[Squirrel1983]

So, I have been under a psychiatrist's care since Oct. 2008. The first 2 or 3 appointments were nerve-racking as I didn't fully trust him yet. After that I trusted his expertise on my need for medication, but still did not really feel comfortable opening up to him about some of my issues. A few visits later I was able to do that as well.

Then in Aug. 2009, I moved back to the town where I grew up because I missed family. I wasn't doing well alone without anyone nearby that I knew. I've always had problems making friends. At first when I moved, I got a new job...but didn't have insurance yet. I told my pdoc that I moved (but didn't tell him how far away) and explained the situation to him. He said he would see me at a discounted rate, so I kept seeing him out of pocket. Then in Sept. 2010 I got a full-time job and benfits. My new insurance kicked in Nov. 2010. My pdoc was still covered under my new insurance, so I continued to see him.

I kept not looking for a new pdoc closer to home because I didn't want to go through the trust issues again. I figured it was easier to stick with the same one who I was able to voice most of my concerns to. Even if sometimes that had to be in a letter or email.

Then, last week I decided to look for a T to help me with some of my problems that I would rather not take medication for. In calling around from the list I looked up with my insurance online, most were not accepting new patients. I finally found one who was, but they said as a new patient I had to make an appointment with a T and a pdoc. I didn't think to speak up and say I already had a pdoc, so I went ahead and made the 2 appointments (T for next Friday, pdoc for Sept...first they had). Afterwards I felt really weird about their "policy" for appointments, but figured I could always cancel the pdoc one after I saw the T. Afterall, they can't force me to see the pdoc, at least not to my knowledge.

Then about an hour later, one of the T that I left a message for called me back and could get me in Tuesday. She works for herself, not under a pdoc, so I could make an appointment with just her. I made the appointment and then called the other place back and cancelled my other appointments saying I found someone who could see me sooner.

Now, I am thinking that I should have kept the other appointments. Maybe the need to make an appointment with a pdoc too was a sign to me that I am supposed to find a pdoc closer to home than my current pdoc. Right now I drive 75-80 miles one way to see him (about an hour 20 minutes one way). I just don't know if I could trust someone else prescribing me medication. I don't mind the drive though, so that really isn' t a "problem". I just don't know how "realistic" it is.

Should I tell my pdoc how far I am driving and ask him what he thinks? I am afraid he will say to find someone closer. Is my trust issues something I should maybe bring up to the T when I see her Tuesday along with the issues that I originally set up the apppointment for? Then again, I will have to learn to trust her as well. Even if I am advised to find someone closer to home, I would be able to keep mine for at least a few more months, since I doubt he would say no during the transition period, if the new place couldn't get me in until Sept. But again, I'd rather keep the one I have. His office staff knows me by name and I am treated like an individual and not a chart number when I go. My pdoc even knows my name without having my chart in front of him. That says a lot to me.

Also, when I talked to the T I am going to see on Tues. on the phone and breifly mentioned my issues, she said mentioned Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I posted another post about that and someone responded with links. I visited some of them and now an really nervous. I don't know if I want to go through CBT. Do you think the T will try to start it on the first visit? She emailed my an appointment confirmation, so I emailed back basic questions that I forgot to ask on the phone, like if I should arrive early to fill out paperwork and if I needed to bring anything. She said she keeps the paperwork simple and all I needed to bring was a photo ID and my insurance card. I am also nervious about what may be asked on the paperwork. What kinds of things are asked?

Sorry for my long post. I tend to ramble when I am nervous and have a lot on my mind. Anyone have any input on the finding a new pdoc thing or anything else I have mentioned?

Hello, Squirrel1983. You might ask the therapist if she could recommend a psychiatrist that is closer. Then you could decide whether you prefer to spend the driving time seeing your current psychiatrist or have the convenience of seeing someone closer to you.

I understand the trust issues, it's really hard to find someone you trust and that works well with you. Sounds like the shrink you currently have is pretty good for you. I have been seeing the same shrink now for 14 years. I am also seeing a T through my local community mental health system. They also required I see a T and shrink from the same system. I gave it a try (didn't tell my current shrink what I was trying out) and it didn't work. Then when I refused to continue seeing the county shrink, I just had to sign a waiver and it turned out not to be a big deal.

Trust is really important

[slowinmi]

Squirrel, I think the fact that you were able to get into the independent T sooner than you were able to get into the bigger group is a good sign. You would be able to keep your previous pdoc, so you would only have to address the trust issues with the T at this time. The only reason to have a local pdoc right now would be if you are hospitalized (your pdoc may not have admitting priviliges near where you're living) or if your insurance no longer pays for you to see someone that is not local. No matter which T you see, they shouldn't care which pdoc you see as long as you're able to get the medications and care that you need.

Make your choice based on what will work the best for you and allow you to get the care you need. Good luck and keep us posted - slow

[Perna]

Hi, Squirrel. I'd just go with what is comfortable for you at this time? All through life we have to let go of people and meet new ones so staying with/changing pdoc I think goes with that; you might want to "practice" letting go/meeting new, etc. but maybe after you see a T you get to know and find works well with you to help you?

I don't think anything is set in stone; if you don't feel this T will work when you see/talk to her, would rather do something else, you can start "over" and recall and make an appointment with another T/another pdoc, etc., there's no "right" way to help yourself, you are in charge!

Hiya Squirrel,

I have major trust issues with doctors (had twelve surgeries growing up). There was a point in time where I was seeing my old pdoc even though I had to drive 8 hours there and 8 hours back! That's a little extreme but I first of all was having trouble finding a good pdoc closer, despite living in L.A. county at the time. (I now live in San Diego and am still having trouble finding a good one). I always thought the bigger the city the more docs and good ones, especially as I live near a prestigious university. Anyhow, I think so long as your pdoc knows then it's not a problem. I was so deep in my issues that I couldn't just randomly reach out and trust another pdoc even if I found one. I ended up in the psych ward (three in a row actually) and found a good one through the hospital.

One thing I would challenge you to do, as I challenged myself during that time, was to look at my codependancy issues. After living in L.A. county for a couple years almost the whole time seeing the pdoc in Santa Cruz I split from my husband. I ended up moving back to where my pdoc was. I think her being there was a huge reason for me moving back to that area alone instead of closer by my family.

Anyway, give it some thought and be honest. What are you paying your pdoc for if you can't be honest with him?

Love and hugs,
Tara

[Squirrel1983]

Argh! Dad just found out I am still seeing the pdoc in City A, even though I don't live in City A anymore. Lectured me that I am crazy for driving that far just for a medication management visit. He doesn't care about what I am comfortable with, he just yells and tells me to find one closer to home. Called and talked to mom (my parents are divorced). She told me that it was okay to drive if I wanted to as she knows lots of people who move and drive to see their old eye doctor/dentist/gyn., so I was not alone. That made me feel a little better. Still a little rattled about dad though. T yesterday said I could email her if I needed to before next session, since it was 2 weeks away. So, I did. Explained it to her and asked for her professional opinion on the matter. Now to wait for a response.

[nannypat]

I drive an hour and a half for my p/doc who is also my T and my cognitive T (in a different town but just as far away) because there is just so little good mental health care where I live. I am about that distance from some of the best hospitals and doctors in the Northeast so it is worth it to me. I have been doing it for over twenty years and some people tell me I am crazy to drive so far, but if they needed life saving treatment for a physical diseases they would be the first to head to where I go. I think they just really don't understand how serious mental health issues can be. I usually just respond by saying I like my doctor so to me it's worth it and leave it at that.
Do what makes you feel most comfortable with. Your the one that has to be able to be comfortable in the theraputic relationship. Good luck.