[firefighter369]

why does it seem girls are a different species? I have the hardest time talking to them and when I start talking to the one I like they push me in the "friendzone" I just don't understand it

[joseph_anthony]

Firefighter, i can't agree with you more, I'm anxious to see what the rest of the community has to say on the topic, although one valuable thing i have learned over time is women respect it more when you go out on a limb first. Kind of like, making sure your 100% straight up about how you feel and what's on your mind and stuff

Let's crack the code asap!

[firefighter369]

Originally Posted by joseph_anthony

Firefighter, i can't agree with you more, I'm anxious to see what the rest of the community has to say on the topic, although one valuable thing i have learned over time is women respect it more when you go out on a limb first. Kind of like, making sure your 100% straight up about how you feel and what's on your mind and stuff

Let's crack the code asap!

I hope so! like I asked this girl out we dated a week and that whole week she ignored me.like if you didn't want to date me then why did you say yes???? it makes no sense to me at all

Me + Girls =

Having tried to understand women, I have come to realize that I will never understand them, and frankly I don't think women understand women, either. Whenever I have asked women questions all I have received are vague answers and non-explanations. You'll end up with more questions than answers, an endless cycle.

[joseph_anthony]

I have had major problems with the ladies for as long as I can remember. I only started being comfortable with them when I was not sober, it became much easier (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS).

I have this theory going and I am not 100% sure about it, but I was hoping for some feedback from you guys, so keep an eye out for this and let me know what you think, but I feel like guys that grow up that have older or younger sisters, or close female cousins, are more comfortable with girls and thus more apt to understand them.

I have found this to be a fairly reliable theory so far, but what does that mean for the rest of us? Am I supposed to be lonely forever?

Originally Posted by joseph_anthony

I have had major problems with the ladies for as long as I can remember. I only started being comfortable with them when I was not sober, it became much easier (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS).

I have this theory going and I am not 100% sure about it, but I was hoping for some feedback from you guys, so keep an eye out for this and let me know what you think, but I feel like guys that grow up that have older or younger sisters, or close female cousins, are more comfortable with girls and thus more apt to understand them.

I have found this to be a fairly reliable theory so far, but what does that mean for the rest of us? Am I supposed to be lonely forever?

I don't think being around female relatives helps a man feel comfortable around women. In fact, I would think that a strong female presence in a man's life would cause him to be more sensitive than other men, consequently making him less attractive to women, and thereby making him less comfortable around women. Women seem more attracted to the 'macho' men.

At least I think that is what happened to me. Since I have never had a healthy relationship with another male (ex. dad, uncle, etc.) I've become even more uncomfortable around men than women. I have an older sister, several female cousins, a mom, and if I factor in all the professional women that have surrounded me (ex. social workers, teachers, special education coordinators, speech therapists, therapists, etc.) I have always had a significant female presence in my life.

I am more sensitive and emotional than a lot of women, and since women seem to prefer the macho or bad guy mentality, I am frequently rejected, and that makes me uncomfortable around women.

I don't know. Maybe I am talking nonsense. I think I will be lonely forever

[firefighter369]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

I don't think being around female relatives helps a man feel comfortable around women. In fact, I would think that a strong female presence in a man's life would cause him to be more sensitive than other men, consequently making him less attractive to women, and thereby making him less comfortable around women. Women seem more attracted to the 'macho' men.

At least I think that is what happened to me. Since I have never had a healthy relationship with another male (ex. dad, uncle, etc.) I've become even more uncomfortable around men than women. I have an older sister, several female cousins, a mom, and if I factor in all the professional women that have surrounded me (ex. social workers, teachers, special education coordinators, speech therapists, therapists, etc.) I have always had a significant female presence in my life.

I am more sensitive and emotional than a lot of women, and since women seem to prefer the macho or bad guy mentality, I am frequently rejected, and that makes me uncomfortable around women.

