[serafim_etal]

I don't post often, in fact it's very rare. I've been a member for 5 years now and I have 280 posts. Hardly prolific.

I am cautious. I sit back and read but tend to not post unless I feel like I have something truly valuable or important to say. Apparently I am usually wrong about that. There isn't much value or importance in what I have say. Very rarely am I replied to when I post on others threads...it does happen occasionally and I appreciate that, but occasionally doesn't off-set the other things that are happening. Often there are no replies to me...or to the thread at all after I post. The most recent thing is the thread was actually closed after I replied to something. I tried very hard to not be confrontative, or otherwise aggressive in any way when I replied to a specific quote...yet the thread was closed...with the post commenting that the thread was being closed actually attached to my comment, in the middle of the thread...instead of at the end.

This type of thing happens to me over and over. I see other people say they are the "thread killer" and I laugh, knowing that if that were a real title, it would surely go to me. Misperceptions perhaps, but what I am feeling at this time. So I think I will give up on posting anything, at least for a while. No I do not mean I'm leaving altogether or deleting my account...just an indefinite break. Not that it will really even be noticed...after all, I really don't post that much.

[Emotionally Dead]

I notice everyone, and I always try to reply to anything I read. I'm not sure what you said that would have had the thread closed, but it doesn't mean that it was closed because of what you said. Perhaps the thread was too old? I'm not quite sure because, obviously, I haven't seen the particular thread you are talking about but there are many reasons it could be. Don't give up! The reason you may not be replied to so much is because you DON'T post a lot. If you posted more often you would have more of a chance of being replied to AND people would know you better, so they would notice your posts more. I don't post a whole lot either, but it's because I rarely have time, but I DO try to post anytime I read a thread. I don't always get replied to either, even if I feel like I put a lot of good thought into it, but it doesn't bother me. Sometimes I do get replied to, sometimes I get a "Thanks!" and sometimes I don't get any reply. I always check my posts again to look for a reply and see if it's the type I should respond to or not, but when I don't get replied to I don't get upset or blame myself or the people for not replying. Sometimes the things you say are read, and are being thought about, but the person just didn't have time to reply, OR hasn't been on enough to reply. So just don't take it to heart, I don't see anything wrong with your posts. Don't give up!

[sundog]

Hi (((((serafim)))))) I just want to say that I read this and I want to leave you a hug I'm really sorry you've been feeling ignored. That's always a horrible feeling, especially in a situation where we're already dealing with difficult emotions and opening up about things that are personal. Or if we're giving something of ourselves at a time when we don't have much to give, and then, what we do give isn't acknowledged for some reason.

So I just wanted to say I read this and I hope you'll post some more!

Wishing you all the very best.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((serafim et al))))

Dear one please do not think you are ignored already you have three who have noticed and care there are others too. We have seen and replied to som of your messages and we love your name, of the highest order of angels

I Morgana have not seen you as confrontational compared to others who have said things even I would not say, and at times I have been confrontational. It depends conservatively on what is said and how it is said at times there are reasons to be somewhat forceful and others not, just have you have mentioned

Please do not shy away, please remember too that not all who are active visit every forum so they do not always see messages they would reply to if they did visit that place. You are intelligent articulate and polite, if you do not message you would be missed. Please rethink this and know that there are those who notice your contribution and think you of much more than just someone who hangs around. You are important

Morgana

[Jewels]

(((((((((( sera ))))))))))

was just thinking about you the other day and wondering where the heck you have been...

i've noticed through the two years I have been here that you say little, and wished that I had caught up with you earlier...but it seems like things go the way of the world and I am either early or late...

what you say matters a LOT to me...it always has...it seemed there were always things to talk about when we would get together...and I miss that...you have been such a life-saver for me so many times, and you always seemed to know what to say and how to say it...

I miss those times...for what it is worth, you helped me a lot and I thank you for it...I don't know if you have been reading any of my things that I put out, but I have finally moved from being totally frozen up inside to being able to do some work and I think I am finally making progress. There have been a couple of breakthroughs with a couple of the jewels collection and I found an actual trauma program that has more people with DID in it than not, the people who run the program have been taught by Colin Ross, and because of their excellent partial program, I have been able to be outpatient and not inpatient for over a year and a half. While only beginning to get somewhere in therapy, I find that I can exist more than what I had in the past. And I have been able to keep my daughter well, happy and well adjusted. She is now in the 9th grade, and doing extremely well for someone who has severe ADD and has a learning disability in English. She went from having Ds and Es in the 7th grade, to last year getting all As and Bs and a lone C. She has turned herself around, ever since we found the right amount of Ritalin to give her every day. Right now she has Mono, and so will be out of school for at least two weeks. This is the second go around for her, since she had it in 7th grade also. But her teacher has been very supportive, and has gotten together all her study materials for each class for the next week, as well as this past week.

