I am tired. Complain whine, moan (Possible Trigger)

Ever notice how life just keeps happening around us up and down no matter how tightly we are holding on for dear life?

This past week:

client found dead and stinky, dead several days

couple who are clients thought they could teach me how to blush and to run for cover.

My son asked to come home as he can't afford to live and we couldn't afford his tuition this semester.

I am trying to get him into non-matric courses at a local state college. He has no time this week to start classes, already a week late, and I don't have 3,000 for tuition. I am trying to figure out how to have him start classes and get up there to get him moved. I need to work, hubby needs to work, and he needs to start classes. If he is not a full time student he loses his health coverage.

Which brings me to this, the little brat had bladder cancer at 16, removed successfully, no cheomo needed. There was a direct correlation with that and him smoking. I had not know he had been smoking since he was 13. He quit after the surgery and waking up to a catheter. I just found out he is smoking again. I told him he may not smoke, if he wants to die he can live and smoke elsewhere but that as far as I was concerned it was a death sentence and I just had another client die last week of bladder cancer from second hand smoke. I told him I would gladly catherterize him so he could remember what that feels like. I would also be happy to show him how to deal with the urine bag glued to his side when he loses his bladder, and then help him as he is getting ready to die within 6 months.

He is bringing his girlfriend home. He tells me she has been diagnosed with schizophrenia but it sounds more like schizo-affective disorder to me. At any rate she's off meds and is having hallucinations and panic attacks, knows the hallucinations are not real. Hears a lot of white noise. So I get to try to find treatment for her and state health insurance.

I am having soooo much fun.

I am at a Hubby family reunion at a resort in the Catskills in N.Y and it is great. All we do is eat and play. I am used to more alone time then what I am getting. I am also going to be so bleck to get home tomorrow night after being fed and spoiled all weekend. Real world. Price of heating fuel, gas, cars, moving the kid, keeping him in school somehow.

Daughter REALLY needs to get into the residential OCD treatment. NOW. She is making me a little crazy.

My son needs to apply for transfer to another school for Jan and try to get his financial aid in place. My daughter needs to apply somewhere for freshman year for Jan. This all needs to be happening very soon.

So I am overwhelmed and annoyed and wish things were not so hard but then I see the pictures of babies stranded on the highway for 4 days dying and I say to myself, it's all relative. Can't see or hear anymore about that right now. Wanna take in a family. We are a very long ways away though. And well, I don't think I can do more stress.

So this is my whine. If everyone had problems as big as this we should all be happy.

((((((((((((((( WW ))))))))))))))

I hope things smooth out and work out for you soon.

Hugs,

Jan

(((((((((((((((((ww)))))))))))))))))

((((((((((((((((ww))))))))))))))))))))))) Sorry things are so tough for you these days. The timing of everything sux. Hope things'll get better. Hugz

Thanks, and the beat goes on.....

((((((((((((((((((((WW)))))))))))))))))))

When it rains it pours. I know its hard to see now but things will even out and you will have a reprieve from all this stress.

Keep venting. That always makes me feel better and hopefully it can take the edge off for you too. Keep your chin up.


Hugs,

Jen

ahhh, venting. Life is really wild. Most of you all know of my friend who is ill. He is on his last stretch toward home and the vigil is getting intense. Probably before the weekend. Meanwhile son, everything. My friend's family had me listen to a song by I think Tim Mcgraw, country western, LIVE LIKE YOU WERE DYING. I am not a country western kid but what a great song. There is also a Reba McIntyre song about her daddy. We are trying to set both to the slide show his grandaughter set up but no one seems to know how to add the music and I have never tried. I suggested she go back to her old highschool and ask for help. I hope it happens. Busy. Trying to cover it all. Kinda hard.

How in the world you keep all your thoughts straight is beyond me....when things start wherling around me like this...I get picked up in the tornado too & then life just becomes a huge blur.

I do hope things will start settling dow for you.....I know how hard it is emotionally to be there with someone dying of cancer. Let alone all the other issues that have joined in. I can also relate to the exhaustion that can hit.....I have been there to the point where I ended up ill. You are entitled to your whine & cheese....when they say we aren't given more than we can handle.....I'm not sure that is all true.

