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  #1  
Old Feb 08, 2012, 11:53 AM
Anonymous32845
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..and he is sure I have depression and OCD, and possible schizophrenia/psychosis. He seemed quite concerned actually..
Surprisingly I am feeling positive about this because I finally have a name for everything that is going on. My depression is getting worse though, along with the psychosis, and the school well-being team don't even know what to do. I went today and all she said was "think happy thoughts", I said I just couldn't, and she didn't understand, so :/

The thing is I can relate to every symptom of depression, and most of sz. They think it's adolescent-onset.

I know I sound ridiculous. Like every other whiny teen around. But I'm not lazy, I have lost every bit of motivation I had, and I want it back! I used to be so driven, a fighter. Now I just feel like curling up into a ball and crying, or taking a bunch of pills. I think about it a lot, but I just can't do it to my family. I can't focus or concentrate, I'm scared of myself, I'm scared of Fang (who is showing up a lot more now) and I don't see any hope in anything anymore. I hate this. I wish I could be like everyone else, complaining because they can't go out on Saturday or because they can't find the right dress for next year's prom or whatever. But no, I worry about if I will even reach my 16th birthday.

I don't even know why I am writing this, just wanted somewhere to say what's on my mind and what happened. I don't feel sorry for myself. Heck, It's the complete opposite. Sorry if I'm annoying.

~ WTTJ
Thanks for this!
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  #2  
Old Feb 08, 2012, 01:26 PM
Anonymous32511
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Im glad your close to getting a diagnosis...it won't really change anything other than the fact that you might be able to start getting treatment which should hopefully help you feel better. I used to think i wouldn't make it to 20 and yet despite all odds my 20th birthday came and went and i started to think...'hmmm, i made it this far, perhaps ill make it another year' and so on. Is there perhaps someone you trust who you could hang out with a bit more right now? It sounds like you could use the distraction and hopefully having someone there will make you feel safer and who knows you might have some fun along the way. Just keep fighting...if you give up then obviously the illness wins and no one wants that!
  #3  
Old Feb 08, 2012, 02:27 PM
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splitimage splitimage is offline
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. I would be too in the circumstances. The good news is that with a diagnosis you can get treatment. I don't know where you are, but with adolescent onset schizophrenia, there are a lot of really good early intervention programs for psychosis that really work, and get you back to living a pretty happy life.

Hang in there and work with your doctors.

splitimage
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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.

"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba

So I went back to the doctors..
  #4  
Old Feb 08, 2012, 02:28 PM
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amandalouise amandalouise is offline
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Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WelcomeToTheJungle View Post
..and he is sure I have depression and OCD, and possible schizophrenia/psychosis. He seemed quite concerned actually..
Surprisingly I am feeling positive about this because I finally have a name for everything that is going on. My depression is getting worse though, along with the psychosis, and the school well-being team don't even know what to do. I went today and all she said was "think happy thoughts", I said I just couldn't, and she didn't understand, so :/

The thing is I can relate to every symptom of depression, and most of sz. They think it's adolescent-onset.

I know I sound ridiculous. Like every other whiny teen around. But I'm not lazy, I have lost every bit of motivation I had, and I want it back! I used to be so driven, a fighter. Now I just feel like curling up into a ball and crying, or taking a bunch of pills. I think about it a lot, but I just can't do it to my family. I can't focus or concentrate, I'm scared of myself, I'm scared of Fang (who is showing up a lot more now) and I don't see any hope in anything anymore. I hate this. I wish I could be like everyone else, complaining because they can't go out on Saturday or because they can't find the right dress for next year's prom or whatever. But no, I worry about if I will even reach my 16th birthday.

I don't even know why I am writing this, just wanted somewhere to say what's on my mind and what happened. I don't feel sorry for myself. Heck, It's the complete opposite. Sorry if I'm annoying.

~ WTTJ
I am so happy for you. finally you were able to get diagnosed and now you have the answers you were looking for and know whats going on and now it can be treated. hope you will feel better soon.
  #5  
Old Feb 08, 2012, 02:36 PM
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Miss Laura Miss Laura is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2008
Location: Scotland, UK
Posts: 5,275
Hey WelcomeToTheJungle,

So what does your GP think is the next step? I am glad you are eventually getting somewhere
  #6  
Old Feb 08, 2012, 02:51 PM
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Switch Switch is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2012
Location: Little Fish Big Pond
Posts: 650
Hey WTTJ, I'm glad you got a diagnosis. I'm in the same place; fighting for a name for everything so I can finally get the help I need.

I'm glad you know now what's going on, and I want to encourage you to keep moving forward. I know it seems like it will never happen, but remember who you are beneath it all, and fight to get that back. Trust me, you will.

Keep fighting, and you will get there. It'll never be easy, but it will get easier, and one day you will be you again, but stronger because of what you've gone through.
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"It starts with light, and ends with light, and in between there is darkness" -I forget

"Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight" -BNL
  #7  
Old Feb 08, 2012, 03:57 PM
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CluelessBlonde1 CluelessBlonde1 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2012
Posts: 26
WelcomeToTheJungle,
I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom for you, but I did want to give you hugs.



Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even if it feels like you're not getting anywhere, one day, you'll look back and see just how far you've gone.
  #8  
Old Feb 09, 2012, 04:39 PM
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gma45 gma45 is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: In & out of my mind!
Posts: 4,196
So glad you finally got a diagnosis. Did the Dr. give you any medication? Sometime it takes a while but you should see a difference for the better. You will find people don't understand mental illness or being a teenager. I am sure you are not lazy it's just a symptom of depression and your age. My son used to sleep for hours when he was a teen now that he is 21 he is a fine working adult. Things do change, just being a teen is hard enough you will be stronger and more understanding than most. Hang in there! Sending you hugs and positive vibes.
  #9  
Old Feb 10, 2012, 12:52 AM
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happiedasiy happiedasiy is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2011
Location: home
Posts: 595
WTC,
Patience and self control leads to understanding and wisdom.
Sometimes the road we have to travel is hard, but the rewards are great.
Look towards the future. Remember how lost you were not too long ago,
and where you are today it is different. The world is constantly changing
and so are you. Be strong.
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Happiedasiy,
Selfworth growing in my garden
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