[tootercat]

I am in limbo. I am a month away from leaving my job of 25-1/2 years, moving into my bf/fiance's house and being a "lady of leisure". Now most would say "HOT DOG!" and so have I but I am also having some anxiety around this. Big change! I will get medical bennies through his company as a domestic partner until we get married (which will be very shortly after I move in I think)so that is really great. What is happening in my squirrely (no offence sqrlb8 - LOL)
mind is I am so afraid that something is going to happen to him before I am his wife and that I will be left in jeopardy with respect to finances etc....I am so HAPPY that I can't believe it is not going to be snatched out from under me....I am a sick puppy huh? That's only a part of what is going on...I don't feel like I am a part of the "group" at work anymore....I am moving on and am rapidly disassociating myself....I still feel responsible for doing my job but not as much....and talking about things that are beyond a month from now make me sad....and I am NOT sad about not having to work; I am tired I have been working for 33 years of my life already...but I am sad about not feeling a "part of". I know things will be fine in my heart...my obsessive mind is just having a field day...thanks for letting me "journal" a little out loud....

Hey, tooter's brain... RELAX!!!!!

It sounds to me like you understand perfectly well what you're feeling and why you're feeling it. The only thing that sounds to me like it's a little "out there", so to speak, is the worry of something happening to your man before you can get married. Is there any reason that something would happen? Like an illness? If I'm asking too much, just smack me a good one and I'll shut up. It does suck to not feel like part of the group. I like everyone that I work with and they all seem to like me, but there's only two people that make me feel like part of the group. I guess it's cause I see VERY eye to eye with both of them. And quitting a job of 25 1/2 years... a change of that magnitude would stress anyone out. I read somewhere that getting married, changing careers, and moving are all in the top five list of the most stressful things a person can go through. I think the other two were pragnancy and illness. So all that hot air being said, you're doing great.

Ry

[tootercat]

and no it's not out of line for you to ask....I put it out there didn't I... His health is "good" considering the fact that he smokes and is diabetic. I am more worried about a "catastrophic" type of thing happening..an accident at work, a freak car accident, you name it I've thought it! Thanks for reminding me of the fact that I do have reason to be just a tad stressed...hmmmm leaving job, moving 80 miles from all of my familiar surroundings, living with someone new, going to get married....geez....I just don't want to have the panic attacks I had after separating from my ex a year and a half ago....I know I am "borrowing" trouble before it happens...
Oh yeah AND I hate the thought of having to pack all of my things AGAIN!!! (I think I hear violins playing) I need a meeting...a good little alkie like me can really blow things out of proportion and forget "one day at a time".

thanks again.....

Hey tooter, a meeting sounds great. And you're right... one day at a time is a good policy for a great many things. Remember though, the day can be broken down if things start to get rough. One hour at a time. 30 minutes at a time. One minute at a time. Just remember that. Keeping in mind that you're stressing over things that would stress anyone out should take some of the tension away. You won't be worring about whether you're worring for no reason. I see what you mean about your fear for your man. The thing that I try to remember when I have thoughts about that kind of thing is that (and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let this upset you) is that anything could happen at any time. So worrying about it really doesn't do me much good. I know that it's hard NOT to worry about things sometimes, but remember that deep breathing aides relaxation and relaxation can take away worry for a while. I hope this helps.

Ry

[tootercat]

Ryan! Sometimes I wonder too if I just know more how to "survive" life in crisis and don't know how to "live" life when things are okay.....

I just started listening to Steven Covey's 7 habits this morning.....some great info so far....

(((((Ryan)))))))

Pam

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((TOOTER)))))))))))))))

IT will be ok. You deserve this. Stay positive.

Jeeze... all that gum flappin I did and I forgot to say what Jen said. You do deserve this. You're a special lady and I wish you the best on this new journey. Best wishes. ((((((((((((((((((((tooter))))))))))))))))))))

Ry

[jmo531]

LOL RY!!!!!!

[Raynaadi]

RELAX TOOTER'S BRAIN!!!!!!!

Sounds like a great turn of events for you! However it's completely understandable to have butterflies in your belly (tums?) and cold feet (warm socks?). I totally understand your anxiety that life feels so great, so something must go wrong. I've been feeling that myself. So if you have a headache, or a flat tire, or you break a glass, consider that your something wrong. Because it sounds to me like everything for you is heading in the right direction! It's normal to freak out right now. Baby steps and deep breaths until you move in and life that life of leisure! It will be ok, and we'll always be here for you to get rid of some of that brain overactage on!!!

Rayna

[tootercat]

Have I said how much I love this place and the people in it (on it?) Thanks for the words of encouragement and validation. I am much better at giving encouragement than believing that I also deserve to be happy....and yet I have to still fight the feeling from past hurts in life that I'm owed something. God what a complex thing the brain is....
thanks again y'all!
Pam