Take care of yourself above all else,
Debbie

Call first thing about friend failing. Rushed over,he's unconscious. Arranged for Morphine and a catheter. A bit annoyed about a team leader's response from the Home Health agency. She treated me like crap. This is the agency I work closely with in my job and at times it can be adversarial. I had called and left a message that friend needed a catheter as he was retaining and then when I was on the phone with someone else I hit the wrong button for call waiting and called the Home Health agency back and the team leader was extremely rude and condescending to me. I basically said this is personal and she yelled and said someone would be there. I tried to explain about the call waiting issue and she was a nasty snot. Anyway the nurse came, a very nice woman I have met one time before and put in a catheter. He was retaining!!!!!! 400 cc and later another 300 and then it's been nothing as his body shuts down. I got the morphine and the scopolamine from the doc and had a friend pick it up. She brought it out to the house for me and helped me turn him and get the wet chux from under him and wash him. All day long there were people in and out and lots of family staying. Lots of singing and pictures and laughing. He is unconscious but still able to respond some. Laughed when we sang; "she be wearing red silk pajamas when she comes". He is a party man and we had a party. I just got home and expect that I will get another call about another change. I feel really good that his step daughter who is a respiratory therapist is there as she is really good at the meds and observations, better then I, more sure of self, and I forgot my glasses at work yesterday and need to use a magnifying glass to see the syringes. That's made everyone laugh as well. Picture me trying to read music with it.

It has been a celebration of his life and that is a good thing. He is mostly comfortable though when we have to turn him to one side to tend his bottom he hurts. He has two broken arms in multiple places from bone cancer and he can only lie on his back. I have an air matress under his butt and I have been having his son's help me position him with a draw sheet. He is choking on his own secretions, thus the scopolamine patch, no amount of positioning can help that much but morphine can. I have been having him roll on the less painful side to me and cradle him as others do his bottom and position the bedding.
We laughed so hard tonight I had an asthma attack. His wife was accidentally pulling on the hose to the catheter and we started telling her if she was going to do that we would leave and it took her a few minutes and a few funnies to get our dirty minds.

We have been taking turns lying and snuggling with him all day. He is in his own bed. So natural to snuggle up. He is so hot and I have been bathing him all day. It's that cooking body of death.

Family came together despite a really bad evening last night and the pictures arrived and everyone was great. So many loving friends. He and I are both blessed. Thanks for being here with me everyone, Eskie, I am choosing to not have this be a devastating horrible thing but a passage that I am a witness to and a guide to the door. We are all blessed.

One son, daughter in law, and step daughter and I will take him to the crematorium together when the time comes. I know how to get all of the permits now. Thankfully.

I am worried about how long it will go on because I missed work today and probably will tomorrow. I do not have paid time. I don't feel as though I can be anywhere else but there though. I don't want a call that he has passed. I need to be able to be there.

I am glad you are there with the family....& that the family & he have the knowledge & understanding of what is going on.....you are correct in that dying in not a horrible thing.....to me also it is just another phase of life. Everything you have described that you are going through with him.....I too experienced.....I guess the only difference was that my Mother continually kept asking me when she was going to get better. I guess in a way, I too acted as her guide.....All I could finally respond with was that her prayers were not going to be answered in the way that she wanted & that the only time she would be better was when she left this life.......she kept hanging on.....& struggling to stay alive......it was just 2 hours before she died that I told her that is was ok to die & that she would never be able to live the life she had expected here on earth.

I was not able to be with her at the exact time she died.....the time will come & it is beyond our control.....when the body finally lets go......My feeling was that I was with her when she died.....she died the moment I left her room.

Just be there for them like you are.....you are the strength the family needs to keep going also.

Debbie

((((((((((((((my Dearest Wisest Woman ))))))))))))))

VENT! VENT!! VENT!!!!

And KEEP VENTING! You sound like you have the most beautiful and sensitive heart.......don't hold back the tiniest bit!!

