I Lost It

Two weeks ago, someone pounded on my dining room window and it really startled me. Tonight the exact same thing happened again. To give some background - 15 yrs ago, 2 men broke into my house while I was home. We had a verbal confrontation and fortunately for me they opted to run away. For 6 months after, I was a nervous wreck and panicked every time someone knocked at the door. Looking back now I think this may have been a form of PSTD. Maybe those who suffer this can clue me in. This in no way compares to other people reactions like war veterans or law enforcement.

This time I immediately went to the garage and grabbed a hammer. There was fresh snow on the ground and I could see the foot steps and I preceded to follow them. They were the only steps on the sidewalk and it lead to a driveway and I could hear voices in between the houses. I wasn't about to go there, so I started back home and my girls were coming toward me. Then we saw 3 guys come from that area and daughter(14 yrs) recognized them, as guys from her school. She called out to them and she started questioning them and the one totally denied being involved. He's a trouble maker and had past problems with this kid.

I then lost it and said "if I ever catch this person, I won't be afraid to use this and I showed the hammer". I told them whoever did this, could have given me a heart attack. Also told them "I'm not afraid to stick up for myself, my house or my family". We then left. Once I came home, I crumbled and started shaking /crying. I don't get visibly stressed often but in a crisis I get super stressed. Looking back now I regret showing the hammer but I wasn't threatening them personally. Sorry this is a long book - I feel exhausted and my muscles are rigid. Why are people so heartless. I wonder why being the nice person I am, all these rotten things are happening to me.

I can come up with some generalities based loosely on what little I know about your situation, lynn. Whether or not they might have anything to do with the "real" you I can't of course know.

But anyone who's under a lot of unrelenting or escalating stress for a long period of time suffers physical as well as emotional/mental/psychological attacks on their immune system. This in turn renders them more vulnerable to stress. A vicious circle.

After awhile, others can begin to actually perceive them as vulnerable. This may include children--young students, neighbors' children, local gang members.

If you think about it, the connection isn't surprising at all. To check this out, bing (or maybe google) term: "effects of stress" related to "victims of crime".

lynn, I do have PTSD and yes, I believe you have answered your own question. You sound like the kind of person that stands up for yourself...then when it's over you
have a scare reaction. Good for you on your boldness...and don't belittle your reaction because you are not a veteran, your feelings are in tune with what full blown PTSD does to a person. Congratulation on being brave when it's needed. hugs, bj

I am sorry that happened, especially to you. I know you from the QA section (I'm MEdwards there), so you're definitely not someone who "deserves" that.

Honestly, I wouldn't feel too bad about flaunting the hammer. I don't know Canadian law, but I think as a person, you should have a right to defend yourself, be it a deterrent or otherwise, IMO . Maybe seeing that you're serious about you and your family's safety will deter those kids from doing this again.

They were probably just doing it for the sole intention of getting a jump out of you, kind of similar to doing ding-dong-ditch for the sole purpose of annoying someone. Still not a great intent, sure, but at least it's not...well, I want to say pure malice, but depending on your connotation of the word, that may or may not hold.

At any rate, I'm glad to hear you're okay, and I'm sorry again this happened to you. (((((lynn)))))

Dear Lynn P. So sorry this happened to you past & present.

I'll have to say I would have had to call the police. Would have been too afraid to go out by my self, especially if husband wasn't home. Do you have a home alarm system?

Don't know how you feel about guns. Here in the south we have them & would use them to protect life & home.

Take care & keep safe.

WOW you are brave! I don't think I would have gone out to follow the foot prints. Don't take it personal but I don't think the boys know your past with earlier break in. and right now your stress level is FULL and your nerves are on high alert.They probably have a crush on one of your daughters as they are getting to that age, I don't think they wanted to cause real harm, just kids being kids. I could be totally wrong and if that is the case I would report them. I don't think they will mess with you again though. Sorry you had THAT to deal with tonight you have enough on your plate.

I don't know if this will make you feel better or not, but after I went full-on screaming crazy at the neighbor kids, they pretty much stayed away. I still got a little harrassment, but I think they were a little afraid of me from then on, or their parents were, and nobody really wanted to take a chance? It was like, oh, so maybe there's a REASON she came back to live with her mother. "Postal workers" DO get respect, is what i'm saying. Hopefully this will be the end of these occurrences. I'm sorry this happened to you, I know how horrible it feels to lose it like that. Little bâtards.

