[marriedbee]

I am sorry to be back again.I. feel so helpless i didn't know who to turn to I can't even begin to describe how I'm feeling. Christmas and the new year were ok, I didn't get to visit my family as my husband told his family we would be staying over there ,and after the year we have had I honestly didn't have the energy to argue over it. I know i have been depressed on and off a good bit the last year. I'm not on medication for depression as i felt they were no good. I taught i could fight this on my own. It has been bad on and off the last few years. Doctor just prescribe more pills and never try to offer any other advise. I have found the year or so that when i feel sad or anxious i get this feeling of wanting to jump in the shower and just scrub myself clean . I am ashamed to say i did this already once and my skin was bleeding :-( I cant figure out where this feeling came from. I admit i do blame myself for the problems in my marriage and i feel like I'm not good enough for my husband. I look in the mirror and i feel so sad and I feel like crying . I try to appear happy to everyone on the outside ,but the battle is getting harder and harder Is there any hope?

[madisgram]

married, do you see a T? i believe that would help you imensely to share this with a professional irl. keep us posted. we care.

[kikki27]

Originally Posted by marriedbee

I am sorry to be back again.I. feel so helpless i didn't know who to turn to I can't even begin to describe how I'm feeling. Christmas and the new year were ok, I didn't get to visit my family as my husband told his family we would be staying over there ,and after the year we have had I honestly didn't have the energy to argue over it. I know i have been depressed on and off a good bit the last year. I'm not on medication for depression as i felt they were no good. I taught i could fight this on my own. It has been bad on and off the last few years. Doctor just prescribe more pills and never try to offer any other advise. I have found the year or so that when i feel sad or anxious i get this feeling of wanting to jump in the shower and just scrub myself clean . I am ashamed to say i did this already once and my skin was bleeding :-( I cant figure out where this feeling came from. I admit i do blame myself for the problems in my marriage and i feel like I'm not good enough for my husband. I look in the mirror and i feel so sad and I feel like crying . I try to appear happy to everyone on the outside ,but the battle is getting harder and harder Is there any hope?

Sending lots of hugs your way

[Leed]

Hi Marriedbee - Do you have any reason to feel like you're not good enough for your husband? No, I doubt it. Your husband doesn't say anything to that effect does he? No, I don't think so.

Please dearheart, find a good psychologist/therapist and make an appointment. You need someone to talk to about this. I've been in and out of therapy for years - there is NO shame in it. And you know what? Millions of people are on antidepressants, and they DO work wonders! i've been on one for years because I'm clinically depressed! If I don't take one, I'm so dangerously depressed, that I don't know what I might do.

So please - talk to your doctor - tell him what you told us - get on an antidepressant, and he will refer you to a good psychologist for therapy. You deserve to be happy like other people. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Muser]

There's always hope MB. Listen to these people. I've been where you are. Don't beat yourself up. His problems are not yours but they are affecting you self image.

And BTW...I take an antidepressant as well and there are no unpleasant side affects. It doesn't solve all my problems but tension and fear and sadness were raising havoc on my body. One spawned the other until they created their own set of problems.

Wishing you the best

Hello, marriedbee. May you always have hope and resolve to work through the rough spots in your life.

[lonegael]

(((((((married bee))))))))) I hope that you also will find a margin of peace now that the holidays are over. They are so stressful and raise such high expectations. Peace to you dear. HUGGGS

[marriedbee]

Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words x x x I took the first step today and made an appointment to see a therapist. Fingers crossed that goes wellx. Will keep you all posted.

Hello, marriedbee. May you and your therapist soon have you moving to a resolution of your concerns.

[Elana05]

Hi Mbee,

So glad to hear you got that appointment. It is so important to reach out and ask for help, although it is hard. I hope you find you can relate to this person. It's good to find someone you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with and who you feel respects you. Sometimes we don't understand the things we do or what we feel. But that is OK. That is where therapy comes in. We are here for you on pc. Sending supportive thoughts your way... You deserve to feel better.

