[Martina]

For so long, like a couple years, I was so happy and content with our decision that our daughter would be an only child. But lately these feelings have been resurfacing that I am longing to have another baby. What the heck is going on.

I am heavily medicated on class C and class D medications. Going off of them is not an option and could mean life or death because I was highly suicidal when I was not properly medicated. But getting pregnant on a class D medication is not an option for me. It is just too risky for the baby.

Not only that, but my illnesses are strongly genetic. I would not wish this he{{ on my worst enemy, let alone my own child. I am doing the world a favor if I do not produce any more offspring that could carry this gene and have these illnesses.

Our home is too small for another bed, and my antics a couple years ago ruined us financially to the point that it will take us 5 years to dig out from this hole.

And the best part? My husband and I are in a sexless marriage. So how on earth would we produce a child anyways?!! We haven't had sex since Christmas. Nearly 8 months. We're down to maybe 3 or so times a year. It's been this way for years. Our daughter is a result of lack of sex, I quit taking birth control back then because I thought I didn't need it but then it just happened one night and voila, the best thing that ever happened to me. She turned 5 yesterday.

I think it's partly her birthday that is bringing back these feelings. She's going to start Kindergarten in a month. She's not a baby anymore! And I always wished for her to have a brother or sister to grow up with.

When we were visiting a friend recently, playing with their 2 year old and 2 month old, my husband actually made a few comments, some joking some not, that we should have another child. I wanted to kill him. Here, he knows my situation with medications and finances, and he hasn't had sex with me since Christmas. Yet he makes that kind of comment. What an (bad word).

Then we were at a barbecue with some close friends and the grandma of the family actually asked me if we were going to have more kids! Basically told me we should! I didn't know what to say. Told her we had reasons that I couldn't really explain.

It's killing me inside. Because of this illness, I will never have another child. Even if we get our finances and our marriage figured out, I'll be heavily medicated for the rest of my life. I can never get pregnant.

And by the time we get the finances figured out, our little girl won't be so little so having a playmate for her just goes out of the water.

How do I shut off these feelings of longing for the child I will never have?

Funny thing is, back before I got married, I thought I never wanted kids. I'm horrible with children. And now I want more. Go figure.

[Etrees]

Have you ever thought about adoption? There's tons of kids that are waiting for homes. Also, try couple's counselling? If you're religious most religious leaders are qualified as counselors. I wish there were more to say to help you.

[Amazonmom]

I'm so sorry Martina. The pain of realizing there is to be no more babies is awful.

Hugs for you,because I know there aren't any words that make it feel any better.



If circumstances change for you, there is info beyond category c, d, etc. available about meds. Any psychiatrist who won't go further than that is lazy beyond belief.

[forgivexforget]

Is there any other medicine you could go on that would replace the class D medication, but still be as affective, so you could have a child?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((((((Martina))))))))

So sorry that you are in pain

Rhiannon

[Martina]

Adoption - as soon as the adoption agency finds out about my psychiatric history, even if I'm stable, there's not a shot in he[[ I'll get a child. Plus it's so expensive and we are broke.

Meds - it's taken forever to find the med cocktail that works. The one med that works so well for me is one that's a class D. Others just don't work. We've tried, for other reasons (it's expensive and can't get samples).

Marriage counseling - been there, done that, didn't work, tried three different counselors! It's hopeless.

My life is just going to be like this and I need to figure out how to be happy the way it is. Sexless marriage, no more babies. So be it. That's what I get.

[superpain]

((((Martina))))
I can sort of understand what you're going through. My daughter just started college and I am totally lost.
I have bipolar disorder and anxiety problems and am on medication.
I had my tubes tied in 1998 and couldn't have any more children after that. And, like you, I "live" in a sexless marriage. It's been at least 4 years for us. His choice, not mine.
If you want to read my other posts, you'll understand how this has all affected me.
I wish you happiness and peace. You can message me if you want to talk.

[barleysmile]

Seems pretty straight forward to me. Firstly, be more sympathetic to your husband. If you are voicing a desire for more children, might he not have the same feelings. He's allowed to feel too. Focus more on your gratitude that you have a child. Many cannot and will never experience that kind of joy. Not to mention that you are still married to the father of your child. Sounds to me there is a lack of gratitude for what you have. If you are focused on what is right in your life, hopefully what you don't have will not come up. Remember, we are at war, the economy is tanked and many people don't have even what you do. Now is not the time really for anyone to be having big families. Something to remind people of when they advise you have another baby.