[Can't Stop Crying]

I have been on short term disability for a month while I try to pull myself together. I had hoped I would be in a better place by now. I work third shift and I'm due back at work on Tuesday night. I'm scared. My boss is insensitive and a bully.

The pressure is unbelievable. My husband lost his job a year ago and that put me in the role of primary breadwinner and sole provider of insurance benefits. While my husband, thankfully, found another job - it is not close to what he was doing before.

My 2 sons and I need medication and therapy, so insurance is really important right now. I can't jeopardize my job. I am so overwhelmed. Flashbacks have started again full steam and dark thoughts fill my head.

I'm worried about the well-being of my sons. Honestly, when is it enough?
I'm worried I won't be able to focus at work and I'm worried about how my boss will treat me. If I cry, he will write me up for unprofessional behavior. Sometimes the tears just come.

What if I can't do it all?

[vanmeekp]

I worry about losing my job for the same reasons. I am the insurance carrier too and of course that pays for my therapy and meds. Plus my husband is a diabetic and we would be in huge trouble without it. My manager asked me this week if everything was ok because I seem sader and slower at work. I told her I was depressed again and had an appt coming up next week. I hope I get put on some new meds because the ones I am on now just are not helping anymore.
I don't really have any advice accept check out the Americans With Disabilities Act. There could be some useful advice there.
Remember like I have to that we are not alone.
vanmeekp

Hello, Can't Stop Crying. Having an insensitive boss is harsh. Have you talked to your treatment team about how to deal with the pressure? You might benefit from talking to a JAN consultant about job accommodations: http://askjan.org/links/about.htm

Good luck.

[Jewels]

I hear you about having a hard boss to answer to. It is difficult when you are having issues and find the tears come at the most inopportune times. I hope that you have a good therapist you can go to and find some answers to the questions you have, not only about your children, your home, your husband, but also about you...who you are, where you see yourself going in life, and how do you keep your head up when all you want to do is hide your face to keep people from seeing you cry. I wish you all the best as you discover who you are, and hope that during this time we as a community can rally around you, holding you up, helping you to see that you are more than nothing...that you have value, worth, and are a very caring individual who has problems like the rest of us. We will do what we can to help you find your place in life, and rejoice with you as you discover who you are, and who you want to be.

My prayers are with you on your journey.

Jewels

[Can't Stop Crying]

Tonight is the night...I've been so anxious for days and now the crying is starting. Worrying about what my boss will say is making me physically sick. I keep telling myself now is the time to suck it up and be strong...yeah right. I should be thankful that I have a job..another yeah right

I don't know if I can do this!

[darkrunner]

(((((((((((Can't Stop Crying)))))))))))))

Just do your best, that is all you can do.
Take one thing at a time and be gentle with yourself.

Remember, your boss is just a person too with his own issues. It is unfortunate that he can't be more understanding.
Have faith in yourself!

[Can't Stop Crying]

State of Emergency declared near me due to blizzard. Company closed (this literally has not happened in more than 20 years) 24 more hours to get through before officially going back. In a way this is good because it gives me one more day in a way this sucks because now I have one more day filled with anxiety.....

[lavieenrose]

I have terrible workplace anxiety, though I've been on SSDI for a while. I also used to cry at work and know the embarrassment of not being able to control depression and anxiety. I hope that you can find ways to ground and calm yourself at work, find allies, or manage one hour at a time, until a better position might be found. I wish you well.

[Idealsummerluvv]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

I have been on short term disability for a month while I try to pull myself together. I had hoped I would be in a better place by now. I work third shift and I'm due back at work on Tuesday night. I'm scared. My boss is insensitive and a bully.

The pressure is unbelievable. My husband lost his job a year ago and that put me in the role of primary breadwinner and sole provider of insurance benefits. While my husband, thankfully, found another job - it is not close to what he was doing before.

My 2 sons and I need medication and therapy, so insurance is really important right now. I can't jeopardize my job. I am so overwhelmed. Flashbacks have started again full steam and dark thoughts fill my head.

