Just an after thought,
Im procrastinating to get to my appointment ...

one hour to shower. and get there ...

i don't want to go...........

I like to look back on events and see the hand of god in it .
And If i was to pinpoint a moment of getting the ball moving to get in to see a doctor .
Id have to say it was

because my heart was breacking because a friend was puling away from me ,so much so that I fainted on the ice rink on my birthday ..

and they did not care like i had hoped . .. I guess they were involved with another .....or who know why. they must have been goig through a difficult time and would not say why .

it was a man who knew me at the rink who saw me faint not trip and fall.
and it was that phone call that got me in to get checked . and started the process.

I think the timming actualy was about right in all respects .

I think "grace' is on my side..
and being here is too .with you all admist al the crazeyness

thank you.

Patricia

[notz]

You are in my thoughts today.

[I_WMD]

Just an after thought,
Im procrastinating to get to my appointment ...

one hour to shower. and get there ...

i don't want to go...........

You'll Do Fine ,,,,, Let Us Know what's up .
WMD.

[eskielover]

I am so sorry to hear you were DX'ed with cancer. I hope above all that you take a look at the way nightbird has handled & is handling her cancer. Whether when we have a weakness (like not wanting to be proactive) we are put into a place where we have to develope that strength in order to survive. When it becomes something we have to do.........we can usually "rise to the occasion".

I think the most important point that nightbird made is not to rely on the people who aren't supportive around you....surround yourself only with those who are supportive.......those who aren't supportive didn't care in the first place. Sometimes we got through things like this to shake out those who are really care in our life & those who don't.

There are many things that happen in our lives that we don't want to deal with......but they are in our path & we have to whether we want to or not......so we do......so we do whether we want to or not.

I had the comparison between the way my mother handled cancer at the age of 80 & the way nightbird handled is........my mothers attitude was that the Dr would tell her everything she needed to know & she didn't want to ask questions & didn't want me asking any questions........nightbird is gracefully in control with the questions she needs to know completely showing how much she really cares about herself. The difference is night & day. Because my Mother took that attitude, the Dr never told her what she needed to know....nor did he tell me....the only family. He kept her in the dark about the reality of her condition.....knowing that she really didn't want to know or she would ask.....while all the time, she was thinking he was being completely honest with her & that God has sent her to that Dr to "save her life". I won't go any farther than that on that subject...........but the point being......we have to show the Dr's that we care about ourselves & they work with us only at the level we are willing to work with ourselves.

Looking at God's hand in our lives is important as He is in control....like I said.....sometimes he puts things into our life when there is something about ourselves that seems lacking & only by going through a trial, can develop that part of us that needs to change.....but it's up to us to take that & make the change that God is aiming at. (just a personal observation from my own life). But this does seem to be a chance for you to start living for yourself & not letting your heart break because of the way someone else is relating to you. Like nightbird said......all our expectations we have of others are only thing we have in our minds about them....it has nothing to do with the reality of who & what they are. We are always hoping that someone will do something that in reality they won't do & when we live our live based on those expectations, we will always be disappointed & will always feel let down by them & when we allow our actions to be based on what others do or don't do in our lives......creats even more problems than good.

I know initially this DX is a shock......& it takes time to sort through our own thoughts & feelings.........I am sure that you will "rise to the occasion" on your own. It is important above all like nightbird said, to get your support team in place around you IRL.....your nutrition, your outlook on life (postive relaxation), & visualization (complete removal of all the cancer cells & healing) are all part of your treatment.....it isn't just your surgeon that in only one little part of the picture. Surrounding yourself with only the goodness in your life & getting rid of all the negative that you don't need & never needed but was just hanging around.....is the direction you need to be aiming in.

I know that you will be able to handle this.....I know there are things we have to do, but it's how we do it that does make a difference...& I am sure that with all the positive support you get here & if you sill surroung yourself IRL with only the positive like even nightbird suggests, I am sure you will come through this well.

It is wonderful that you took the proactive attitude to get your appointment in earlier & as you said, the university has a way of letting things slip through the cracks.....that means that you will have to make sure that you don't slip through any cracks, & with a good support team surrounding you, there are less chances of slipping through a crack as they are usually famliar with the cracks & give you a heads up if something isn't happening when it should.

Knowing you will "rise to the occasion", & know that you have prayers here to carry you along the way.

You can do this....know you are not walking this path alone.....we are all here for you,

Debbie

Originally Posted by auroralso

Just an after thought,
Im procrastinating to get to my appointment ...

one hour to shower. and get there ...

i don't want to go...........

