her......she passed away so quickly after a lengthy illness.

((((((((((((((((((EJ)))))))))))))))))))))))

Snowflake, Sabau, _zh, Boopers and Pilatus,

I just found all of your posts tonight. Thank you for validating the grief and sadness that surfaced this year out of the blue.

In retrospect I think it was the 6 inches of snow that reminded of one of the last times I had seen and been with my beloved older brother. We had met and gone sleigh riding. It was such a glorious and fun day. He had gone away to college when I was just 5, so it had been such great fun to "play" with him that day, when I was 26, and he 38.

Thank you all for validating my grief by sharing your experiences.

Hugs,

EJ

((( EJ )))

i still grieve for my older brother and my parents. i'm always thinking of things i want to tell them.......((((EJ))))))

I think there are human experiences which are independent of time. Years mean nothing. I think we have an innate calendar, that knows the season from day length alone. Couple that with other environmental clues, and we're bound to experience anniversaries of emotionally charged events, perhaps as if time had stood still.

Your grief is evidence of your love. Such is the bittersweetness of human existence.

Lar