[savingjanedoh]

I find myself in a constant state of choosing between ultimatums. Either I give up or I give my all, either I love being me or I am unintentionally and (seemingly uncontrollably) cutting myself down. I'm not consistent and I'm extreme.

My problem lies in that fact!! I want to be able to focus on something and go for it, but when I rely on other people (even if it involves my master planning to pull it off) and they don't pull through, everything goes to shambles. Yet before I started to work toward it I told myself I would figure it out myself no matter what it takes.

I rely too much on my own expectations and I can't seem to control my thinking. PS--I am an overthinker. It effects everything. I can't seem to get out my head.

[PleaseHelp]

Hi. I am overthinker and an extemist, too. With me everything is black and white, not a whole lot of room for gray in my world. I know I have borderline personality traits. Some of which you mentioned. Try not to beat yourself up.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by savingjanedoh

Either I give up or I give my all, either I love being me or I am unintentionally and (seemingly uncontrollably) cutting myself down.

Since you know that, practice reversing it!

I use to put myself down, would yell (in my head only :-) "Support!" and three guys in togas would run through the empty dome of my head from the right ear to the center and set up a huge Corinthian column before running off toward my left ear.

Get to know yourself better and get yourself to laugh and relax. It's not all life and death. When you're over the top with how clever you are, use your inner voice to modulate and have it demand the praise (instead of the braggart you). "Yeah, thanks to Me, who had the idea?" when you're feeling like you've walked on water will put a little more evenness into things. We can't do everything ourselves, either all right all the time or all wrong all the time. Practice modulating the extremes with humor and reminders of who else is in the equation. Don't start with thinking you'll do it all yourself if the people you're counting on welsh on you; realize that might happen so do a Plan B and Plan C and add on time and allow yourself time (I use to decide I had to be X by Y date and if one OR the other didn't work, I'd give up).

Nothing happens as fast or easily as we'd like. But, learn to love the long haul and the process instead of just your imagination picture of what it will be like. We can't know what it will be like when we're starting. I remind myself when I start something new that it's like being in first grade and worrying about graduating from high school; that's nuts! Takes 12 years. Social scientists say it takes 10 years experience and background to become an expert/overnight success. You have to write for 10 years, day in and day out before you might have consistent author success (publish books). You have to work 10 years before you'll be ready to be president of the company.

35 years ago I weighed 120 pounds less than I weigh now. I started losing weight in 2006. I have lost nearly 50 pounds since then and gained back nearly 30 but I'm still working and am confident I will meet my weight loss goals. . . eventually :-) Check back with me in 2016.

[Junerain]

Treat yourself as you would treat one of your wonderful friends..look at it from the outside..

If you met yourself, would you like yourself, want to help yourself out, be a true and good friend to yourself?

You have more worth and value than you feel or even can fathom, and it is not because of anything that people say about you..

God willed that you exist, He loves you, you count, you matter

I care for you as well, I struggle with this as well....we must and can be good to ourselves, we deserve this, deep down, whether we are alone at the moment, or with someone complimenting us..

Would a book recommendation help? I am reading one about forgiveness, and living in the present moment..

Write again, can you describe the situation more accurately? I want us all to help immensely!

[gelfling]

Junerain - whats the name of that book? im reading the road less traveled by Peck and although ive just started it has already given me some insights.

SJD - i agree with what everyone has stated here - there is a behavioral modification therapy called Dialectical Behavior Therapy that works well for people that have borderline tendencies (and frankly lots of other folks too) and there are 4 areas to focus on - if your black and white thinking is your biggest stumbling block then the emotional regulation and distress tolerance modules would be where i would start

so glad you posted - take care and let us know more

[Junerain]

Here in a link to my favorite book that has helped me the most...

http://www.amazon.com/Wherever-You-T...1477487&sr=8-1

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I used to be an over thinker and I used to be an extremist....with age (and probably medication) I am now an observer and a much more relaxed director; rather than getting upset about things I look for the exit sign over the door and amble towards it if I think I need to or I move toward the projection box and slow the film down to an acceptable speed....

I am in control of my life even when things happen that I would prefer not to happen I decide whether or not it bothers me....why give it power that I can use myself?

Morgana Rhiannon Connolly

[barleysmile]

I've used meditation a lot today as a solution to differing problems. I take that as a sign I should meditate more. Meditation helps to quiet the mind so you can come to the situation with a calmer focus. It is intensity that drives us to extremes. Meditation helps to let go of that urgency, to still the waters or in your case, the pendalum.

It's hard to let go. Even as I'm typing this, I'm resisting my own need for meditation. It always feels so important to not let go. When you finally reach that place of quiet the emotional releases can be disturbing. Once they're over though, you're free.