I like to look back on events and see the hand of god in it .
And If i was to pinpoint a moment of getting the ball moving to get in to see a doctor .
Id have to say it was

because my heart was breacking because a friend was puling away from me ,so much so that I fainted on the ice rink on my birthday ..

and they did not care like i had hoped . .. I guess they were involved with another .....or who know why. they must have been goig through a difficult time and would not say why .

it was a man who knew me at the rink who saw me faint not trip and fall.
and it was that phone call that got me in to get checked . and started the process.

I think the timming actualy was about right in all respects .

I think "grace' is on my side..
and being here is too .with you all admist al the crazeyness

thank you.

Patricia

thank you eskie,

Night bird is a hard act to follow

shes an amazing woman .
i bow to her .

thank you for your offerings .

Patricia

Originally Posted by I_WMD

Just an after thought,
Im procrastinating to get to my appointment ...

one hour to shower. and get there ...

i don't want to go...........

You'll Do Fine ,,,,, Let Us Know what's up .
WMD.

Well , WMD, the surgeon said another patient in her 70s asked for an augmentation ,tummy tuck , AND lipo to the back side ,and SHE was told "NO" .

So...

I had to tell Anthony It was a no go .

I told him he could come join me for some " GO LYTE LY " Mai Tai's this Sunday afternoon , from 2:00 pm till 4:00 to cheer him up.











WMD... your gonna need more than that towel ....










Nightbird is bringing her pre mixed supply....

The cancer I have is aggressive.
they will be reomoving all my reproductive organs some belly lymph nodes and further sampling . .. and what ever else they may find. they have to ld me what to expect.

its on Monday some time .

aI was sitting in the chair yesterday waiting for some chest exrays and a story a friend sent to me last summer came to me
it was a story about a small dog who used to take a memento from each of his owners guests.
and he would take it down stairs and place it in a chest . the owners had to warn the quests that this would happen ..

Im repeating the story from memory so i may have it wrong.

one day the wife of the couple who loved the litle dog came down with cancer . she went into the hospital and when she cae back the little dog with drew and just watched her .

she was worried about him , that she would not be there to care for her precious pet .

I m not doing so well here reteling it ..

one day the wife was very tired and fell asleep and as she woke up she felt this heavy pressure on her chest and she was in tremendous pain .
As she came to she saw to her amazement that there were all there memnetos heaped up on her and her little dog was just siting there loking up at her . he had gone to his box and brought up every thing in it and placed it on top of her .

and day by day the wife and her dog ..

i can't place the right words to do this story justice.

im sorry someone thinks im such a bad person .

I try hard . but i just fall too short .

im sorry .

Patricia

[Pikku Myy]

Really hope you are feeling better and everything went as it should? Kind of feeling the same sence of fear here... but not about the ovaries

[nightbird]

Dear carolinareddish, I'm sorry to read this ~ you may pm at anytime, if you would like to write me about what is happening.

And Aurora ~ I sent you a pm. I hope you get it.

I'm so sorry this is happeniing to anyone ~

We must stay strong and persevere, yet allow our emotions to surface with expression.

It's good to talk about it ~ and a great place for that is a cancer support group for women, and they do have them for men too...

This is where we learn many tips and feel ourselves getting grounded, this and reading about our particular cancers, researching our options, and seeing a nutritionist, etc.

There are resources I've written down .. and good books, and I'll be reporting on more I'm going thru now ~ and there are lists of both support, resources, and books, and a few kernels of research on our forums here, in 'surviving cancer'... you can get there thru the members forums on my profile page. They are in the beginning posts I did there.

If you want, we could meet there. Whatever you need.

If you'd like my number carolina, pm me and we can chat as well.

I will keep you both in my thoughts and hopes... for the best possible outcomes in each one of your situations.

It isn't easy, this path... but we can get through it.

I did by knowing the big picture for me, then learning to live in the moment, and in this way, I began to handle the upcoming treatments and all by taking it day by day.

The most important voices around me thru this experience has been others.... good-hearted, perceptive, experienced, enlightened people who are supportive and caring.

There is more in a kind word, a hug, and a willing helping hand, whether in person or in writing, that is so valuable and encouraging in this experience, I hope you both get plenty of this for yourselves now ~ and throughout the experience.

I remember feeling as if I lost my country at first, and didn't have a compass... it was a shock! I'm sure you relate to this.

There is some PTSD involved, stress, fear, and reluctance, insecurity and maybe even a little paralysis... so if you can, get some guided imagery relaxation tapes, to help you calm down and see some peaceful hours throughout your days and night.