I really miss you sera. I didn't have to explain myself to you because you always knew what I was thinking and I noticed it. You were able to talk to me too, and share things that you didn't necessarily share with others. I value that about you. How you always knew, even before I did. I would hate to see you leave now, well, not leave but taking an extended time of being away.

If you ask me, it seems like you might be getting close to something in your life and you are running from it because it scares you. Let me tell you what I have to tell myself every time I feel like that. I say that those things happened in the past, and while I may be feeling the same feelings again, I am not a little girl going through them anymore, and I can get through it. I never doubted that you would get through things. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are important. Not only to me, but to Raine and others who have shared your life. Please stay. If only to read. But stay, so I can once again bounce things over you, but better yet, support you in your pain.

You have worthwhile things to say. Please know that we hold you in highest regard, and would miss you if you left. I know that it is hard, but please try to see from my viewpoint. We care about what happens to you. Know that we care, that we are rooting for you now, even in your pain.

Jewels

[STARLITE*1111]

If this is only one of the few things you've written.
Well you've written it very well.
Expressing your feelings.
It seems that you have good control over not getting upset.
You're a very very strong person.
You've been on PC for 5 years, in the shadows
And look you came out and your words are encouraging - Because you stayed and you still wrote, whether you'd get a response or not.
So thank you - many, many, many of us don't receive responses.
Maybe it's because the person reading it is going through the same thing
And you just wrote it out so they didn't have to
So actually I'm positive you've probally helped quite a few people.
Thanx

[Hunny]

Originally Posted by serafim_etal

I don't post often, in fact it's very rare. I've been a member for 5 years now and I have 280 posts. Hardly prolific.

I am cautious. I sit back and read but tend to not post unless I feel like I have something truly valuable or important to say. Apparently I am usually wrong about that. There isn't much value or importance in what I have say. Very rarely am I replied to when I post on others threads...it does happen occasionally and I appreciate that, but occasionally doesn't off-set the other things that are happening. Often there are no replies to me...or to the thread at all after I post. The most recent thing is the thread was actually closed after I replied to something. I tried very hard to not be confrontative, or otherwise aggressive in any way when I replied to a specific quote...yet the thread was closed...with the post commenting that the thread was being closed actually attached to my comment, in the middle of the thread...instead of at the end.

This type of thing happens to me over and over. I see other people say they are the "thread killer" and I laugh, knowing that if that were a real title, it would surely go to me. Misperceptions perhaps, but what I am feeling at this time. So I think I will give up on posting anything, at least for a while. No I do not mean I'm leaving altogether or deleting my account...just an indefinite break. Not that it will really even be noticed...after all, I really don't post that much.

serafim_etal

The thing is I like your posts and liked your recent post where the thread was closed. I was disappointed about the closure of the thread. I'm pretty sure they were contemplating closing it long before you wrote. It was just an unfortunate coincidence. Now that is not to dimish your feelings of being minimized at this time or other times. Perhaps if something was said to you it may have been a more caring way to close it. Thank you for bringing some informed information to the table in that thread. It did not go unnoticed.

Please be strengthened by knowing there are those of us who know and care. I also seem to recall something about you being in training in either the medical field or mental health field and I support you in all your overcoming. Go Serafim_etal!!!

[beggin for help]

Originally Posted by serafim_etal

I don't post often, in fact it's very rare. I've been a member for 5 years now and I have 280 posts. Hardly prolific.

I am cautious. I sit back and read but tend to not post unless I feel like I have something truly valuable or important to say. Apparently I am usually wrong about that. There isn't much value or importance in what I have say. Very rarely am I replied to when I post on others threads...it does happen occasionally and I appreciate that, but occasionally doesn't off-set the other things that are happening. Often there are no replies to me...or to the thread at all after I post. The most recent thing is the thread was actually closed after I replied to something. I tried very hard to not be confrontative, or otherwise aggressive in any way when I replied to a specific quote...yet the thread was closed...with the post commenting that the thread was being closed actually attached to my comment, in the middle of the thread...instead of at the end.

This type of thing happens to me over and over. I see other people say they are the "thread killer" and I laugh, knowing that if that were a real title, it would surely go to me. Misperceptions perhaps, but what I am feeling at this time. So I think I will give up on posting anything, at least for a while. No I do not mean I'm leaving altogether or deleting my account...just an indefinite break. Not that it will really even be noticed...after all, I really don't post that much.

