[onlymedid]

She passed when I was just less than 10 minutes away. I was on my way there and when I got there at 9:30pm my sister said she was trying to call me and tell me.
She went peacefully and my baby sister (she's 28) and my oldest niece(she's 23) were by her side. They said that her eyes opened for about a minute and they looked at each other and said "isn't that what happens right before..." and then mom took her last breath.
My sister called my step-dad and told him to come down to the hospital. He got there, walked in, looked at her and then looked at us as if to say, "what's goin' on" and that was when my baby sis looked at him and said "she's gone". He LOST IT! He fell to his knees, scooped her up in his arms and bawled out loud. He has never cried in front of us before. He looks just about dead inside now. His friends came from 5 hours away and are going to stay with him for a few days.
My aunts plane had JUST landed 20 minutes before mom passed. They were on their way from the airport. They JUST missed her.
It is really hard, but knowing she is out of pain makes it a bit easier. I know that it hasn't completely settled in with me, yet. I don't think it will til the regular visiting days come and I have no mom to watch Deal or No Deal with. Or the days when I am supposed to massage her arm and she isn't there.

I think I am feeling way too many things right now. I am really angry because cancer is stupid ! I am sad because my mommy is gone ! I am numb...because I am. I am scared because step-dad says he has no reason to go on. I am confused because there are way too many preparations that need to be made. I am just.....here.

[bebop]

I am very sorry for your loss hon. I know it is very hard to go thru. All the things you are feeling are very normal. I pray that God ease your pain and be with you over the next few days. It sounds like your step dad loves your mom very much.

[sabby]

((((((((((((( onlymedid ))))))))))))))))

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved mom. Everythingi you say you are feeling is quite normal sweety. If you find yourself going round and round with the emotions....that is normal too. I am glad you have family with you and also glad your stepdad has friends staying with him for a few days. None of you should be alone in your grief right now.

This next week or so while plans are being made and eveerything is sinking in will be sort of a whirlwind for all of you. Take each minute as it comes sweety and you will make it through. Be sure to give yourself the time you need for YOU. Bask in the knowledge that you know your mom loves you very much and even though her body is no longer there, her love will never end and she is always with you.

Bless you and your family. I'm sending you warm and loving thoughts and gentle hugs.


sabby

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
When my own mother passed away, I went to the store and bought a tall pillar candle. I set it up in a quiet corner of my household, lit it, and let it burn for the next three days until it too, was gone. It was my own way of honoring my mother's spirit.

It's good to have family and friends around at this moment, just as it's good to have the formality of ceremony -- both public and private -- to help keep us moving, even in our numbed state. I recall that period in my own life as feeling surreal. Somehow, we got the things done that needed to be done although there were numerous moments where one of us would have to sit down and share that feeling of "unreality". Somehow, we managed to find the space to laugh a little bit too and that was fitting because our mother would have laughed in those moments too.

My deepest condolences to you and your loved ones. I hope the world brings many small kindnesses your way over these next few days and weeks.

[jacq10]

((((((((((onlymedid))))))))))

I'm so sorry for your loss

Gentle hugs,
Jacq

I am so sorry for your loss
((((onlymedid)))))))))

[I_WMD]

Sits quietly ,,,,,,,,,,, May Comforting thoughts Ease Your Sorrow .

[Pita]

(((((OnlyMe)))))) I am so, so very sorry that you have lost your Mom. I can only echo what others have said in that, you'll always miss her and while it will take some time, you will come to know that she is always with you, you will hear her saying things, see something that she would like, hear her favorite song at odd times when you are thinking of her.
I do not mean to make this about me but I just wanted to share this to maybe give you some comfort - my Mom, who was the person that I loved most in this world, died of cancer several years ago. A few years ago, the night before I was due to fly for vacation, I had a dream that the plane that I was on was falling out of the sky (I am not afraid of flying) and everyone on board was screamining and I was absolutely terrified for a second - and then a thought came through in my dream mind and I heard myself saying "See you in a minute Mom" and I was no longer terrified. In my dream this weird kind of peace came over me and it stayed with me once I woke up. I tell you this to hope that you find that same kind of peace.

PM me if you need to talk - take care of yourself - there are no "right" ways to deal with grief - everyone is different. Cry if you want to, laugh if, in remembering the good times, you want to. Do want you need to do - for you - that is what your Mom would want you to do.

Oh hun....I know the sorrow, the rage and the hurt you feel. When my sister passed away in 1996, it was storming between the city we lived in and the city where she was when we got teh call from her husband that she was dying. My parents refused to let me and my sons come along because my father didn't want to put us at risk on the road. I was screaming at them that my sister was dying and I deserved to be there too. They left without me. My brother was supposed to drive me up later. He had a fear of death and would not get on teh road until she died. So, thanks to my father's decisions and my brother's fears, I did not get a chance to say goodbye to her either.

12 years later, I still feel the anger and hurt but it has lessened. It will take time and lots of patience and understanding but mostly it will take time. Your Mom will always be in your heart and you will see parts of her in your other family members.

I get glimpses of my sister in my parents and I have the joy now of talking about her to her son. He was too young to recall alot of the love she gave to him. But, each time you remember your Mom and talk about something she did or said, she will be back with you again.

All my caring and sympathy to you, hun. A mom's soul is now free to flow among you whether or not you see it.

[DocClyde]

(((OnlyMe)))

My deepest sympathies...

[AAAAA]

(((((onlymedid))))) I'm so sorry for your loss! I don't care how old you are, it's never easy to lose a parent. You have my deepest symapthies.

[onlymedid]

Thank you everyone. Right now the hardest part is finding time to be alone. I have an aunt staying with me and there are so many things to do. We have the service TOMORROW!!! There is too much to do and not enough time. We are running around like chickens with our heads cut off.

I have another Aunt flying in today that I have to pick up and she is going to stay with us. We got the obit done, but I don't know if it is good enough. My step-dad wouldn't read it, but wanted to make sure there were some things said and I just don't know if it is exactly what he wants. We are trying to pick out pictures, but mom didn't take many when she was younger and the only good ones we have are of her without hair (from chemo) and he won't let us use any "sick" pictures even though she looks the happiest in them.

My boyfriend has cooked us breakfast and dinner yesterday, so that is a wonderful support because otherwise I don't know if I'd have eaten.

Again, Thanks for all your thoughts, wishes and experiences because it all helps!

((((onlymedid))))
I am glad your boyfriend is there for you. This is all very sad but as soon as the service etc. are out of the way, you will have time to calm down and grieve. thank you for your comment on my thread. i really appreciate it. please take care.
erica xxx

[onlymedid]

Thanks and your welcome, Erica.
We had the service on Saturday and it was beautiful. My family all came together and my step-dad even got up and spoke. That was a shock because he was going to "sit in the back, drink and maybe leave early". Well, he was in the front and didn't leave early. I was very proud of him. Then my nephew created a slideshow with quotes from family in the middle of slides. He set it to three songs: Elton John's "The One", Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply" and Michael Buble's version of "How Sweet It Is (to be loved)". My niece did an awesome speech and my little niece (10 years old) got up and sang a little bit of a song by Hannah Montana called "I miss you". We cried, laughed and talked. After the service my step-dad decided he wanted people over after all. We were just going to go out. It was the best and worst day. Mom would have been proud!

[bebop]

that sounds just beautiful hon! sounds like the kind of service I want for myself when that time comes!

Aww it sounds like it was really beautiful onlymedid. take care my dear, i am glad about your step-dad xx

[DocClyde]

(((onlymedid)))

So very sorry

[mlpHolmes]

I am so very very sorry.

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