I still use these wonderful CD's along with the support I gathered around, and the groups for exercise and talk therapy, along with my complementary and alternative treatment folks... we are all still doing this healing work together and new people and places open up my life more, and my hope broadens with more input and people who are so positive in my life.

I wish this wonderful healing, whatever path you choose, for you both.

Remember, like Eskie said ~ you are the one who gathers your team together, to help heal this cancer... both the professionals and the supportive people who you deal with.

The less stress, the better.... to practically any, would be ideal.

We need comedy to balance, so if you get a chance to watch comedies, and read funny books, whatever makes you laugh, go for it!
It's a wonderful medicine, and in those few minutes per laugh, there are no problems there, no fears there, just joy!

You will feel these good things again... start as soon as possible even!

Well, I don't want to bombard you Guys, so, I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and if I hear from you, I welcome it.

Love and Peace and Calm and Rest,
Night
xoxoxoxoxo

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by auroralso

The cancer I have is aggressive.
they will be reomoving all my reproductive organs some belly lymph nodes and further sampling . .. and what ever else they may find. they have to ld me what to expect.

its on Monday some time .

lenny , im sorry you think im such a bad person .

I try hard . but i just fall too short .

im sorry .

Patricia

Originally Posted by auroralso

thank you eskie,

Night bird is a hard act to follow

shes an amazing woman .
i bow to her .

thank you for your offerings .

Patricia

I think it's important to realize that it is not an act you are following. It is a community you are part of & gather strength & information from. The amazing strength & resources Nightbird have gathered along her path through this are not something to follow, they are to be gained from as we walk along side.

That is why it is so important to surround yourself with the positive people in the community that you have now found yourself part of. You have to remember that you are not a bad person & you do not fall short on anything.

I experienced through my Mother the other attitude toward cancer......the one that was appathetic, only walking along with it rather than aggressively working at beating it as she refused to go to any support groups trying to deny as much as possible that it wasn't anything more serious than her hysterectomy had been, not needing any support or others around her to help her through it.

Sometimes we have people put into our lives who have already walked the path we find ourselves on so that we can gain from them, not just follow after.....we are the only ones that can either choose to gain from what they have learned or just follow behind.

Sometimes we are given these life changing situations in our life so we can shake the thinking that doesn't work out of our lives so we can fill ourselves with the positive thoughts that do work. This goes for the kind of people we surround ourselves with also. There comes a time when we have to look at what we have to do to survive....not what pleases others. It gives us the chance to find the strength that is within us, to show ourselves who we really are.

I think Nightbirds comment about finding time for humor is also very important.....it gives us a healing & a break from the serious thoughts our mind is filled with. Keep positive & keep humor....&.......

Remember you have wonderful support & guidance here & a chance to fill your IRL with the same kind of support & positive people.

We are here for you & know you have prayers also.

Hugs,
Debbie

[I_WMD]

also ,,, I'll let ya know when I am ready to throw in the towel ..................................

NOPE !!!!! Not even Close to yet !
.......

WMD.xoxox.

(((((((((((((((Patricia))))))))))))))))

Wanted you to know I am thinking about you tonight...

[Rmdctc]

I am hoping all will go well for you tomorrow. I hope no pain or at least some really great pain meds. Good luck and as soon as you are up to it let us know how you are doing.

[eskielover]

You said you were having the surgery on Monday.....just wanting to let you know you are in my prayers that everything will go well & you will be on the healing end of this now.....many treatments, but it's all about healing.


Debbie

[nightbird]

xoxo

Originally Posted by nightbird

xoxo

YOZO~

I'm sorry I was unable to get back wth anyone/They didn't relase me tll noon today . It was the 2 to 4 pm sunday scocil hour of warm saltwalter emultion laced with crystal light that pretty much put me in a bad way.

I made it through wihout hurling by the grace of a bit of soda water . in between gulps. Thanks to the nurse who said "yes U have to drink it all." [ ouch it hurts to laugh.]
I have some touching stories to share.

but right now I want to share this. When I came home there was a message from the kennel where my little girl was boarded . wednseday night she had a bad spell / I called and they said she made i through. I went an piked her up ( against docs orders) picked up some puppy chow they saids she ate with tuna and then stopped at sams for some ice cream .. she barely lapped it up so i got her home and and she went to lay down under a holly tree. I spent an hour in the bath room thans to a supository they gave me .

when i came out to call her she did not respond and when I tugged on her lead she did not stir.