I'm worried about the well-being of my sons. Honestly, when is it enough?
I'm worried I won't be able to focus at work and I'm worried about how my boss will treat me. If I cry, he will write me up for unprofessional behavior. Sometimes the tears just come.

What if I can't do it all?

I wish I could send you a big hug. First of all, kudos to you for working third shift. I did it for 6 years. Some like it but my body never adjusted.

My boss sounds just like your boss's twin brother. Is your boss short, because mine has napoleonic syndrome. He's short and hates women.

I've worked for the post office for almost 18 years and transferred to his office 5 years ago, never having had a problem with any supervisor until meeting this current one.

He seems to thrive on intimidation and threats. He seems to get his jollies when he's pushed women to the point of tears. I hate to admit the number of times I've been in tears after dealing w/him.

He's also a liar and hypocrite. Just one example: one time he dragged me into the office due to an alleged error in a clock ring. He threatened to report me to the Officer Inspector General for falsifying clock rings!!!!! Hello, if anything- it was an error- like I'd swiped over to the wrong route or something.

The Officer Inspector General gets notified when employees are stealing or something serious of that nature- not for an error!

Come to find out- that particular clock ring was indeed correct. He didn't apologize. Of course not. Later he was found guilty of falsifying OUR clock rings and stealing overtime pay from us!!!!!!! The union won a grievance for this and I got about $200.00 from the grievance.

Other supervisors across the country were booted from their positions when they were found guilty of the same crime, but for some unknown reason- our supervisor remains.

I am being treated for pmdd and chronic depression. Was covered under fmla for a number of years but because work hours have been reduced- I was told I was no longer eligible. With fmla- supervisors could not discipline you for using sick leave.

Last month I was able to work thru my private hell but this month is worse and I am taking 3 days off that normally I was eligible to take under fmla. The hours might have changed but nothing has changed with me.

I also feel pressure too because I have chosen to stick up for myself and have filed 2 EEO complaints against supervisor. The first for disparate treatment against women and the 2nd for retaliation.

Sometimes I wish I kept my mouth shut as I am feeling his wrath and my union steward thinks he is out to get me fired. So any little thing I might do or not do correctly- he will discipline me for.

For instance- a couple weeks ago I forgot to scan 2 xpress mail pieces. During that week- I had a conference call with the Administrative Judge and the postal attorney regarding my complaint. I don't have an attorney. I'm doing this by myself. My steward can only do so much as he's not an attorney.

I'm saying the stress of that phone call added more stress to me and it's affecting my work performance. He is trying to make me out to be a bad employee. I say a hostile work environment is affecting my performance.

Anyway, sorry to talk so much about my situation.
I will share some of what helps me. Hope you don't mind some stuff from alanon.

I try to take one day at a time. Live in the moment and try to not fear the future.

I try to accept the people and things I cannot control. I only have control over how I respond to things and people in my life.

I have a higher power and as much as the supervisor tries to shove his authority down my throat- he is not it. There is someone else in charge of all of this. And I place my trust in a higher power.

I feel for you.....

Idealsummerluvv

[Can't Stop Crying]

1st night back last night...I will now be "sharing" my job due to my unreliability. I worked really hard over the past 12 years to earn this position. I am now training the person who will be doing my job 1/2 time. For the times she is doing my job, I will be doing a no skills, monotonous, physically demanding job. What's the point in all this?

Idealsummerluvv - I am completely with you on the hostile work environment...I feel so completely trapped!

[pgrundy]

I'm so sorry you lost half your hours. That has to be really scary in this economy. I'm hoping it all works out for the best for you over the long run, even though it might seem terribly unfair right now. I mean, the job sounds like it's pretty bad for you, health wise.

In all honesty I am struggling with similar issues. The last two full time jobs I held were horribly stressful and fast-paced--both were in call centers. I did that kind of work for eight years and then had what looked like a heart attack at my desk in 2008. It turned out to be an anxiety attack, but the ER bills came anyway and boy were they doozies.

I quit shortly thereafter and have never regretted it, yet work remains a problem for me, and now the economy is horrible and that doesn't help at all. I have a part-time retail job and do some 1099 work online, but have constant guilt that I don't make more money. Plus, it's not cheap to have mental health issues. I just got out of a psychiatric hospital on the 28th and dread those bills--our out of pocket limit is $4 k and who has that? Not us!

