[sabby]

Yep, that would be me. *sigh*

I've had Type 2 diabetes for a number of years. It's been getting worse over the past 2 years for a number of different reasons. Some of it, I should have control over, some of it I have no control over.

I have no health insurance. Haven't had any for a number of years. It really stinks and this is probably one reason why I don't follow through with things, it's danged expensive. But now, I've put myself into a real predicament and will have to pay out even more money than I would have had I just bucked up and did what I was supposed to do to begin with. Yes, I'm very mad at myself for being such and idiot. I can come up with any excuse in the book but they don't fly....plain and simple....I brought myself to where I am now.

Once I get an appointment with the endrochrinologist, I will no longer be on oral meds for the diabetes. I WILL be on insulin. On the surface, insulin is more expensive than the oral meds that I can get for $4 at Wal-Mart. I know there is some insulin that is $4, but it's looking like that will not be the best insulin for me. We will see what happens at the appointment.

The oral meds have been raising cain with my digestive system. This may be TBI, but it makes me have to use the bathroom right after I eat and then some. It upsets my stomach to a painful place and makes me miserable. Could be another reason (excuse) why I haven't taken them the way I should be taking them. Not only that, but for some reason, I cannot seem to remember to take the meds 1/2 hour before I eat for 2 meals a day. I will remember after I eat that I have forgotten them once again. It's frustrating to no end and I guess I just gave up.

So, I had my bloodwork done and normal levels should be 6 and below. Mine was a whopping 11.6. With an average daily number of 299 for the blood glucose levels. Yes, I checked them ocassionally with my tester as well and could see how high they were. Sometimes in the 400's and 300's and 200's.

So the doctor asked me today if I was depressed and suicidal. I looked at her incredulously like....what?????? Of course I'm not. I don't feel depressed and I'm definitely NOT suicidal. She said... "well, you are choosing a slow death, that's why I asked". I had never looked at it that way. Now I'm really doing some soul searching and trying to figure out what my idiot problem really is. I know that's a good thing but geesh, that just whacked me upside the head!

Anyway, the plan is now for me to suck it up and go back on my oral meds until I see the endo and get on insulin. I'm not liking it, I hate it as a matter of fact, but I have to do it. I know I have to do it. I WILL do it but I won't stop whining about it.

I sure could use some support from you wonderful folks to keep me going in the right direction. And maybe some of the best support is to be brutally honest with me and kick my bum into action! Thanks for reading and for supporting me...........

((((Sabby))))

I shall support you all the way, My sister and brother are a diabetic and are on insulin,My sister has been on insulin for 12 years and has it 4 times a day.

(((((((big hugs)))))))))

[alwaysrejoice]

What an approach your doctor had! Do you have family? Maybe if you do keep them in mind when you make these decisions about your health. I wish you all the best.

[unaluna]

I would forget to take my meds before meals too - who knows 30 minutes before you're going to eat?? - so I would take my glucophage WITH or right after my meal. I don't know if that was a good idea or not, one of my sugar meds started to show bad results in my kidneys, that might have been why. but I figured better late than never. Do you have high blood pressure at all? my GP said the ingredients in one of my blood pressure meds "cured" my diabetes. I looked up lisinopril and wikipedia said it was made from snake venom. I don't know if this was it or what, sometime it's hard to get a straight answer from him, but i'm sure he feels the same way about me. it's not the dying from diabetes that is scary, it's living with the neuropathy pain that cannot be alleviated, and blindness and amputations and carp like that. do we have a social group or thread for this? because any kind of not being able to take care of yourself, isn't this a form of self-injury? your doctor called it sui, why question his judgment? do we think he's being inaccurate or dramatic? what can we do here (on PC) and now to help each other?

(((sabby))) - hi. i am pre-diabetic and have suffered from high blood glucose all my life. i am not diabetic but have a lot of symptoms of diabetes including easily getting infections and the like. i know how hard it is to stick to a diabetic diet.

regarding my meds, i put them in a special coffee cup in the center of my kitchen counter every morning. all i have to do is walk into the kitchen and look into the cup to see if i've taken my meds for the day. it's a very behavioral way of doing things. everything i set out to do each day i lay out in front of me, even putting things on pillow on my bed as a reminder to do them before going to sleep. please try this with your meds.

your blood sugar is very high. i think the problem is more denial than suicidal. diabetes is one of those diseases with hidden side effects. unfortunately, the side effects are very, very bad - amputations, blindness, heart disease and neuropathy. proper care requires more than meds, it requires daily exercise and diet changes.

please feel welcome to PM me when you need support. i will be glad to help. frankly, i could often use emotional support too. all the best to you!