[tattoogirl33]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.. I've been right where you are and had no where to turn.. 10 years ago I was dx with severe depression.. and now I come to find out I was mis-dx and I'm actually Bipolar 1 and BPD. I could have saved my first marriage had I known this sooner!! (been married and divorced 2 again since) Do what you have to, looks like you've taken the first step by comin here.. Welcome!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Leed

Hi Marriedbee - Do you have any reason to feel like you're not good enough for your husband? No, I doubt it. Your husband doesn't say anything to that effect does he? No, I don't think so.

Please dearheart, find a good psychologist/therapist and make an appointment. You need someone to talk to about this. I've been in and out of therapy for years - there is NO shame in it. And you know what? Millions of people are on antidepressants, and they DO work wonders! i've been on one for years because I'm clinically depressed! If I don't take one, I'm so dangerously depressed, that I don't know what I might do.

So please - talk to your doctor - tell him what you told us - get on an antidepressant, and he will refer you to a good psychologist for therapy. You deserve to be happy like other people. God bless. Hugs, Lee

question - are you this posters husband? if not then how you you know whether or not this posters husband has said or done anything to make this poster feel this way. saying you doubt it and you dont think so in response to your own questions to this poster without the poster replying one way or the other is making a judgement about someone elses life. the fact is there isnt enough information in the posters post to allow any of us to make any judgements of what this husband has or hasnt done other than the statement that the husband made the decision of where the poster and husband was going to spend their christmas holiday.

Working in a crisis center for things like domestic violence I can say from that reference to the husband it could go either way.

Marriedbee Im glad you have chosen to give therapy a try. I also wanted you to know that there are both medicated ways and non medicated ways that work with the problems that you have posted about.

Talk to your treatment providers and they can help you find a treatment option that is both good for you and fits in with your personal beliefs on what is best for you.

[sanityseeker]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Talk to your treatment providers and they can help you find a treatment option that is both good for you and fits in with your personal beliefs on what is best for you.

I wish you well marriedbee. What a wonderful expression of humility, courage and self kindness to take that first step.

[lonegael]

Good luck, dear! Let us know how it goes, OK? HUGGGS!

[marriedbee]

Hello - thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement. Firstly id like to reply to the comment above, my husband has never come out and say I was not good enough for him ,its his actions that speak volumes to me. I have tried. Many times to help him out, he neglects me and our marriage due to his addiction to pornography . At first I taught it was me not making enough of an effort , he would rarely look for intimate times , and i taught maybe he found me too unattractive ,or something. This has had an awful effect on my self esteem and has left me feeling like I'm not worth him. It was only after. Realised he was so into the porn side of things that things fell into place. He would spend hours on the internet when i was out at work , i confronted him about the porn and the lack of intimacy in our marriage . He swore he would try to keep away from porn. It was all going well or so i taught , he had gotten a new phone and my instinct starting telling me that something was wrong again. So. Asked him and after denying it ,he admitted that he was indeed looking a. The phone at work looking at porn . He gets upsets when i confront him about this and goes as far as taking pills and throwing them all back up again. I don't believe he does this as in to commit suicide but more to make me feel sorry for him . I'm not sure if this makes sense or not. When i had mentioned about us going to my family for Christmas he was kind of oh yeah maybe. But then told his parents we would be at theirs for Christmas , when i said it to him about my family he said i made him so angry that he wanted to do bad things to me this is not like him can i say. Trust him not to do anything to me. I am sorry for going on again !

No need to be sorry, marriedbee. You are in the midst of a troubling time in your marriage. I wish you the best in getting these issues resolved.

[lonegael]

Ditto. Going on and on is what this place is about! Enjoy, and good luck. I'm sorry that your hubby is having problems staying wih the program. On the other hand, I am glad you found someone to talk to. you shouldn't be alone with this. HUGGGGS

[ma2671]

Originally Posted by kikki27

Sending lots of hugs your way

When you are feeling the way you do try getting up and jump up and down 10 times. Physical activity stimulates your mental activity. What is it that is bothering you so much about yourself?