Hello,

I have just come to a deep realization that I have been here for all the wrong reasons .
they have been self serving and egotistical
with one sole purpose

that was to prove to one person I was of value and sane

and what I have done is made a complete and utter fool of myself

To anyone who has felt I have been mean or angry to you in my postings

Im sorry . I realy am

and if you need a personal apologie

you can pm me

Im sorry .
Patricia

This is incomplete.

the truth is I have not helped people here for the right reasons.

I have used everyone here

for MY show...

to prove or show one person Im okay and with the hopes they would love me.

hours I could have used to work and make money to take care of myself . to clean my apartment to make a real life for myself in real life.

I was invited so I could get help with that . But my motives were wrong.

I messed up another person who has a heart of gold

I owe them the biggest appologies

All my postings on the internet are with hopes this person cares and reads me
Im pretty ill. Im not sane actually.

instead of beimg lovable Ive made myself detestable to them

I am just that

I know it in my bones

I do not give selflessly .

I don't know If I ever will be able to .
I know I won;t beable to here at PC.

So Im sorry Its been my show .

I 'm just so so wise beautiful and I know just what to say

what a joke.

Im sorry..

Patricia

[maymie]

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. I hope that you get to feeling better. I'm not really in the best place to really offer that much advice. So I hope that things get better.

[Trying & Caring]

I've actually never read any of your postings as I am hit & miss here--but I tell you I've done my share of irrational posting & gotten the ire up of some people (EVEN WITH MY RATIONAL POSTINGS). Your apology is very sincere & we ALL know what it is like to regret things we have done & said so don't feel any different from the rest if us. We are all struggling.

At least you offered a sincere apology for things you later realized were not in your best interest or of the PC community, but hey, we all are having difficulties or we wouldn't be here!

We'd be on there "Mrs.. or Ms. Perfect" reality show or something. That would be a trip!

You sound like a kind-hearted, sincere person. Let it go. Don't feel quilt. I & sometimes my "best" has been horrendous, but you must have heard the phrase "We do the best we can under the circumstances."

Now that we know better we will do better with plenty of backsliding (at least on my part), but I am TRYING & it sounds like you are, too.

[billieJ]

Auro, I think we all do things to please other people. That doesn't mean that your support wasn't sincere. It sounds like depression talking. I doubt if you even owe the person in question an apology, since you've been trying so hard to please him/her. Be good to yourself.

[Michah]

Sweet,

You know.......I am thinking of you.....

Please do not be so hard on yourself........

It is wise to be insightful......but dangerous to self-flagellate....

Be careful that you are not punishing yourself......you do not need to.....and self-punishment serves no purpose.....

You are a wonderful, precious spirit......I have never doubted that.

Take good care, my dear friend.......you are much loved

Biggest Hugs,

Michah

[VickiesPath]

Patricia,

I'm not sure what it is that you have done. I'm not sure I need to know. We love you. Take care of yourself. We accept you as you are. Do not leave us.

[Junerain]

I have had the distinct pleasure of talking to you on the telephone and I know you are not an insincere person, the kind of honesty, thoughtfulness, respect, empathy, sensitivity, decentness we talked for that hour COULD NOT HAVE BEEN contrived, it is my belief..

PM me and let me know how you are, I agree, it is the deep, deep depression talking...I, too, know a depression that deep, and we of PC can help get you out of it..

Real life things are good for balance, but please spend an hour a day here at PC just being you, YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON

[shezbut]

[quote=auroralso;1156955]the truth is I have not helped people here for the right reasons.
I have used everyone here
for MY show...
to prove or show one person Im okay and with the hopes they would love me.[quote]

Patricia,

You have helped people here ~ I've seen it. People can argue reasons for help until they're blue in the face. But...Does it really matter??

What truly matters is that you have used your insights to help others face their troubles. You have been there for many people. That's precisely what this site is for.

I'd dare to say that every user here, at Psych Central, inserts their experiences and knowledge on a whole range of topics. This has a great effect on countless people! You're a treasured part of that, and there isn't any reason why you can't ask for help (a hug, words of understanding, solutions, etc) when you need a hand. That's what we are all here for .

Do come in soon. Take care Patricia!

Shez

[darkrunner]

((((((((((((((Patricia)))))))))))))))

[Rachie]

You are a wonderfull person Patricia and dont ever doubt yourself. You have helped many people here, me being one of them. You are kind and loving person and i know you know that. Keep your chin up lovey and dont beat up on yourself, much love, Rachelle

[susan888]

Patricia,

I don't know you and I have never had the pleasure of talking to you...but...you seem to have touched a lot of people here. Please know that we all come here damaged..looking for understanding...but...we also support each other when we can. It's not selfish to come here asking for help when you need it.

Frequently in my posts..well..it is "the Susan show"..but that is me looking for support and maybe some guidance from those that have been where I am at that moment and lived through it. There is no shame in that...Take what you need and give back when you can...

((((Patricia))))