[Eljay]

I'm from South Africa and I am Caucasian (White). I'm from mixed Dutch, French and German stock. That makes me an Afrikaner. My home language is Afrikaans. It sounds a lot like Dutch. My surname is French. We, Afrikaners were responsible for Apartheid. A great sin. I grew up thinking it was normal that different cultures lived apart from each other. I was too young to know that our government used this as a way too take away the rights of non-whites. They were repressed. Our newspapers never reported the truth in those days. They made the freedom strugglers out as criminals. The crimes of the police force were always justified. We didn't know the truth. In my teenage and student years, I was too wrapped up in my own things, I never took notice of the news and any attrocities. I was 24 when democracy came to this country. Today I still have a guilt feeling about being an Afrikaner and I'm ashamed of our history. I'm the only one in my family with guilt feelings and they don't understand me. I know these feelings stem from bad self-esteem, but I can't stop feeling guilty. What should I think and do about this?

[KathyM]

((Eljay))

Feeling guilty isn't going to help anyone, especially you. You've already done a great deal towards healing from this. You've learned some truth. It takes a while to digest, so go easy on yourself.

IMO, the only thing you can do is treat people as you'd like to be treated yourself. Try to rid yourself of the stereotypes and pre-conceived notions of people. Get to know people individually as human beings, and be willing to listen with an open mind.

I believe it will take people like you to make this right. From where I'm sitting, it looks like you've got a good heart. Just be YOU.

[VickiesPath]

Originally Posted by Eljay

I'm from South Africa and I am Caucasian (White). I'm from mixed Dutch, French and German stock. That makes me an Afrikaner. My home language is Afrikaans. It sounds a lot like Dutch. My surname is French. We, Afrikaners were responsible for Apartheid. A great sin. I grew up thinking it was normal that different cultures lived apart from each other. I was too young to know that our government used this as a way too take away the rights of non-whites. They were repressed. Our newspapers never reported the truth in those days. They made the freedom strugglers out as criminals. The crimes of the police force were always justified. We didn't know the truth. In my teenage and student years, I was too wrapped up in my own things, I never took notice of the news and any attrocities. I was 24 when democracy came to this country. Today I still have a guilt feeling about being an Afrikaner and I'm ashamed of our history. I'm the only one in my family with guilt feelings and they don't understand me. I know these feelings stem from bad self-esteem, but I can't stop feeling guilty. What should I think and do about this?

{{{{{{{Eljay}}}}}}}

I have a lot to say about your post but I'm going to try to keep it brief because I tend to ramble when I write. I think it's because I want to be understood. But nonetheless, here goes.

I am a caucasian American. I am 56 years old. I remember when I was a child and African-Americans were segregated from the white people in my small home town. I never understood it. My parents never spoke about it. It was just the way it was. Then in the 1960's, the Civil Rights Act was passed and the movement began to end segregation and provide equal rights to all people of color. That struggle still goes on today, to a more covert degree, but ask anyone and if they are being honest, they will tell you that it continues today in our country, the "Land of the Free". In the 1970's and 1980's, I worked in government to enforce the civil rights laws in my home state of Kansas. It never ceased to amaze me how deeply seated bigoted thinking went. And it still does!

I can tell you one thing: no person of color holds the entire caucasian world responsible for their mistreatment. They are not narrow-minded enough to believe that each individual white person agreed with the government policies that oppressed them. You were a child. You did not have significant influence on those policies. Teenagers are always wrapped up in their own lives. Also, IMHO changing attitudes usually happens one person at a time.

What I am telling you is that you cannot carry the entire responsiblity of your government on your shoulders and allow it to make you miserable. You know now that what they did was wrong. What matters is what you do and how you live from this moment on. Let this one go, sweetheart. It is way too big for you to carry. It doesn't matter what your family thinks. What YOU think matters but please don't carry that guilt another day. It doesn't belong to you.

We care about you here.

[Lost71]

((Eljay))

I agree with what KathyM says.

