Need advice

So here it is....Been with my wife for 16yrs.She has bi-polar.Overall, we have had a very loving relationship. 2wks before Christmas she moved out & moved in with another man like it was natural & took our 6yr old daughter w/her.Found out she stopped taking her meds completely over the summer. We have had some financial hardships & I think that's what triggered it too.The guy she moved in with is rich & he's giving her ANYTHING she wants.She basically has me almost bankrupt so I cannot even afford to get a lawyer to try & get my daughter.She says she's going to divorce me even though she swears she's madly in love with me, but she HAS to do it.She is blaming me for everything.As much as I want to wash my hands of her I know she's sick,but with him keeping her up,it could be a long long time before she crashes. She has no relationship with her family,so I've been the ONLY stable thing in her life,which is why I think she keeps coming around. Found out too their doing cocaine too,how much I have no idea. I'm pretty much at wits end.Any suggestions or am I wasting my time? Thank you all for any advice or suggestions, LH

Dear Shaunasdad,

I am confused bc you do not state what you want or need. Do you want to arrange a time schedule so you can see time w/ your daughter? Do you want you wife to come back home? And you need suggestions for that?

I am concerned @ You Dad & your daughter how are both of you doing. This a mighty painful situation. I agree w/ you @ the bipolar projection into the future - she will crash

Plz keep me posted on how you are doing. You will find wonderful support here. There are many Forums: Relationship, Bi-polar, Depression, & many more!!! I am so very glad you posted I hope you have a Fantastic week-end!

Live in Love
Holmes

Hi. Welcome to PC. Is there anyway you could do an intervention on the drug thing? That coke stuff is horrible for mania. It makes the depression 10x worse. I think she needs to get off the bad stuff...it is also highly addictive and a very expensive drug. Need to get back on the good meds. Bad idea for her to make decisions in this state because people make bad choices when they are not stable. It is happening already. Your child lives in a house with active drug users. Perhaps having custudy of her would be in her best interest.

An intervention may be what gets you your child back and gets your ex the help she needs...I do not know how you feel about this, but you could even notify police...this may get her the help she needs, and you your child back

Please don't let a diagnosis cloud your judgement.
You know your daughter is not in a safe environment and as the healthy parent it is up to you to remedy this.
You can't afford to NOT have a lawyer, for your daughter's sake.
Your wife is an adult and will have to answer to the consequences of the choices she has made. Her diagnosis is not a Free Pass. She is irresponsible with that, too.
You are one of two parents and your daughter is living in an unhealthy environment.
She needs you.

I can have my daughter any time I please.Usually Sun/Mon & a cpl of times during the week. Right now I have to work as much as possible,so when she crashes,I can atleast be able to care for my daughter.I have a few good friends who stop in quite often & monitor the situation unbeknown to her what they are really doing.I found out she has started therapy.My daughter seems to be doing ok,I stay in constant contact w/her. My daughter is the MOST important thing,but I'm scared if I take her & I'm 99% sure I can,it could cause her to try & hurt herself again & I honestly don't know if I could forgive myself for that. I am born again & on certain levels she is starting to respond to me. I have her reading the bible & she has admitted that she knows something is wrong.My Rev.says just keep doing what I'm doing,but this is extremely painful for me. She keeps saying she loves me but something has died inside her. Is this the bi-polar talking??I love my wife & even if I can't get past what she's done,I will not allow anything to happen to her if I can help.My brain is completely scrambled but I am starting to figure out what I need to do.Thank you guys SO much for your insight,I really appreciate it.God Bless you all!!LH

I can have my daughter as much as I want.Right now I'm working as much as possible trying to dig myself out of this hole she's put us in. I have a few mutual friends who stop in & monitor the situation unknown to her. She has started therapy.She says she loves me, but keeps saying something died inside her,but she keeps sending me texts several times a day saying she loves & misses me. Is this the bi-polar talking ?? Or is she reaching out? I admit she has my brain pretty scrambled,which is why I'm reaching out. I stay in pretty much constant contact w/my daughter. If I feel it is getting bad I will pull her out one way or another,but I am scared if I do when she crashes, she may try & hurt herself again, & I don't know if I could forgive myself for that.But I will do what I have to to protect my daughter. I am born-again & I actually have her reading the bible & she has admitted that something is wrong w/her.My Pastor says just keep doing what I'm doing because it is affecting her.Believe me, I do know prayer's work.Even if we don't work things out,I would never abandon her,esp if she needed help. I almost hate myself the way I love her. Thank you all so much for your advice, I really appreciate it.God Bless you all!!!

Hello, shaunasdad03. My thought is for you to look under Attorneys in the yellow pages for the Georgia State Bar Association. Call and find out if you are entitled to a low pay or pro bono attorney. I do not see how it is in the best interest of your child to be in a home where there is drug use and a mother not taking medication she needs.

Good luck.

Ga has legal aid for those that can't afford an attorney also. you might look into that. also if you feel she is a danger to herself then you can go that angle too.

Just wanted to say...I believe prayers work, too

Called Ga legal aid & they told me they couldn't help

You mentioned your rev. is there someone who you know through you church or through the denomination who can help you? I am very afraid that even if your wife is in therapy, she might not be able to notice if your daughter needs help or protect her if the cocaine interferes with someone's judgement. I cannot stress enough how scary this situation is. I know you are doing what you can, but see if maybe you can't get some more support around you right now. Sometimes the kid has to come first, even if ´how you deal with the mother is important also. Huggs and I will be keeping you in my prayers.

Thank you for the advice & prayers. Like I stated I am in constant contact w/my daughter & I have friends who are very closely monitoring the situation.I do not think she's constantly doing. Believe it or not I use to be a cop who worked Narcotics (strange isn't it), so I know the "look" & honestly I'm not defending her because I know w/Bi-polar just doing a little bit is not good.In her mind she thinks she's doing this to better our daughters life.I feel if I try to pull my daughter out right now she might go off the deep end. She is in therapy so I'm trying to give her an opportunity to get herself straight,but if I feel that it is not getting better I will go all out for my little girl. Kinda feel damned if I do damned if I don't.....And I would like to thank everyone on this site.....reading these threads has helped me understand that I didn't cause this.Even though I know she's sick,I've been going over & over this & thinking,"Well maybe I should have done this" or "what if had done that" thinking. God bless each of you in EVERY possible way!!

If you pull your daughter out of that negelectful situation, you may open your wife's eyes and she may decide she needs to be doing something different, such as getting treatment.

Your silence is a loud vote of approval.

Yeah your right.I've just got an interview for a very promising job on Friday.As soon as I get on my feet,I'm going after her. I know your thinking do it now,but fact of the matter is ,because of her I may be homeless in a few weeks & I have NO one close by to help. Like I said Damned if I do Damned if I don't

Wishing you best of luck on your job interview!!
Let us know how it goes, we'll be pulling for you