So many employers are mildly to openly abusivee right now, and the productivity demands of even bad jobs today tend to be off the chart. It's hard for people WITHOUT mental health issues, never mind people who struggle even under the best of circumstances. These are not the best of circumstances. So I guess I'm saying, don't beat yourself up. It's rough out there all the way around right now.

I wish you all the best and hope your therapist and/or psychiatrist can work with you to get you into a better situation somehow.

My retail job is mildly abusive but I try to just ignore the supervisors and smile and nod. I mean, they pay so poorly, I figure if I just keep showing up that's 90% more than most of their employees do, and so far so good. But it's hard.

[Can't Stop Crying]

I still get to keep my hours...I will just be working in 2 different roles, each for half the shift. The first one I enjoy and do very well, the second one is going to be a struggle. It gives me too much time to think...
I keep reminding myself that I'm lucky to have a job, but that doesn't always work

[lastyearisblank]

Wishing you luck, can't stop crying. Hope you can find a new job soon. Sending you a hug. (and I wish I could send your boss a kick in the pants)..

[Jerrypharmstudent]

I couldn't help but read this topic, for I had many of the same issues when I was working in Minnesota.

If I may - I'd like to recommend a book that I found at Amazon.com called "Working in the Dark: Keeping Your Job While Dealing With Depression" by Fawn Fitter & Beth Gulas. I'll post the review I made there here to give you an idea of what the book covers:

"It covers everything from how to disclose your illness to your boss/co-workers (if you decide to), your rights under the American Disabilities Act and Family Medical Leave Act, resources within your department/company that can advocate for you and much, much more. You're more protected than you know - and you *should* know - even if your depression is under control this is still a valuable book to have in case the darkness returns. Did you know that if you decide to disclose personal medical information to your boss that he/she cannot use that information against you in any way including talking to colleagues, other managers, supervisors, or co-workers? Did you know that you cannot be fired for disclosing your mental illness? Did you know that if you need to take time off due to your condition that when you return to work you must be placed back in your previous position with your same pay? Don't get me wrong - and as the book states - you certainly can be fired for poor job performance - but you have tools at your disposal to help you and your supervisor keep the communication open and clear. This book saved my job - and my sanity. If you're struggling at work because of depression - GET THIS BOOK."

I highly recommend this book (and I am in no way affilated with the publisher or authors). You can get it for $10. Here's the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Working-Dark-K...7468208&sr=8-1

I hope this helps some of you -it did me!

Hang in there
Jerry

[Can't Stop Crying]

I only made it to work for 3 days, applying for another round of short term disability. Maybe one more month will help me get back on my feet...

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

1st night back last night...I will now be "sharing" my job due to my unreliability. I worked really hard over the past 12 years to earn this position. I am now training the person who will be doing my job 1/2 time. For the times she is doing my job, I will be doing a no skills, monotonous, physically demanding job. What's the point in all this?

Idealsummerluvv - I am completely with you on the hostile work environment...I feel so completely trapped!

I've been reading your posts with interest and wondered if you would share a little more, if you feel comfortable. How was this switch in your job responsibilities presented to you? That you had to do this, that you had to do it for a certain amount of time? Was it presented as a form of punishment? I'm interested in what was said to you about this switch. If you must do a monotonous, physically demanding job, are you allowed to listen to music while you do it?

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Jerrypharmstudent

I couldn't help but read this topic, for I had many of the same issues when I was working in Minnesota.