It's ok I think to feel disgusted or horrified by the history of your country but YOU should NOT feel guilty. It DOES take caring people like you to help build bridges and change hearts. And for as badly as you feel for things your predecessors have done...I truly believe the children and grandchildren of people like you (who genuinely wish for change and true humanity) will look back with pride on the ones who made those changes possible both initially and ongoing.

Go easy on yourself!

Peace,
Julia
xox

[blkchr91]

I would try to assist, but my views may be too narrow minded, and that would not be good because I can not speak as intelligently about the subject as others have here. Still, I would like to say that it is not your fault PERIOD.

I also think that your feelings about this could also be viewed as a good thing because it shows that you are human being and that you are ALIVE no matter what direction you take!

[Eljay]

Originally Posted by KathyM

((Eljay))

Feeling guilty isn't going to help anyone, especially you. You've already done a great deal towards healing from this. You've learned some truth. It takes a while to digest, so go easy on yourself.

IMO, the only thing you can do is treat people as you'd like to be treated yourself. Try to rid yourself of the stereotypes and pre-conceived notions of people. Get to know people individually as human beings, and be willing to listen with an open mind.

I believe it will take people like you to make this right. From where I'm sitting, it looks like you've got a good heart. Just be YOU.

Thank you very much for replying. You are right, my guilt won't help anyone to have a better life now. I've always been a very sensitive person and prone to feeling guilty about small things. Self-esteem issues. Me being ashamed of my nationality will only make me feel worse about myself and I don't need that. I am a caring, compassionate person who don't judge and I should be proud of myself. Guilt feelings will only make my psychiatric problems worse anyway. Thank you.

Go well!

[blkchr91]

Originally Posted by Eljay

Thank you very much for replying. You are right, my guilt won't help anyone to have a better life now. I've always been a very sensitive person and prone to feeling guilty about small things. Self-esteem issues. Me being ashamed of my nationality will only make me feel worse about myself and I don't need that. I am a caring, compassionate person who don't judge and I should be proud of myself. Guilt feelings will only make my psychiatric problems worse anyway. Thank you.

Go well!

You are a human being. You have correctly identified that you are no MORE OR LESS important than anyone else!

Be proud of who YOU are since it is very evident that you have the qualities of a good person. You have a right to be who YOU are. There is nothing wrong with who YOU are specifically, and you should not be held down by what OTHER PEOPLE are. I believe that the roller coasters we seem to have to go through often bring us to become better people.

[Eljay]

Originally Posted by Lost71

((Eljay))

I agree with what KathyM says.

It's ok I think to feel disgusted or horrified by the history of your country but YOU should NOT feel guilty. It DOES take caring people like you to help build bridges and change hearts. And for as badly as you feel for things your predecessors have done...I truly believe the children and grandchildren of people like you (who genuinely wish for change and true humanity) will look back with pride on the ones who made those changes possible both initially and ongoing.

Go easy on yourself!

Peace,
Julia
xox

Thanks for your reply. You said some things that made me feel good about myself. I appreciate it very much. I should be proud of myself as a person and keep on helping with charities etc in this country. That makes me feel good and it helps the disadvantaged and poor. Peace!

[Eljay]

Originally Posted by blkchr91

You are a human being. You have correctly identified that you are no MORE OR LESS important than anyone else!

Be proud of who YOU are since it is very evident that you have the qualities of a good person. You have a right to be who YOU are. There is nothing wrong with who YOU are specifically, and you should not be held down by what OTHER PEOPLE are. I believe that the roller coasters we seem to have to go through often bring us to become better people.

Thank you for making me feel good about myself. I should be me, not someone that others want me to be. Go Well!

[Eljay]

Originally Posted by Vickie in Phoenix

{{{{{{{Eljay}}}}}}}

I have a lot to say about your post but I'm going to try to keep it brief because I tend to ramble when I write. I think it's because I want to be understood. But nonetheless, here goes.

I am a caucasian American. I am 56 years old. I remember when I was a child and African-Americans were segregated from the white people in my small home town. I never understood it. My parents never spoke about it. It was just the way it was. Then in the 1960's, the Civil Rights Act was passed and the movement began to end segregation and provide equal rights to all people of color. That struggle still goes on today, to a more covert degree, but ask anyone and if they are being honest, they will tell you that it continues today in our country, the "Land of the Free". In the 1970's and 1980's, I worked in government to enforce the civil rights laws in my home state of Kansas. It never ceased to amaze me how deeply seated bigoted thinking went. And it still does!