[sabby]

Originally Posted by Buttercup.

((((Sabby))))

I shall support you all the way, My sister and brother are a diabetic and are on insulin,My sister has been on insulin for 12 years and has it 4 times a day.

(((((((big hugs)))))))))

Thanks so much (((((( Buttercup )))))), your support means so much to me!

I'm sorry to hear about your brother and sister being diabetic. I'm sure you've learned a lot about diabetes and can be a great help to me!

Take good care of yourself and thank you once again!

[sabby]

Originally Posted by alwaysrejoice

What an approach your doctor had! Do you have family? Maybe if you do keep them in mind when you make these decisions about your health. I wish you all the best.

Hey alwaysrejoice, thanks for posting! Yes, that was quite an approach wasn't it? She did ask it in a caring way yet I knew why she asked. She wanted me to think about why I was ignoring my illness and what I should be doing to take better care of myself. I have no ill feelings toward her for being blunt and honest and thought provoking!

You are absolutely right about keeping my family in mind through all of this. I do not want to leave them, nor do I want to make their lives difficult in the future. I do not want to have to depend on them for my care should I not care for myself now to avoid the nasty things that can happen with high blood sugar.

Thanks for you good wishes...they mean a lot!

[ECHOES]

((( sabby ))) I think that managing something like this is hard when you don't have regular medical care to help keep you on track. It's just good to touch base from time to time with a doctor. It helps a person stay focused and motivated.

I hope your endocrinologist can see you when needed without it breaking the bank.

[AAAAA]

(((Sabby))) My husband once "gave up being a diabetic" for New Years. He was so frustrated that doing everything the doctor asked did not give him any better numbers. He's tried every oral med on the market. I wanted to kick him! Lantes (sp) has been a life saver for him. It's brought his blood sugar to a managable level. My mother just started it, and I believe that there is a generic form available now. Good luck!

[sabby]

Originally Posted by hankster

I would forget to take my meds before meals too - who knows 30 minutes before you're going to eat?? - so I would take my glucophage WITH or right after my meal. I don't know if that was a good idea or not, one of my sugar meds started to show bad results in my kidneys, that might have been why. but I figured better late than never. Do you have high blood pressure at all? my GP said the ingredients in one of my blood pressure meds "cured" my diabetes. I looked up lisinopril and wikipedia said it was made from snake venom. I don't know if this was it or what, sometime it's hard to get a straight answer from him, but i'm sure he feels the same way about me. it's not the dying from diabetes that is scary, it's living with the neuropathy pain that cannot be alleviated, and blindness and amputations and carp like that. do we have a social group or thread for this? because any kind of not being able to take care of yourself, isn't this a form of self-injury? your doctor called it sui, why question his judgment? do we think he's being inaccurate or dramatic? what can we do here (on PC) and now to help each other?

((((((((((((( hankster ))))))))))))))

I don't have high blood pressure but I was also put on lisinopril. Not only does it lower blood pressure, what it does is help to protect the kidneys from the diabetes. I've never heard of it "curing" diabetes though. I find that interesting.

You are so right....the living with the neuropathy pain, the chance of blindness and amputations or sores that won't heal...yeah, that is scarier than dying for sure.

I'm not sure there is a social group for this issue, but it may be worth a try opening one. I think it would be great to compare notes, get ideas on how to make life easier and less complicated and maybe share some good recipes

Thanks hon!

[sabby]

Originally Posted by unhappyguy

(((sabby))) - hi. i am pre-diabetic and have suffered from high blood glucose all my life. i am not diabetic but have a lot of symptoms of diabetes including easily getting infections and the like. i know how hard it is to stick to a diabetic diet.

regarding my meds, i put them in a special coffee cup in the center of my kitchen counter every morning. all i have to do is walk into the kitchen and look into the cup to see if i've taken my meds for the day. it's a very behavioral way of doing things. everything i set out to do each day i lay out in front of me, even putting things on pillow on my bed as a reminder to do them before going to sleep. please try this with your meds.

your blood sugar is very high. i think the problem is more denial than suicidal. diabetes is one of those diseases with hidden side effects. unfortunately, the side effects are very, very bad - amputations, blindness, heart disease and neuropathy. proper care requires more than meds, it requires daily exercise and diet changes.

please feel welcome to PM me when you need support. i will be glad to help. frankly, i could often use emotional support too. all the best to you!

