the sheeps lamb

As i have said many times. Life with son has been hard. ANd i so do not mean to whine. As alot of other ppl have it so much harder than me.
Way harder,. So i feel guilty even writing this.
I do not like to admit that its not the perfect miracle. He has come so far. But at times his aggression can be alittle hard on me. And maybe i cause it?
I would move heaven and earth for him. Have tryed to all his life,.Maybe that's the problem.
Out of my mouth today flew the words. Theres the door if you keep it up. The words I swore I would never say.That's what i get for saying never.
The whole time in the back of my mind i am thinking, Hes a adult and a strong one. Please do not turn on me. He did not .
Because I am the one he comes to with his problems, I am the one who gets his wrath.
They have seen alittle at school. But not much over the years. As he was very quiet at school. When I asked for help on it many many times
there was none.
I have a cousin who has at times stepped in. As he has seen it. Daughter has at times too...But its up to me my problem.
I keep it to myself most times. Out of years of practice or maybe embarrassment. Or maybe I do think its my fault.
As it has been pointed out many times he prolly would not have the PDD with out me being his Mom.
One of my choices to speak out on in life has been autism . To make ppl aware. Threw a article. With our Representatives.
Since he was Dxed I have pushed it . One thing was the calm voice to use with them. WHat did I forget today?
I forgot the calm voice. .........
I opened my e mail to write this and there is a message from another cousin. As we have talked about this. Thier end response
and I quote" perhaps that was your punishment"
I keep thinking punishment for what? I am at a loss....For me ...For my son?
I do at times seem to bring out the worst in ppl. I wish I understood.
sorry for this
muffy

(((((Muffy))))))

No. He has an organic disorder. It is an illness. YOU DID NOT AND DO NOT CAUSE IT! Stop a moment and consider, maybe he feels the pressure of the holidays too? Maybe he is like the rest of us, sick of the unrealistic expectations of the season, but can't find a way to express it, so he expresses it in the way he knows how and with the one person on this earth who he safe feels enough with to show his anger. To show it outside would threaten him and he knows this.

You forgot that you are human too, with needs and limitations.

Muffy, Let me share a story from the day before Christmas Eve. I was running around like a lunatic cleaning, wrapping, cooking, etc. so that everything would be ready. I had just cleaned the kitchen and when I came back in I found a paper airplane on the kitchen table--no big deal, right? Wrong. I flipped out. I started yelling for Son (who was pounding on the piano). I yelled louder, he pounded harder. I got totally po'd. When he finished I screamed at him and asked why he didn't answer me at first. He said he was busy playing. I screamed again, "YOU ARE 26 YEARS OLD AND I DON'T WANT TO BE CLEANING UP YOUR PAPER EFFING AIRPLANES ANYMORE!"

I went out and cried in the car. I felt like a complete jerk, knowing that my son's illness is the cause of this child-like behavior. When I came back in the house we looked at each other and we both started laughing.

Muffy, it's okay to show your human side. It lets your son know that it's also okay for him to show his too.

Take gentle care.

Hugs from an Angel!

aw muffy i know those feelings did we cause our childrens illness did we pass on the geene to cause it was it from our side of the family, i have two children, the first i thought maybe it was something i did while pregnant but a second child with similer problems, differant fathers,

son most probaly has problems with venting his frustrations, and when we get like that we normaly turn on the ones we love hoping they can make it right solve the worlds problems,

when son is calm ask him why he was so angry and explain that him taking it out on you was not right and today you just couldnt cope with it and that is why you lost it

when our son looses it i say to everyone leave it, its no good talking or trying to talk to him while in that mood as it just makes matters worse, but more often than not i end up getting angry with him

(((((((((((((((muffy))))))))))))))))))

pardon me muffy, but..........

your cousin. as we say in ga., ain't right.
perhaps a little touched in the head.

what could a little boy or a loving mom have done to deserve punishment?

thank God he's your child not the cousin's.
you are a wonderful mom and your son loves you.

((Miss Charlotte))))))))))))))))))) you said (((No. He has an organic disorder)))))))
Sometimes I forget he still has it. He has come so far. I am so use to treating him as him. lol not a very good way to explain it? I forget. That his brain at moments think different as mine. Your so right. Holiday stress.....I had it. So of course he would.
And i am the one person he feels safe with....
((TY)) for your story about christmas.((((((((miss charlotte)))))))))))))))))))) I sat in my daughters room yesterday aways from everyone and cryed.I guess that does make me human? I so know that feeling...I hope you are ok........your friend
muffy

aww(((kathy))))))))))))))))))) your a good mom...
I had felt so bad as I never try to lose it....I did not yell just was sturn....
Usally I try so hard to find out whats causeing it........
He did talk to me later
muffy

(free2beme))))))))))))))))) you are so right on that one...

his e mail just hit me at the wrong time...
((thank you )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

((((((Muffy & Son))))))

Sorry to hear things are so rough, muffy. I understand the aggresion of male family members. Hope you get it all worked out soon.

(((((((((((((muffy))))))))))))) I understand. It's hard when our children have stuff going on. We have had many struggles with son in the past here. I have gotten so overwhelmed and frustrated before. With my son, saying things often makes him more overwhelmed and so I have to be very careful of what I say and the tone with which I say it, but then that means I hold it in and stuff it down, which makes it hard for me. Sometimes it feels like a no win situation. Hang in there muffy. We'd like to be here if you need a shoulder.

(((orange)))))))(((((wanttoheal))))))))))))))
Thank you both.....I think the thing that got me the most was i am so good at keeping it calm for him.((or i think i am lol))) Years of soft voice. When i blow it I feel bad.

your right ((wanttoheal)) sometimes it is a no win situation. He gets overwhelmed and i feel like a person with a ulcer at times ....
My heart breaks for him at times. ...I love him with all my heart..
Thank you for listening....I am here for you anytime on your son.

muffy

((muffy))) the final score is not in, its half time, you are ahead of the game son has an opportunity to learn, we all do... thankfully the road was paved for us many years ago... all we must do is walk.. and walk.. and walk some more... its all worth it in the end

(((((((((((muffy))))))))))))) ((((((((((((son)))))))))))))))))
as i said in chat to you.. ur the most wonderful mom
ur always there no matter what and u try ur hardest to fix the world
u dont have to be so hard on urself thou cos unfortunately u cannot cure the world
ur son knows how great of a person u are he trusts u . he knows how much u care .
and i know this does not mean he should get angry at u. but just like u he is angry at the world . we all are.
we will all figure out a way to deal with it better.
guide him. continue to be the best mom ever
lots of love.

(((((((((((((((( muffy ))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((( son ))))))))))))))))

(((((bunnies))))))))))))) thank you as you do know him
you have been here to my home and seen him and i together...
not sure i am a great mom ......but i do try to do my best
once in awhile as with life i do get upset I do try to keep it calm but sometimes with the strain of being calm it may sound not the way i intend it too
love you lots
p.s he misses you too

i miss both of u lots n lots
and u are a great mom!!

ty(((((((((((((bunnies))))))))))))))))))))
we all miss you
he misses skate boarding with you
and I am sure shopping with you awww
((ty))
muffy