Worried about having to move.

I just started trying to nudge my husband into shifting our lifestyle so it will not get overwhelming when we're older and someone else wouldn't have to help us too much. I hit upon the idea that he works hard to manage our money well and I'm working to manage our lifestyle and that it is just as important. Just like we have to work to have the money for care when we become aged, we have to work to make sure we are in the right place at the right time. I remember moving my stepmother a couple times and that isn't fun for others to have to do!

Makes me realize I have to get working on my own clutter and "stuff" now; I almost envy you, Rose, because you "have to" and, hopefully, still can (do not envy you having to work on your SO's situation too). I'd make a couple folders/notebooks and separate out your own fears and difficulties from what work you want to do for your SO and challenges you see there. I cannot stand when my head gets like an angry bee hive and everything is flying around bumping into each other and impossible to swat/catch/soothe.

Those are wise thoughts, Perna. Your husband is lucky that he has you to start thinking about this issue. It gets to be a big one.

Hopefully, you will get more cooperation than I'm getting. My friend has a ton of clutter. He says that, if he ever has to leave (like to go into a nursing home,) that he will just hand over the key to the manager of the apt. complex . . . and just walk away. "They will be glad to get all my stuff for free."

I am listed on his lease as the responsible party who will remove his belongings, if something happens to him. (It's a senior complex.) The few things he has of value probably would not compensate for the cost of getting all the junk carted away. I may want to live at this complex when I am over age 62. My reputation with the people there is important to me.

Where he lives, a HUD subsidized complex, just notified tenants that they will start, next month, inspecting for cleanliness. Warnings will be given, and evictions will be started for those who fail to meet standards of cleanliness. He showed me the notice and said, "We have some work to do." But I'm the one who has all the real work to do.

He becomes more and more mobility impaired by the week. Meanwhile, my heart breaks at the thought of him being taken to a nursing home. I'm doing everything humanly possible to avert that, for as long as possible . . . and, possibly, for ever. I provide the hands on nursing care when that's needed. I'm there around the clock when needed.

We never can know how things will develop. I am not well, emotionally or physically, and am floundering in getting my own affairs sorted out. He is hardly a companion to me anymore. It is so lonely when I am at his place. He sleeps most of the day.

People do well to prepare for the worst, as life goes on. There is no foretelling what health issues will creep up. Simplifying the environment that you must maintain is essential to being able to keep coping. There is an art to doing that. If you're the party who has the knack of doing that, than your partner should be very grateful and cooperative.

The apartment complex that I applied to just called to tell me that I am at the top of the list and to come in tomorrow with the fee for the background check and proof of income, etc.

I'm stunned. I expected to wait at least a few months.

Now I'm freaking out about "Is this the right thing to pursue?" I might lose my chance to get a section 8 voucher, by taking this. Then, again, the choice voucher could take another year to come up. I can't afford to wait that long. The voucher is what would save me the most money, but it's the hardest to get. I can still be in line for a voucher, even if I take this apartment coming up. However, when I would get the voucher, I would have to use it in 60 days, or lose it. (from what another PC member has posted.)

I'm afraid that, if I jump at something offered now, I might miss something better that could come along later. Well - I suppose we could apply that kind of thinking to every decision in life and get nowhere.

as perna mentioned, maybe it would help to make a written plan for yourself and for your SO? and maybe get answers to all your questions to help you with your decisions? although it doesn't sound like you have much time before you need to decide..

Oh, man, the "health" inspectors. Even in my 20's I got cited and almost evicted twice for being so cluttered in my apartment, etc.

That's hard you are listed as in charge of cleaning out his apartment. I've hired organizers before and they're not cheap, either; the second one (better of the two) was almost as expensive per hour as my T was!

I think we should form a cleaning service called "Companion Cleaners and Organizers" and get jobs with people who can help, at least direct (like you and me :-) the work, are ready, willing, and almost able but just not motivated. I just want someone to come sit and talk with me while I throw stuff out :-) I would feel silly asking a $75/hr. or more organizer to do that though, we need a cleaning service with just regular people like us who only make $10/$15 an hour; but now that I think of it, my maid service is more expensive than just the cost of what they pay the maids. Where are the teenagers of 50 years ago that wanted/needed money enough to work for it?

I have a maid service come twice a month, every other Tuesday, and I love the Mondays before and early Tuesday morning because I know I have to clean so they can clean, LOL. I get the laundry out of the way (bath and kitchen rugs, towels, etc.) and pick clutter up off the floor so they can vacuum (my multiple pairs of shoes, cat toys, piles of books, etc.). With my lack of normal exercise and asthma though I get really tired and out of breath trying to zoom around in 15 minutes to get ready.

