[Distressed2010]

I am really confused. These are my 2 situations:

#1:
At times when I'm so consumed by something I'm interested in (its extremely hard to catch my interest), I'm like on top of a cloud, almost a high, and I'm also a very curious person so it really makes me feel good when I have something to learn about.

But the moment I've researched it all the way to the bottom or had too much of it (usually after about 3 days to a week), I suddenly lose interest.

Then, I'm bored. Boredom leads to my mind thinking negative things. So then I get depressed. Get consumed by my thoughts. Recently I've started having suicidal thoughts in the sense that I'll sit and wonder "What if I die... how will everyone feel?" and then I ponder on what's the least painful way to do it... I do all this knowing that suicide is not what I want, but that the pain has become so hard to deal with that suicide might help in permanently ending it all.

A couple days pass, and then I'm back at a new interest I've caught and again the cycle continues.. interest, boredom, depression, suicide, interest, boredom... you get the point.

What the hell is this???( I do have ADHD)

#2:
Another thing. I have felt isolated for the past 10 years. I've had close friends before but they've been a few, right now I don't have any close friends. zilch. I was also emotionally and sexually abused while growing up. Many have probably read on this forum a couple weeks back I was badly stuck in the past. Now i'm out of it but I still feel like i have no one and i'm all alone.

I think about the future, good things about the future, and then my mind goes to thinking "Ok, so i'll have an awesome family (Goal #1), then what? ALright, so i also have tons of money ( then what?), basically asking myself whats next... I feel like I'll never get close to anyone and if i do, they will hurt me or wont be there for me. I'll always be alone.



Additional info:
I have had therapy for 3 months, which solely focused on the dysfunction part of my family and how to pay attention to my own feelings.
I'm great at making acquantences but I suck at getting closer... I feel isolated even when I'm out at times. Also, THE SAME thing happens with some new people i meet, I find them extremely interesting in the beginning but then the more I hang out with them (or may i say indulge in the pleasures of this newfound friendship), the sooner I find them to be boring and end up dropping them. At times they offend me and i drop them and at other times I simply lose interest.

Thankyou everyone for providing validation but I would really appreicate it if you guys could provide some helpful hints that you might have learnt in CBT that I could use in both the above situations. thanks much!!

[madisgram]

hi distressed, i'm glad you've been feeling better.
the first question i have is are you seeing a T? some of your concerns, i.e. abuse, could be helped better with one,imho. i'm sure you feel emotional scars that resulted from this happening to you. a T's guidance would make the difference i think.
secondly it sounds like you would benefit from making some friends. 10 years is a long time to feel alone and probably lonely.
some ideas:
i did this by going to barnes and noble and sitting down with a book that interested me. sure nuff i made friends and they had similar interests as me or they wouldn't have been at a book store. lol. my T had suggested this and it worked.
i also took walks around my neighborhood and as i saw someone in the yard i'd say hi. some good friends were made that way too.
there are lots of interest groups listed in the newspaper. find some that you have an interest in...perhaps you could check some out and make friends too.
next: i think you may have too much time on your hands to think. when i ruminate i can find all kind of things to worry about. so for me, keeping busy helps. like find a hobby like gardening. or whatever interests you but it helps if a part of it is physical.
so my spin on it is this....therapy coupled with some outside activities that you spark. between the two i feel, since it's helped me a lot, you will find your phone ringing or you're going out that you will not have time to allow negativity to have rent space in your head!!!
i hope this helps. it's basically what my T helped me with and sometimes now i wish my phone would stop ringing!!!
ps i don't think anything is wrong with you...i think it's just a part of being human.

[Distressed2010]

Originally Posted by madisgram

hi distressed, i'm glad you've been feeling better.
the first question i have is are you seeing a T? some of your concerns, i.e. abuse, could be helped better with one,imho. i'm sure you feel emotional scars that resulted from this happening to you. a T's guidance would make the difference i think.
secondly it sounds like you would benefit from making some friends. 10 years is a long time to feel alone and probably lonely.
some ideas:
i did this by going to barnes and noble and sitting down with a book that interested me. sure nuff i made friends and they had similar interests as me or they wouldn't have been at a book store. lol. my T had suggested this and it worked.
i also took walks around my neighborhood and as i saw someone in the yard i'd say hi. some good friends were made that way too.
there are lots of interest groups listed in the newspaper. find some that you have an interest in...perhaps you could check some out and make friends too.
next: i think you may have too much time on your hands to think. when i ruminate i can find all kind of things to worry about. so for me, keeping busy helps. like find a hobby like gardening. or whatever interests you but it helps if a part of it is physical.
so my spin on it is this....therapy coupled with some outside activities that you spark. between the two i feel, since it's helped me a lot, you will find your phone ringing or you're going out that you will not have time to allow negativity to have rent space in your head!!!
i hope this helps. it's basically what my T helped me with and sometimes now i wish my phone would stop ringing!!!
ps i don't think anything is wrong with you...i think it's just a part of being human.

Hi, thanks very much!

There are a few issues. I have had therapy for a few months for dealing with my dysfunctional family and particularly closely paying attention to my emotions and my feelings before I consider others.. I was also betrayed by my bf at that time and had an emotional breakdown, my therapist brought me back out.

The other thing is, I'm terrible at building close relationships, really good at building acquantances but suck at getting closer.

Also, when you went to barnes and nobles, did you mean you met people there as in they'd be randomly reading books and you'd go say hi to them and start talking?

