[Lostagain71]

I don’t even know how to begin to let out all of these feelings about my grief over my family and friends deaths. I thought I had processed most until I lost my last two siblings last month. Less than two weeks apart. My sister’s autopsy has not come back yet. My brother died less than two weeks after her of a brain stem stroke. They said he had bronchitis earlier that week. Now I am back to constantly dreaming about my parents, cousin, brother and one of my student’s that killed herself last November. I even find myself going back to my sister-in-law’s suicide in 2000! It is to the point that somehow my recent losses don’t feel real. Like they will be back tomorrow. Before I even get out of bed every single morning, I am overwhelmed and literally have to steady myself when I finally get up. I don’t know what to do.

[Yaowen]

Loss is tremendously difficult to process. And you have suffered so many losses! Yikes!

Our brains are wired in certain ways when it comes to grieving and the way they suffer can surprise and even shock us at times. It is as if the brain had a mind of its own so to speak.

Sometimes grief turns into clinical depression when the stress of it causes pathology in the brain such as atrophy of certain regions of the brain, reduced regional cerebral blood flow and energy utilization [brain glucose metabolism]. When that happens, a trip to the doctor can sometimes help because there are medication that can stop or reverse brain atrophy and increase cerebral blood flow and energy utilization.

For a long time, people didn't think that the brain itself could become ill. But clinical depression is every bit as real as epilepsy. Some of the symptoms of depression are sleep disturbances, eating disturbances, loss of the joy of living, loss of peace of mind and so on. You probably know all this already and I am
boring you. Sorry,

Time can sometimes ease the pain the brain experiences from loss and grief but if one finds oneself spiraling downward and downward and out of control, medical help may be life saving.

It is not that medication can erase grief. But it can sometimes help a person so that they can grieve as a mentally healthy person rather than a person caught in the web of clinical depression.

I wish I knew how to help you. I once suffered from grief for 13 years before I knew to get help. And you are grieving far more losses than I was. I am wishing you well and must apologize for not knowing how to be helpful to you!

[mote.of.soul]

Yes, Yaowen is right.🙏And also, @Lostagain71, if you know of a friend, acquaintance, family member, etc, work colleague perhaps, who has also lost someone dear to them, then sometimes connecting with them and just talking about your thoughts/feelings, can be a nice supportive thing to help you through the tunnel of grief.🙏

[ArmorPlate108]

Are you by any chance a reader? The book 'On Grief and Grieving' is a classic. Perhaps it might be of some use to you?

It helped me a great deal years ago after suffering several significant losses in a short period of time. I had eventually ended up in a place of feeling rather numb, just because it was all too much to process.

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. It is a tremendous amount. Well more than anyone should have to deal with at one time.

You are always welcome to post your thoughts and feelings here.

Sending hugs your way.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by Lostagain71

I don’t even know how to begin to let out all of these feelings about my grief over my family and friends deaths. I thought I had processed most until I lost my last two siblings last month. Less than two weeks apart. My sister’s autopsy has not come back yet. My brother died less than two weeks after her of a brain stem stroke. They said he had bronchitis earlier that week. Now I am back to constantly dreaming about my parents, cousin, brother and one of my student’s that killed herself last November. I even find myself going back to my sister-in-law’s suicide in 2000! It is to the point that somehow my recent losses don’t feel real. Like they will be back tomorrow. Before I even get out of bed every single morning, I am overwhelmed and literally have to steady myself when I finally get up. I don’t know what to do.

I feel the same as having had a lot of losses in a short period of time. And some of those were people I've been estranged with for years.

I also feel the "5 stages" of grief is an oversimplication. I can't find the thread now, but recently there's been the theory that there's way more than 5! I think 10 or 12. Not everybody experiences all of the stages and it's definitely not "linear.'' You could skip stages or go through some in just one day or one hour!
I've just read one book on grief, called something like Sixth Stage of Grief, finding meaning in loss" by David Kessler. I didn't find it too helpful. I don't know if it's because I read it too soon or it doesn't apply to me. I couldn't relate to it much.

I've been to grief groups and have had mixed results. Sometimes even people who are also grieving are not necessarily going to have empathy or even much sympathy. This was a rude awakening for me. Plus not everyone grieves the same and add to that the different backgrounds one comes from, it makes something already complex even more so.

I'm not sure how I feel about my parents, having discovered they favored my brother clearly over me and his name is on so many legal documents yet mine is nowhere to be seen. Only exception is how they named me an "alternate" which means "second choice" on some medical directives. Not only did they NOT give me a copy, they didn't even discuss it with me or tell me my name is on it. It was so secretive yet they used to berate ME for not being open enough.

Sigh...I'm thinking what works for me is time. And I'm giving myself years to process this, as I don't know how really. And one loss came just months after COVID broke out, so I was reeling from THAT. How could I also process grief when I was in fight or flight mode, like the rest of the world? 3 years later I'm finally trying to process it, whatever that means for me.