What's wrong with me???...

Well last night I randomly told my stepbrother about my depression. I don't know if that was a good idea or not...I'm kind of second-guessing myself now...

I still have no idea how I'm going to be able to tell my parents so that I can talk to a mental health specialist...just the thought seems so far away from my capabilities.

hey, justdontask - well, i see progress. you told your brother something of a very personal nature. a few weeks ago, you believed that was impossible. so, there is progress. you have also spoken with a trusted coach and a school counselor. i admire that you recognize there is a problem and that you are doing something about it. there is still a way to go but there has definitely been progress and i am very proud of you. you have already exceeded your expectations of a few weeks ago!

the recognition of a problem and the desire to get better are so important. i am glad to see that you want to treat your problem and have a happier life. I am glad to hear that you are working yourself up to speaking with your parents. being able to motivate yourself like this is an important part of maturing and of becoming a functioning adult. all teens experience problems and need to lean on their parents for advice and emotional support at time. this is perfectly normal. you have been trying to do it all yourself and that is not fair to you. parents are supposed to protect and raise their children; instead you seem to be playing the adult and protecting your parents. from what you've revealed previously, you seem to fear their reactions. from what i know, i'd suggest you talk with your dad first. maybe even you could discuss how to tell your mom with him. don't be afraid to ask him to do it! really.

i hope you continue to make progress. you are a very important person; please don't treat others as being more important than you. your health and happiness are VERY VERY important. please continue to reach out and discuss your issues with caring people be they counselors, coaches, stepbrothers or parents. i hoped that your stepbrother showed concern for you and that your relationship with him is proving to be one of trust and growth. please keep us informed! as always, i wish you the best!

Just kind of an update I suppose...

I've been seeing the counselor almost every week ever since I started...I managed to share some things with her that I don't normally tell people, that was pretty difficult. But I did it...I don't feel any different though...

It's getting to the point where sometimes I can't feel. Those nights are horrible, and normally end in a total mental breakdown...I don't really know where to turn, but I guess it doesn't matter...The past few days have been really hard. I don't really know how to explain it. More like a prolonged breakdown, without the breakdown part? Like all the emotions before a breakdown have been going on for a few days now even though I break down some nights...It's kind of weird. I don't really get it...

Not much for an update, sorry...I just know I haven't posted in a while so I figured I should say something...

JDA

hey, JDA. Thanks for the update. You seems to have been stuffing your feelings down for a long time. You have taken important steps to voice them and seeing the counselor regularly is a great thing to do. You have years of feelings stuffed down and those feelings of breakdown are them coming to the surface. Please continue to put those feelings into words and to talk about them. You have held these feelings inside for so long. It will take time to recognize them all and to speak about them. Have patience! You are making wonderful progress! All the best to you!!

Another update I guess...

I'm preparing to give my dad a letter so that I can get some sort of help. If you'd like to read about them, the two related threads are titled "Letter" and "My Letter!" They are under the Anxiety Forum, because anxiety and anger have been my main emotions lately...

Thanks for all the support I have received, and I hope you are well.

JDA