please help me understand

i would like to know what it actually means to "deal with it" and "get over it"......really if i could i would but i do not know what to do with the memories ,thoughts, feelings and anxiety that end up controlling my moods/life etc....isnt that like accepting things in your life you dont want....i have heard these stupid words too many times and i have never understood the concept

People who think that a person suffering from mental ill-health can just 'get over it' are, I believe, ignorant. Not necessarily malicious, but definitely in need of education, the type of people who believe that a mental issue can be overcome with positive thinking alone, or that forgetting about is possible or helpful. You shouldn't take it to heart when anyone says those words to you, even if they mean well. After all, you wouldn't tell someone who had a broken leg to 'get over it'! So, basically, I don't understand either. Sorry.

http://daveloveless.wordpress.com/20...t-get-over-it/

thank you Byz...that is what i thought ,, now if only others understood ..

Dearest ((((Queen)))),

People who don't have any internal disruption simply have a very breezy view of life. To them it's no big deal because they aren't stuck the way people like us are. And I know from things I see that there are even people with mental illness who are intolerant of others with a more severe mental illness than they have (which I think is rather odd).

Let them have their thoughts Queen, they don't know and have no concept of what it is like, there is nothing at all that can be done about them and their judgements. The best hope is that they never have to find out because I wouldn't wish this on anyone no matter who they are

i would not wish it either,,i dont like hearing the words "get over it" but i guess i know they dont understand,,sometimes it is just so ignorant...but i will keep a strong hope that maybe someday i will have the knowledge on how to "deal with it"...thank you Rhiannonmoon

Sorry you've heard those often "stinging" words.

I've not read the other replies so I hope I'm not redundant....
the way I see it--
if someone says "get over it" or "deal with it" it's their way of saying they don't want to hear any of it. So, I then make sure I don't discuss said subject with that person ever again, unless they ask about it.

I sometimes wonder if some of the others that think like that are actually not very strong and look towards others to keep their "positive" vibes going... if around someone that is not so positive -- they aren't very able to deal with it...... it may speak more about their inabilites than it does about yours.

best to you,
fins

Dear Queen of Wands,,, I do understand all the things said by the other responders to your words of frustration~~ BUT,, i am busy "getting over it". To me this has meant having to learn to endure having "symptoms" while going on with my life; to learn that tiny steps, even if intermittant, will eventually take me a long way down the road to recovery; that, while "recovery" may not mean being "fully restored",, it does mean coming to terms with who i am NOW, where i am GOING, what i am DOING to get there, and enjoying the journey. You are one of the flowers on my journey, and i hope to see you wafting in the gentle breezes of success sooner than you can believe possible~! Gus

hi queen, you don't have to accept those illogical/misinformed/uncaring people who have no idea what you've experienced. i found that therapy helped me immensely to deal with those feelings that plaqued me. the process sometimes can be painful but enlightenment was the payoff for me. i hope you can find that too. sometimes we just need a person to validate us so we can move on to a better understanding.

I think people who make broad statements like "get over it" just need a little "focusing"

Next time someone says that specifically to you, ask, "Get over what?" like you're clueless and it's a novel suggestion. Keep making them clarify exactly what it is that you're supposed to get over. I think it's a "throw away" comment, like swearing because one doesn't have enough words to say what one "means" (or enough brain power to mean what one says) and purple_fins thought that they just don't want to have to deal with something or someone they don't understand is close to what it means.

your replies have enlighted me some..i am learning so much in good timing...hard but continuing on this road..but ultimately worth it,,.you have brightened my day a little

i will be wafting in the gentle breezes of sucess eventually... and blossoming as we all ride the wind of dreams...

i have to admit sometimes i wonder why everyone cant just "get over it" then i have to take a step back and realize people say that to me too. lol. its so easy to say that when you arent the one going throught it. whatever it is. i do know i get offended when i am told that but after a while i think about what they were telling me to get over. i know its not so easy to get over things and some i dont know if are possible(and are diff for each person) but to take that first step toward "dealing with it" is another story. at least i can do my part to try. i know with my mother in particular when she says it to me its because she is tired of hearing about it and usually cant take anymore. she once resoponded to me that she cant deal with my stuff because she has her own. everyone does and perhaps people that say to get over it cant handle the it any more than we can. anyway im starting to ramble.

I used to see these two phrases as negative things until my therapist gave me another point of view. she said sometimes when people say these things they dont always mean for you to snap your fingers and be all done with whats going on.

Sometimes "deal with it" means don't run away from the problem, dont fight the problem. see it for what it is and then do something about it that will make yourself feel better about it.

Sometimes "get over it" means look at the problem, find that trail that leads up and over the problem and then use positive things to climb up out of the center of the problem, stand on top of the problem then coast on down the other side like you would climbing a huge mountain full of brush, brambles and tree branches that are preventing you from seeing the trail on up and over the mountain.

Ever since she and I talked about these two phrases every time I have a problem she challenges me to "deal with it" and "get over it" using those exact phrases.

since my therapist and I discussed these two phrases it no longer bothers me when others - my partner, family, friends, co workers use those phrases either in passing conversations or directly related to me.

Greetings,

Everyone deals with the various situations in life, though, not everyone gets over them. I use positivity to guide me, though, there are many situations that take time, as well as patience with myself, to truly, not to mention, effieciently get over.

Have a good one.

alot of work but if i can come to a point in my life where im strong enough to keeped focused without giving into the fear and anxietyhard but with better control of the anxiety it sounds eventually possible...............thankyou i am gaining more perspective on my life through these posts...much appreciated

Queen, I know your frustration. People would say to me "get over it" or "why would you worry about a job so much"? It was like me telling them not to be short. It is simply I cannot do.

i feel it is impossible sometimes too ,,depends on the subject really,,but i hope for a better tomorrow..i will be starting some therapy for one of my diagnoses on the 14th..i hope i can learn alot and eventually begin dealing with the issues i need to ...thank you all

Queen, I think the reason you do not understand the concept is because its a judgement and not a concept. Sounds like its other people's agendas ( perhaps born of their own ignorance and fear). I know first hand how painful those agendas can be. I think that the hardest thing for me is that I often believe them. And then judge myself thinking they are right and I should be doing more. Could be doing more. Am falling short. I offer this to you because perhaps I am not alone in feeling this response. I think that "deal with it" and "get over it"...... are words said with a lack of wisdom. Hugs for you (((((Queen)))))

it's normal to feel out of control. in fact, that's what makes it so hard to get better. it's easy for people to say ''get over it'' if they've never been in your shoes, you know? i was diagnosed with bpd 2 years ago and until recently life was ****ing hell. but i'm living proof that it does get better and it does eventually go away. the secret is keeping it away. :P

I don't hear "Get over it" or "deal with it" as much as I hear things like "It's no big deal," "I wouldn't worry about it," and "don't take things so personally." Either way, it hurts and makes me feel like...something isn't right. It can't just be me.

ive heard those words too many times as well,,