I can tell you one thing: no person of color holds the entire caucasian world responsible for their mistreatment. They are not narrow-minded enough to believe that each individual white person agreed with the government policies that oppressed them. You were a child. You did not have significant influence on those policies. Teenagers are always wrapped up in their own lives. Also, IMHO changing attitudes usually happens one person at a time.

What I am telling you is that you cannot carry the entire responsiblity of your government on your shoulders and allow it to make you miserable. You know now that what they did was wrong. What matters is what you do and how you live from this moment on. Let this one go, sweetheart. It is way too big for you to carry. It doesn't matter what your family thinks. What YOU think matters but please don't carry that guilt another day. It doesn't belong to you.

We care about you here.

Thank you very, very much for sharing your country's history with me. I'm glad you understand my being a teenager and just caring about my own life (parties, boys, fashion, sport etc) was normal and kept me from being interested in others who suffered. And to tell the truth, that type of information was kept away from us by our government. I still can't believe that we didn't know what was going on in our own country! I will shove the guilt from my shoulders and live for now. Thanks for caring!
Go well.

[blkchr91]

Originally Posted by Eljay

Thank you for making me feel good about myself. I should be me, not someone that others want me to be. Go Well!

It is not always easy to be yourself, and sometimes personalities take time to develop.

In my case (check out my "thank you" post)....the status qo in society said that I simply SHOULD AND COULD NOT be ANYONE AT ALL without my family. I had no right to be a human being anymore, OR SO I THOUGHT!

You may even have the whole world telling you that you are right or wrong, but your gut instinct will take you VERY FAR although it is not always perfect.

I have been labeled as a "rigid thinker" by some psych tests that I took...but you know what (speaking only for myself) I'd rather be SOMEONE than part of a flock of sheep.

I do believe that I am getting there in my journey, and believe that you will too!

Originally Posted by Eljay

Thank you very, very much for sharing your country's history with me. I'm glad you understand my being a teenager and just caring about my own life (parties, boys, fashion, sport etc) was normal and kept me from being interested in others who suffered. And to tell the truth, that type of information was kept away from us by our government. I still can't believe that we didn't know what was going on in our own country! I will shove the guilt from my shoulders and live for now. Thanks for caring!
Go well.

I believe as a human race we all have skeletons in our closets. As we grow older and become less self-centered, we begin to focus on more important matters such as the welfare of others. You cannot change the past but you can help shape tomorrow. If you see an injustice and can effect change, please do so and maybe then the guilt that you so unjustly feel will subside.

I wish you well!

[Eljay]

Originally Posted by dnesch

I believe as a human race we all have skeletons in our closets. As we grow older and become less self-centered, we begin to focus on more important matters such as the welfare of others. You cannot change the past but you can help shape tomorrow. If you see an injustice and can effect change, please do so and maybe then the guilt that you so unjustly feel will subside.

I wish you well!

Thank you very much for your reply. I work and give to charities and it makes one feel good about oneself. I will continue doing so. It's great what you are doing for the Zimbabwian child. I also see you love animals. Me too. Thank you. Go well!

[Sabrina]

As a fellow South African, I have followed this thread with interest. I have nothing of value to contribute at this stage but just wanted to offer my support.

[Eljay]

Originally Posted by Sabrina

As a fellow South African, I have followed this thread with interest. I have nothing of value to contribute at this stage but just wanted to offer my support.

Nice to meet you Sabrina! Thanks for your support. I often wondered how many other South Africans were at Psych Central. To me this winter doesn't seem to be so cold as it could have been. Well, glad you replied. Go Well.

[Eljay]

We are having a discussion in the social group 'Psychology in Everything' about this topic. To all members and anyone else, would you please give your opinions on this topic? It would mean a lot to me. Thank you!