I don't mean to be judgemental, but I think what you are saying is that you are invisable most of the time, but you kinda like it that way. You are probably like this in your personal life as well. I think it seems safe to you. I am new on here so i could not have been one of the ones who ignored your posts, but even if I were old hat, if you only post every now and then when the mood hits, it probably will get lost in the sea. Sorry to be so blunt, and I am a long way from being able to read people's thoughts, but that is just the way it came across to me. I hope you will post soon and more often. You need to contribute to these groups as much as possible because everyone is different and we all know diversity is important. Thanks for reading this

[serafim_etal]

Originally Posted by beggin for help

I don't mean to be judgemental, but I think what you are saying is that you are invisable most of the time, but you kinda like it that way. You are probably like this in your personal life as well.

I'm sorry, but I have to admit I got a nice laugh from this! I'm in no way trying to be mean, but it just couldn't be further from the truth! If you read my profile you will notice that I am a college senior who is a teaching assistant (now the 5th class I've done this in), and am currently applying to graduate schools. What you don't see is that I am a member of two honor societies, was president of one of them last school year, was on the disability services advisory committee last school year, am a member of NAMI getting training to be a mentor for one program and do presentations in another...being invisible in my personal life...no...not even close!

I am pretty unsure how complaining about the feeling indicates to you that I like it, too. Could you explain that to me?

[beggin for help]

Originally Posted by serafim_etal

I'm sorry, but I have to admit I got a nice laugh from this! I'm in no way trying to be mean, but it just couldn't be further from the truth! If you read my profile you will notice that I am a college senior who is a teaching assistant (now the 5th class I've done this in), and am currently applying to graduate schools. What you don't see is that I am a member of two honor societies, was president of one of them last school year, was on the disability services advisory committee last school year, am a member of NAMI getting training to be a mentor for one program and do presentations in another...being invisible in my personal life...no...not even close!

I am pretty unsure how complaining about the feeling indicates to you that I like it, too. Could you explain that to me?

I did not read your profile before posting and I admire all of your interests and endeavors. I was trying to help like. Sorry I fell short. However read on:
Your previous quote: "So I think I will give up on posting anything, at least for a while. No I do not mean I'm leaving altogether or deleting my account...just an indefinite break. Not that it will really even be noticed...after all, I really don't post that much."
At least you got noticed.

[serafim_etal]

Emot...while I do understand what you are saying, I disagree...to a degree. I notice brand new people get replied to quickly and often...when they only have one or two posts and are not replying to people that answered them! I do appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Sundog...thank you so much for the reply...I think you get exactly what I was feeling...giving with not much to give and feeling unacknowledged...exactly!

Morgana...we have one with the same name, and we have one with the name Rhiannon as well. Thank you for noticing that we aren't confrontational...that is actually something that as a system we have worked very hard at...and is part of why we don't post too often.

Jewels...will send you a pm!!

Be True...First off...I absolutely LOVE your flower pic! I'm glad you found this helpful...I had no idea it would be. I was coming from a place of hurt feelings...I do see how that can be helpful for others though.

Hunny...Thank you...It turns out that that thread wasn't closed because of me, so my statement that I was probably having mis-perceptions was correct. It just happened that my post was the last time wise.

[(JD)]

Hmm I don't like to be the last one to post when they decide to close a thread either! (And it happens often rofl)

Ok, I'm trying to see if there's more to your post than a cursory read would pull. We aren't "allowed" to post that we're leaving, btw, because it upsets the site, and then there are those who would do that just to gain attention (due to their disorder I guess.)

But you said you are "feeling" like giving up. Sounds like you haven't decided yet. And you say you don't post much. You say you read here though. Are you here often, reading?

How can we as members help you feeling like staying and gaining support from this site? Obviously you aren't happy with the way it has been going, and might be seeking help to change your experience.

[serafim_etal]

Originally Posted by (JD)

Ok, I'm trying to see if there's more to your post than a cursory read would pull. We aren't "allowed" to post that we're leaving, btw, because it upsets the site, and then there are those who would do that just to gain attention (due to their disorder I guess.)

I actually specifically state I am not leaving or deleting my account!

And yes, I say "feel* like" in the post a couple times, because I was posting my hurt feelings about the thread being closed after I posted. It has happened before and didn't upset me so much, but usually it was attached to the last PHYSICAL comment in the thread...this time it was attached to the last comment according to the time posted...mine. I suppose it was triggering for some reason.

As for being here often, reading...I suppose that could be said. I read 5 forums daily...usually very early in the morning or between classes, and I sometimes only read posts with titles that draw my attention...I really don't have a whole lot of time. Sometimes I feel I have something to add so I reply. Often someone has already said what I was going to, I don't have anything to add, or I feel a conflict internally that could cause my reply to come across as confronting instead of supportive...so I choose not to post rather than hurt someone else.