I don't know. Maybe I am talking nonsense. I think I will be lonely forever

well man looks like we are in the same boat with the sensitivity part. I don't know why but im a sensitive man but I am also a tough guy and helplessly romantic. but like I said I always get friendzoned and have to listen to the girls as they complain about being treated right when I try to make them feel special everyday. but I have planned my life alone I sit at the dinner table and eat alone while my parents eat in the livin room. it hurt eating alone at first but I got used to it after awhile

Originally Posted by firefighter369

well man looks like we are in the same boat with the sensitivity part. I don't know why but im a sensitive man but I am also a tough guy and helplessly romantic. but like I said I always get friendzoned and have to listen to the girls as they complain about being treated right when I try to make them feel special everyday. but I have planned my life alone I sit at the dinner table and eat alone while my parents eat in the livin room. it hurt eating alone at first but I got used to it after awhile

It looks like we do share some similarities. I am both hopelessly and helplessly romantic. Although I don't have many friends, I have been 'friend zoned' before, and it is hurtful to be placed in a subordinate relationship with a woman when you care so much about her. Unrequited love is the story of my life.

It's interesting hearing how women endlessly complain about the men in their lives but refuse to date or be with men that really care for them.

Sometimes I wish I was rich - that would solve everything.

And I am always alone

[joseph_anthony]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

It looks like we do share some similarities. I am both hopelessly and helplessly romantic. Although I don't have many friends, I have been 'friend zoned' before, and it is hurtful to be placed in a subordinate relationship with a woman when you care so much about her. Unrequited love is the story of my life.

It's interesting hearing how women endlessly complain about the men in their lives but refuse to date or be with men that really care for them.

Sometimes I wish I was rich - that would solve everything.

And I am always alone

Don't allow yourself to be fooled by society's perception of the wealthy people. Being rich may solve some of your most basic needs by facilitating your ability to achieve them, but on the whole the person you truly are today wouldn't be totally different at all.

I am really not comfortable around girls at all. It is very difficult for me to go up to them and strike up conversation, like you see in the movies and on TV and stuff, I'm also told I'm not bad looking at all, I just don't know what to say. I can't talk to girls at bars or stuff, I mostly just chat with my friend and drink.

I don't understand why girls go after the stupid cocky idiots that act like their all that and will just end up treating her terrible?

Originally Posted by joseph_anthony

Don't allow yourself to be fooled by society's perception of the wealthy people. Being rich may solve some of your most basic needs by facilitating your ability to achieve them, but on the whole the person you truly are today wouldn't be totally different at all.

I am really not comfortable around girls at all. It is very difficult for me to go up to them and strike up conversation, like you see in the movies and on TV and stuff, I'm also told I'm not bad looking at all, I just don't know what to say. I can't talk to girls at bars or stuff, I mostly just chat with my friend and drink.

I don't understand why girls go after the stupid cocky idiots that act like their all that and will just end up treating her terrible?

I didn't mean that money would solve everything wrong in my life (it wouldn't) but that it would solve the issues I have with women, i.e., not being shot down immediately each time.

Although I am told I am an incredible person, that means absolutely nothing when it comes to first impressions with women, because all they see is outside of me, not the inside, and they don't care what I am like if my exterior is not initially attractive.

I have neither looks nor wealth and I struggle in social situations, therefore it doesn't matter to women if I am the sweetest and kindest man alive, they don't want anything to do with me.

Having money I think would change this. That's what I meant. I would be able to have a fighting chance to develop a relationship with a woman if I was rich.

I can't strike conversations with women either. I don't know what to say, what is an appropriate topic for conversation, or anything. As for looks, I have issues in that department, because I have a skin disorder that affects my face. It's not uncommon for large sections of my face to swell up in these puss-filled lumps that I have been struggling with for 8 or 9 years. My sister recommended injections to the face to reduce the swelling, and I might check that out.

So I walk up to a woman, fail to start an appropriate conversation and seem awkward, have swollen infections on my face, and am broke. You can imagine how many women fall for me, right? And people don't understand why I stay in my office all day away from everyone else?

And I empathize with that frustration! Women always seem attracted to the "dangerous" men that turn out to be terrible partners, and then complain that all men are idiots while continuously seeking out that same kind of man. It's a paradox: women say they want a nice man, but reject nice men in favor of the dangerous, sexy men, later to complain how horrible all men are. Furthermore, I have heard from other men that if a man is too nice, he'll be 'friend zoned.'

It makes me feel like I will be alone forever. I've lost no matter what I do .