Stay Peaceful! ( and vent a little more!)DAYZEE9

My friend took his last breath at 9:27 a.m. this morning. His son and I bathed and dressed him in real clothes like he used to wear and after all had said goodbye two sons, a step-daughter's boyfriend and step daughter carried him to his car. We brought him down in the front seat of his car, it was hard for me to get his feet in but we did it. We drove to the crematorium and his son screwed the screws into the hand-made wooden coffin for cremation. We kissed him and left him safely tucked in and ready for his next journey. He was unconscious since thurs night and he held on forever. We slept on the floor in his bedroom and off and on in his bed when his wife was not in it. We had a chorus of snoring and no room to walk and despite the fact that thurs was horrid suffering, I do believe he had a good death and that as tired as I am having been there since Tues, it was what needed to happen.

I am exhausted, need to work tomorrow. We were and are all relieved but the reality has not yet struck. Moments of intense sadness with punch drunk exhausted humor and laughing so hard we had to hold our sides. So much laughter and a lot of healing with his children.

It has been made official that I am one of the kids though his wife is certainly not old enough to be my mother, his son, who I refer to as my baby brother, said if she were my sister it would be incest so I am an official sibling and child. I want to share the whole story at some time. Maybe I will write it in creative, who knows. I wish I could remember half of what we laughed so hard at.

I fell asleep next to him yesterday and at some point I have a memory of his wife stroking my hair as I slept and I think I was out for 3 hours. This is a profound experience. I have so much to say but it can't happen now. I am so very tired.

My friend took his last breath at 9:27 a.m. this morning. His son and I bathed and dressed him in real clothes like he used to wear and after all had said goodbye two sons, a step-daughter's boyfriend and step daughter carried him to his car. We brought him down in the front seat of his car, it was hard for me to get his feet in but we did it. We drove to the crematorium and his son screwed the screws into the hand-made wooden coffin for cremation. We kissed him and left him safely tucked in and ready for his next journey. He was unconscious since thurs night and he held on forever. We slept on the floor in his bedroom and off and on in his bed when his wife was not in it. We had a chorus of snoring and no room to walk and despite the fact that thurs was horrid suffering, I do believe he had a good death and that as tired as I am having been there since Tues, it was what needed to happen.

I am exhausted, need to work tomorrow. We were and are all relieved but the reality has not yet struck. Moments of intense sadness with punch drunk exhausted humor and laughing so hard we had to hold our sides. So much laughter and a lot of healing with his children.

It has been made official that I am one of the kids though his wife is certainly not old enough to be my mother, his son, who I refer to as my baby brother, said if she were my sister it would be incest so I am an official sibling and child. I want to share the whole story at some time. Maybe I will write it in creative, who knows. I wish I could remember half of what we laughed so hard at.

I fell asleep next to him yesterday and at some point I have a memory of his wife stroking my hair as I slept and I think I was out for 3 hours. This is a profound experience. I have so much to say but it can't happen now. I am so very tired. Thank you dayzee and all. Love to you.

Wisewoman,

You are an amazing and remarkable human being.

Your friend and his family are blessed to have you in their lives.

With respect and admiration,

Petunia

Thank you, I am pleased and greatful. It means a lot to me to be as honest as I know how to be and get understanding.

Wisewoman, anyone that you are a friend to is very, very fortunate.....xoxoxo pat

Oh lady, biggest hugs to you and good wishes and condolences, and you know, there is nothing really I can say that is any good. Keep talking to us, vent, share, anything that helps at all.

You are in our thoughts.

((((((((((((Wisewoman)))))))))))))))))
Sending you many hugs, condolences and good thoughts.

WW,

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you at this difficult time.

Luv,

jen

i am so very sorry about your loss......

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{wisewoman}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]]
I am so sorry for your loss...I am sending you many many hugs, my condolences and very warm thoughts....wish I could say more....your a special person and a great friend....take care
XOXOXOXOXOXO

{{{{wisewoman}}}}

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Good thoughts to you at this time.

((((Wisewoman))))) Sorry to hear about your friend. Sending hugs and warm thoughts your way.

-Jennifer-