Confusion

Where is the line in not hating yourself for symptoms of mental illness and using it as an excuse for not moving forward? Where is the line in self imposed limitations(possibly false) and realistic limitations? Where is the line in taking responsibility for yourself and blaming others(parents, loved ones, etc) for reasons on why you act the way you do? How do you go about finding those lines when they are blurred and have been for so long you arnt sure what general area they are in anymore? Just curious what others think.

I think those are very good questions. I know I have struggled with some of those myself, and I really don't have a good answer.

I just know that what I am working on in therapy is talking through these issues and trying to see, hear, and feel the truth. I think the truth for each of us is somewhere inside us, but it gets hidden by all of our "stuff". And it gets influenced by others and by our experiences.

Sorry I can't be more helpful. Those are pretty profound questions.

gg

Hey Shaymus,

I like all your questions-- they're good ones to be asking, I think.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Where is the line in not hating yourself for symptoms of mental illness and using it as an excuse for not moving forward?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> ---- Jeez, this is pretty much where I'm at, it's hard not hating myself for my illness-- and although I've never yet used it as an excuse-- because I blamed everyone and anything else but myself for it-- now- just this year, I see my dysfunctional thinking and see how it's messed up so many avenues in my life- that I'm becoming afraid to go forward-- for fear of making the same mistakes but now- being aware of it!! I'm kind of " frozen "-- does that make sense?

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Where is the line in self imposed limitations(possibly false) and realistic limitations?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> This is one I'm struggling figuring out with my T.-- every time I see things as a negative-or threat- and feel that fight or flight mode kick in...... he stops me and helps me to see how my thinking is flawed. self-imposed -vs- realistic limitations---- for me in some cases I'm needing help to figure it out. Guess I'm too used to running away!!-- It's always worked for me in the past-- my T. has been showing me that many of those times my running wasn't necessary--- I never saw it that way!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Where is the line in taking responsibility for yourself and blaming others(parents, loved ones, etc) for reasons on why you act the way you do?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Now this line is much easier for me to see! I believe once a person is an adult and able to care for themselves then they become responsible FOR themselves. Sure I had a screwed up childhood- but once I started screwing up my adult life- it's me that did it-- I chose to not finish college-- sure my upbringing didn't foster me to believe in success- but no one forced me out of college-- * I * was the one that quit. I made choices that have made my life harder-- but I don't believe because I was abused as a child that gives me the right as an adult to not take responsibility for my life now. I've been caught in the same cycle in adulthood as when I was a child. My mom and siblings still treat me the same--- I married a man that also treats me that way-- as I was used to it. But just recently I'm trying to take responsibility for my life and not be the "victim" . It's a work in progress- but I see now that I did have the power all along-- just didn't know how to use it!!

Finding and working on these lines has only been possible for me through therapy. Sometimes I hate my therapist as he tells it like it is-- but then I usually come around seeing that he's right and I appreciate the power and insight I'm gaining -- ever so slowly -- in myself. It's very hard and sometimes those lines do still get blurry as old habits seep back in!

Wow, I don't think I've ever written this much before-- must be feeling a bit more comfortable today .

Mandy
( Oh, I don't know, after re-reading all this... I'm getting nervous to submit it..... I so don't want to make anyone mad for what I've said)..... ..... " feel the fear and do it anyway"............
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I agree gg, finding the truth inside sometimes feels like looking for a needle in the haystack. Its nice to know im not the only one with too much hay(stuff)

Im glad you fought the fear and posted 2b1! I have the exact same feeling with my t as well. Every appointment that goes by i get the "how dare she say that" feeling and yet by the end of the appointment i am glad as she made me look at something important and at the very least see a different possibility. She also has the annoying/great ability to not let me waffle a question. If i change the direction she will go back to her original question. She once asked me the same question 6 times in one appointment lol. Im really good at making excuses and shifting things to my benifit when need be so i need a t who can not be sidetracked by my story telling.

Great posts you guys. I am asking the same questions. Need to learn how to stop that flight or fight thing. I am responsible for my life, how do I wish to live it?

**Where is the line in taking responsibility for yourself and blaming others(parents, loved ones, etc) for reasons on why you act the way you do? ***

for me, the responsibility for myself came when the effects of the blame game got too much for me to handle...i sucked it up there and then. i couldn't live with it any longer. i might not be able to handle everything that comes my way now, but i sure am not blaming someone or something for it. i analyze it, think about whether or not i can do it and then act or retreat and figure something else out.