[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Not sure where to post this since my "mental 'disorders'" (I don't like the term so much) range from supposed Bipolar to Multiple Personality to anxiety disorder... The list continues. Well who knows if I actually have any of these but what I do know is things aren't going 100% for me.

I'm hearing things again. Most of them sound like they come from outside of me... Foot steps, doors opening, people talking, crashing noises... You name it. This could be because of my "schizophrenia" but the voices come from within as well. I hear noises mostly inside my head but occassionally I hear words. My name being yelled, being whispered, other names, random words, not too much of it which actually makes sense though. It seems like sentenses that were never fully said or heard. Just as the noises once I try to listen to what I hear inside to make sense of it, it stops after a moment. I don't know what it means though, it could be from the supposed multiple personalities I have, but who knows.

The problem is that I have been off meds for over a year and a half. They seemed to make everything worse, no matter how many meds or what kind I would take it made the voices and things I saw much worse. I mostly hear things, think people are talking when they aren't and apparently a few times I have said something that only a fraction of a second later I can't remember saying anything at all.

I haven't again seen too much and I'm not depressed really. Not at all compared to the rest of my life full of meds and doctors. I evaluate myself and work with myself to solve my inner problems when triggers occur or I'm just feeling down about myself. But since the bills started to pile on and I lost my job, living every day just trying to find money for food that day, the voices are returning. They were worse at one point, I nearly hospitalized myself the last time and my pdoc was wanting to do the same to me. Nothing I saw or heard or thought was real. I'm afraid of going back to that point now that the voices and other things are returning.

I am stressed out from bills food and not even having medical insurance but I have known much harder things than this so I'm having trouble figuring out why the sounds are coming back. I know stress is a major contributor to mental problems but I had thought I had my "problems" under control now I don't know where to turn.

I have no medical insurance and no car even and no license to drive so a pdoc/t isn't what I'm hoping is needed, I don't think I need to be hospitalized as I know when I hear these things if not instantly but momentarily that they are not real. They aren't effecting my life too much right now, just making myself sound a little whacky to the people around me but I'm afraid things will get worse if I don't figure this out soon. I've started to "space out" as well. Loosing control of my movements, as if something else is forcing me to move and fading into the back of my mind. I can stop this most of the time when I feel it come on though, attention is mostly all it takes, focus on what is around me and it keeps me here.

I may have needed to post this in the dissociative forum or the schizo forum but since it could be any number of my "mental disorders" I posted here. I'm sorry for such a long posting but I tend to do that before I even realize it. Any kind words, advice or just reading this would be more than enough and I would be very grateful! I hope you all are well!!!

Hi Purple Flying Monkeys,

I just wanted you to know that although I have no advice I have experienced the same, except meds helped tremendously. It did take some time though before i found the right combo. Some made it worse like Haldol. I read your post, start to finish and can sympathize with you. I hope you get well soon. You might want to check into a facility in california it's up in the bay area and i can't remember what it's called but they treat psychosis/schizophrenia without meds.

Love and hugs,
Tara

[wing]

Maybe your symptoms have returned because you're stressed out and need meds for awhile just to get past the stress.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Thanks for all the advice and kind words! I have thought about taking meds again but have worried about it. I'm all the way in Florida Tara so I'm too far from Cali but I will look into it and see if there is a clinic similar here. My main problem with the meds is that they don't work well with the dissociation. The thing about meds as with my case and I believe the others, with dissociative disorders meds don't work and sometimes do the opposite and make things worse. They can cause me to loose control of myself much worse than if I were doing it on my own, make me see and hear all sorts of things, it's kind of like they open a gate between my mind and my subconscious mind and get it all mixed up in there. When I was on meds is when my "alters" started to show up. So I'm very reluctant to go back down that road when the last time I did I saw buffalo on the interstate, spiders everywhere and so on. But who knows, as you said Tara, maybe I need to try a new combo.