[firefighter369]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

I didn't mean that money would solve everything wrong in my life (it wouldn't) but that it would solve the issues I have with women, i.e., not being shot down immediately each time.

Although I am told I am an incredible person, that means absolutely nothing when it comes to first impressions with women, because all they see is outside of me, not the inside, and they don't care what I am like if my exterior is not initially attractive.

I have neither looks nor wealth and I struggle in social situations, therefore it doesn't matter to women if I am the sweetest and kindest man alive, they don't want anything to do with me.

Having money I think would change this. That's what I meant. I would be able to have a fighting chance to develop a relationship with a woman if I was rich.

I can't strike conversations with women either. I don't know what to say, what is an appropriate topic for conversation, or anything. As for looks, I have issues in that department, because I have a skin disorder that affects my face. It's not uncommon for large sections of my face to swell up in these puss-filled lumps that I have been struggling with for 8 or 9 years. My sister recommended injections to the face to reduce the swelling, and I might check that out.

So I walk up to a woman, fail to start an appropriate conversation and seem awkward, have swollen infections on my face, and am broke. You can imagine how many women fall for me, right? And people don't understand why I stay in my office all day away from everyone else?

And I empathize with that frustration! Women always seem attracted to the "dangerous" men that turn out to be terrible partners, and then complain that all men are idiots while continuously seeking out that same kind of man. It's a paradox: women say they want a nice man, but reject nice men in favor of the dangerous, sexy men, later to complain how horrible all men are. Furthermore, I have heard from other men that if a man is too nice, he'll be 'friend zoned.'

It makes me feel like I will be alone forever. I've lost no matter what I do .

this is where my theory comes into play....I have made up a theory over the past couple years from talking to the few girls I do talk to and listening to them complain....my theory is that girls like to be treated like dirt and walked all over and when a nice guy comes along and starts treating them right they push him to the friendzone to make them feel like crap and feel worthless because in reality they like to be treated like dirt and I also have a second theory that girls don't think their good enough for a nice a guy

Originally Posted by firefighter369

this is where my theory comes into play....I have made up a theory over the past couple years from talking to the few girls I do talk to and listening to them complain....my theory is that girls like to be treated like dirt and walked all over and when a nice guy comes along and starts treating them right they push him to the friendzone to make them feel like crap and feel worthless because in reality they like to be treated like dirt and I also have a second theory that girls don't think their good enough for a nice a guy

Your theories sound accurate. Reminds me of that Family Guy episode: "Women respond when you treat them like crap," said Stewie Griffin while observing how Quagmire interacts with women.

Women I know have told me that it is attractive to a woman if a man ignores her. How on Earth that is attractive I have no idea, but I have been told that kindness is a sign of weakness, or something along those lines.

Laci Green, a sex educator on Youtube, once said that women are attracted to 'bad guys,' but that women will inevitably dump a 'bad guy' if he remains like that in the relationship, i.e., if he doesn't become a 'nice guy.'

On TV women that supposedly have "daddy issues" are the ones that don't feel they are good enough for a nice guy?

And people don't understand my frustration with women?

[firefighter369]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

Your theories sound accurate. Reminds me of that Family Guy episode: "Women respond when you treat them like crap," said Stewie Griffin while observing how Quagmire interacts with women.

Women I know have told me that it is attractive to a woman if a man ignores her. How on Earth that is attractive I have no idea, but I have been told that kindness is a sign of weakness, or something along those lines.

Laci Green, a sex educator on Youtube, once said that women are attracted to 'bad guys,' but that women will inevitably dump a 'bad guy' if he remains like that in the relationship, i.e., if he doesn't become a 'nice guy.'

On TV women that supposedly have "daddy issues" are the ones that don't feel they are good enough for a nice guy?

And people don't understand my frustration with women?

it makes no sense to me my friend, ill stick to what I know best firefighting and working

[joseph_anthony]

Originally Posted by firefighter369

it makes no sense to me my friend, ill stick to what I know best firefighting and working

I work on cars, but they give me problems too...

Originally Posted by joseph_anthony

I work on cars, but they give me problems too...

Less problems, though, I bet?

I raise exotic spiders and I don't have as many problems with them as I do with women.

