[Angcanfly]

Hi, my name is Ang and I'm new here. I suffer from Bi-Polar disorder and to make a really, really long story short, I had my daughter taken away from me by a family member after a suicide attempt. She was adopted 2 1/2 months ago after a 4 year custody battle and they have since moved to the other side of the country. I'm missing her so much, my heart's breaking. She's 12 now. I don't know what my SIL has told her about me. I don't know if she misses me or even knows that I didn't willingly let her go. I fought with everything I had and nothing worked. Now my best friend has had a baby and I'm supposed to go see her this afternoon. Am I being selfish because I really just want to go home? I love my friend and I'm gonna love this baby like she's my own. I just don't know if I can handle it. I really need some support. For what, I'm not sure... my husband and I seem to grieve separately and I don't have anyone that really understands.

Ang

[ktp]

(((((((((Ang)))))))))))))) WELCOME !

That has to be one of the hardest things a mother ever has to go through. A nightmare. Ozzie's right. Maybe if you can see your friend, her baby might be able to help you with the grieving for your daughter. My heart goes out to you and there are alot of caring people here that will do their best to help you.

Take Care.

Did you go see the baby? How did it go? Was it harder or easier than you thought it would be? Were you able to explain to your friend how you felt? Keep us updated, we really do want to help. This is a caring group of people you've stumbled upon!

Emmy

[Angcanfly]

Thank you for your responses. I didn't go. I chickened out. I have a tendancy to avoid situations that I perceive are too hard. Can you tell I've been in therapy way too long? I'm quoting my therapist.

My friend has been very understanding. She was even questioning whether to call me as soon as she had the baby because she didn't want to upset me. I know that I have to grieve and move on...It's one of those things I've been putting off and it's really messing with my head. The more I deny and the more I put off... the more manic I become.

I don't know if I answered anyone's question or not. Thank you again for being so supportive.

Ang

[Wants2Fly]

Hello. Welcome to the forums.

This is a really rough situation for me. I tend to think that you will see your friend's baby when your heart leads you there, and I hope, with the others, that the baby will touch your heart and ease your pain.

As for "too long with a therapist," did you say that your therapist told you this? I wasn't sure about that.

[Angcanfly]

Hi Wants...

Yes, my therapist told me that. Not about this situation but any situation that I "perceive" to be difficult. It normally isn't as bad as my brain makes it out to be.

I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time now. I know that you miss your daughter terribly. I think that you'll see the new baby when you feel open to it..........just hang in there and time will help you. Please keep coming back here,because there are some incredible people that post on the boards. Pat

[SweetCrusader]

Ang, I don't know what to say except that this is really, really, terribly sad and I'm so very sorry for you.

((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

Angela