[Ryan.l.s]

as a man how would you reveal (to your significant other or to a close friend) about your abusive past? Would you only tell them if they (for whatever reason) asked, or would you want to someday tell them in order to feel closer to them?

I'm asking this because in all honesty, I wouldn't be able to tell anyone, and if someone asked I'd lie about it or downplay it.
it's embarrassing to not be able to fight back / defend myself and even more embarrassing that im a boy.

[Ryan.l.s]

I meant that I'm a boy AND am weak... I didn't mean it to sound as though I dislike my gender.

[Flummixed]

Maybe that's something you should seek some therapy for. Sometimes it's easier to talk things out with a person that isn't emotionally vested in you. Maybe you could start there. I still have trouble discussing things about what has and is going on with me with my wife. I find discussing them with my doctor and or therapist helps a lot. Good luck with your situation. It has to be hard with what you've been through.

[Needconstantstimuli]

If u feel Comfortable enough to tell them and u think they can handle it then why not ;-)

Originally Posted by Ryan.l.s

as a man how would you reveal (to your significant other or to a close friend) about your abusive past? Would you only tell them if they (for whatever reason) asked, or would you want to someday tell them in order to feel closer to them?

I'm asking this because in all honesty, I wouldn't be able to tell anyone, and if someone asked I'd lie about it or downplay it.
it's embarrassing to not be able to fight back / defend myself and even more embarrassing that im a boy.

Ah, I know exactly what you mean, I too absolutely avoid revealing things about myself, because the feeling of vulnerability for a guy especially is really unknown and something we all want to avoid, especially around women. I think the idea of going to a therapist is a good start, because telling nobody doesn't help. I tried to hide things about my past all my life, and all that happens is it begins to bubble to the surface in all facets of your life and begins to plague you in everyday life and you can simply see the confusion on the faces of others as your behaviour becomes more and more odd. So, yeah, it is something you will have to release at some point, in order to be free of it .

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by Ryan.l.s

as a man how would you reveal (to your significant other or to a close friend) about your abusive past?

My life became so bad that I had to get into therapy and began attending sharing meetings. I am a public entertainer but it took me a long time to finally begin telling my story to strangers. Now I see that it was because I just didn't have the words or a "feelings'' language so I had to listen to many others and study some books to find the words and phrases to express my churning, damaged feelings and thoughts in sharing meetings. After a while, I became very good at letting it all hang out and came to realize that holding in painful, angry feelings is very destructive. I began to feel much better as I allowed years of bottled up RAGE to come pouring out in a safe (sometimes ) way so I started telling EVERYBODY about my abusive, unhappy, frightening past. To my amazement, most people outside of sharing meetings DO NOT WANT TO HEAR IT!

Would you only tell them if they (for whatever reason) asked, or would you want to someday tell them in order to feel closer to them?

Spilling my guts to friends and family never brought me any closer to anyone and even drove some of them AWAY! So I had to learn how and what to tell others to avoid conflicts, ridicule or STONEY SILENCE! Letting old painful feelings come out (they were coming out anyway!) was the best thing I ever did and there are many books and schools of therapy dedicated to helping people open up and RELEASE their bottled up feeling BEFORE those painful, urgent feelings DESTROY their owner and perhaps others like those kids who shot up innocent students at Columbine and other such outbursts.
I see all of those shootings as bottle up RAGE bursting to the surface in an uncontrolled way.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I think it would depend on the relationship and your partner. If you are a boy as you say, I'd seek professional help, as it may well be too much for a child to understand or deal with; you shouldn't even have to deal with this yourself. :\ Hope you get some support.

If, however, you just meant "male" and are an adult, then ... I'd say that, once again, it depends on the relationship and your partner, but I'd also recommend telling her if you feel you two are very close and love each other, etc. If it's just a few days in, maybe leave it out. I guess it really just depends on what's going on over there - we don't have the big picture, unfortunately.

To be fair though, dude, if you're gonna be judged harshly by a woman, for you being human and being mis-treated by someone else, then really I would personally question the precious time you feel is worth spending with her. I talked to my ex about some messed up stuff, as she did with me, and you know what? The world didn't implode.

Best of luck.

PS
Sorry, just read your profile and it says you're "young", so I'm guessing you fall into the former category. I really think it's important you get some professional support, though, most especially because you're young and you are better to get help for this now, rather than wait years while it festers in your mind. I wish I had proper help when I was young; it would've solved a lot of problems, I reckon. >.<

Zwangsstörung: Der Teufel lebt in mir

Originally Posted by Ryan.l.s

as a man how would you reveal (to your significant other or to a close friend) about your abusive past? Would you only tell them if they (for whatever reason) asked, or would you want to someday tell them in order to feel closer to them?

I'm asking this because in all honesty, I wouldn't be able to tell anyone, and if someone asked I'd lie about it or downplay it.
it's embarrassing to not be able to fight back / defend myself and even more embarrassing that im a boy.

Absolutely not, I would not reveal anything. As someone else pointed out, it will only do more harm than good. In fact it would do NO GOOD.

The right place to open up about such stuff is therapy. Professionals are equipped to deal with such matters and can help you feel better and cope and move on. Your friends, SO, and family, most likely, are NOT equipped to deal with this kind of stuff.