[joseph_anthony]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

Less problems, though, I bet?

I raise exotic spiders and I don't have as many problems with them as I do with women.

Haha, I'd rather tear the whole thing down and rebuild it from the bottom up than even try.

I saw that pic of your tarantula!

Originally Posted by joseph_anthony

Haha, I'd rather tear the whole thing down and rebuild it from the bottom up than even try.

I saw that pic of your tarantula!

Yeah I know! In the 15 years I've been keeping venomous arthropods I have had less issues than with women! .

[firefighter369]

Originally Posted by Mr. Venomous

Less problems, though, I bet?

I raise exotic spiders and I don't have as many problems with them as I do with women.

hats really cool man!

[DeadRedScorched]

I think maybe you should just persist, i mean there are a LOT of girls out there and they all cant like bad guys ,, i guess im just trying to say that there are girls who will like good guys.
and yes firefighting ,cars, and spiders are cool
Firefighting spiders that can drive cars are even cooler

Originally Posted by DeadRedScorched

I think maybe you should just persist, i mean there are a LOT of girls out there and they all cant like bad guys ,, i guess im just trying to say that there are girls who will like good guys.
and yes firefighting ,cars, and spiders are cool
Firefighting spiders that can drive cars are even cooler

After I while it seems useless to continue to search for someone that can like me. Undoubtedly there are women that don't like bad guys, it doesn't mean they will like me, and if experience is anything, no woman I meet likes me. I think that's the issue in this thread. You should read the threads I have active elsewhere on PC .

[joseph_anthony]

Originally Posted by DeadRedScorched

I think maybe you should just persist, i mean there are a LOT of girls out there and they all cant like bad guys ,, i guess im just trying to say that there are girls who will like good guys.
and yes firefighting ,cars, and spiders are cool
Firefighting spiders that can drive cars are even cooler

But in all seriousness.

I think I am looking in the wrong places, so I have decided to stop looking for whichever woman I long for and I shall allow her to find me, or allow myself to stumble upon her. I'm done wasting my time feeling hollow all the time because I keep thinking about having someone to be with, or even have a chance with.

Originally Posted by joseph_anthony

But in all seriousness.

I think I am looking in the wrong places, so I have decided to stop looking for whichever woman I long for and I shall allow her to find me, or allow myself to stumble upon her. I'm done wasting my time feeling hollow all the time because I keep thinking about having someone to be with, or even have a chance with.

You said it!

I think I have come to the same conclusion. For the last several years, I have desperately tried to find a woman that likes me and stressed about being single, but despite all the effort I have made I have been unsuccessful.

The only women to have ever liked me are those that I met by accident or coincidence.

So I am done wasting my time feeling hollow too.

[Denv12]

One of the many things I learnt about women/dating/relationships,etc is the mutual rule.If a woman isnt interested in you,move on.When you do meet someone who does like you,thats the one to get to know.

If a woman does look at you,move on.
This also applies when a woman looks at you and you're not interested,she needs to move on.
When you look at a woman and she looks at you,thats a good start.
You can then say "Hi,my name is......,I just wanted to meet you.The least she can do is say hi.She should introduce herself by saying her name.Then try have a chat to get to know each other.
Remember the mutual rule:
If its not mutual,move on.You're preventing the right ones from meeting you who would genuinely like to get to know you.This way you devote more time to finding the right ones and that gives you a better chance at success.

Hope this helps.

Regards Chris.

[Denv12]

I would also suggest that you go to places where you have interests and find women that have similar interests to you.Join a cooking class.
What interests do you have? If you have a hobby or 2 you might find that there are women there that are interested in those things too.Just a thought.Just dont give up.You are already preventing women from meeting you as it is.

Chris.

[astenon]

Don't give up guys. There's got to be someone out there for all of us. At least I've gotta hope there is.

I have a platonic friend that calls me "her angel in the sky" for everything I do to help her. I know I'm a good guy that can love and support the woman in my life, but where is she and how do I find her? I'm short, unattractive and have no social skills, so how can I get her to fall in love with my caring and loving personality when everyone nowadays puts so much emphasis on looks. At 40 I can only hope time hasn't run out on me.