Roll Call

This is it guys!!! All I have to do is wait to get the coverage approved and I'll start HRT!!!! Gaaaaaaah fjdjsishdvsksi!!!

Woohoo! That's awesome! So happy for you

Just checking in... I've been away for a few days. Nothing really new with me. I am cutting back on my internet time in general. This includes PC. But primarily where I'm cutting back is on YouTube, although I'll still have channels there. Best wishes to all!

Oh, BTW, for you MtF folks... I saw an ad, on YouTube, a couple of days ago from a legal firm. Apparently the medication: Risperdol, has been linked to gynacomastia. The legal firm was looking for individuals who have been on Risperdol & had this side effect. I think I might have been on that years ago for a short time... should have stayed on it! Oh well...

Just tired of it all...

((((((Skeezyks))))))

*** A-d-e-s-p-o-t-a!!! ***

I think I could suppress my dysphoria by staying away from trans forums and not thinking about it.

Guess why I'm back.

brokenentity.

I learned the hard way that suppressing things doesn't work in the long run My body has been trying to tell me for a few years now that something's very wrong through food sensitivities and fatigue. No way I could simply ignore that

Well, I'm still here. I'm trudging on. I came out to my two closest friends and it was really good talking to them. They also gave me a bit of perspective regarding what my husband must be feeling, that was good too. Two more of my friends to follow soon. Finally going back to therapy on Monday, so my t will find out too. Good times

Always nice to hear from you Krak, I'm sure you will be accepted by those you come out to. Take your time with your t too, hope everything goes well for you

its my birthday XD

Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday!

So it's been 17 years of hiding in the closet... I sure feel like the door is starting to crumble and the room I'm in is starting to fill up and stink... Maybe it's time to come out? *sigh* I don't know...

I'm off to a lunch with my family - I don't know how to survive this . I hate these occasions so much. I hate it when they ask how I'm doing or when they comment on my appearance. I just want them to leave me alone

Sorry guys, some venting ahead.

What a nightmare . I'm so tired of all of this. I hate it when people comment on my appearance - even the well-intentioned ones. I'm so self-conscious. Why can't people leave me alone? Everyone commented on my hair (which is shorter). MIL said it made my face look fuller, which was surely meant as a compliment but I hate everything about myself so much, and the last thing I want is for my face to look rounder (i.e. more feminine). My mom said I looked "good" and relaxed, and I just want to scream at her. I'm so tired of this.

Sometimes there isn't really a "good" time to come out. It's a hard choice of whether to do it or wait, I wish you all the best whatever you end up doing.

It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of dysphoria? That's so hard to deal with. I'm sorry you're having to go through this right now Is there anything you can do to help make yourself feel a little better? It doesn't have to be a lot, just a little something can help. Like for me, playing online video games as a male can really help. Or going out with a basketball and shooting some hoops (as that's kinda a guy thing here, excuse the stereotyping but it does help affirm myself).

Thank you Yes, super bad dysphoria. Fortunately, things have improved a little. I had a good session with my t on Monday and only wore my favorite clothes all week. I'm getting ready to come out to some of my colleagues at work, and I think that will help. Just the fact that I no longer feel I have to pretend being someone I'm not is probably going to make a huge difference. I also decided to go back to the gym and start building some muscle.

I keep fantasizing about going on t, but I still don't know when and if that will happen.

Anyway. Doing slightly better - thanks for the support

How are things going for you, Adespota?

Terrible, awful, I just don't want to go on anymore.

I'm starting to grow small, fuzzy hairs on my face as a result of t. I know this is what I wanted (to have visible signs of being trans) but it's still making me very nervous.

Every time my friend N asks me what I'm doing to "pass" I want to punch her in the face. Yesterday it was my voice, which I don't even think about anymore because I don't care. I'm so frustrated because I started transition to live MY life on MY terms and... it's not that everyone expects me to look like a barbie doll but it seems like everyone expects me to want that and I just don't. What I would have to do to "pass" is more than I'm willing to do, I'm not giving up more of myself to other people's standards. /rant

I recorded myself playing Five nights at Freddie's... And holy **** it was a thrill with that jump scare, il post the link when it's edited and up on YT if y'all wanna see it

Skeez is just checkin' in...

I got lazy so the end product isn't as good as it could be... Also because I'm lousy at commentating and video editing... So the quality is... Sorta ****... Also this isn't my personal channel, it's a channel that I do Voice work with, but we needed more content, so I posted my gameplay on that channel. Also, I'm still not very open about my being T so that's why I'm just sticking to being a dude in vids like this... Anyways, here is a poor quality video of me playing Five nights at Freddie's

Just a brief update from me (time is going so quickly!): I'm now out to three friends and my boss as well as to a wonderful transwoman who is my colleague at work. So far, that went well, and I feel some relief just from having come out to these folks. Hubby and I have started to look for a suitable person to do couples counseling and my t continues to be awesome. My dysphoria is bad as ever, especially as I realize I will never pass pre-t - my face is just so feminine -, but I have joined a gym and intend to build some muscle. It *has* to be possible, right?

Very scared of coming out to my family...