[raptor1134]

my name is josh and i am 22 years old. my issues are complicated one of them contibuting to this exact statement, stubourness. i feel completely worthless in my own eyes. i have no job no school no deploma or ged no girlfriend a broken truck and in a couple of days no where to live. i have tried many times to dig myself out of this deep hole with breif winds of positivity and motivation but it is always short lived and here is why. i hate people (not everybody just people in general) and i find myself diqusted by the day to day life that most people put them selves through and all this due process that has paved what seems like one golden path to be traveled. i cant stand to be in any job for more than about 4 to 6 months. i constantly go back and forth from asking whats wrong with me to wuts wrong with the world and the human race and i think it comes down to the world being a generally ****** place. i can respect my place as the minority on this point witch leads me to these breif glimpses of hope i mentioned erlier. i "bite the bullet" so to speek and get some random what ever job that my heart isnt in and the cycle repeats. im tired of the cycle and i want it to end one way or another. all though i know my family loves me very much im sure they disapprove. my grandfather seems to be the only one who understands my predicament but even he cant really help at this point. all any one can say is "well you just have to man up and just get back to the grind". i tell you i refuse. sucide has definitly been an option many times but more of a forbidden option. i have always been very clear with myself that suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem and a cowerdly thing to do because i know i am young and things might get better but thats not what the last 5 years of my life show so if i continue along this same path who knows what ill think about sucide later on. i am from california and moved to montana in the hopes that there would be something special out here for me but its just more of the same. i see no place for me in this world i dont fit into any of the predesignated slots. there is no josh shape in the world if you get my meaning. its like i have to bend and mold myself into a slot i dont fit into and in all metaphorical possibillities, thats unconfortable to say the least. so there it is in a nut shell. pretty hopeless right?

I indentify with so much of what you write. I've not got the answers, I wish I did, but like you I'm just trying to hang on in there in the hopes it will get better. I think we just have to believe that something good is waiting for us down the line - and that we'll get there at some point. Until then, we just cope the best we can... Sorry I can't be more helpful, but I just wanted to say I hear you. I'm trying to find my way out of this hole with the aid of medication and therapy, and I'm not exactly rich (back living with parent, no money, etc) but from what you say about your situation I'm not sure if this is an option for you? I would look into ways it might be possible. As for your living arrangements - you say your family loves you, is there a family member you could move in with who could maybe help to support you at this difficult time?

Best wishes
& don't give up

[wing]

Raptor, have you ever tried therapy to get to the root of your anger and hopelessness?

[choocha]

I'm just waiting for the miracle med which will take me out of my hellhole, or for god/Buddha etc to place me in a field of flowers & sunshine. I just count doen the hourds till I can go. I've put my plan on hold. I told my doc I'd wait till i'd given treatment a proper shot, before giving up. I'm just waititng for a lil glimmer of positivity. Gppd luck with your battle.

[IceCreamKid]

Consider you make your own space. Many people do so by getting an education, getting a job, getting married, starting a family. Even the most rugged of individualists develop skills that help them swim against the tide. To relieve your anxiety you might concentrate less on the overall picture (say, 80+ years of living) and more on today. What good thing will you do for yourself today? What skill do you want to develop?

[elliemay]

I'm not sure there is anything wrong with you at all. I'm sorry that you feel bad of course. Not everyone is cut from the same mold at all, and it *does* hurt when you try to smash yourself into it.

I've seen people cut off hunks of themselves in order to fit into the mold. So sad, so very very sad.

However, what happens now is that you get to chose your own path, and that carries with its own set of worries and sacrifices.

You get to chose how you live, either reluctantly, or full on.

I guess the single best piece of advice I can give you is to trust yourself.