Lynn, I am so glad your venting these things, you deserve to have a place to do that.
((((Warm hugs sent your way))))). Do whatever you need to help release the stress.
That customer has very poor manners discussing that with your daughter. People like that are just not worth your stress and worry. (they are brainless and have nothing better to talk about).

Lynn, after a stressful day like this take a bath or sit by yourself and mediate a little.
When you are in a quiet place remember, YOU ARE A NICE PERSON, and quietly tell yourself. "I SHALL RISE ABOVE, RISE ABOVE no matter what I am a good soul and will continue to RISE ABOVE." Remember you have lots of good people here that adore you and are here to support you and also know your a good person.

Yes, unfortunately there are people on our life path that will challenge us. They are simply not nice people, not worth your stress, continue to RISE ABOVE because you DO deserve to do so.

Open Eyes

(((Lynn)))

Lynn what you did was very brave thing to do, I admire you for that. I have PTSD too and I think it is common to breakdown after a confrontation, I have done this myself many times. I hope that you're ok now?

oh lynn..with all you have on your plate...this is the last thing you need. but that said...i would have done the same thing..because you have to defend what is yours. your kids. the house is a house but what is inside...is precious. those kids are fools & will not be back ("crazy lady with construction implements ..aisle 3")

good for you..so many times people get scared & fold...sometimes tho action is called for..you were scared once before...but this time..action...our bodies are rigged for fear or flight response...that;'s the whole issue of ptsd...we get caught up in the fear or flight & over respond...

you my friend...did ok...you responded. took action . protected what was yours, safely..

(ok now if i can only get the "if i had a hammer" tune out of my head...sorry had to go there...you know i had to go there....the long eared grinning glad you are ok one!)

Oh Stumpy I'm so glad I'm not the only one who had that song pop into my head!

Lynn, I beg to differ. IMHO, you didn't lose it. You stood up for yourself! I don't know if you have PTSD, but your reaction afterwards sounds like a fairly common reaction. Anyone who gets scared has adrenaline dump into their bloodstream. That can cause the shakes afterward.

Maybe it's because of the kids I work with, but if this ever happens again call the police! Maybe it's just kids being kids and acting stupid. BUT they could escalate. Let the police deal with it if they come back.

nothing wrong with what you did, and maybe you put them off from messing with you again. Too many younger kids don't have any respect anymore and need more than just a telling off.
If it happens again don't hesitate to call the police.

(((lynn))) i support what you did. fortunately, it was only a teen prank. have you considered reporting it to the school or to the problem boy's parents? he needs to learn some social skills.

Thank you (((everyone))) who responded with your caring and humorous responses. Sorry this is long - guess I need to vent.
Thanks to:

Roadie - I appreciate your fast response and yes I've had considerable stress over the years.

Callmebj - thanks for saying I was brave and confirming what I suspected.

Harley47 - nice to meet my pal from Q&A. You're young but give wise advice.

kinda chaotic - your username suits me lol. After the break in 15 yrs ago, I seriously considered getting a gun. I don't live in that house anymore BTW. I also respect people who want to own them. If I was by myself, I would but since I'm a sleep walker sometimes and worried I would do something.

gma 45 - no I didn't take it wrong and you could be right. Those boys aren't the kind of young men she would go for. One smokes weed/does terrible in school and tried to bother my daughter before. The other boy was brought in by police for receiving porno pics of a 13 yr old. The 3rd one is a follower. Well now they know this simple prank could scare the heck out of someone. I realize to them, it may have been a prank but to me it was a threat...due to my past. Thanks for your honesty.

Hankster - lol you're funny. Lets be neighbors.

Open Eyes - yes I also had a rotten day for those who don't know. My husbands customer is Aunt to my daughters friend. She told her niece and mom....my husband was referring to his girlfriend, so her niece told my daughter. Thank you for the post stress advice and I should soothe myself today.

Buttercup - sorry you also suffer this and I know this is a hard time for you/your family.