It means a lot that both of you replied, thank you very much. Psych central has not failed to be my rock when I needed strength in the last 2 years since I found it! I don't know why but my body also does not have a low tolerance. With pain meds acting just the same as psych meds, they may work to begin with but after the first week or two the dose has to be increased or my body develops a tolerance, another reason I don't like meds. But hey, I didn't go to college so if a pdoc who went for 8 years tells me I need them, I probably should believe him! Thanks again for all the kind words!

[Korin]

PurpleFlyingMonkeys,

I have been diagnosed with DID. Not sure I can help but if I just share some of my thoughts you might find something useful. So here goes.

Hearing voices can be scary. When I finally got up the courage to tell psych-doc way back that I was hearing voices this is what he said, "Is that all? We can fix that." I was so relieved. It meant going on some meds for a while but I didn't stick with them for long. Just having him acknowledge what I said made things easier to deal with. It was still a rough road for a while but at least I knew what I was dealing with and began to search out more information.

When we become aware of the fragmented parts of ourselves, as difficult as this may be to believe, it means that recovery has begun. If we still needed them they would still be working in the background and we would be unaware of them. We become aware of them because they are coming to the surface, and they only come to the surface when we are actually becoming stronger and more able to deal with them.

Unfortunately we still have some fall-out to deal with. The healing process isn't an easy one and may take a few years. But reminding ourselves that it is a healing process helps.

Meds don't do anything for DID. They do however help with some of the resulting symptoms like depression and anxiety. We have to weigh up where the biggest problem is. If it is with DID, personally I think it's better to work on DID without meds. But if the bigger problem is the depression and the anxiety meds may be the answer in the short term just until we feel strong enough to deal with the DID.

This may help, try to ignore those noises on the outside of you and pay more attention to the voices on the inside. Sort that bit out and the outside noises will sort itself out.

Try this too if you like. Stay calm and 'talk' to those parts of yourself. In your head. It's just like praying. Let them know that you are working to understand what they need. Let them know that you are thankful for their help in the past. It'll feel a bit strange to begin with but it will eventually bring some peace within, and that will allow you to work on getting well.

Just some bits and pieces for you to consider.

Take care.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Korin, your words are very kind and seem to be very useful. Thank you for your reply. I will be sure to try those. As a teen I didn't hear voices inside much, I was diagnosed with DID but like some others with DDs in my teen years most of the time was dark and blank, blackouts. When I was put on meds it did help the outter voices but I was on the other side of the room watching my body interact with people around me and being in no control. This happened frequently but the voices did stop. I stopped the meds for a while and was forced back on them due to violence in the home stress made me worse.

That's when I again started loosing time, watching myself do things I wasn't doing hearing and seeing things in and out. Stopped the meds and for the last 2 years I've been unmedicated and doctorless and working on me, every day I focus on how I can fix myself, how I can heal and be as happy as possible, now here I am again with it starting.

I did have a feeling though that the voices within have been coming to the surface because I've been in a safer more secure environment than the rest of my life but the bills don't stop and there never seems to be enough food so it probably is the reason for the voices on the outside and maybe even so a little for the sounds/voices on the inside. This is the kind of thinking I have been trying for the last 2 years, break down the situation see where the root of the problem is and work on that. All of the replies on here has helped me with just that in this situation where I couldn't make it all out on my own.

Korin, thank you again for your kind words. I'm sorry that you had to suffer but I can see that you have learned and put to use on yourself the same words you said to me. I will try what you said and hope to start putting the DID pieces together. I may need help with this one lol

[Korin]

PurpleFlyingMonkeys,

Thank you for taking my post in the spirit that it was meant. It is a very complex thing to deal with and I suppose we must all find our own way.

I'm coping pretty well these days but it can still cause some anxiety when I'm under pressure. I suspect that it will always come and go. Gathering as much information as I could helped, it gave me some understanding and helped me accept it.

