HELP not doing well

I wasn't sure which forum to post this in because it could go in so many different ones. Mods, please move if you deem appropriate...

It's hard for me to ask for help. In my world view I'm supposed to be the "strong" one. Heck I'm a professional helper.

I'm having a rough go of it. There's not really anything anyone else can do... well it will help if y'all listen.

This weekend is the second anniversary of Mom's death. That's stirred up all sorts of stuff. Two years and I still miss her. There are still times I think of picking up the phone and calling her to tell her about something I saw/heard. She was my mom and my best friend. I miss her like crazy.

Add to that my fibro has been flaring for the last three weeks. I'm exhausted and in pain. My life has narrowed to getting up going to work, driving home and crashing until it's time to get up and go to work again. This is not living. It's existing.

I want to just crawl in a hole and hide for awhile. I had asked for tomorrow (Mom's anniversary) off from work. Then I stupidly scheduled appointments with clients. Instead of staying home taking care of myself I'll be at work taking care of other people.

a, this is turning into a pity party....enough...

((((( lizardlady )))))

I'm sorry you are not feeling so good. Anyone in the caring profession has to do that extra self-care. I do know that feeling of just existing in between work. Is there any way you can reschedule those appointments you have booked for tomorrow or even take half a day off? Safe hugs to you.

((((((lizardlady)))))

that sounds like so much to handle! Pegasus has some good advice, if there's any way you can reschedule - take a sick day

I'm sorry you're grief is still strong ((lizardlady)). I was touched reading how you feel about your mom. She must have been a great lady and the fact you had/still have so much love for her, means you're a deeply caring person. This is a hard time for you and stress just makes the Fibromyalgia worse. This means you need to be kind to yourself.

Since your mom was such a great lady - instead of feeling only sadness...think of how she was and honor her life. I bet she would want you to live well and flourish. I noticed a changes these last few years with funerals - some are going the celebration of life route. Recognizing the sadness but also praising that person and their accomplishments. Maybe you can plant a tree or make a shadow box with her special trinkits. Its a loss she's not still here, but think about how much she gave you. Sending positive vibes during this difficult time.

Dear lizardlady, I hear what a wonderful influence and treasure your mom was for you each and every day. I know that I would have loved such a wonderful relationship. I know it hurts now, but you did have that relationship and sharing that and celebrating that is so very important.
IF it were me, I would either reschedule the appointments as suggested, or I would write my mom a letter about my day.
That connecting by sharing your thoughts would really help 'me' to feel I had retouched with my special parent. I don't know what is right for you. I hope you
find your way through this. Prayers.

Also, some collage, painting, photo box built, or anything as a momento for her and of her would be grand.

{{{{{{{{{{{{ Lizzie }}}}}}}}}}}}

((( LL )))
Glad you shared......

Thank you each and every one of you! I'm sitting here with good tears in my eyes at your compassion.

I don't feel right about rescheduling the appointments. I like the idea of writing her a letter and/or doing something creative.

I had all sorts of things I wanted to get done around the house and farm this weekend. I've decided to give myself the day off for self care.

Again thank you to all you wonderful people!

Good for you! I hope you feel better soon from the pain from the fibro and the heartache of missing your mom.

You are in my thoughts, lizardlady.

Planting a tree sounds like a good idea to me! I had that done when my father died...

lizard lady, losing a very special loved one is so difficult. be kind to yourself right now. do something special for yourself.
have you considered journaling your thoughts and feelings? it won't change that mom is gone but it will help you get out the grief and lessen the intensity of your pain.
this may sound odd but it has helped me. my father died in 1968. i loved him so much. he was only 45. sometimes in a quiet room i have a one way "conversation" with him speaking out loud tho he's been gone a long time. i still tell him i miss him. as a tribute to him i try to do the same kind things he did.

((((((Lizardlady))))))),
This is not a pitty pot, your are not weak, and you should reschedule those appointments and take the time to grieve your mother and also reflect on how she added so much to your life, how truely lucky you were to have such a presence in your life. And in your heart as the time grows near where the reality of that physical presence finally breaking away from your life became a reality that was very hard on you, taking time to honor that presence is paramont. You have every right to take time out to show your respect and honor that person that was so important in your life in whatever way you can.

And if you think about what you do, take care of others, that is one thing your mother instilled in you and every time you do that, you are, in a way honoring her life and presence as a human being.

In your heart, your mother placed an experience of what it feels like to be loved and cherished as not only a child, but a friend and a human being that deserved respect. So, in many ways, you are your mother's child, you did learn well and she did place one person out in this world to offer that special gift needed by so many.

Perhaps you need to remember her and honor her by truely remembering her contribution to the world by loving you. It is sad that she can no longer be at your side in a physical sense, but fear not, she truely remains in your heart and in so many ways you pay homage to her every day.

And you truely deserve to take time to grieve the loss of her physical presence in your life. And as that time comes close and it really hasn't been that long since she left your side, it is very understandable that you feel that loss, not only for yourself, but for all of those she touched. But always remember that through you, she has reached beyond her physical presence to continue to reach out and share her true talent for compassion and unconditional love.

So, if, for some reason you cannot change the scheduled appointments. As each person sits across from you, remember that you ARE ACTUALLY PAYING HOMAGE TO THAT WONDERFUL WOMAN WHO SO TOUCHED YOUR SOUL. Because, if you really think about it, that is what you do every day as you reach out to others in your own special way.



Open Eyes

I imagine having a chat wiht my mum - telling her all the things i want to - I light a scented candle by her picture each year - and sit and remember all the good things i can about her

I hope the day passes well and remember for next year to take the day off

big hugs to you

I'm so sorry you are still feeling such pain. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I do hope that you manage to keep yourself busy on this day, and always remember the positive and lively times you had with your mom.

Thanks for opening up to us - and just remember that that's what PC is here for.
(((HUGS)))

I feel the same way about the death of my step father (The man of a lifetime) he had been gone for 10 years and yes i would also get ready to call my grandpa then realize he's gone, I can't talk to him , and my grandpa and he has been gone for 5 yrs. These men are deeply missed!AND YOU SHOULD TAKE A PERSONAL DAY! CANCEL ALL APPT!!!!! GRIEVE!

[hi thread

I am new here... Just signed upp now. i red your "letter"....My dad is dying in cancer i have never lost anyone close but i can believe me know what u are going trough.... life is up and down and its hard when u want to stay strong but cant... thats how i feel now

I haven't been to PC for most of this week. Been crazy busy and exhausted.

You wonderful people blow me away with your caring. Thanks you all!

Openeyes, I know it's been a couple of months since I originally posted, but I wanted to tell you how much impact your reply had for me. Every time I start to miss Mom (daily) I think of what you said here... she lives on in what I do. That is such a beautiful thought. It helps ease the pain. Thanks you.

My thanks to everyone who replied! The pain I was feeling back in September passed. Then the holidays came around and the pain resurfaced. I cqame back to read everyone's posts to refresh myself.. hmm not sure "refresh" is the right word... Anyway, rereading this thread helped. Thank you!