Stumpy - I know you had a great deal of past stress from your life experiences. Humor helps in tough circumstances - your post made me laugh.

Update: I'm very tired even though I had 8 hours of sleep. Here's a list of the most stressful events in my life.

1. at age 13 my BIL tried to assault me and luckily I got away.
2. 18 yrs - got cornered by BF's(now husbands) boss and got away.
3. been living with a domineering unpredictable man for 30 yrs.
4. 15 yrs ago - had a break in and was confronted by 2 men and luckily they ran away.
5. 6 yrs ago - was followed by an enraged lady for 10 miles in my car, during a road rage incident.
6. 6 yrs - brother dies from AIDS
7. 4 yrs other brother ended his own life.
8. 11/2 yrs ago - youngest was being chased by 2 big dogs and I had to scare them away with a weed wacker.
9. Oh yeah the biggy - 5 yrs ago husband says " I have another wife" because you can't fill my narcissistic never ending cup.

So I've had my share of stressful life events, so its not surprising I would be the occasional raw nerve ending. One good thing I can see in this list is, I'm a fighter in a good way and I persevere / don't give up even when I face devastating life problems. I'm going to prepare myself for another pound on the window so I won't be caught off guard next time.

Since the break in - loved ones know they can't do a 'surprise scare' on me because I get so startled. On a lighter note - I also see a pattern of using garden tools as self defense lol. Thanks for letting me share and vent - all of your responses helped in their special way. Thanks to all who had the patience to read this.

I just saw the other responses after my agonizingly long post. Thank you Lizardlady - my daughter felt embarrassed but I think she understood when I reminded her how I can't stand a threat. I don't regret my response plus I can't change it. It was dark and deserted so I needed something to defend myself.

Thank you DennisDonaccha - thank you for validating and reassuring me.

Unhappyguy - thank you for your support. I know you struggle with PSTD. The one boy who I think did this, is actually a neighbor and yes we've had several problems with him over the years. He used to bother my daughter when he used to be at her elementary school -got the school involved. He changed schools and now is at her high school. He also tried to cyber bully her a couple years ago. I've been to his house and even printed out the cyber bullying.

Things calmed down and they basically stay away from each other. Speaking to his parents at this point is hopeless - they're not better than he is. He /others know, not to directly bother my daughter because she can verbally and physically whip their butt if pushed - she's a black belt. If anything else happens or if this escalates at school - my daughter will get the school involved. I could tell he was lying as he tried denying it. The neighborhood was deserted because we were having a snow storm - there were literally only their footprints in the snow lol.

(((((Lynn)))))

I think it is very important you consider your positive in all this troubled history. Yes, you were and are very challenged. And you have certainly dealt with your fair share of some very troubled people in your life. But inspite of all of that the Lynn P that I have come to know has such an amazing way to help others deal with all their issues.
You have been unbelievably supportive, a constant sound of reason to so many here.
You often come across as such an incredible rock of logic, even in some troubling experiences you have come across in PC.

I think that your daughters are EXTREMELY lucky to have you as their mother. And you also have been a sort of Mother to many members here at PC. And the one thing you must remember is that you are not alone in being a good person who struggles to understand WHY people are so harmful and disrespectful of others. Unfortuanatly for good people it is very hard to truely understand how others don't appreciate or respect you for all your wise and respectful persona.

The garden tool habit well, it is one method of attacking weeds that interfere with your private garden which is those two little precious flowers you tend and call your daughters.

Make sure that you take some private time and give some consideration of the fact that even though you DO have an unfortunate list, you have still kept your wonderful, intelligent, caring, consciencious, nurturing, strong, incredibly patient, supportive, offering sound advice, persona. You truely must never forget how well you maintained that very good soul inspite of that list. That is SUCH AN AMAZING ACCOMPLISHMENT ALL ON ITS OWN Lynn. When you take a time out and quietly remind yourself to RISE ABOVE always remember that you have done that so well so many times in your past as well. It is very easy to let anger take away that power, so by remembering how much you have been such a good and strong person, you will present the positive you need to truely RISE ABOVE as you so deserve.

I want to make sure that I support you the way you truely deserve to recieve support. By telling you how I have come to know you and respect you for your incredible strengths it is to remind you that your strong persona is recognized and appreciated and respected.