If I may - I'd like to recommend a book that I found at Amazon.com called "Working in the Dark: Keeping Your Job While Dealing With Depression" by Fawn Fitter & Beth Gulas. I'll post the review I made there here to give you an idea of what the book covers:

"It covers everything from how to disclose your illness to your boss/co-workers (if you decide to), your rights under the American Disabilities Act and Family Medical Leave Act, resources within your department/company that can advocate for you and much, much more. You're more protected than you know - and you *should* know - even if your depression is under control this is still a valuable book to have in case the darkness returns. Did you know that if you decide to disclose personal medical information to your boss that he/she cannot use that information against you in any way including talking to colleagues, other managers, supervisors, or co-workers? Did you know that you cannot be fired for disclosing your mental illness? Did you know that if you need to take time off due to your condition that when you return to work you must be placed back in your previous position with your same pay? Don't get me wrong - and as the book states - you certainly can be fired for poor job performance - but you have tools at your disposal to help you and your supervisor keep the communication open and clear. This book saved my job - and my sanity. If you're struggling at work because of depression - GET THIS BOOK."

I highly recommend this book (and I am in no way affilated with the publisher or authors). You can get it for $10. Here's the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Working-Dark-K...7468208&sr=8-1

I hope this helps some of you -it did me!

Hang in there
Jerry

Hi Jerry, I read your post and thought, hey, I'd buy that book if the title were Working in the Dark: When Your Job Is The Source of Your Depression. I'm only half-kidding, I've been in the work force for a long time and I'm convinced that often our jobs either make us sick or help keep us sick. It's a bitter pill to swallow to know where I work they claim to emphasize good health, staying healthy, getting healthy, yet employ abusive people in supervisory positions, force people to work in filthy, stifling or freezing environments (and by forcing I mean: first to deny the reality of the unsafe, unhealthy environment, and if the employee persists, say take it or leave as the answer if anyone complains or asks for relief), discourage and frown on people taking breaks, lunch hours, and vacation time. The work around for many people is to call in sick several times a week (some days I am the only employee who shows up), clock in and then simply disappear for hours, to deliberately not do the work, forcing someone else to do it, and to emotionally abuse each other. I'd say people would be shocked if I told them where I work, but some of what I have said above could apply to a lot of work places in the US. And here's the deal. I don't have any doubt that the people doing these things are suffering (from something). I believe most healthy employed people want to work and do a good job, want to feel proud and a sense of accomplishment from putting their talents and skills to good use. But a lot of companies shoot themselves in the foot because they don't make sure that their employees can actually do their jobs without serious trauma, physical and emotional. And I'm not talking about inherently dangerous work like police or military or firefighting. I'm talking about office work, factory work, retail. I often come home feeling as though I have been through a storm.

[lastyearisblank]

i work in an office. the lobby is polished marble. there is a doorman. there is a new bunch of lilies in front of the id swiping machine every day. sometimes when i come home, i feel like i have been working in a coal mine all day, or maybe selling flowers on the street. the system is set up to squash every natural impulse for creativity and above all, there is an absence of real human feeling in every interaction.....

[Can't Stop Crying]

Because I work 3rd shift, I am the only one on the shift in my role. I've literally worked my way up from entry level to where I am at. I understand the company's need to have my roles performed nightly and agree with training a back up..even if it's a hard pill to swallow. And in my mind, there is a difference to training someone to cover my absence and sharing my role. I hope this makes sense. In terms of music...used too be allowed but was taken away by new leadership.

[pgrundy]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Hi Jerry, I read your post and thought, hey, I'd buy that book if the title were Working in the Dark: When Your Job Is The Source of Your Depression. I'm only half-kidding, I've been in the work force for a long time and I'm convinced that often our jobs either make us sick or help keep us sick. It's a bitter pill to swallow to know where I work they claim to emphasize good health, staying healthy, getting healthy, yet employ abusive people in supervisory positions, force people to work in filthy, stifling or freezing environments (and by forcing I mean: first to deny the reality of the unsafe, unhealthy environment, and if the employee persists, say take it or leave as the answer if anyone complains or asks for relief), discourage and frown on people taking breaks, lunch hours, and vacation time. The work around for many people is to call in sick several times a week (some days I am the only employee who shows up), clock in and then simply disappear for hours, to deliberately not do the work, forcing someone else to do it, and to emotionally abuse each other. I'd say people would be shocked if I told them where I work, but some of what I have said above could apply to a lot of work places in the US. And here's the deal. I don't have any doubt that the people doing these things are suffering (from something). I believe most healthy employed people want to work and do a good job, want to feel proud and a sense of accomplishment from putting their talents and skills to good use. But a lot of companies shoot themselves in the foot because they don't make sure that their employees can actually do their jobs without serious trauma, physical and emotional. And I'm not talking about inherently dangerous work like police or military or firefighting. I'm talking about office work, factory work, retail. I often come home feeling as though I have been through a storm.