((((((((((((( unhappyguy ))))))))))))))))

Thanks so much for responding guy. You make good sense about the behavioral thing with putting things in front of you to remind you they need to be done. I have actually tried doing that with my meds (and it's only the diabetes meds that I have a problem with). I have 2 bottles for each med, one in the kitchen and one in my bedroom. Both bottles are right in front of me when I get up in the morning and when I go for my coffee or to make dinner at night. Right there....I can see them....they are in my face and yet I can't seem to remember to take the darned things. You may be onto something with the denial aspect being more than a suicidal thing.

I do already have some neuropathy. My eyesight is getting worse. My skin is horribly dry. I'm always thirsty and even water can't seem to satisfy me all the time. I'm finding myself getting more tired and more easily tired. I'm craving carbs horribly. I'm lazy lazy lazy. It's all like a horrible evil merry go round that I can't make stop or can't step off of.

I would love to get some more ideas from you and I'm always willing to lend an ear as well. Again, thanks so much!

[sabby]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

((( sabby ))) I think that managing something like this is hard when you don't have regular medical care to help keep you on track. It's just good to touch base from time to time with a doctor. It helps a person stay focused and motivated.

I hope your endocrinologist can see you when needed without it breaking the bank.

((((((((((((((( ECHOES ))))))))))))))))

Ya know, I think you are absolutely right. It's like there is no one there making me be accountable for myself so I just kind of slosh it all off.

The money issue is hard for sure. I'm applying for assistance through a program specifically set up by the local hospital (and others in the state) to help folks who don't have insurance. Of course, I need to jump through hoops to get the paperwork filled out properly since my job is exempt from taxes being paid and some agencies recognize that compensation as Difficulty of Care and some agencies don't care LOL. I get kind of stuck with this stuff and I honestly don't know why. Maybe I don't feel I deserve it? I don't know.

No matter what, I do need to see the endo and I will. I figure it this way, I can only pay them so much per month and what the heck, I can't take it with me so they are welcome to it.

Thanks hon!

[sabby]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

(((Sabby))) My husband once "gave up being a diabetic" for New Years. He was so frustrated that doing everything the doctor asked did not give him any better numbers. He's tried every oral med on the market. I wanted to kick him! Lantes (sp) has been a life saver for him. It's brought his blood sugar to a managable level. My mother just started it, and I believe that there is a generic form available now. Good luck!

((((((((((((( AAAAA ))))))))))))))

I can only imagine your husbands frustration. I'm so glad though that the Lantes has brought his numbers down to manageable. That's awesome! I will keep that in mind when I talk with the endo. Generic....that would be great too! Gotta love Wal-Mart for those cheap generic prices.

Thanks AAAAA, I hope that your hubby and mom have continued success on their meds.

[notablackbarbie]

Originally Posted by sabby

Yep, that would be me. *sigh*

I've had Type 2 diabetes for a number of years. It's been getting worse over the past 2 years for a number of different reasons. Some of it, I should have control over, some of it I have no control over.

I have no health insurance. Haven't had any for a number of years. It really stinks and this is probably one reason why I don't follow through with things, it's danged expensive. But now, I've put myself into a real predicament and will have to pay out even more money than I would have had I just bucked up and did what I was supposed to do to begin with. Yes, I'm very mad at myself for being such and idiot. I can come up with any excuse in the book but they don't fly....plain and simple....I brought myself to where I am now.

Once I get an appointment with the endrochrinologist, I will no longer be on oral meds for the diabetes. I WILL be on insulin. On the surface, insulin is more expensive than the oral meds that I can get for $4 at Wal-Mart. I know there is some insulin that is $4, but it's looking like that will not be the best insulin for me. We will see what happens at the appointment.

The oral meds have been raising cain with my digestive system. This may be TBI, but it makes me have to use the bathroom right after I eat and then some. It upsets my stomach to a painful place and makes me miserable. Could be another reason (excuse) why I haven't taken them the way I should be taking them. Not only that, but for some reason, I cannot seem to remember to take the meds 1/2 hour before I eat for 2 meals a day. I will remember after I eat that I have forgotten them once again. It's frustrating to no end and I guess I just gave up.