[pondbc]

Hoping to see more of your beautiful country in June during the World Cup coverage. I am a soccer fanatic! Also wanted to ask if you had read the Ladies' Detective Agency books by Alexander McCall Smith. I believe they are set in Botswana. They are delightful. If you have read them, what do you think of them?

Thanks for caring, Eljay.

[lonegael]

Eljay! Hope you are still reading this thread. I jumpdon it late as you see. I thought Vickies post all those months ago was excellent. We are all born into systems and cultures that started their journey long before we are born. According to these systems, some of us get priviledges we never earned, or are denied chances that in all justice should be ours, all without our input or influence.
That said, you made the first step out. You are asking why, and what role you may have played. I agree with Vickie that you are not to blame for the system, or for the immediate consequences, but I think it is important to realize that you have chances in your society still, that others do not.
Example. I am a white female from a family with a high educational, if not financial, background. Behind my parents stand generations of people on my father's side who are educatd and took leading positions. My mother's folks were working class, small farmers, but still moved to leader positions fairly quickly. I was given second chances to get my grades up that others would never have gotten if they had not had this background. Just the fact that I considered University as an option has much to do with my background. That I married a man that would treat me well I see is no less a part of this cultural background.
The fact made is that this is not a brag contest, but a way of seeing that had I been born black, this would have been a very different story, just because of how people would percieve me and my problems. So, what to do?
You can chose to drop out and deny the things that you get for being what you are. On the ine hand, you might be able to get out of being a beneficiary to an unfair, racist system. Or you can decide to do what you can with it and use what you can to change that system. I decided to try the last option.
It's rough to live with that burden, imagined or not, but you are brave to sit up and stare the past in the face, and decide what to do with it. HUGGS

[sanityseeker]

South Africa is not alone in the world for racial injustices either historically or as we speak about it. In fact it is well documented that South Africa came to Canada to study our governments treatment of the First Peoples as the original model of aparthied.

As a person of mixed ancestry including a proud person of the Salish people who lives and works in Aboriginal community I witness and endure the effects of individual and system racism every day. While non-natives for the most part prefer to think the abuses are in the past.... 'the sins of their forefathers' the truth is the discrimination and abuses continue today. Aboriginal people in Canada are still 'wards of the Crown' and controlled by the Indian Act which separates the rights and priveleges of native from non native in every aspect of life.

This is true one way or another of all indigenous peoples scattered in homelands around the world who struggle in poverty and fight for equality and fairness still today.

I believe change happens one person at a time and if non-indigenous people or non-people of colour want to make change where they live then they need to be both educated about the darker realities and as much as possible be active in bringing about equality.

People can't pretend we live in a world that appreciates diversity and legislates equality when the truth is no country in the world has yet reached that place. It remains an ideal and only by accepting that people of colour are still discriminated agains can people be moved to make change happen. It is still a dream.

[lonegael]

amen, sanity seeker. The past keeps burping up and repeating itself like a bad burrito all over the the place, even here in Sweden. But it can be taken on, one bit at a time. Huggs

[sanityseeker]

I think while individual attitudes can change if people make the chose majority populations around the world still elect and turn a blind eye to public policies that put assimilation pressure on indigenous populations, like the Samis of Sweden to loose their traditional lifestyles. It their case the tradition of nomadic herding was lost when they were forced into stationary herding. Loosing a lifestyle means loosing a livelihood bringing desease and poverty in their place.

Add to that for the Samis like the Inuit of Canada now they also face the effects of global warming which is altering the very lands they call home.

Expanding on this thread being about one person's feelings of guilt for South Africa's aparthied policies as part of the larger effort of global cultural genocide I think that the complacency that allows people to think these sorts of things are in our past is just as appauling as the colonization process that systematically continues to dehumanize and extinquish indigenous peoples and traditional cultures.

If guilt can motivate someone to challenge public policies that continue to discriminatate and marginalize people than I applaud people for having a heart for justice. Guilt can be used for good if it causes people to choose to make their world a better place tomorrow even if others made shameful choices yesterday. Seldom though will people give up the advantages that colonization aka assimilation provides for the non indigenous immigrant colonizer.