[krisakira]

Yesterday I started a partial day hospitalization program at the behavioral health center. (For those who don't know, it's like being at a psych ward for 5 hours a day, 5 days a week, 2 weeks). We have groups and then a leisurely or recreational activity in the afternoon. Well yesterday, there were 4 other patients there and I brought up how it's hard that I don't have any friends to hang out with in person, other than my boyfriend. Then they started giving suggestions on how I can go out and make friends. Well their suggestions were stupid. Like go read to children at a school and volunteer at a nursing home. How would any of that get me friends?? Then they said I was just shooting down all their suggestions as if I was making excuses for not having friends. But the suggestions were ridiculous, and nothing that I would do, or think would help! So I got frustrated and upset, but I let it slide and moved on....

Well today, I was the only patient there because the others are only doing it 3x a week but my insurance only covers the 5x a week program. There are 2 staff ladies who did groups with me (or rather 1-on-1's cause I was the only one there!) and I didn't really mind that much being the only one there but it was still kinda awkward.

But then they brought up the me having no friends thing again. They gave more stupid suggestions and then I told them I didn't want to talk about it anymore, and that I didn't like people telling me what I should be doing esp. about the friends thing because if I could make friends I'd have them right now. Then one of the ladies said to me "Is this making you mad?" and I nodded my head yes... then she said "Well now we know what to say to make Christie mad!" Then the other lady brought up volunteering at the humane society and going to the dog park... which were things I brought up yesterday and said I was considering going back to the humane society and already go to the dog park and socialize some there. Well she said SHE brought both things up and that I shot them down!, then denied it when I said I was the one who brought them up and that I was already going to the dog park!!! She said that I had given her a "look" yesterday. THen the other lady said "So what is your "look" going to be today?" I gave her a blank stare... ANd then later that day the rec. lady came over and asked if I was ready to go to the gym to play some basketball and one of the other ladies said "Don't tell her what to do, she hates that!" :O

I don't want to go back. I've decided to give it another day, and try to stand up for myself if it continues. They just wouldn't stop teasing me like that though. They may thought it was humorous but I don't think it was very professional, and it made me upset, and even when I said I was getting upset they continued. It's like they were ganging up on me. I hate that, I hate being teased.

[jollybutdepressed]

*hugs* twin... i hate that.. when you're trying to be open and they use it against you... sorry you went through that twin

[Ackman12]

my T at partial hospitalization was very condescending. She made fun of Emily and the others.

[dailyhealing]

I am so sorry this happened to you! I would expect people working in that setting would have a lot more social skills and would be more compassionate for others. How good of you to give it another day, but I would also support you if you decided to not continue because of their behavior. It is supposed to be therapeutic for you, not hurtful! I hope tomorrow will go well for you!

[Perna]

How do you learn new things if everyone only relates to you how you like and only tells you things that you already know?

[Fresia]

(((((Krisakira))))))
Good luck and I hope it goes better. Hang in there.

Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out what "that" is all about and it was way back in 1996 when I did my partial hospitalization ... I'm sure there's supposed to be something "therapeutic" about it ... But it didn't feel very therapeutic or helpful at the time ... That's for sure ...

Would love to tell you to confront them about how it's making you feel and to process those feelings ... But that's not how I handled it ... Looking back I kinda wish I had, but it's rather difficult to focus on the fire when you're sitting smack dab in the middle of it and all you really want to do is get the @#$%! out of it ...

Hoping it all works out okay for you in the long run ... It did for me, and I'm glad I stayed and finished the program even though I didn't particularly enjoy this aspect of the "treatment" ...

Sincerely,
BrokenCloud

[Rose76]

I was in a PHP (partial hospitalization program,) only mine went on for a few months.

So I know. Staff got very critical of me. They said I was not nice to them. They said I was a toxic person. I don't like being compared to a hazardous waste dump. I don't think that was very professional of them.

But I kept going back. That strengthened me.

Sometimes, they are just wrong and trust yourself to being able to make that assessment. That doesn't mean that you can't get something out of the experience.