So, I had my bloodwork done and normal levels should be 6 and below. Mine was a whopping 11.6. With an average daily number of 299 for the blood glucose levels. Yes, I checked them ocassionally with my tester as well and could see how high they were. Sometimes in the 400's and 300's and 200's.

So the doctor asked me today if I was depressed and suicidal. I looked at her incredulously like....what?????? Of course I'm not. I don't feel depressed and I'm definitely NOT suicidal. She said... "well, you are choosing a slow death, that's why I asked". I had never looked at it that way. Now I'm really doing some soul searching and trying to figure out what my idiot problem really is. I know that's a good thing but geesh, that just whacked me upside the head!

Anyway, the plan is now for me to suck it up and go back on my oral meds until I see the endo and get on insulin. I'm not liking it, I hate it as a matter of fact, but I have to do it. I know I have to do it. I WILL do it but I won't stop whining about it.

I sure could use some support from you wonderful folks to keep me going in the right direction. And maybe some of the best support is to be brutally honest with me and kick my bum into action! Thanks for reading and for supporting me...........

((((sabby))))
I am sorry you are struggling right now. I also apologize if this sounds mean, but ^THIS^ is what i dont understand about the Health Care system in North America (yes Canada is starting to follow suit). People are without insurance, medication costs so much and...thats it?!?! People who are sick with acute and/or chronic conditions and cant afford it just suffer?!?! RE ~ You specifically, i can relate. My mom has diabetes - had it before i was born = i am at high risk. Please get an appointment sooner than later with you health care team. Be honest with your feelings and concerns. YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT. DIABETES IS A HARD DISEASE. Understand that these test results ARE a major indication that your body needs insulin. It is struggling now to function. But it is not just going to be either-or. Insulin with some of the meds will help your body more in terms of digestion and supporting necessary function. Thus, its more like 'this is the next stage to keep you well and prevent more damage' = that specialist will be helping you work toward a balance again in more and different ways, not just 'you are now on insulin' and hand you a pack of needles/coupon for a new blood sugar machine and go 'NEXT!' Again i am sorry and hope you get more help soon...

[sabby]

(((((((((((((( notablackbarbie )))))))))))))))

Thank you so much for your post of support and information. I'm sorry I didn't respond until now when I just checked this thread.

I really appreciate you taking the time to post to me. I see the endo on Tuesday at 11am. It will be interesting to see how it goes. I'll keep you and the others informed.

(((sabby))) good luck on tuesday with your endo visit! i am wearing the same shoes - tuesday i have appointments with my cardiologist (annual check-up including a heart scan and EKG) and get my blood results (glucose, cholesterol) from my primary care physician.

[Ygrec23]

With you too, sabby. All the way. Mrs. Ygrec has been diabetic for 25 years. If you're good about it and don't try to wish it away you'll do fine. Think of all the things you wouldn't dream of doing: dancing in the middle of a busy six-lane highway, driving drunk, shooting up heroin, stabbing the lady in the dry cleaners, dialling 911 and telling them you left a bomb at Walgreens. You know. Not doing proper diabetes care just has to be one of those things. And real people do it! Not super people! Not just weirdly ubermenschen! You have to get your weight down, and get your morning glucose down to 100 or so, and watch your diet like a hawk. You know all these things. And like a normal human being you resent the hell out of them. Why should I have to do that? Ask Gabby Giffords! Ask the child who's had meningitis! Or the bystander who's been run over by a car!

Bad things happen. Trite. A cliche. But oh so true. And there will still be plenty of good things happening in your life. This doesn't end it! Take the best possible care of yourself, hon.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by sabby

So the doctor asked me today if I was depressed and suicidal. I looked at her incredulously like....what?????? Of course I'm not. I don't feel depressed and I'm definitely NOT suicidal. She said... "well, you are choosing a slow death, that's why I asked". I had never looked at it that way. Now I'm really doing some soul searching and trying to figure out what my idiot problem really is. I know that's a good thing but geesh, that just whacked me upside the head!

Okay, fear and concentrating on the negative do not get good results, do not help either the patient or the doctor/patient relationship!

My husband is nearly 70, has smoked for 50 or so years, is grossly obese, "pre-diabetic" (takes the oral pills) and got a gash in his leg that got infected and "cured" and then the infection came back.