Thanks for understanding . . . especially the part about feeling you need someone to just kind of talk you through the process. That's what I think I need more than anything. I guess that's partly why I started this thread.

Don't get stuck thinking of just either/or this one thing.

What's the status of where you live now? (living situation A)? Tomorrow's choice we'll call situation B and HUD chit we'll call C.

What does A cost (just do your own worksheet) per month. What does B cost a month and what would C cost a month?

What is the ongoing cost of taking B? By that I mean, if you got B and it cost $500 a month and you had to take it for at least 12 months, that would be $6,000 a year. Now, if C came along after 4 months, so you had to take it within 6 months (60 days; are you sure that applies to your state? There might be slight differences in how soon you have to take advantage of it depending on the housing conditions in your area?) and C saved you $100/month, you'd "make" $600 the first year (the second set of 6 months) and if you only had to pay one months' rent to break your lease for B, that would still be a profit of $100 for the year (because you are paying $500 for A). However, if you had to pay 2 months rent to break your lease, you'd lose $400 ($1000 minus $600 less rent for C) but then next year you would gain that back as well as $800.

What, besides money, does C offer/cost? If you do not like the C choices (like I think I heard you say?), then they aren't really a choice? Can you work with B to accept a C voucher? Can you work with B to not charge you if you get a C voucher, put you on a month-to-month lease and promise you'll give them six weeks' notice instead of only four (since you'll have 8 weeks to use C so you decide within 2 but don't use it until all 8 weeks are done)?

What happens over time if you do "nothing" now, skip B and go from A to C? You use your time now to get better organized to move and your ducks in a row, sell some things, start a little savings account, etc.

Can you move into your boyfriend's apartment, move him out and take over the lease of his apartment? If you two have the goal of only living with him a month or so you could maybe put up with that/make things work well enough?

Can you move the stuff you want to sell into your boyfriend's apartment and worry about that after your move? Make room for it by throwing out some of his "junk" like is going to have to be done anyway. If you are doing it to make room for you/your stuff, it might not be as hard, there'll be more motivation?

Have you looked at choices D, some sort of shared living situation? If you are going to pay $600/month then that's around $20 a day; are there any trailer parks, okay motels, rooming houses, year-round campgrounds, etc. that charge that or a little more/less? Any way to do house-sitting for people going overseas (doctors, missionaries, etc.) or on extended vacation that might get you to C (and a little money)? Maybe you could find a bed-and-breakfast in two locations where half the year they don't have customers and would love someone for 6 months and the other would have the opposite problem (of course, you'd probably have to live with blizzards and blazing heat. . . since vacationers would want the opposite :-)

If I got B, it would save me about $1000 per year, and it would be a nicer place to live. Eventually, it would save me more . . . when I get the Section 8 voucher. A big good discovery is that B will accept the voucher when I get it, so I don't lose the voucher option by taking this apt under its affordable housing program. That just made the decision much easier.

Going to B would require a year's lease. However, once I get the voucher, I would be able to revisit my decision every year. I could always leave B to go to C, if I found a C that I thought was better than B.

I can't move stuff I want to sell into my boyfriend's place. Where he lives is too small for that. Also, I am reliant on professional movers. I have no family near me. Last time I moved was 6 years ago. At that time, I was quite surprised at the move costing less than I had expected. It was less than $300 for the movers. Professional movers do an amazing job of taking care of what they move.

Apartment B is on the second floor. I'm worried that they might charge more for having to carry heavy furniture up a flight of stairs. I suppose I could call and ask if that's true. Maybe it won't be.

Choice D does not seem like an option for me to consider. When I was young, I had roommates. I lived in a series of shared living situations. There is potential for huge problems with that. It was a good experience to have when I was young. I would not want to be dependent on someone else like that a this stage of my life. Rent is fairly cheap in my part of the country (SouthWest), so I think it would be best for me to get to a situation where I am in a place of my own. I would not want to adopt a nomadic life style. I need to get settled in a place that will accommodate me as I am getting older and having more and more health issues.

I'm starting to think that, since option B is clearly better than staying where I am, that I should go with it. Ideally, I would have liked to explore more options. Things that might be cheaper would probably not be as nice. I don't think I want to go to something where I put up with squalor to save money. B is not only attractive and in a decent quiet neighborhood, if even offers nice frills, like A/C.

I was very tempted to "do nothing" and wait to get more organized. I already did that for months, and I never did get more organized. It seems like the pressure of the impending move is doing the most to motivate me to get more organized.