[Tonnieg]

I, myself, just got out of a Psych ward for 5 days for "feeling like harming myself" I totally understand where you are coming from. Some of the nurses really did seem to care the rest acted as if they could care less and thought it was funny when one of the patients was having a bipolar outburst, the nurse actually had the balls to LAUGH in front of everyone at this patient. My heart goes out to you and Im sorry you had to go through this. Some people dont realize how hard it is to open up to others especially when the people dont have any mental illnesses themselves. Just because you went to school and learned about it and read some books doesnt mean you know how it feels. Its devastating at times. Again, sorry you had such a rough time.

[krisakira]

Thanks for all the support. I gave it another shot today, and there wasn't any teasing but the T there accused me of using depression as an excuse to not do things. It really upset me I've been told to give it yet another day to see if it gets any better, or if I can get in a position to stand up for myself and tell them it isn't helping or even to report them if it continues. I guess I will try again tomorrow.

[Open Eyes]

Gee, if that happened here at PC someone would have been sited for not being supportive.

No, those women should NOT have joked about getting you upset, THAT WAS NOT SUPPORTIVE or PRODUCTIVE.

In FACT, they were actually BULLYING you! With what they said and I would bring in this whole thread and discuss it in this so called THERAPY. And the Depression is an excuse line is another BULLY line. Any GOOD therapist would not say that to any patient, remember I said GOOD THERAPIST.

However, I will say though that going to a local library and reading to children is not as lame as you think Kriskira. But it can sound lame, yes. It can actually be a good experience to work with children, because CHILDREN APPRECIATE ATTENTION. And Kariskia, I was very shy growing up but I did babysit and I actually entertained the children and I did learn a lot from that actually. And I worked with children teaching them how to ride for many years and I actually got as much out of them as they got out of me. We can learn a lot about ourselves by working with children because children are very honest, more so than adults. And the other thing I learned how to do, is because I was teaching and in charge, I learned how to get children to communicate, because some children struggle with that so I had to be creative. So in a way we both learned. And the other thing about working with children is often you have to learn what makes them tick and how to get them to respond and gravitate towards you in trust. That is what we have to do with each other as adults as well, and by practicing with children we actually develope that skill. Every adult has a child within and the path to that child is often the path to the adult/teen etc. Although those women who suggested it obviously didn't try it because they certainly showed very poor skills in bring out the best in YOU.

Making friends isn't always easy. A good way to make friends is often by taking classes outside the school or sometimes in school that revolve around things we love to do like art or music or even writing classes or even photography classes. Often that can give us something to talk about that we may have in common with others and utilize the art or whatever to help us over the hump of being a bit shy.

Really, consider taking this thread with you and discuss how we all reacted to what you have experienced so far in this so called therapy group, or support group?

(((Hugs and keep that chin up))))
Open Eyes

[Tomjones]

Using depression as an excuse to not do things? It sounds to me like you've confused the hospital for a burger bar... These people appear to have difficulty understanding why you're all there...

Maybe you should remind them that you're paying for this... And they're not providing anywhere near the service you expect

[krisakira]

Thanks everyone. So I gave it another go today and it wasn't all that bad. The reason being, is that I didn't bring up the topics of depression making me not do stuff, and the no friends thing. The only thing I contributed to process group was that I talked to a friend and they reminded me I need to remember how good I feel after being productive and keep that in mind to get me motivated. So I was pretty quiet the rest of the time. Rec was fun though I like Judy, she takes me to the gym and we play basketball. Well that's every other day, and then on other days does crafts with me. It is just us two because Im the only one in the program that you stay after lunch and do rec or crafts. I'm feeling pretty good about things today. Too bad I can't bring up those topics though.

[Open Eyes]

((((Krisakira)))))

Well, I am glad you had a better day today, I know that you needed that. However, I hope that what you DO NOT take away from this group therapy or outpatient concentrated program is the fear of talking about your BIG CONCERNS. And you DID have good reasons to be upset for the treatment you received when you DID "bravely" present your major concerns. In fact you were even bullied by their insensitive way of addressing what DID upset you. And any of us at PC know, THAT IS NOT THERAPY nor is it AN ACCEPTABLE SUPPORTIVE BEHAVIOR. And you were right when you DID question it here, (((((SO GLAD YOU DID kirsakira))))).

I was truely surprised at what took place myself, that is not how I or probably most of your friends here would run that kind of program. So I do think that you should present that concern to someone who is higher up, perhaps a real therapist that may be in charge of this program. You can choose to do that later on, but it should be done so that someone else doesn't experience that behavior when they are trying to get help. Because the fact that you are in this program means that you are making important choices to IMPROVE your life and LEARN how to do that. And, that is what should take place when you attend a program like this, no one should be ridiculed for their effort to try to improve and reach out for guidance.