So, I made him go to the doctor again and they're doing the same-old/same-old but it wasn't healing very fast and that bothered me; I started doing some reading and reading aloud to him; how smoking and diabetes and poor leg circulation/infections do not go together and the #1 help would be to quit smoking (so his leg won't need amputating, which would really make me angry, having to care for him then?) and so, I started reading some of the possible bad things that could happen to him aloud.

When we had our regular quarterly doctor's appointments a week or two later, as I was leaving I asked the doctor to "make him quit smoking" (he saw me first, would see my husband next in the room next door), and told him what I had been reading to my husband, and the doctor agreed with my assessment/reading, mumbled something to me about how people like my husband don't get it until he sees them hospitalized and the upshot was that my husband will be having a leg circulation test as the beginning of reading him the riot act (I hoped). But that's not until the 27th of December and there are no changes happening in any other way as a result, that I can see.

My husband (and me, I have my own problems!) has to want better health more than he wants the status quo. We can worry about the future but we often just compare our worries with what we have now that isn't as bad and let it go? Now I hear you (and me) lamenting our past acts, which also does not help us now. Yes, you will probably be taking insulin; are you finally working to lose weight or get more exercise, eat "better"? Or, because you are taking insulin (and I don't have to "yet") are you deciding it is too late to do anything positive about your health, not worth the time/effort to feel better, not something high enough on your work list?

Think of the effort we have made to post these posts, to feel like idiots, to think and talk about our problems? I have been on PsychCentral this morning at least 2-3 hours. What else might I have accomplished in that 2-3 hours? In the next 2-3 hours? It has not been all bad here; I have improved my writing ability, my ability to express myself; I have probably helped someone, given someone an idea they can use to help themselves, comforted or soothed someone a bit that was hurting or, as now, needled someone or myself into "doing" something they really want or need to do in their life. But how does that compare to the actual doing of something in my life? I only have so much time, energy; am I using it to the best of my abilities?

[sabby]

Originally Posted by unhappyguy

(((sabby))) good luck on tuesday with your endo visit! i am wearing the same shoes - tuesday i have appointments with my cardiologist (annual check-up including a heart scan and EKG) and get my blood results (glucose, cholesterol) from my primary care physician.

Thanks so much hon. I wish you much luck as well. I hope everything comes out in tip top order for you! Please keep me updated...I want to know how you are.

[sabby]

Originally Posted by Ygrec23

With you too, sabby. All the way. Mrs. Ygrec has been diabetic for 25 years. If you're good about it and don't try to wish it away you'll do fine. Think of all the things you wouldn't dream of doing: dancing in the middle of a busy six-lane highway, driving drunk, shooting up heroin, stabbing the lady in the dry cleaners, dialling 911 and telling them you left a bomb at Walgreens. You know. Not doing proper diabetes care just has to be one of those things. And real people do it! Not super people! Not just weirdly ubermenschen! You have to get your weight down, and get your morning glucose down to 100 or so, and watch your diet like a hawk. You know all these things. And like a normal human being you resent the hell out of them. Why should I have to do that? Ask Gabby Giffords! Ask the child who's had meningitis! Or the bystander who's been run over by a car!

Bad things happen. Trite. A cliche. But oh so true. And there will still be plenty of good things happening in your life. This doesn't end it! Take the best possible care of yourself, hon.

((((((((((((((( Y ))))))))))))))))))) I hear you, loud and clear! I am continuing to work through this issue in my mind. I know I have to make a clearly stated plan of attack and stick to it. I do hope and pray that Mrs. Y is doing well with her diabetes. Thanks so much for the straight talk and the care....it means a lot to me!

[sabby]

Originally Posted by Perna

Okay, fear and concentrating on the negative do not get good results, do not help either the patient or the doctor/patient relationship!

My husband is nearly 70, has smoked for 50 or so years, is grossly obese, "pre-diabetic" (takes the oral pills) and got a gash in his leg that got infected and "cured" and then the infection came back.

So, I made him go to the doctor again and they're doing the same-old/same-old but it wasn't healing very fast and that bothered me; I started doing some reading and reading aloud to him; how smoking and diabetes and poor leg circulation/infections do not go together and the #1 help would be to quit smoking (so his leg won't need amputating, which would really make me angry, having to care for him then?) and so, I started reading some of the possible bad things that could happen to him aloud.