Worrying about debt and stuff does make it harder to cope with. I worked to simplify everything. It took a while but life is a bit easier now and that really helps to keep the pressure off.

I wish you a speedy recovery.

Hello, PurpleFlyingMonkeys. Maybe the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) may be able to get you connected to some assistance that may benefit you: http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Sec...e=FL&lstid=799

You might also call your county social service to see if you are eligible for any assistance, like food stamps.

Good luck.

[mgran]

When we get stressed, we tend to get more symptomatic. When I was first on antipsychotics the hallucinations stopped completely, for six to eight months. Now that things have got increasingly stressful I have the odd breakthrough symptom... but it's not too bad, since I know a, what's causing it, and b, what symptoms to look out for.

If you are aware that the voices hallucinations, whatever, aren't real, you're already most of the way there. It could be an early warning sign that you need to do something to reduce stress in your life. But to answer the original question... yes. From my point of view at least it's perfectly possible to have audio hallucinations (even visual ones) and to be perfectly fine and happy.

[voicesinmyhead2]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

Not sure where to post this since my "mental 'disorders'" (I don't like the term so much) range from supposed Bipolar to Multiple Personality to anxiety disorder... The list continues. Well who knows if I actually have any of these but what I do know is things aren't going 100% for me.

I'm hearing things again. Most of them sound like they come from outside of me... Foot steps, doors opening, people talking, crashing noises... You name it. This could be because of my "schizophrenia" but the voices come from within as well. I hear noises mostly inside my head but occassionally I hear words. My name being yelled, being whispered, other names, random words, not too much of it which actually makes sense though. It seems like sentenses that were never fully said or heard. Just as the noises once I try to listen to what I hear inside to make sense of it, it stops after a moment. I don't know what it means though, it could be from the supposed multiple personalities I have, but who knows.

The problem is that I have been off meds for over a year and a half. They seemed to make everything worse, no matter how many meds or what kind I would take it made the voices and things I saw much worse. I mostly hear things, think people are talking when they aren't and apparently a few times I have said something that only a fraction of a second later I can't remember saying anything at all.

I haven't again seen too much and I'm not depressed really. Not at all compared to the rest of my life full of meds and doctors. I evaluate myself and work with myself to solve my inner problems when triggers occur or I'm just feeling down about myself. But since the bills started to pile on and I lost my job, living every day just trying to find money for food that day, the voices are returning. They were worse at one point, I nearly hospitalized myself the last time and my pdoc was wanting to do the same to me. Nothing I saw or heard or thought was real. I'm afraid of going back to that point now that the voices and other things are returning.

I am stressed out from bills food and not even having medical insurance but I have known much harder things than this so I'm having trouble figuring out why the sounds are coming back. I know stress is a major contributor to mental problems but I had thought I had my "problems" under control now I don't know where to turn.

I have no medical insurance and no car even and no license to drive so a pdoc/t isn't what I'm hoping is needed, I don't think I need to be hospitalized as I know when I hear these things if not instantly but momentarily that they are not real. They aren't effecting my life too much right now, just making myself sound a little whacky to the people around me but I'm afraid things will get worse if I don't figure this out soon. I've started to "space out" as well. Loosing control of my movements, as if something else is forcing me to move and fading into the back of my mind. I can stop this most of the time when I feel it come on though, attention is mostly all it takes, focus on what is around me and it keeps me here.

I may have needed to post this in the dissociative forum or the schizo forum but since it could be any number of my "mental disorders" I posted here. I'm sorry for such a long posting but I tend to do that before I even realize it. Any kind words, advice or just reading this would be more than enough and I would be very grateful! I hope you all are well!!!

I know exactly what your talking about. Some of these same things happen to me. It seems to have entensified over the past month

[jeppys]

what goes through your mind when you hear these things? whether im on meds or not I have the ability to make the voices come and go. granted it can take a week both ways but I find ignoring them when they become overwhelming helps a great deal, in time.