[rigaschuckler]

May i know the reasons and where this person will end up if he didn't get a proper solution?

[ithinkwherealonenow]

will end up where i already am with no answer

[ithinkwherealonenow]

i really should check the dictinary probly . but the question was on here , thats why im asking

[Atypical_Disaster]

Originally Posted by rigaschuckler

May i know the reasons and where this person will end up if he didn't get a proper solution?

Reasons for the disorder? It's complicated and up for debate.

Where the person will end up? It depends on the individual and the situations/circumstances/etc surrounding said individual.

So you ask what is classic NPD? The equivalent of me.... Your welcome!!!!!!

[Thorn Bird]

Underground do you love, do you feel, do you feel remorse, shame, inadequacy ? Not just asking for asking's sake. My partner is NPD and sometimes he is not forthcoming with these things - he sometimes says 'I am sorry for how I am' after a heavy 'raging' session. I love this man and want to support him - I accept the 'cycle of abuse' even though it hurts but I would sol like to get inside his mind to find out his need for 'N' supply and his fierce projection again injury to him self - what is behind the person with NPP - because I can see so much good - it isn't always bad!

Originally Posted by Thorn Bird

Underground do you love, do you feel, do you feel remorse, shame, inadequacy ?

I do love my wife and kids.

I feel but not in a way that's widespread(Limited emotions and understanding for others feelings and their emotions)

Remorse: As far as what? Feeling bad for something I have done? When I do certain things that would not be something "normal" people do I really don't think about it. Unless it's pointed out to me then I will see that I am being questioned which would anger me with people. When my wife does it to me is when I feel it the most. When she points out my ways that aren't right this makes me feel remorseful.

Shame and inadequacy I have felt and this is what interferes with so many things in my mind. I do worry too much on how I am perceived and put way too much effort into making sure it's what I want or need.

Originally Posted by Thorn Bird

I love this man and want to support him - I accept the 'cycle of abuse' even though it hurts but I would sol like to get inside his mind to find out his need for 'N' supply and his fierce projection again injury to him self - what is behind the person with NPP - because I can see so much good - it isn't always bad!

You love him no matter how much pain he causes. Right there you are feeding his N supply. He is allowed to continue these traits and you accept it so expect things to get worse as time goes on. Keep in mind that most can walk away from long term commitments and feel no "remorse". When "N"s become tired of something then it's finished. You should be careful about wanting to see into his mind cause I am pretty sure you wouldn't like what you see. The thought process of "us" are unlike anything else. We do things to see what we can get away with, how far we can take something just to make it right again and the cycles continue. I myself am working towards a way to bypass these type of actions, thoughts and all the other negative traits I bring to the ones close to me. The truth is we have a problem, just like you said that you can see so much good in him. We are not the people that others say we are, we are just broken and this is our way to survive. I completely understand how this is a disorder that goes way out of control because we are the perfect people, the best why would we need help????? Well the fact is we do just as much as anybody else except that most people with this never even realize that something is wrong with them. BTW this is the first time I have responded to a "non" here so consider yourself lucky!!!

[Thorn Bird]

I do thank you and for your insight. I know I am stupid loving my partner knowing he will probably finally discard - it certainly makes me feel insecure at times. But, I see the man behind the disorder and the reasons he has to be perfect. I just wish I could help - not fix, not change just allow him to feel things he is unable to - show him he doesn't need to be perfect - but I guess as you say - I am probably wasting my love and my time - I'm stubborn I don't give up easily and I don't stop loving easily either!

Being tough works. I have been with my wife for nearly 20 years and am still into her. She challenges me all the time and unfortunately I have taken things from her like her being able to putting her guard down, feeling vulnerable, etc. all that is never present but I'm working on it. So what I mean is that inarcs can have relationships just not as easily as others.

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by Underground

Being tough works. I have been with my wife for nearly 20 years and am still into her. She challenges me all the time and unfortunately I have taken things from her like her being able to putting her guard down, feeling vulnerable, etc. all that is never present but I'm working on it. So what I mean is that inarcs can have relationships just not as easily as others.

I can be tough and yet sensitive at the same time. I want it to work despite how he is - you have given me a glimmer of hope - so for now at least I stay I Love him - thank you again for the insight and for your honesty.

[happiedasiy]

Originally Posted by Thorn Bird

I can be tough and yet sensitive at the same time. I want it to work despite how he is - you have given me a glimmer of hope - so for now at least I stay I Love him - thank you again for the insight and for your honesty.

Dear Thornbird,

If your willing to go for the ride, know it may be a life journey together.
I' also asking because you say you stay with him because you love him.
Are you in love with the person he is today or in love with the possibility of who he can be, or both?

My partner of 18 years has OCD, complex PTSD, BP, and N personality.
I have my own issues that I am working on like Co dependant emotional disorder, Complex PTSD, anxiety, and chronic physical disabilities.

We both came from traumatic backgrounds that we understood oneanother.
So it was our suffering that brought us together.
Unfortunately the first 10 years was 50/50 good and bad.
I moved out because "i" started to disappear.
I went on my own emotional/mindful/spiritual journey.
We could not heal the other, healing and changing comes from great effort inside each individual and that was impossible under the same roof.

I changed, worked on my thinking/thought processes/ and uproot the origins of why I accepted such behaviors.

He was not a bad person. But his negative words/ I've never done anything wrong/ look at all I do for you/ him never allowing me to put my guard down/
Why are you doing this this way. I could not keep up with a perfect person who was far from perfect. Could not dare to have an opinion. He was also a loving man who in the good times treated me the best, gave me his heart and home. He was a wonderful father to my/our daughter.

We have been loyal to our relationship, this would have been a red line or if there was any physical abuse that would have been a red line.
A person imo with N tendencies live in a constant fight or flight mode and needs to be in control all the time that stems from fear or malice.

He has done a lot of reflection, he has opened his heart and listens without being defensive. And the more we talk the pain from the past no longer has its grasp on him and he can talk about his feelings.
And we can talk about our traumatic childhoods, we can look back with humour how we treated ourselves. Now we are working on things as they arise and never point out prior behaviors, we can talk about it but not in a way of who did what.

Now we are planning retirement together from a place that is equal. We learned most of all that the love and effort kept us together. We are best friends the joy we have today, comes from making it through the sorrow of yesterdays. He still has tendencies of that narcissistic side but I give him a smile and he gets it. When he is frustrated I give him space and do not respond by crying because he is upset.

So if there is glimmer of hope and both are willing, things can get better.
Please remember that this is a snapshot of 18 years.

Hope this helps.
If the N is coming from a place of malice and gets off controlling you, it is time to walk away. You deserve better

Well said Happydaisy!!! I too have been with my wife for 18 years and it seems like a very similar situation. The way you explain the guard not being able to be put down is what my wife has always said to me(among may other things). In the present and looking ahead it actually seems to get better as we go on. We have a better understanding of one another and I try every minute to be more aware of her needs as I always lacked in many ways. She too seems to be more aware of my issues and works hard to not always be so defensive or mad. I think you and her would get along well LOL. Anyway great insight and im glad to see a situation similar to mine.