Thanks, Perna, for outlining an array of choices. Choice can get overwhelming. I'm the kind of person who can stand in the store for 45 minutes contemplating which shower curtain to buy. I tend to get bogged down in the decision making process. I suppose we can never be sure that there might not be some option better than what we are looking at. There comes a point where we just have to get on with things. Looking at the options, as you lay them out, I am finding that I can come up with a lot of reasons to take B over C.

glad you are feeling like you have choices and know what they are, Rose. Perna is so good about outlining such, for sure. I wish you all the best! Your PC friend!

My mom went thru this about five years ago and I did several times over the years. It's a big deal, but doable. You hang in there and hope you can find the easiest ways possible!

I'm going over to the potential new apartment tomorrow to finish paperwork to apply for their affordable housing program. While there, I'm going to measure the rooms in the apartment write the stats into a floor plan I have of the place. Then I will come home and measure my furniture. Then I will see how much stuff will fit. That will give me a better sense of what I am up against.

Thanks, everyone, for the on-going support. Has been such a help in assisting me to calm down and not freak out.

sounds like a good plan, Rose, and very organized. You seem to be managing to be getting thru it!!!!! Yay!!

Let's hope.

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I am lucky to have found PC.

Your professional movers sound great! We have a 2 bed/2 bath townhouse and were only $800 and we moved an hour, across town and toll roads, etc. One thing I did not regret is not moving quite all the "stuff" but, in some cases if the furniture was old and broken down or I did not like it, I did not pay to move it but got new I preferred, over time. You should treat yourself a little, if you are hating mismatched dishes or glasses, etc., just say to heck with it; a set of glasses is only like $8 and the freedom of not packing some stuff. . . I had the luxury of having both places for a week or more (but, they were an hour apart, each way and tolls, etc., having to go from the clean/new house to the dirty, old to work cleaning up the last stuff was heck) so I could make a few car load runs and could have Target deliver some household stuff in the mail (new broom :-) and it just made the move more special. I love getting packages from UPS anyway and thinking about the new place instead of fretting about packing the old was a relief/pleasure. . .

Thanks, Perna. I was going to have both places for a month (the month of Sept.) I thought it was either that, or have no overlap. No I'm questioning my assumption. Maybe I can do a half a month overlap? That would mean asking one property owner to let me rent for one partial month. I wonder if they ever let you do that. I guess you never know 'till you ask.

I wonder how people manage to move out of one place and into another in one day. Like - does the landlord at the new place give them the key one day early? I've always done a full month overlap. I like to return the old apartment really well cleaned up. Hard to clean with my stuff still in it. I'm wondering if it would be expensive to have the old place professionally cleaned. (It's getting so landlords don't want to give you your deposit back, unless the place is left looking like it was professionally cleaned. I think they are starting to want you to practically clean the walls.) Arthritis is making me not so good at things I used to think nothing of, like cleaning ovens.

On the subject of apartment condition, the new place I'm looking at has been renovated, which is nice, but has a few warts. Like, the finish on the tub is badly damaged. There are marks where the last tenant had strips pasted in the tub. When I complained, the manager said she might have it re-glased for me. Will that make it like new? Also, the fridge is a bit beat up and slightly funky smelling, which turns me off. I'm wondering how I might negotiate for a newer fridge. My past 3 apartments all had real nice, like new big fridges. It's hard to trade down.

I think sometimes the "month" is staggered; some people pay their rents starting from when they move in rather than the 1st, or, if one moves in other than the first of the month, that is pro-rated; so you tell the first place you are leaving Saturday, August 31, but you get the key to your second place August 21st or something?

Yuck on the fridge! I always have bath mats anyway so I would put up with the bath strip glue marks but it would be a bit depressing; using a refinishing kit though would make it look like new I think, if they are any good at it. With the fridge I would just report it is not working "right" the first week (funky smelling is not right :-) their maintenance people can't really fix refrigerators so they'd swap it out? Or, if you have to pay a security deposit on the apartment, just point out, "Hey, I'm paying a security deposit you'll get interest on for the next 25-30 years, how about a new fridge?" It makes it sound like you are interested in staying forever and want to be treated as a friendly, loyal, customer.

My application for the subsidized apartment is stalled in Limbo. I reported a small asset worth only a few hundred dollars, but I've failed to find the documentation for it. Until I do, nothing can go forward. I shouldn't have even mentioned it, but I wanted to answer everything honestly. I ransacked my apartment and could not find any paperwork for it. Now I won't get the apartment that I had thought I would take.