When we had our regular quarterly doctor's appointments a week or two later, as I was leaving I asked the doctor to "make him quit smoking" (he saw me first, would see my husband next in the room next door), and told him what I had been reading to my husband, and the doctor agreed with my assessment/reading, mumbled something to me about how people like my husband don't get it until he sees them hospitalized and the upshot was that my husband will be having a leg circulation test as the beginning of reading him the riot act (I hoped). But that's not until the 27th of December and there are no changes happening in any other way as a result, that I can see.

My husband (and me, I have my own problems!) has to want better health more than he wants the status quo. We can worry about the future but we often just compare our worries with what we have now that isn't as bad and let it go? Now I hear you (and me) lamenting our past acts, which also does not help us now. Yes, you will probably be taking insulin; are you finally working to lose weight or get more exercise, eat "better"? Or, because you are taking insulin (and I don't have to "yet") are you deciding it is too late to do anything positive about your health, not worth the time/effort to feel better, not something high enough on your work list?

Think of the effort we have made to post these posts, to feel like idiots, to think and talk about our problems? I have been on PsychCentral this morning at least 2-3 hours. What else might I have accomplished in that 2-3 hours? In the next 2-3 hours? It has not been all bad here; I have improved my writing ability, my ability to express myself; I have probably helped someone, given someone an idea they can use to help themselves, comforted or soothed someone a bit that was hurting or, as now, needled someone or myself into "doing" something they really want or need to do in their life. But how does that compare to the actual doing of something in my life? I only have so much time, energy; am I using it to the best of my abilities?

((((((((((((((( Perna )))))))))))))))) Thank you! You have given me a lot to think about. I'm so sorry that your hubby is dealing with some very scary health issues as well and I KNOW that if I don't fall in line with it myself, I will be heading down the same road. I don't want to head down that road. I'm a stubborn ole bitty and I have 3 fabulous grandsons that I want to watch grow up.

I just don't understand why it's so easy for me to give care and love and compassion to others yet I find it so dang hard to give it to myself at times. I mean, I'm better at doing it than I used to be, but I'm no where near where I should be. I'm beginning to think that there is something I haven't worked on inside me that is seemingly throwing this "block" in my thinking and I have absolutely no idea what it could be. Then again, it could very well be that my only issue is that I'm lazy. I will have to think long and hard about this and also about what you have posted here.

Thank you for the straight talk and the care as well! I appreciate your efforts!

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((sabby))))

I hope that your appointment goes well Tuesday and that they are able to give you something that will work and not make you sick. I know that you said you forget your meds often even with your meds right there in two places where you can see them. I am not sure if this will help but maybe setting the meds the night before next to your coffee cup that I know you never go without in the morning would remind you to take them.

Maybe even a sign next to your bed and on the cabinet that says in big letters, "Don't forget to take meds." Sounds silly and maybe even stupid but it can help. I know that you have told me to hang post-it notes on my mirror and around my apartment of the positives so that I can see them and hold onto them. I see that as helping you too. Maybe even one on the bathroom mirror as I know that you are in there every morning and night. If you have to write a schedule so that when you are in the bathroom you will be reminded every day of taking them and the time might click.

Put a note right next to your computer so that each morning when you get on it is right there for you to see it. Hang it above on the wall so that you cannot miss it. Then you would also see it at night right before you go to bed as a reminder to take your meds. Do whatever you have to do to remind yourself. Even after you start the insulin, it is going to be very important to take it every time you need to, this could also be a reminder for that. Even if it is silly or stupid it works and it will help you to remember.

You said something that maybe is important as you have said it to us many times:

I just don't understand why it's so easy for me to give care and love and compassion to others yet I find it so dang hard to give it to myself at times.

If you do not take care of yourself first then you are not going to be able to give care and love and complassion to anyone else. Maybe there is something deeper you have not looked at and maybe that is something to look at. Possibly you are spreading yourself too thin trying to be for everyone and that could be contributing too. Your schedule is very busy and takes its toll. Be kind to yourself and do for yourself what you would do for someone else.

Take time for you, things can always wait but you cannot. Start walking a little at a time. I know it is hard at first but once you do it a few times it will become habit. You do not have to start with a far distance. Start with just walking to the mailbox each day to get the mail, that is something you could easily do and it is a distance down there. It is important to start with the little things first because those are the things that we can control and do. Once you do that then you can add on to more. You could even walk down there a couple of times and it would make you feel better, and the more you do it the more you will want to do it.