Ice Cream Kid, awesome post about today's workplace. I am convinced that eight years in call centers made my illness worse--yet ironically, I needed the health insurance to treat the illness.

The part-time retail job I have now is just as you describe. They make us take training and sign waivers saying we understand that taking our breaks is our responsibility and if we don't the company can be sued, and then they have no way to cover our breaks so we don't get them half the time. The managers are constantly applying insane performance goals and threatening to fire us if we don't meet them, and they have all these metrics now, just like seemingly every job on the planet, to keep you on task every single second. The first call center I worked in even timed our bathroom breaks. We were allowed an average of 3 minutes or less per day and we'd have contests to see which team could get the lowest average. It's nuts, but if you don't adjust, they say you are nuts, and if you do adjust, that's not so great either.

[SophiaG]

Wow the work-force sounds like it sucks. Sorry for all that you are going through though. Jerry gave some excellent advice!

Glad I don't have a job yet.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by pgrundy

Ice Cream Kid, awesome post about today's workplace. I am convinced that eight years in call centers made my illness worse--yet ironically, I needed the health insurance to treat the illness.

The part-time retail job I have now is just as you describe. They make us take training and sign waivers saying we understand that taking our breaks is our responsibility and if we don't the company can be sued, and then they have no way to cover our breaks so we don't get them half the time. The managers are constantly applying insane performance goals and threatening to fire us if we don't meet them, and they have all these metrics now, just like seemingly every job on the planet, to keep you on task every single second. The first call center I worked in even timed our bathroom breaks. We were allowed an average of 3 minutes or less per day and we'd have contests to see which team could get the lowest average. It's nuts, but if you don't adjust, they say you are nuts, and if you do adjust, that's not so great either.

I believe you. I started my new job a little over 3 months ago and I haven't taken a lunch break yet. I haven't done the job I was hired to do, either. The boss laughingly said after I was hired: "here's what we are going to have you do" and then proceeded to give me all the tasks that (I can tell) no one else wants to do. The day someone told me my going to the restroom would be timed is the day I would urinate in my pants and sit there the rest of the day, soaking wet, doing the job (I wasn't hired to do.) And I still say that the problems I see on the job are fixable. But management has to get its head out of the sand and be willing to admit they've lost track of the reality of the situation. As you said: "It's nuts, but if you don't adjust, they say you are nuts, and if you do adjust, that's not so great either." I don't ever want to adjust to lying, cheating, and mistreating people.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying

Because I work 3rd shift, I am the only one on the shift in my role. I've literally worked my way up from entry level to where I am at. I understand the company's need to have my roles performed nightly and agree with training a back up..even if it's a hard pill to swallow. And in my mind, there is a difference to training someone to cover my absence and sharing my role. I hope this makes sense. In terms of music...used too be allowed but was taken away by new leadership.

Can't Stop, would you consider viewing your situation as temporary, your job as you knew it over, and consider going to another position in your company or to another company entirely? I don't mean right this minute but as an eventual plan of action? Where I am now isn't as bad as where I was. My plan of action is to move on to another position and I am gathering additional skills from this misbegotten position to take with me. I wonder if you could see light at the end of the tunnel if you wouldn't feel better? And could you ask if you could listen to music at least part of the time?

[lastyearisblank]

I just spoke to my boss today. He asked me to take a paid leave to deal with my mental health issues. When I return, it will be to a position with less responsibility... I moved across the country to take this job and slowly bit by bit it has drained all my emotional resources...I feel so exposed. I have no support here. I don't know a single person outside of work I could turn to. It feels like my life is a nightmare and I can barely stay above water....

[Irine]

i just take of my hat for you for carrying a job. I am 25 and never had a stable job yet. i am sorry you need to go through all that. but you are great on holding a job! and being realistic about life!!