Gaining support...I don't post much, therefore don't ask for it much...however, this thread is actually full of it (support that is). I don't believe I need to be encouraged to stay...I've been here 5 years! Even though early in my membership I was verbally attacked and stalked outside this site by a long time member that is no longer here (which had a big part in causing me to not post much). This person found my personal blog somehow, and began posting things I was saying here, on the comments there...things that were only for here, not for school friends, teachers, and family to read. My point is, I stayed, the number of times I posted suffered, but I believe the quality of my posts improved.

I'm not sure I want to change my experience...it helps to make me who I am. A couple years ago I would have said nothing about these feelings...yesterday I said something, and there are replies. I am changing, which causes my experience to change, as evidenced by this thread.

[sundog]

Good for you!!!!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by beggin for help

At least you got noticed

Please be gentle, it could be that for all the work serafim does she is not noticed nearly as much as she should be? I read of her acheivements and her personal contribution to the betterment of the lives of others and her impressiveness is not mild

I do not intend to mean that serafim is wanting acknowledgement at all since one does charitable works for what they can contribute not what it
may return to them. I do too think that serafim is surprised at the quant replies which she did not expect at all

With her experience and generous heart serafims' contributions would be interesting and uplifting reading. I felt no self pity, no anger, no personal concern from her, but simply an observation which she felt needed to be expressed

If we can be as gentle as possible with each other, I feel we may find more common ground than we previously thought existed? This is something that I have found on occasions. Moreover I have found that there are several of other people with whom I have common ground that does not exist with our Rhiannon. I Morgana have made friendships with people that Rhiannon may not be aware of existing

But over everything the way to make friends is to be friends and the way to break friends is to betray trust. Let us all hope to be friends and word our messages in a friendly way

Many Blessings to all
Morgana

[lynn P.]

((serafim etal)) - thank you for sharing your feelings and it's comforting to know I'm not the only one who feels a little emotional when a thread is closed. Sometimes we can get caught up in those passionate topics. I also think many of us, myself included go through periods where we feel a little discouraged here for whatever reason. In fact I'm going through this at the moment and even posted it on my profile. I call my time to re-energize because I post more for helping rather than looking for support.

I've read your posts and I think they're always wise and well written. The thread you're talking about - your post was very fair and as a few others have said, that thread was already well on its way to being closed because there was some mud slinging earlier lol. Sometimes administration has to contemplate before they decide to close it. I read your post a while back about Lady Gaga and your post in particular sparked some debate but I agreed with you.

I think it's good you're sharing, this way you can get feedback. If I was going to hand out grades for posting I would give you an 'A'. I hope you'll feel encouraged from this feedback and yes it's very normal to go through stages where you feel less than enthusiastic. I've had a brain freeze all day until now - was completely out of good things to say lol. I hope you realize after reading these posts that you are welcome here. I have a hard time asking for help/reassurance but sometimes it's good to ask for feedback - as my mom used to say "it's the squeeky hinge that gets the oil". Some members even post threads in kudos asking for hugs - I think that's a great thing to do. I hope you feel better and keep posting - I enjoy reading your posts.

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

I just wanted to add to your supportive comments, as long as you are alive and breathing, you have not given up. Yes, you may feel as if you cannot sink any lower. Though, if you truly look around, everyone is having quite the turburlance of trials/tribulations, these days, mentally ill, or not. Trust me, you are alright. After all, you notice/acknowledge your true sorrows, which is a big first step. Now, all you need to figure out, is how to efficiently, properly, yet, most importantly, diminish them.

Best of luck to you!

Have a good one.

[purple_fins]

I'm so sorry you are feeling invisible.

I remember you from back in 2005-- when I used to be here.
I have always appreciated all your insightful posts.

You recently posted to me-- about self injury-- and I *clicked* a "thank you" instead of reply.
...... the reason....
NOT because I didn't read your post or appreciate it-- but because I so wanted that thread of mine to go to the second page, so no one further would read it
I sometimes post things and then I get HUGE anxiety from any attention
I so want to understand things and lessen my confusion but I really get nervous from any attention-- it lead, as a child, to all kinds of abuse-- and to this day I have people that just don't understand me.
So, what I'm trying to say is -- I didn't answer you with a written post-- NOT because of you but because of my own junk.
I'm sorry, I should have sent you a PM.

I've always noticed your posts to others and have found them to be caring, understanding and insightful.
I hope your break won't be very long-- this place would not be as enlightened with the absence of your postings.

sincerely,
fins
ps.... see(I'm so scatter brained), ah!, I forgot to say-- I found your post about the chemicals involved in self injury very informative and interesting and helpful. thank you ever so much for that. Oh and I also wanted to say that I hope, if and when you do go into "research", that you find such answers to the like of the post I had made. I think you'd be awesome!