I just wanted you to understand, you did have valid genuine complaints.

((((Hugs))))
Open Eyes

[krisakira]

You know what I'm going to do? At the end of treatment, there's a survey you take that's completely anonymous and the staff ladies themselves don't see it but I guess someone higher up reads them. I am going to put my complaints on that survey.

[Tomjones]

Originally Posted by krisakira

You know what I'm going to do? At the end of treatment, there's a survey you take that's completely anonymous and the staff ladies themselves don't see it but I guess someone higher up reads them. I am going to put my complaints on that survey.

Go for it, but do bear in mind that they do have a point with the volunteering and such.. You won't make friends being shut in and anything to get you in the proximity of other people

[Open Eyes]

Well, the good that you ARE going to take away from this at least what I see of today, is you are going to learn how participation is a path. And what I mean by that is that by pushing yourself to join in as you are in all this, you will learn that while there may be some negetive people, there will also be some productive people that will respond to you.

At least this one adventure is presenting a path for you to learn somethings. If you had not chosen to brave it and try, none of this thread would be taking place. You are finding ways to experience and get support in what you feel are not positive interactions. And you are also giving yourself permission to make a statement about that. I am impressed with you because, you keep trying, and that kriskara, is how you are going to learn to work through your difficult areas.

(((((Hugs)))))
Open Eyes

[Rose76]

" . . . using depression as an excuse to not do things." from Kris Akira's post above.

Ya gotta be kiddin' me!!!! This is a credentialed therapist talking???? What the heck does this "T" think depression is?

Yes, we have to push ourselves. Sometimes we're able to do that. If we attend a program, it's to get help because we are overwhelmed with depression. I did NOTHING today - NOTHING. I think it has something to do with me being horrendously depressed today. I used to be a very high achieving person. That I am sunk down to not doing things (that I used to excel at) is a SYMPTOM, not an excuse.

A good T should say, "I want to help you do a little of what you don't believe you can do - a little of what seems overwhelming and pointless to you. We here in the program want to tell you that you are worth something - even when you do nothing."

[KeepGoing8]

Hi KrisAkira, sounds to me like the staff members who were giving you a hard time are pretty much badly-trained bullies, or just totally clueless about the experience of depression. Don't be thinking that just because they work there, and you pay to go there, that they are smarter, better, or even more sane than you...Unfortunately, a lot of folks go into psych-institution work because they can't get work elsewhere...for various reasons including lack of formal education, family "tradition", or even drug or legal offenses on their permanent record.
If you feel you can trust Judy, that she has your best interests in mind and you might even consider her a friend, then u can confide in her when u two are hanging out. You could share this forum thread with her, or just simply start by saying that: I feel teased and bullied when I try to share my biggest inner worries...and it's making me want to keep all my problems inside...to protect myself. " if she is well-trained enough to recognize HER responsibilities as a psych- staff member, she will take you seriously, and she may know a way to stop the teasing. If u have 1 person on your side, that is worth a thousand fair-weather frenemies.
I have real trouble making new friends. The few good friends I do have, including my husband, I met through my work-study jobs in college. I worked at a student gallery and a computer lab because I'm an artist and a computer geek and I met my friends (girl and boy friends) who are into art, computers, and a bunch of other stuff I like too!
Good luck

[KeepGoing8]

I want to have friends
That I can trust
That love me for the man I've become
Not the man that I was
-The Avett Brothers "The Perfect Space" <song>

[pheonixrising]

Its sad that you have to stiffle the fact that you are struggeling with depression. Isnt that why your there to begin with? how retarded.

After years and years of being in these situations myself.

I have come to realize WE ~ ARE THE NORMAL ONES ~ AND EVERYONE ELSE IS TWACKED !! LOL

OK maybe not but geezuz lol ~

Hang in there kiddo!!!