I found her half warm .

i made a very fast decision. SPCA offered a 45 dollar cremaation with a bunch of other dogs .
thats was an absolute nO

and the private one just to have her ashes did not sit well with me either .

so I did what came to me// I dug a 4FT by 1.5 by 3 ft hole behind the holly shed that was next to a stream . it was a small path she escaped by frequently.. Its not my property but Ive cared for the propery for 25 years and she walked it for 14 . I zipped her up in one of her beding bags . and then placed a rail road tie on top when i was finishd .

I took my time slow and steady . the ground was wet the digging easy .

and I guess those stiches were good ones .

i need a little time and then I have a couple stories I think.

Patricia

[I_WMD]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{~ a l s o ~}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

.{{{{{{{{{{{{{~little girl~}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
.

.






WMD.

There is a lot of hope out there with modern technology.
My grandma, was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of lung cancer...She only had a couple months to live at most
but then she started chemo, and now the cancer has shrunk a lot! Mom says she's on her way to remission...and she is trying not to be blindly optimistic and much more realistic because she doesn't want that hope crushed and she deals with cancer patients every day at the clinic she works at

Keep in mind, my grandma has been smoking pretty much since she was 4 (She is 65 now by the way....)
and her cancer had spread all over he body very quickly
at this rate, she might make it to her birthday, or even longer if she goes into remission

You'd think though, that after her sister, and so many other relatives died of cancer caused by smoking then everybody in my family would be less inclined to smoke but lo and behold some still do ...(I think there is a genetic vulnerability to cancer in my family, seeing as how my mom had a non-malignant brain tumor and she doesn't smoke or anything, if that's the case I've gotten sunburn and sun poisoning so many times I think I'm doomed to skin cancer)

edit: just read about little girl. So sorry for your loss.

[eskielover]

(((((((((Patricia)))))))))
((((((((((little girl))))))))))))))
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much our babies mean to us & even though they are going through a hard time, we want to care for them as much as we possibly can.....couldn't stop the tears when I was reading this. After loosing my oldest eskie last year, I know for me, that was the hardest thing to go through.

After all you have gone through, it's hard to add the emotional loss of your little girl on top of everything else.

Hope all is going well for you......glad they jumped on the surgery & were able to do it so soon without the need for chemo & radiation first.

Keeping you in my thoughts & prayers,
Debbie

[Rachie]

((((((((((patricia)))))))))) im glad the surgery is over and done and went well but im deeply and terribly sorry for the loss of your beloved little girl what a terrible thing to happen. Thinking of you always big big hugs much love Rachelle xo

Originally Posted by I_WMD

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{~ a l s o ~}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

.{{{{{{{{{{{{{~little girl~}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
.

.






WMD.

Corky,

your making me laugh and cry. ) ouch.

your emoticons are the best and I realy feel like te first one right now Mt heart does anyway . But Im doing wha Nightbird said . To just Feel and express.

(D@#*& her...)

I have a EA ( emotions anonymous) friend who has this way of giggling when i talk . and i was trying to tell him why I got my litle girl for a song.

He had me howling and ow ing in laughter as I was sharing

my girl had show dog markings. she was beautiful .

but unfortunately she had a bald tail tip from a docking gone bad.
and one of her eyes had a brown muscle (that holds the eye in) instead of the usual pink.

and her hind legs were turned out. sigh....

telling him had me see just how insane that all was. She was an increible dog the light of my life my constant friend bed partner went with me to work and everywhere she was allowed.

And words do not express how I feel right now. she was my only famliy left.

And to eskie lover / Debbie and all other dog lovers animal owners . I know you know how Im feeling.

theres a built in heart breack in everyone of them

Originally Posted by karoliinareddish

Really hope you are feeling better and everything went as it should? Kind of feeling the same sence of fear here... but not about the ovaries

Hi Karlin,

My roomate in the hospital has cervical cancer and for some reason if they operate they are afraid it will spread. so she gettig radiation and chemo treatments right now and was in for complications because she has diabeties and on top of that she now is having a kidney infection. we ended up being each others advoacte from the other side of the curtain. As In remindied each other about our concerns when the doc or nurse showed up . or didn't show up . they were understaffed .

And many of them have ADHD..... i think... OLOLOLLLLLLOLOLLLLLOLLLLLLL! Ice , ice please.. hit nursebutton .

Ummm... ice? from parched lips...LOL!

i know what you mean about bieng worried .Pm me any time. I don't have any knowledge about it . I just starting.

and i lost my release papers .I just don't

want to start gogling ad getting to upset.



Patricia

[quote=eskielover;1063842](((((((((Patricia)))))))))
((((((((((little girl))))))))))))))
we want to care for them as much as we possibly can.....couldn't stop the tears when I was reading this. After loosing my oldest eskie last year, I know for me, that was the hardest thing to go through.