((((Hugs)))))

Open Eyes

a weed wacker & now a hammmer...you rock!

i can hear it now...."YOU CREEPY SLIMY A-HOLES...APPROACHING MY HOUSE, KIDS ETC. i have yard & construction tool & i am not afraid to use them! "

actually if ya turned the wacker thing on..you would be mighty effective..forget hitting them with it.

very good thinking...

you rock woman...with all the crap that has gone on..ya still think on your feet & don't freeze. mighty impressive...

& "if i had a weed wacker"...just doesn't work nearly as well as a top 40 tune..

seriously...you are ok...mighty proud to say i know you.

You are awsome LYNN!

You should be proud of your automatic protection skills - mentally and physically!

My grown daughter and her husband and 2 of the 3 grandchildren are also blackbelts, with just the one grandson to test for his soon, so I know they are taught in martial arts how to protect themselves from bullies mentally and if needed, physically. Maybe not with garden and construction tools, but to use their heads!

You are moving foreward (forward??) and not staying stuck in all the unhappyness in your past which is the best possible way to be. The old sayinga about 'if it doesn't kill me, it will make me stronger" must be what is keeping you afloat.

You are a survivor, not a victim and have a great heart.

Uh....yeah.....that ain't gonna happen any time soon.

Worried for you. Stay safe.

Wow Lynn. As if I needed any more reason to respect you, you're as you are in the face of all that? You have my respect.

You really, really should feel proud of yourself for being as you are in the face of everything. That speaks of an incredible inner strength many can only envy, myself included. You should feel good about that.

Oh, hey, and about the gun and sleepwalking thing, while I don't know how able someone is to perform detailed tasks someone is while in that state (I know my mom's crowning achievement was her depleting the freezer of ice cream one night...we laugh about that one a lot), I know that Smith and Wesson offers trigger locks built into some models of their revolvers, and that Taurus makes a few models with locks. Both require a key to render the gun operable. I don't know if that'd be something of interest, but I figured I'd let you know.

Stay strong, and God bless.

OMG guys I'm truly blushing - I never expected this to turn into a praise thread. One of my good points is, I'm usually very level headed and think before I talk/act. I'm grateful I was able to think spontaneously with some incidents in my life. With the road rage incident I was literally afraid to stop my car and I was on the phone with a 911 operator. She guided me straight to the police station lol and the dimwit followed me there lol.

Anyway I had a good day today. My oldest daughters semi formal is next Friday, so I took her to the mall. We got a good price on a dress she likes, so I could afford to buy her perfectly matching shoes, a necklace, earrings and a purse. I love buying nice things for my girls and seeing them happy.

Thank you friends:

Open Eyes - for your post. I really didn't expect so many nice comments and encouragement.

stumpy - you're one funny strong lady and I'm happy to know you too. When a person's down, its feels great to look at the situation with some quirky humor lol. I think you should write a book ...maybe a dog training book.

Beholden - thank you for believing in me and I admire you positive attitude.

KathyM. - awwww you and stumpy are teaming up on me. I remember that song lol and I figured you would post this. I wasn't gonna use that hammer for good though lol.

roseleigh7 - you know I was thinking of you the other day...wondering if you're okay. Thank you and don't worry.....I'm bouncing back.

Harley47 - thank you again for your kind words. Funny story about your mom's sleep walking. I saw those food eating sleepers on Oprah. Better ice cream than aw hamburger one lady ate lol. Thanks for the info on guns with locks - I would probably forget the key lol. In situations like this, its a tempting thought to get one.

You are a Hero in my book! (((((((Lynn P.)))))))

Lynn you didn't lose it...you stuck up for yourself and your home. You're very brave. You seem to have really been through a lot and you don't deserve any more crap.
On a side note, I have to tell you I did something similar.
Possible trigger

I have PTSD and when my girls were small, I was making dinner and heard my little one cry out. She came running totell me a man had his "pee pee" out. (The girls were upstairs and the guy outside). I was so outraged that anyone frightened my little girl like that, I forgot I had been cutting stew beef and walked outside with the huge knife. The man was releiving himself on our lawn. I waved the knife and told him I was going to castrate him if he didn't move fast. He never got to pull his pants up.....