Thanks once again

Hello, Distressed2010. Perhaps you mint be able to focus on your concerns in therapy if you printed your posts for the therapist? Have you and the therapist discussed a treatment plan: http://phobias.about.com/od/glossary/g/treatplandef.htm

Good luck.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by Distressed2010

Hi, thanks very much!

There are a few issues. I have had therapy for a few months for dealing with my dysfunctional family and particularly closely paying attention to my emotions and my feelings before I consider others.. I was also betrayed by my bf at that time and had an emotional breakdown, my therapist brought me back out.

The other thing is, I'm terrible at building close relationships, really good at building acquantances but suck at getting closer.

Also, when you went to barnes and nobles, did you mean you met people there as in they'd be randomly reading books and you'd go say hi to them and start talking?
Thanks once again

yeah like sit down in an area with hopefully 4 cushy chairs.... up north we had barnes and nobles with two floors plus lots of to-do stuff, music area with ear phones, plus the coffee shop where u can sit outside or in. it was awesome. all ages hung out there from teens on up. conversations were springing up from hanging out. i didn't understand what my T meant at first and would go there, purchase the books and leave. he asked me how it was going and what i did. when i told him, he said NO, i meant for you to sit down. i'm such a doofus!
as for relationships, trust issues, etc. i would definitely bring this up in therapy and hold your T to it til you find resolution. you don't want this to hold you back. you can deal with your family issues, we all have'em, but if it were me i'd want individual sessions on things that hindered me or i wanted to change for the better.

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

I am sure a great deal of your worry is not necessary. Though, it is you who has to figure that out for yourself. Of course, with mental illness, that may be quite the challenge.

Nonetheless, I am sorry for your stress and hope fate will bring you and efficient answer for it, in the near future.

Have a good one.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

distressed,

What a most tiring and fearful cycle for you; knowing that you must follow it through one day to the next until it has fullfilled its own prophecey. Following each day exactly as the ones before in its cycle

Is it possible to try to break the cycle with intention? At your low point during the cycle is it possible to then start looking for something to take your attention? Only you know what areas can take your attention so I will not suggest anything to you

I do hope you are able to counter this problem and that it gives you smile and hope for a happier cycle in your life

Morgana

[beggin for help]

Originally Posted by Distressed2010

I am really confused. These are my 2 situations:

#1:
At times when I'm so consumed by something I'm interested in (its extremely hard to catch my interest), I'm like on top of a cloud, almost a high, and I'm also a very curious person so it really makes me feel good when I have something to learn about.

But the moment I've researched it all the way to the bottom or had too much of it (usually after about 3 days to a week), I suddenly lose interest.

Then, I'm bored. Boredom leads to my mind thinking negative things. So then I get depressed. Get consumed by my thoughts. Recently I've started having suicidal thoughts in the sense that I'll sit and wonder "What if I die... how will everyone feel?" and then I ponder on what's the least painful way to do it... I do all this knowing that suicide is not what I want, but that the pain has become so hard to deal with that suicide might help in permanently ending it all.

A couple days pass, and then I'm back at a new interest I've caught and again the cycle continues.. interest, boredom, depression, suicide, interest, boredom... you get the point.

What the hell is this???( I do have ADHD)

#2:
Another thing. I have felt isolated for the past 10 years. I've had close friends before but they've been a few, right now I don't have any close friends. zilch. I was also emotionally and sexually abused while growing up. Many have probably read on this forum a couple weeks back I was badly stuck in the past. Now i'm out of it but I still feel like i have no one and i'm all alone.

I think about the future, good things about the future, and then my mind goes to thinking "Ok, so i'll have an awesome family (Goal #1), then what? ALright, so i also have tons of money ( then what?), basically asking myself whats next... I feel like I'll never get close to anyone and if i do, they will hurt me or wont be there for me. I'll always be alone.



Additional info:
I have had therapy for 3 months, which solely focused on the dysfunction part of my family and how to pay attention to my own feelings.
I'm great at making acquantences but I suck at getting closer... I feel isolated even when I'm out at times. Also, THE SAME thing happens with some new people i meet, I find them extremely interesting in the beginning but then the more I hang out with them (or may i say indulge in the pleasures of this newfound friendship), the sooner I find them to be boring and end up dropping them. At times they offend me and i drop them and at other times I simply lose interest.

Thankyou everyone for providing validation but I would really appreicate it if you guys could provide some helpful hints that you might have learnt in CBT that I could use in both the above situations. thanks much!!

I can only say that 3 years ago (the last time I tried to commit suicide) I researched on the internet the quickest, least painful way of doing it. Obviously I failed to die. I am sure that is a good thing, but I think God had a hand in this someway. I really don't know why, but if I can help anyone by posting on here, I am sure it will have been worth my failure to exit this life. I am loving this site because it is the only place I really feel like I fit in. I don't meld into any other group in life, not even my family, especially my family. Here is my family and I will continue to help and be helped here as long as God allows me to.
Sorry for all the rambling. I really don't have any hints for CBT. I love group therapy and maybe you should try it, especially if you like people. I find the coolest people there. Some however take up the whole session talking only about themselves so be fore warned. You need a mediator to help keep things going smoothly. Hope I have helped some.

[beggin for help]

I posted something about suicide thinking it would help someone, but I must have posted it in the wrong place. Story of my life. Born wrong, wrong as youngster, wrong as teen, wrong marriage, wrong way of attracting mates, wrong decisions about relationships, wrong answers, etc. Don't get me wrong I do make a few good decisions accidently, but I could go on forever. Sorry about rambling on about myself. I just feel at home here, as though I belong finally to something bigger that me. I get so much comfort and I actually dare to think I may be helping someone with my posts. Please God, let that be true.