My assets are so small that they don't pose any impediment to my getting assistance. But I have to provide proof of the value of anything I own. Years ago I bought a little bit of stock for $200. It might be worth about $400 now. But I have to prove that.
I'm very depressed.

am so sorry, and I have no experience in this area! I hope you can find someone in real life who has knowledge of the process and the system, or that someone here on PC can step forward and offer you some insight. I'm sorry that all I can offer is warm wishes and prayer, but I hope you will persist and find someone (don't let that monster depression render you inert for long! I know how that can be?) in real life and or on PC! The best, my friend.

Thank you, anneo. I've gotten very down and having a hard time. I think I am my own worse enemy. It is a monster I'm dealing with. Thanks for understanding that.

Hey Rose Can you get documentation from the person who handled the stock transaction? If not then can you amend the application?

Thank you, George.

I bought the stock directly from the local utility company some years ago. Through an Internet search, I found who is the agent handling the stock accounts for this utility. I've contacted them and they say they've no record of me as a stock owner. I've tried contacting the utility directly, but that is proving very hard. I need to work at it more, have patience, and accept that I may have to make numerous phone calls and be on hold for a long time. Normally, I can do that. My state of mind is so freaked out, I am despairing, without really trying. I know that sounds childish.

The manager at the complex is a very stiff person, not easy to talk to. I don't think she would be willing to let me just withdraw mention of that asset. (I would know, if I went to another complex, just to not mention it.) I feel like it's too late to do that.

For some reason, this set-back has precipitated me into a major mental collapse. What I'm going through, mentally, is awful. Sensible minds would say that I am just doing this to myself. That may be. It doesn't matter. My state of mind is what it is.

It's like I got overly enthused about the apartment. I got all excited thinking I had a direction to move in. My depression dropped to the lowest it's been in months . . . then rebounded to the worse it's been. Now I am second-guessing everything and thinking that I don't really want to go to this place at all. I became very intimidated of the apartment complex manager.

I guess this is what they mean by emotional dysregulation. I get severely dysregulated . . . hopeful enthusiasm alternating with horrendous fear and despair. I have been holed up at home in an awful state.

On the other hand it may be one of those times when something bad turned out to be for the best. You might not even have liked this place. I've lived in a lot of apartment communities and IMO having a good manager is second only to having good neighbors.
Apartment managers have to be tough but not intimidating.
If you can't get documentation it seems like this would be a questionable asset. It might be worthwhile to speak to the manager if she is holding the application.
It's all going to work out but I think I understand what you're feeling.

it's hard to get through by phone to a utility sometimes. can you email them? or call a different department in the company so they can route you to a human being?

Thanks so much to you who have posted today and sent hugs. I am still a mess.

Terry, it sure can be hard to get to that human being. Thanks for understanding the problem. It is doable with persistence. I've become so depressed that I have not even tried today. Thanks for understanding. I did see on the web that they do have an office in town. Maybe I can go there.

Thanks anneo and sidestepper for checking in. It means the world that anyone cares enough to do that.

It's true, George, that I may have been looking at this place through rose colored glasses. How this plays out will give me an idea of what that manager may be like to deal with long term. I don't want to live somewhere that is managed by someone that I feel bad talking to. Especially, with getting subsidized housing. It forces you into a closer relationship than usual. The manager gets to know so much personal stuff about me. It's kind of humiliating, really. This is my first experience applying to a place. At least, I've learned the nitty gritty of what's involved. Painful, but necessary.

I used to work, have a reliable income, be able to support myself without government handouts. This is feeling awful. I'm seeing how low I've sunk.

I've been here by myself. My S/O can be pretty rejecting when I am depressed. Awhile ago, on the phone, he told me that he can't help me because he doesn't know anything about depression. When he had a stroke, I went to a library and read everything I could on stroke rehab. When he had heart surgery - the same. He has told me I should have never stopped working. And I believe him.

bless you, I can so relate. But I know it's so beneficial and a better way to live if you can mostly focus on reinventing yourself. And replacing the negative thoughts with positives. Easier said than done of course, but I encourage you with all of my heart. And maybe do something briefly that will make you feel good, spend time in some way w pet or friend, help out, read, walk, do something creative, whatever. It's different for everyone. And clearly, you're short on time. But maybe a very short respite as long as it's not prolonged avoidance would help. And the best! I know you'll figure something out! I have found over the last decade I've had to redefine success for myself, no matter what anyone else thinks, tho there are some whose opinions I seek and value and are helpful. I wish the same for you! Sounds here like folks on PC really care and want to help and I've seen posts from you, demonstrating where you are of like mind! I think it will be ok! Easier for me to say I know! But just keep moving forward and pls keep us posted! Take care!