Worried about having to move.

Thanks, anneo. The main problem that I have to solve is that, since becoming permanently unemployed, I am alone way too much. The nature of the job loses that led to me getting on disability were emotionally traumatic. I feel rejected and that I am no longer of much value. Other rejections happened, also. Now, except for coming to PC, I am afraid of people. I expect that involvement with people is just going to lead to more pain. I'm becoming frozen in this state of mind.

I certainly do have to re-invent myself. I can't seem to get past expecting nothing but failure. It's awful. I can't logic my way out of this mindset. That's why I haven't been interested in getting therapy. Counselors just want to find "logical" solutions. I know how to be as logical as anyone. How I feel is not logical. I have no interest in arguing about it with a counselor. I've even thought of hiring someone to visit me for a few hours a week . . . like a home health attendant. I'm not that old and don't need home care. I just wish there was some person that could sit with me now and then. I think it would help me get over the fear of people. My next door neighbor got into the habit of making sarcastic comments about me being "crazy." That's a lot of the reason why I feel desperate to get out of my apartment where I now live. I hate opening the door and even having to walk past someone who has said mean things to me. I never had this happen to me anywhere else that I lived. Even the property manager made a sarcastic remark about my mental state. I reported a problem on the property. At first, he didn't believe me. Then he said that he found out that I was not as "crazy" as he had thought. I feel labeled here and that I have no privacy, with people monitoring what I do.

I don't have any history of paranoia. People here do watch to see if my blinds and drapes are closed and for how long. Then they comment on that. It's like I live in a fish bowl.

Thanks everyone for listening to my problems.

wow, I sure can relate! Hard as it is, I still think it may be possible for you to find some folks, and not just on PC, tho def here, who will appreciate you for yourself!!! Sometimes you have to detach from what people think of you, and it can really be challenging. The best!

I'm pretty much the crazy person where I live. I find what helps is being cheerful and smiling when you do run into people. Then they dont worry about you so much or ask as many questions. It's not all downhill - once you start acting cheered up, they will take your word for it and stop hassling you. That has been my experience.

Thanks, anneo, I think what you say is the thing that I most need to make myself believe. Yes, the detaching is challenging. I have to make myself do it . . . like, just go out for the mail, even if neighbors are there at the same time . . . and just say to myself that I won't die if someone says something hurtful, or is unfriendly.

Thanks, hankster, I do try to be pleasant to neighbors when I fun into them. My immediate neighbor has really stressed me out with alternating between being friendly and hostile toward me. Maybe, I just need to see that as her problem. I would never do to anyone what she has done to me.

My experience is well the same as you, and Rose please take care of yourself.
If someone wants to say I am a little bit strange or crazy I am okay with that.
I guess if someone has to be the crazy one on the block, don't take it to heart.
You are a blessing.
H.

Yes, it is her problem Rose. You are such a good person.

Rose, I was wondering how its going? Did you find out the info you needed?

My experience is much the same as yours with regard to living in a fishbowl. But then the manager lives across the hall from me and whenever I leave my apt people are asking me if I'm OK, because I haven't been out in weeks. That makes me just want to stay inside and never come out! I never realized how much I used to do with school and volunteer work until now. I'm thinking of looking into the classes for seniors now, just because I like learning. That would get me out and around others with like interest plus there's no tests.

Thanks, everyone. I am doing better now, and my plan to move is on hold for awhile. A big problem at my current address has been remedied, so I'm not desperate to get out of here. I do want to move, eventually, but my goal now is to do that before next summer.

Thanks for understanding about being branded by a neighbor ( and the property manager) as "crazy." Both these persons have reasons to be glad I'm here. I suppose - deep down inside - they must know that. I get afraid that, once people think something negative about me, it will always outweigh every decent thing I've ever done for them. Maybe I should give people more credit than that. My own mind doesn't work that way.

I, too, would like to take a course.

I still want to use the time I have here to whittle down my possessions. I'm going to try and sell some electronic stuff on the Internet.

Yes, sometmes it helps me a bit, Rose, tho not always, if I view it as not personal and more about the other person. Then, depending on my particular sensitivites that day, I might or might not think of them saying stuff to me, naked or maybe spinach in my teeth. I know, I know, should prob be ashamed. But it can defuse me a bit and give me a good laugh! The best!

bless you, I can relate so well! And sometimes it really bothers me more than others. But at other times, if I can be at all Zen about it, I just detach and don't care. Easier said than done, but it helps. I think I'm as good as anyone else, no better. And that's the way I try to look at these other folks, most of the time. I've found so far, that many of these critical, nosy, judgmental folks really are insecure and need to get more of a life themselves, if ya know what I mean! Be well, Rose!

wow, do I ever know what you mean, Rose. But don't give up and take care of yourself, tho don't let your illness and some things about your life define yourself. Maybe you can find some affirmations you can use that really speak to you, that would help. Something like, I am loved and needed by certain people, certain animals, etc. I still have a lot to give to this world, to make a better place. I will be kind to myself now. I know I'm worth it. And whatever floats your boat, etc. I'm sure you have your own ideas and there are prob other folks who have good ones, too. Just my humble two cents. One of mine is I choose happiness over bipolar, although I acknowledge I must manage mental illness. Like I say, sometimes, not always effective, but worth a try. Take care, my friend, hope you feel better! Also, when you have a lot of time on your hands, it's important to stay busy, to reach out where healthy, to do somethings that are fulfilling, helpful, fun, etc. Believe me, I know!!!! It's a struggle, but really worth the work. But sometimes, I fall, and you may get to see that here on PC. I'm usually not too silent for too long, but it happens now and then. Blessings, friend!

I really do understand about creating your own monster, Rose. Hope you are doing better some now, or very soon!!!!

sometimes I practice not being reactive to people and events, as part of meditation. I visualize myself in possible situations. Sometimes this helps, sometimes not, even with my marriage, tho that's the hardest!

Strips pasted in the tub might come off with the kind of razor blade tool used to clean paint etc off glass. You could ask the landlord if they tried that, but re-glazing will make it like new, yes.

Professional movers are the way to go, and yes, multiple people move in and out on the same day and it can be somewhat nightmarish/amazing. Yes, it's possible to rent for half the month, don't know if you already had that arranged - this is a long thread and I didn't read it all.

Yes, a lot of cleaning is expected when you move out. The nicer the building,the more is expected.

Thanks H3rmit. I am going to have to have some overlap. Too nightmarish otherwise. Thanks for tip about tub. Hugs.