[goldenme]

Lately I have felt overwhelmed with my life. I have BP and my 10 year old daughter is showing signs of something, but right now it is just "mood disorder". We started her on meds, I think they need to be tweaked. She is taking Zoloft and Risperdone. She seems to be rapid cycling, getting really mad, really quick and then one second later everything is fine. I feel like I cant take her anywhere becasue we never know when she is going to blow up. Every morning we get up she fights me and calls me names, refuses to get dressed, get in the van, etc. and we are always running late for work or school. I work full time and have three more kids. I am trying to get everything done and taken care of but my stress level is just going through the roof. I have been really angry lately and been pretty mean to everyone in my family. I dont want to be this way, I just dont feel in control of my emotions. I feel really guilty today becasue I just yelled and yelled at the kids and really upset them. My daughter with the "mood disorder" has said she would like to go live with her dad (who is about 4 hours away). One one hand I feel like it might be better for her becasue of my behavior, on other her dad doesnt really acept that she has something wrong with her, he doenst really believe in mental illness. I dont want her to go off her meds and not get the help she needs. I dont know what to do. I just want to throw myself over a cliff and I actually said that this morning. I think I scared my kids. I have never been this bad before........I am overwhelmed with thoughts of dealing with her illness and mine for the rest of our lives. I love her, but sometimes I am resentful I think. I am a horrible mother!!

[Travelinglady]

First of all, you are NOT a horrible mother! You are obviously a decent, caring mother or you wouldn't have posted here in the first place. Who wouldn't be struggling in your shoes? You're bipolar yourself and you're trying to deal with a bipolar daughter. I can't think of many more dynamics off hand that could be tougher. Mother-daughter relationships just in themselves are considered by some professionals to be the most difficult ones there are. (There's a book about that, but I can't recall the name or the author.) For right now, I'll leave it up to the other smart people at PC to make specific suggestions. But please don't be so hard on yourself. Okay?

[Travelinglady]

Hi, Goldenme, it's me again. I see there's a thread now under "bipolar" about a bipolar parent parenting a bipolar child. That sounds like it would be helpful! Hang in there, dear one.

[PleaseHelp]

(((Goldenme))) I am sorry you are going through this. Lately I also feel like a horrible mother. My stepdaughters come stay with us everyother weekend. The one and I get along, the other not so much (our personalities TOTALLY clash) I hate how I react to them and get upset. Please hang in there and no you aren't a horible parent. Your doing the best you can.

[crazylpn]

I feel very bad for you. I understand how you feel. My nine year old son is living with his dad about 40 miles away. He is with him only because I couldn't handle his behavior. I have so much guilt about this that it tears me apart inside. His dad is so strict with him all the time. I guess it's wrong of me because I'm just the opposite. I have major depression, anxiety, and get easily aggitated. I want to get better so badly so I can take care of him again. Hang in there, Goldenme!

[PleaseHelp]

Crazylpn,

In my opinion you are doing the best you can. You were able to recognize that you needed help and asked for it, there is nothing wrong with that. Although it is hard to be away from our children. Take this opportunity to work on yourself and get better so you can have him back in your care again.

I cannot imagine what it is like to be a single parent, let alone a single parent dealing with mental health issues and/or having a child with them. I think all of you single parents out there are AWESOME!

[trixielou]

blatant honesty right now i feel like i cant mentally and emotionally be a mom my husband and i r separated & he has them & i rarely even see them i feel all this stuff that goes thru my mind too painful to go into the worst part is i like my life better without my husband or kids ok let the judgmental comments begin at this point dont really care anyways actually dont care about anything have thought about si but it just plain sucks cuz i feel like i need help really bad like a 6 month inpatient type place even if its 90 days just to get much needed help & counseling & support i am crying out for help so bad & i hurt so much inside have an appt with t on the 7th i havent seen him for 3 months dunno how hes gonna react to how much ive went for the worst since the last time i saw him geez its not that i dont love my girls theres just stuff not right with me at all right now

[PleaseHelp]

(((Trixielou))))

Again I think your doing the best you can. You need to take care of yourself. Are you able to go inpatient for awhile to help you get stabilized. Here if you need to talk.

[trixielou]

im here just dont feel well today will come on here tomorrow & say some more stuff thanks for the encouraging words cuz they helped me feel like maybe i am doing my best for now

[sweetwilliams]

((goldenme)) what you've described is a very difficult situation, and you deserve credit for seeing both sides of it so clearly... you are obviously thinking hard about what is best for your daughter, and that's ALL a mother can do!!! It is too bad that her father does not recognize her bp and the need for medication and/or therapy... is there any other adult in her life she can spend time with who can provide some stabilizing influence but also be understanding of her bp disorder? a mentor, relative, friend's parent? Just keep on communicating your love to her whenever you can... keep on reassuring her of that. You are in an incredibly tough situation and I can tell you love her very much!!

[2MuchCoffee]

I saw your thread title and immediately clicked on it. I feel like a horrible mother, too. Just so you know, you're not alone.

So sorry for the weight you have to carry right now. I really hope things get easier for you soon.