[InTheShadows]

Krisakira,

I went to partial hospitalization last year for two months when I was so bad I probably should have been hospitalized. Even at my poor state of mental health the partial program was way too below me. The other patients weren't that mentally functional or capable of having intellectual insight or offering acceptable solutions. The staff, some were nice, but most have mental health issues themselves and behave in ways to make them feel better, not you. I would not go back anymore because if they're acting that way to your face, then what are they writing in your charts? which then becomes your medical history? Because we all know that medical 'professionals' can write whatever they please in our charts and that becomes the truth regardless of what we say, because after all, we are the sick ones.

The partial program I was in, the director told me that nobody stays longer than 8 weeks. Once I got there and started going, I realized most had been there years. Almost all were on disability. And the "therapists" were actually interns being directed by one therapist who never got off her butt to lead a group. The groups repeated content every single week. Same subject matter for every single group every single day. I.E. 1- CBT. 2- Anger Management. 3- Spirituality. 4- Process Group. 5- Addictions etc every single day of the week, the same subject matter in almost the same order for every group. It actually appalled me that most of the clients who had been attending for years, still did not understand some of the content.

Q

[Rose76]

hi_iq - I was invited into a program like you describe. The "Partial Hospitalization" that you went to for two months sounds to me like what is more often called "Psycho-Social Rehab." Just as you say, I found that there were really low functioning patients there who had "been there for years." PSR totally was not for me. I felt that they "infantilized" patients. Of course, some patients were like at the level of 3rd graders. (Not developmentally challenged, but so dependent that I don't think they could manage to get to the store to buy a pack of gum.) It was really a mix of apples and oranges, but the program geared down to the needs of the lowest functioning. The "Ts" would act like monitors in grammer school.

So I left after one day. Most of these folks got picked up by a "Special Bus" because driving a car would have been way over a lot of their heads. I, on the other hand, had to drive for 25 minutes to get there. (I went to this little rural community because I wanted privacy and I was too well known in my own town, where I had worked as a nurse in every psych unit.)

I don't feel smugly superior to these folks who were in what I would care Psych Day Care for the profoundly challenged. I envied them. They seemed happy going there and pleased to go there for years. A program can not be all things to all people. So that was not for me.

The REAL Partial Hospitalization that I attended for 4 months in 2004 was totally appropriate for me. My peers there pretty much all were driving their own vehicles to get to the program. They were a diverse lot, but very interesting to interact with. We had classes taught at a college level on what goes on with the brain when mental illness diminishes one's ability to cope. I experienced friction with peers and staff, buy that was actually great because I needed to learn how to be more "diplomatic."

Programs like I just described are costly to run, and this program lost it's funding and got pared down to something that wasn't anywhere near as good. I suspect that is true all over the country.

Mainly, I want to say that I understand that you need a program where you and the peers have "commonality of experience."

Like - another program that I was in for awhile was aimed at substance abuse. That's not my issue. So there I was sitting with all these people wearing ankle bracelets they were mandated to wear by the courts. Again, I do not feel superior - just DIFFERENT. I kind of was just too shy to be amongst these folks who, whatever issues they had, social reticence was not one of them. Women there would be talking about how they were trying to get back custody of their kids. I felt like an oddball there.

Having peers that you can relate to is one of the most important feature of a program, if it's going to do you any good - IMO.

[InTheShadows]

Rose,

Thanks so much for relating. I would like to ditto what you said about not feeling superior, just different. Exactly what I was trying to say. It's a shame that these lower functioning 'psycho-social rehabs' advertise themselves as partial hospitalizations. The one I went to, the first three weeks cost more than my hospitalization.

Q

[Open Eyes]

Gee Rose, I am glad you added to this. Last year when I was really struggling my T thought I should probably be in an outpatient program too. I ended up not going and hanging in there with my T and PC to be honest. However if I had gone and saw what you are discribing I would wonder how bad am I really for my T to send me here?

And if it is anything like the psychward, oh that would not have helped me at all. The people sat around and talked about their problems, but no one interacted with them, except me. Yeah, before I knew it I was helping them and the therapists, if you could call them that, just stared at this strange woman wrapped in a blanket trying to fight off chills. But then the other patients started following me around and I really wasn't up to that in my condition. And there was that question, how are you doing on your meds today and they ALL just had such a puzzled look on their faces, sad really.

Although Rose, I bet you would be good at organizing a productive group therapy. I have a feeling once you got a program going you would be good at directing and helping patients.

((((krisakira))))), you havent updated lately how are you making out now?

Open Eyes