You said to give you a kick in the bottom, well that would be hard unless you lay down and roll over so I could. lol (My legs do not move the way they used to.) But seriously, you have to take the small steps that will help you. Doing one thing to help yourself no matter how small it may be is a start. Only in taking that first small step can we build on. We do care and are listening. Please let us know how your appointment goes on Tuesday. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps


ps/ And yes, my littles are a bad influence and will have to stop getting you things you should not have. Working on that, or trying. My bad.

[sabby]

((((((((((((((((((((((( dps ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Oh how I just KNEW someday my words would come back to bite me in the arse

I absolutely know you are right dps and I so appreciate you telling me these things. You know me so well ( that is a bit scary) and probably better than I really know myself. But I do realize right now, I need to walk the walk if I'm going to talk the talk. It's so hard to take our own advice though isn't it? Somehow we just don't see how it applies to ourselves as well as others. What's up with that anyway???

Thanks my friend for being here for me and for saying the things I need to hear at the right time. I don't know what I would do without you!


moi

ps: I know the littles are trying to do nice things for me. Maybe we can come up with something else they can do and one that won't cost as much? I love them dearly for their honest and innocent hearts

[bebop]

sorry I just now saw this thread. metformin gave me horrible tummy pains and all that stuff. I am now on glipizide and it works really great! my problem with it is I bottom out 2 hrs after I take it. not sure what oral medication you are on but you might try that one if you haven't already. I made a social group but it wasn't too active

[eskielover]

(((((Sabby)))))

I just read your thread today......behind the times by quite a bit with my slow computer that I get mad & give up some times.

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I know that even having medicare through disability doesn't cover my medical expenses well enough to be conscientious about caring for myself but there are some things that are necessary.

To be quite honest, I hold my mother responsible for what she put me through at the end of her life starting with the fact that she ignored the tumor that was in a very obvious place every time she went to the bathroom. A very slow growing cancer that started years before it ever got to that point......yes, she was told after the hysterectomy that she didn't need pap smears......but the kind of cancer she had starts out as a small sore in pre-cancer form & then through years, it turns into cancer......the tumor was the size of my fist by the time she ever did anything about it. She was stupid enough to tell the oncologist that it was only like that for a few months ( talk about denial).....that just made her look even more stupid even in the eyes of the Dr & me as I did research on the kind of cancer she had. Sad thing was that I never thought my mother was a very smart person all my life & she fought me about that......the end of her life didn't prove me wrong. The question your Dr asked you isn't that far off of the perception our kids have of us for the way we handle our lives. I have to admit, I went through the not caring & the anorexia as being a way to die without my family having to deal with the stigma of my actual sui......at the time, all I wanted was out. Interesting thing for my mother was that all the end of her life she kept asking me when she was "going to get well?". I never was honest with her until the very end when I told her that the only way she was going to get better was let go & let God take her to heaven rather than trying to hang on to prove that God gave her the Dr to save her life.

That was really the point when I realized how the choices we make in our life can seriously effect the quality & how the end of our life really does turn out.....things we are oblivious to most of our life when we feel completely invincible before anything of any consequence has hit our life.

I remember my daughter grew up with a girl that had diabetes from the time she was born (or at least close to it). They were good friends & she came with us many times on vacation & was also a member of the same girl scout troop as my daughter. There were many times when she would just blow off her insulin & eating candy bars & just doing bad things & would end up in the hospital because she just wanted to be normal....but she wasn't & she needed to accept herself for who & what was her life. They actually had special summer camps for diabetic children so they could learn in a peer setting about others who struggled with the same issues as they did. That was one of the huge turning points in her live

I am struggling with high blood pressure right now.....I normally have low blood pressure but when I don't sleep & eat well, & am under stress, it goes high....knowing & doing sometimes are different things.....but I look at how I saw my mother & it's definitely an inspiration to not want to be seen in the same light by my daughter. I know when I fractured my back earlier this year, I didn't have a choice even though I couldn't afford to go to the ortho & the x-rays & all the extra trips to my pain specialist at the same time when the manufacturer was having production problems with my pain med. There are some Dr's that will definitely work with you on the cost.

Sometimes we come to a point in our life where we recognize that we have to make the changes that we really unwisely thought we could ignore.....that is the time that we have to allow our wises mind too take control. We are where we are because of what we have done....that's in the past.....all we can do is make things right from this point on to show others & ourselves what our true values really are.

You know how you would inspire others to take action if they were in your place.....it's time to not only give yourself the good advice you know, & follow it.