I found out that my step father passed away last week. I have been out of town all weekend for his funeral service. I stayed the night with relatives out of town since it is over 3 hours away.

I'm struggling to cope. Everything just feels so overwhelming for me now. I can't focus on my studies and I had to take off work this week because I can't function. I'm falling behind in everything and I got an F on my last test in school because I am so overwhelmed that I can't focus on anything.

I didn't think I would be so hurt over him passing but it hurts because he actually cared about me. He put my mother and myself before him, despite the fact that my mother manipulated him and turned him against me when I was younger. I didn't get close to him until after she passed away because of that. He helped me and supported me when I had a lot of behavioral problems due to my MI. He worked himself to death because he would work 60-70 hours a week to give my mother anything she wanted and then after she passed, he would work to escape how hurt and lonely he was.

Now that he's gone, I have hardly any family left. I feel so alone in this world. I can't take the pain anymore. I've been crying myself to sleep every night this weekend and today I have been doing nothing but playing my game in a desperate bid to escape the pain.

I can't take it anymore. I want out of this dark and lonely world.

I'm sorry that I've been such a ****** person to some of you.

You guys won't have to worry about my abrasive presence here much longer.

I thank everybody who has shown me compassion and I'm sorry to those of you who I have hurt with my words.

I don't care anymore. I'm done.

[Shazerac]

I'm deeply sorry for your loss

Why do I even bother struggling anymore?

Life is dark, lonely, and painful.

I should just embrace the darkness' cold embrace.

Nobody else will ever love me. I will continue to be miserable.

What's the point of fighting?

[Nammu]

(((((((((((((((((Darknessismyfriend))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have time to grieve and someone who can support you where you are. Sending you hugs and healing thoughts.

[Turtle_Rider]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope time will heal you soon....

Originally Posted by rosed71

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have time to grieve and someone who can support you where you are. Sending you hugs and healing thoughts.

I have nobody to support me where I am. I have no family left that I feel close to and no family at all that live in the same city that I am in.

I have never felt close to my step father's side of the family, largely because his family is full of Southern Baptist Christians and I am an Atheist. When I go to visit them, I have to put on a mask and pretend to be a Christian and go to church and pray and what not, otherwise, I would most likely be ostracized from the family.

Other then them, the only other living family members that I am aware of that I have left are a couple of uncles that stay to themselves and a cousin that's in prison. One of my uncles lives in an RV and gets disability and spends all of his disability money on weed and beer and the other uncle is homeless and lives on people's couches.

So as you can see, my family dynamic is pretty much non existent.

I have never felt more alone in this world.

[BlueCrustacean]

I am so sorry for the pain you're going through. He sounds like a wonderful step father. Reach out for support wherever you can, including a crisis line if you need it. We're here for you too.

[Sunflower123]

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your step-father. I am so very sorry you're grieving. He sounds like he was a good man. You aren't alone. You have us. I know it's not the comforting arms of someone IRL but I'd like to think we are part of your support system

I guess I would say it's not good to make major decisions in the middle of loss and that one reason to continue fighting is your answer might be right around the corner right out of sight. Sending big hugs.

[reb569]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I will also add myself to the list of people who care and are here for you.

[MickeyCheeky]

You don't deserve the suffering.

I am sorry about your loss. I am sorry you are hurting.

I am old enough to have seen grief's effect on people and it's a painful process. Sometimes it makes people feel/seem out of control. It takes time to get over these things (the worst part of it). Please go easy on yourself and try not to make any rash decisions right now.

I am very sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss and for your deep pain. We are here for you, as much as you need it. You are in my thoughts, & my heart goes out to you. (((((Hugs)))))

I might have to drop a class or two because I am so overwhelmed emotionally right now that I can't cope with all of this at once.

If this is what being an adult is like than I would rather die.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I might have to drop a class or two because I am so overwhelmed emotionally right now that I can't cope with all of this at once.

If this is what being an adult is like than I would rather die.

No. There is so much good to come. You just have far too much on your plate at this time. You are overwhelmed, and it's natural to want to escape from that.

Your stepfather was a good man and I am so very sorry that he has died. It is very hard to lose loved ones. I have lost so many. But you will make it through this. I promise

[Teddy Bear]

Sorry for your loss

[CANDC]

Hi DarknessIsMyFriend, I am sorry for the loss of your step dad. No wonder you feel so stressed when someone you love so much is gone. It may be necessary to make adjustments in your life as you mentioned with all you are going through.

I lost my dad last October. It is still painful but over time the grief has been expressed and the pain is not something I focus on every day. For me it has been difficult for I defined myself in terms of my father and so when he was gone some of the things I hoped for never will happen. I had to make adjustments.

In some ways my online friends became more important. I joined a support group and that helped too. Even the hospice people that worked with him kept in touch. I am stilll trying to be myself without the sadness but I am doing better than I was over the last year.

Hope you find a path through this. Life is the only dance there is as far as I know. I have contemplated the end but I think for me that life holds the promise of learning how to cope with all this, so I go on.

[Trippin2.0]

So sorry for the loss of your father.

I know what that's like, not just losing your dad, but the one person who actually gave a damn.

Be patient with yourself, the pain feels insurmountable, but you just have to take it minute by minute.

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I found out that my step father passed away last week. I have been out of town all weekend for his funeral service. I stayed the night with relatives out of town since it is over 3 hours away.

Oh geeze Darkness... I am so sorry to hear that!!??

But you are not alone. You have a lot of friends here and I am confident as you get older / move into jobs / out in the world you will make loyal friends easily.

[Yoda]

I am sorry for your loss. I was much closer to my step dad than my bio dad and still miss him. I am glad that he was in your life in a special way. Grieving is hard; perhaps talk to your instructors about taking incompletes in classes that are too much to handle right now.

I am here if you ever want to message me.

I'm so sorry. I hope you can withdraw from the class if nec. My daughter was able to get some sort of withdrawal that didn't count so much-a hardship withdrawal once due to her father dying.

Maybe someday you'll have someone you're close to. I hope so. I haven't had any luck myself I know it's hard

[Travelinglady]

I'm so sorry, too.