Hope all is going well for you......glad they jumped on the surgery & were able to do it so soon without the need for chemo & radiation first.

[quote]

Thanks (((((Debbie)))) and for you and your eskie and your Mother .

i really don't know what it means when some get radiation and chemo first or just surgery first,

my surgical team 5 students two of which were asisting the surgeon had serious expressions on their faces when they saw me the first time and didn't say anythig about the surgery.

and i didn't ask. the main surgeon saw me latter and said it went well . they took 4 lymphnodes . did a frozen section of one while i was in surgery and it looked good.
Im waiting on the results for the other three.

SO.

Ill do radiation. I told the doc I don't loose the hair .......

so Im grateful so far. My roomate ihas completed three weeks of chemo and she has not lost her hair.

vain I know . its the one thing about me I like. I plan to die with my long hair.

Did you know lukemia patients can have as many as 130 blood transfusions? maybe even more...

Patricia

Originally Posted by Kaika

.She only had a couple months to live at most
but then she started chemo, and now the cancer has shrunk a lot! Mom says she's on her way to remission...and she is trying not to be blindly optimistic and much more realistic because she doesn't want that hope crushed and she deals with cancer patients every day at the clinic she works at

Sorry to hear about your Granny kaika. sure changes things quickly.
one day your going about your chores and the next thing you know you have nurses shaking you awake hauling you out of bed telling you to get up and walk

its humbling hobbling down a hall way in the obgyn combined palitive care unit that used to be the barriactric unit holding your catheter bag and you watch all the nurses and doctors chating and laughing behind thier counters and it's like your not there.


For a hopeful minute i thought one of them was gonna come walk with me for a spell. they just wanted to tell me to hold my catheter bag a little lower....


then one freeked at me because i drifted into a room . just curious to see if anyone was in there . It was the one they went into earlier and i stoped to let her know she had her welding mask on upside down . ( she did it was funny] some sort of infecyious desease room . I know how anne sulivan must have felt. I didn't touch anything .

now Nightbird told me to not have any expectaions.....so..

LOLOLOLLLLLL!! there was one florance nightingale . I called her nightbird II. her real name is Karia no kidding.. honest

she worked the grave yard shift and one night i was awakened by her standing over me with all this beaping and she had my finger connected and she said your oxegens at 70 we need you at 90 so she put that O2 in my nose ( lol) . she said i think you have sleep apnea. you stop breathing for 4 seconds and then gasp for air.
thats why I was always needing ice .

so the remainer of the night I watched myself wake uo ever 20 minutes with a snoring gasp . so its off the the sleep lab I go . I had just mentioned this to my priamary care doctor end of January. im truely grateful for her watching over her patients . monday i make an appointment and lok forward to not falling assleep at the wheel in the afternoons.

she went above and beyond the rest of them.

Keep in mind, my grandma has been smoking pretty much since she was 4 (She is 65 now by the way....)
and her cancer had spread all over he body very quickly
at this rate, she might make it to her birthday, or even longer if she goes into remission

I have never smoked or drugged and for the most part been abstinate from alcholo after age 19 except for one year and it was not heavy use .

i still got cancer. I told the docs my theory. I siad i think its tic related and while they were down there to just feel free to yank out any i missed.

they can be very tiny.

I did ask how cancer started . it starts by one cell going bad.

its that simple . amazing . they did say once you have cancer to stop smoking from here on out.

You'd think though, that after her sister, and so many other relatives died of cancer caused by smoking then everybody in my family would be less inclined to smoke but lo and behold some still do ...

I was at the buss stop on my way home from the hospital and this man was there smoking. I felt like walking up t him and sayig I just had surgery . please stop smokimg now . I practiced restraint instead.

(I think there is a genetic vulnerability to cancer in my family, seeing as how my mom had a non-malignant brain tumor and she doesn't smoke or anything, if that's the case I've gotten sunburn and sun poisoning so many times I think I'm doomed to skin cancer)

I think there is Too kaika ,

My fathers sister died of cancer . But no one talked to me about anything . It may have been cancer of the nose.
My father had a melenoma removed from his neck . Just one.

I used to be a sun worshiper. i now wear a hat . sunscreen and work in long sleves and pants and i do not sun bathe anymore . my legs are white with age spots .

and i don't miss it .

edit: just read about little girl. So sorry for your loss.
[/quote]

thanks K I miss her ..

Patricia

[horsecab]

Patricia, I'm sorry, I just heard. I'll be thinking of you. BIG HUGs