Trouble with memories

Or should I say the lack there of.

I am amazed and sometimes jealous of people who can relate things that happens some time in the their lives, sometimes from a very early age. So many people have such strong memories of their childhood. I however, do not. The holes in my memory used to be a bother but never really caused a whole lot of great distress. The only time I was ever really bothered by it was when someone would ask me about something and I could not tell them about it. Lately though, the fact that I have no real concrete memories is causing me a great deal of stress. I'm sure there is a good reason why I have no memeories. Maybe I really don't want to remember those things right now. Maybe the memories wouldn't be of any use. Maybe they would change who I am. I have no idea

But I want to know. I want to know where i came from. I want to remember what I did as a child and that sort of thing. I hate not having any memories

Hello, Dark_Dreams. Perhaps talking to you parents and siblings would prime your memory pump?

Aye there's the rub.

First, I would ask family questions about things from time to time but when I ask three people the same question I would receive three different answers. Usually i would take the info I got from each person and try to piece together what made the most sense.

Second, at this point there is no one I can ask. Those that are not dead are either incarcerated or missing and assumed dead.

I am similar too, with the lack of memories. But when I ask my family what happened, it's always 'Oh I don't remember really'. I get the same answer if I asked how old I was at the time. Most of my memories are from school rather than from my home ... and i have less than 3 memories for every school year until I was 10, when my memories for school increased dramatically and with emotions too.

When I moved to my 6th form I had a girl who came up to me and insisted that we used to play together as children. We were both the same age and both had the same Christian name. I couldn't help but think she was making it up for some reason, because surely I would have remembered something about her, but no ... Even when older my memories are not properly recorded, not even things like holidays.

I have the same problem. I remember very little of my growing up years. That doesn't bother me so much as the problem I'm having NOW.

Someone can tell me something and by tomorrow I'll have forgotten what it was they told me!!! It's not that I wasn't paying attention ~ I just can't remember it. The same if it's something last week -- it's gone. I'm taking pain meds cause I'm a chronic pain patient and I'm sure that has something to do with it -- plus I just read that chronic pain causes brain damage to the frontal lobe of the brain ~ where your memories are stored ~ that's all I needed! LOL

It sure is frustrating! I'll be a doddering old fool before next year! LOL Hugs, Lee

I can relate. I used to be able to ask my mother about things from my past - like who my friends were in High School. Now, it's my son who remembers everything from his life growing up and can fill in some blanks. My husband also has a great (long term) memory. I don't worry about it too much. I learned not to embarrass myself when people came up to me in a store and acted like they knew my and I would ask, "Who are you?". I learned that that is not polite and if I waited long enough I would eventually figure out who they might be. But one time that didn't work too well when I asked a woman how her husband, John, was? Oops! That was wrong. Her husband's name wasn't John and she said to me, "You don't know who I am, do you?" Man oh man, how do you answer that question?? So now I say very little and listen for clues. As far as childhood, I have maybe a dozen memories but most are lost. What the heck - doesn't matter that much.

People know me too, when I don't know them (although I don't have a good memory for faces). I never ask them who they are - I just say 'Hello' back if they know me, answer any questions they ask me like 'How are you doing?' and hope they don't ask me a question which will reveal I don't know who they are lol. This means I try to keep contact time with them as short as possible ...

How far back do you want to go? People don't tend to remember much before, say, around age 5. One theory is that the brain goes through a major change and those memories are just "lost." Have you considered talking to a therapist about it, if the years you can't remember are years when you were older?

As I get older, I remember less and less. I no longer worry much about it. I have been through years of therapy, though. I think most of us just remember snippets and events that get sort of burned into our brain because they are associated with emotions. If you don't mind my asking, do you suspect that there are bad memories that you have repressed or something?

I want to remember as far back as I can since I know so much happened when I was younger and it is important for me to understand it? Why is it important? I can't really explain that. Maybe I wonder if I ever had something seemingly normal. Maybe I just need to know why I have some of the anxieties and such that I do. I do not remember much before about 14. That which I remember between 14 and 20 or so involves huge amount of alsohol and other mood altering substances so those memories are kind of wacked out anyway. After 20, for the most part I am ok.

Of my young childhood, say 10 and under, I have only a hanfull of memories and many of those are full of holes. Also, some of the memories I have from that age I wonder if they are my memories or my creation of the memories based on what may have been told to me.

I have trouble with memory as well, short and long term. My childhood and adolesence is more than sketchy also throughout my adult life as well. I understand the need to remember some of these things as for me it was to feel a connection again and to find some sense of grounding and the search for normalcy you describe. Psychotherapy can help to some degree with this but only to some degree. Learning from family is limited because their own memories have their own limitations due to their own views, their take on situations, and gaps in their own memories. No one ever remembers something the same exact way. That's why the same 2 people can see the same crime and have 2 completely different stories/details for the same exact event to tell police. Ever played that game, where everyone is in a circle, you start a sentence or two and then pass it to the next person, and on to the next. By the time it gets to the end, some vague details are there but it changed with each person due to their memory and own take on it.

I have since learned to work with what I have now in my memory and to move forward from here. Whatever happened in the past, normal or not (mostly not) and caused the things in my life to be the way they are, cannot be redone but have made me who I am today, positives and negatives. I have to learn from this point forward always how to cope in the moment despite the past and it's angels and demons.

What you focus on is what becomes important to you. If it is the relationships and connections, therapy can help with this. If it is to rediscover more about your past and you who are, it can help with this too. However even knowing 'why' something happen did not help to fix what was going on in the moment. Sometimes it is beneficial to go back, sometimes it is not. If the need is there, it is worth exploring.

Dark_Dreams,

I have always had a very spotty memory (to put it mildly). There are a lot of reasons this may occur.

1.) Poor memories tend to run in families ~ for unknown reasons.
2.) Most people typically cannot recall much of life before mid-childhood. Little snippets here and there are there before middle, but not real reliable.
3.) Traumatic experiences often affect memories surrounding those times
4.) Brain injuries often occur in childhood, which can effect general memory abilities.

All four are reasons for my very poor memory. My father has a very poor memory, and always has, despite a reasonably happy & healthy childhood. I have been through several traumatic events throughout early, mid, and late childhood. The result is me recalling itty bitty things ~ mostly negative memories. I can recall a few positives, but definitely have a tendency to focus on the negative & forget positives! Lastly, I began having seizures as a young child. My seizures went untreated for twenty years before I was finally tested and diagnosed with temporal lobe epilepsy. By then, the effects were significant.

Alcohol and drugs are known to dramatically slow growth of the brain, which also effects our memories and personality. It's possible that alcohol and drugs were introduced to your life earlier than you recall. Unfortunately, not particularly uncommon for older generations. Say age 30+. I grew up in that atmosphere as well ~ my aunt and uncles began regularly drinking and smoking pot with me when I was just a little girl. Age 10. Before that, they simply blew the smoke into my face.

Hope that helps explain your situation. I always strived to recall my memories too. Not sure that I would choose the do it again. Now I know why I stuffed them inside for so long. They're dark and depressing. If I could have avoided some of those experiences by recalling earlier, then it would be worth it though.

I too have trouble with memories from childhood, but some of it is from the abuse and the fact we moved so much. Also, I have had ECT and it has had a negative impact on my memory.

It sounds like a lot of people don't have strong memories of childhood, so you're in good company.