Feeling Very down about weight gained over the last two years

*sigh*

when the weighed me at the doctors office the other day, I was almost in tears.

I mean, I realize that I am 35 weeks pregnant so some of it is going to be baby weight, but I weighed a good 230 pounds before I got pregnant in the first place - Weight I gained while being on zyprexa, which really did me alot of good at the time so in a way it was worth it. Anyways, I now weigh in at 272 pounds!!! I do measure five foot ten so I am good and tall but it still is bringing me down.

I am ensconced(i think thats the right word) with feelings of self-ickyness when i look in the mirror, when i sat down in front of the mirror the other day all I could think was that I looked like one of those women from ...ahem.. large pornography

I KNOW somewhere inside that there is nothing wrong with being big, it doesn't make me a bad person or anything like that, but its really giving me quite the hit to my self esteem as I was always moderately thin and attractive and now I look at my face even and see nothing but chubb. Maybe it is the fact that it happened within such a short period of time that led to it being so devastating?

Part of me feels like noone is ever going to want to date me again, as I am so big and it makes me feel nasty.

For those that are big too, PLEASE don't take this as a slag on big people, as its not - its just the feelings I find circulating in my head right now that I needed to share. I know at the same time we are all beautiful in our own way.

Le sigh.

i understand where your comming from , i too put on weight over the last two years and i have to do something now or it will mean my health might deterate i already hae been put on high blood preasure tablets

i hopping to start swimming again coz this helped a lot

kathy I am on blood pressure pills as well now.
swimming does sound like a great idea though!

Hi Rainbow, I understand how being heavy affects your feelings and self image. I felt the same way when I was overweight. My doctor told me I needed to lose the weight, so I went on a 23 month diet. Of course, the diet was up and down but I did manage to eventually lose the weight (just took a long time). I tell you this because I want you to have hope--hope that you can lose the weight. It is a struggle--it will never be easy--but it is possible. The key for me was setting small goals. I am not sure about the proper way to diet while being pregnant. Maybe you could ask your doctor for advice? Until then, know you are a beautiful person, no matter what you weigh.

Rain, I'm a big gal, too. I know how you feel.

Got a secret for you, though! I haven't checked your thread where I asked if you were going to breast feed, so I don't know the answer. Howsomever, if you decide to, it will be a great big plus, not for just the baby, but for you as well! You lose weight a lot easier when you breast feed! Just make sure you eat the right things (call La Leche League! ) and it will drop off like melted butter!

Swimming is the best, all over exercise you can do! No stress or strain on your bones. I just wish I wasn't terrified of the water or I'd be in the pool all summer long.

(((Rain)))

I can relate to feeling bad about myself over weight - I gained a lot of weight through emotional eating and drinking. When I stopped drinking, I did lose a lot of weight really quickly which was great but I'm still overweight. I try not to obsess about it, and instead try to focus on eating healthy things and getting some exercise. Walking is great (ok so now's not the best weather) but when I lost my licence I had to start walking a lot more and it really helped with my weight, and my overal stress level too. And it's cheap.

It's not easy but you can lose weight if you want to, just remember that you're a special person no matter what you weigh.

--splitimage

It's interesting to me that we gain weight over time but don't seem able to lose it at the same rate, reversing what we know the problems are.

I gained 125 pounds in 25 years and thought, why not lose 5 pounds a year for the next 25 years but that's not satisfactory in some way. For some reason we "suddenly" gain 30 pounds and don't realize it can't happen that way without a problem like your zyprexa. I gained 30 pounds over a 3 month period and losing 10 pounds a month is not too much (or at that time, too hard). Now I'm slowly losing but it doesn't make me feel better, it's like the added 115 pounds I weigh over what is probably a more healthy weight is a single-celled thing, not made up of 5 pounds here and an odd 1 or 2 there like it was when I was gaining it. There's a whole way of thinking that changes, morphs into something else between gaining weight, deciding it's too much and then trying to lose it again.

i never lost the 'baby fat' from my first son 15 yrs ago...all my life till i got preggers I was tall n thin...but after he was born i got the birth control where 5 'sticks' went into the upper arm and it messed me up in more than just weight...then i had my second son and was put on meds including insulin and everything else and now no matter what i havent really lost anything...well lost 10 lbs when i was on liquid diet but that is back already...it bothers me alot, but then again my self portrait is very denigrating by nature in my mind. but right now i am very depressed so it is worse...if moggles ever gets rich i want surgery...i swore before i would never need or want it and to be happy with myself...but i want the stretch marks and flabby skin off my belly at least...i had someone tell me it was hot to see stretch marks on a woman cause them having a baby is the most wonderful thing in the world...ugghhh, i wish i had that frame of mind!!! anyway, i am rambling sorry~mel

((((rainbowzz))) Now is not the time to worry about your overall weight. Try not to worry about it at this point in time. You're going to have a baby!!! Yes, your body will begin to naturally shed the extra weight, and maybe it will continue and help you lose the remaining gained weight also... IDK. Keep eating right, and doing what exercising you can... doing what you know to be good to do...

It isn't a permanent issue, though years seems like it. Your meds might change, or you go off them altogether, you body will shed the excess weight over time as you keep good effort... but right now focus on what a great mom you are working on being! I think it's kewl.

Hi Rainbow:
I really do know how you feel about the extra weight. I am battling that too. I tend to binge eat when I am stressed and I am much larger than I should be. But, You are pregnant too, so its not a good time for a diet. After you have the baby, then you can work on your diet. Just stay focused on your health and that of the baby...take care.

oh Rainbowzz... please be kind to yourself. You've posted pics of yourself in the past - you are absolutely a beautiful, gorgeous woman and I personally find women with curvier bodies to be more attractive. I am also getting discouraged about my body right now, because I still have 3 months left and people keep commenting on how BIG I'm getting and how my due date must have been miscalculated or that I must be carrying twins - my husband still hasn't taken any photos of my pregnant body and now I'm starting to feel too self-conscious to want him to (I wish he did it a month ago... ) but at the same time, I do know that this is temporary and that we'll both be able to achieve what we want to achieve after the babies are born. Also Rainbowzz, you have an advantage now that you didn't have before - you're out of a bad relationship and a stressful roommate situation. Sure, there are stresses ahead, but I'm VERY glad that you're out of that place because that in itself would make anyone unhealthy.

Sending you hugs, m'darlin'

Aww you guys are so great. When i made this post I was crying over the fact of how bad I felt. Now i realize a couple of things - it doesnt have to be permanent, I can feel good again, and I also kind of think i could be in hormonal flux too right now which is not helping.

Breastfeeding here I come, that should help immensely.

You know, I just had a thought.

since being pregnant, my hair has been stringy and gross... and I havent shaved my legs, and i havent shaved... well you know. Which i usually do.

I also havent tended my eyebrows or had my hair cut.

I think Ill do this next week before the baby comes to help me feel a bit better.

"Breastfeeding here I come, that should help immensely."



YAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!

I just got waxed from, uh, waist down on Saturday and I also feel a lot better. Can't see to shave and it hurts to bend down to do my legs. Also got a pedicure. Treating yourself well will definitely help, I agree!

*hugs* rain... I know how you feel

I understand how you feel. I was overweight when I was pregnant and though I lost it all years ago, I am once again overweight.

I am currently working very hard on my self image and trying not to think or talk negatively about myself. I am very actively going to gym and I have recently embarked on a weight loss program. I am taking very small steps though.

So, once again, I do understand the feelings you speak of.

For whatever reason, breastfeeding did not help me to lose weight at all - but I am sure it will work for you.

Please do treat yourself and get pampered, it will do so much for you.