confused

a comment my dad made a few months ago keeps sticking in my head and wont go away. some backstory : this comment was before my parents were aware that I had suspicions that my dad might have sexually abused me

I was at my parents house to drop something off and they were talking about my sister who had recently been placed with 2 young foster kids and they were discussing what they had suffered and what had ultimately ended them up in foster care. my dads aunt and uncle had foster girls all the time when i was growing up and my dad pointed out "they only took in girls that were sexually abused"...and then he always has to make a point of how wrong that is. Why does he always have to point that out?

Then, he looked me dead in the eye and said "were you abused? did we abuse you?hahahaha"....it was weird/creepy. he said it seriously but somewhat sarcastic and then laughed and looked away. i didnt know what to say or do. my mom said nothing. just carried on doing whatever she was doing at the moment.

why would he say that? is that a joke someone would make? a parent to his daughter? im so confused. i have no specific memory just alot of bad boundaries he had and some red flags...but that comment has always felt really eerie to me.

Im so sorry. My parents made stupid comments like that. It hurts but I just try to block them. I know at some point I was sexually assaulted. But I have no memory... no idea who. All I know is that 6yr olds arnt supposed to continually have nightmares of being sexually assaulted. To play games where their friends sexually assaulted them.... to spend years letting their little brother sexually assault them.... to have nightmares about it.... to never feel safe....

Im sorry. Im babbling. I wish I could be more help...

"Why does he always have to point that out?"
That is a good question as it doesn't strike me as odd that your aunt and uncle have a passion to help deeply wounded youths. I can see how it could be confusing and troubling to hear your dad joking about a subject which is solemn. If your comfortable sharing more, I don't understand what you mean by 'bad boundaries and red flags'. If your not comfortable sharing more, that is ok.

I can so relate to feeling the confusion and wish I could say something helpful. I seem to have been in the midst of feeling something csa happened to me, for a while now and sometimes feel desperate and would do anything to find out something concrete, and at the same time feel absolutely terrified of finding this something out.

To have your Dad say something like this must feel frightening and add to the confusion even more. Do you get any 'gut' feelings surrounding any of this?

Nelliecat, my gut feeling is that something happened. But what and when im not sure. And repeatedly or just one time im not sure. I get triggered in a lot of different ways.

Bodd12, I could probably post a short novel on the red flags that point towards something having happened and his inappropriate boundaries. i dont know that I want to post them all out here for the world wide web to see. There are things such as nudity in front of me, inappropriate comments, a paralyzing suffocating feeling that would come over me at night when i was younger like everything was slow motion, etc etc.....just no real clear concrete memory of abuse happening where i can say "when i was 5 daddy did this to me". Thats what I want.

Sometimes when we pay attention to our intuitive feelings and thoughts they are there for a reason. It would be good to talk with a Doctor or counselor about. If you feel it's creepy there is a reason to question it.
warm thoughts

That is realy bad. I talked with my dad today and occurred that we see things differently because of generational differences. Of course, if there is something wrong you want to know, but, be careful.
For my own coping skills, I have shared/joked inappropriatley at times. Hurt felings of others recklessly because my own feelings were numb. Maybe your dad is hurting and doesn't know how to express himself. I know this doesn't help much, but, even us dads can be major league bunglers, especially if we haven't even begun to address our issues.