[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Title says it all. T believes my ex may be a narcisist. He never met the guy and is just going by my description. So what is a narcisist really?

[BatsAndButterflies]

Comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water.

As a personality disorder is refers to someone who overestimates themselves or has an excessive need for admiration and attention.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys

Title says it all. T believes my ex may be a narcisist. He never met the guy and is just going by my description. So what is a narcisist really?

maybe this can help explain it ....

http://www.dsm5.org/proposedrevision...n.aspx?rid=19#

someone who believes he is far superior to others , who only thinks about himself and his needs not caring if that hurt others in the proces but at the same time he is in need of admiration and attention of others so he always tries to keep a good image, he is childish in comportament easy to anger and irritate but of course that childish personality of his doesn't make him harmless !! verbal violance is his speciality , he'll make sure you always feel worser than trash ,tremple over your pride , all to make himself feel better.

well, that's what i know ,hope it helped!!

[Perna]

Narcissism, in lay terms, basically means that a person is totally absorbed in self. The extreme narcissist is the center of his own universe. To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used.

from: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...-a-narcissist/

[seeker1950]

I really appreciate all the great definitions here. Involvment with a Narcissist can be devastating. Took me a lot of research and years from which to revover.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

Thank you all for your replies, I can see exactly how that is my ex in every way shape and form.

Terrible terrible man, he was soooo incredibly selfish, self absorbed, no one in this world existed but him he thought. He even said he believed the old philosopher who said when you leave a room or a person and they're not around, that they just vanish, they dont exist unless they were around him. That's what he told me he believed. And literally ended it saying that basically he believed the world revolved around him. He was very cruel and only cared about becoming "rich" and about him. Everything was and still is about him. Eck.
Wish he wasn't my daughters father... Eck

[Open Eyes]

I actually read somthing interesting about narcisists as well. Aparently this comes from them "being abandoned" at a young age. So it is important to understand that they are not "born evil" people. There is a background to them and they are ususally extremely vulnerable and their behaviors are walls they build up to protect that.

And ofcourse there is also the kind of narcisist that was very spoiled as a child and became to just expect the world to revolve around them. I have seen this type at horse shows. They don't care about the horse, they care only about the "win" the horse can provide. I feel sorry for the horses that end up owned by a narcisist.

Yes Perna, I saw that information and it discribes the woman that was a coleader I had and I should have never trusted her in telling her about finding out my husband was a binge alcoholic. She used that information to isolate me for many years. She is very much discribed in this information, she is a very clever social climber who can act like the life of the party and all those that she gets close to have "something" she wants. I never met anyone like her before. Her phiosophy was very different than mine.

I remember how she "used" her horses yet left them out without any water in the extreme heat. I was the one everyone came to because they knew I would speak up. They were afraid to speak up themselves. They still hang out with her even though they know she can be like this. These kind of people can be quite charming and powerful.

Open Eyes

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I think with him it was kind of a mixture. I mean I understand he also had a difficult childhood. His father kidnapped his brother and sister but left him with his mom. His father and brother took their own lives and his mother became a severe drunk, very verbally abusive but so was he. She spoiled him but at the same time she did it to make up for the way she treated him. She admitted to spoiling him, but he likely did build a wall because of what he went through.
But I went through many many things as well and would never could never treat someone that way and if I saw myself doing so I would seek help immediately. I hope it's nothing that can be inherited, I'd be so dissappointed if my child ends up that way.
I don't like to think that anyone is full on bad per se but he really was horrible to me and my child. Maybe I will forward him some of the information I found and see if it rings true to him, then maybe it will make him realize that he is a pretty selfish and cruel human... Doubtful though, he's "perfect"

[LiteraryLark]

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=What+is+a+narcissist

[Open Eyes]

Just don't do that Purple while your daughter is with him. He may not see it as being "him" at all and take it out on the child.

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

You're right. He and I had a HUGE argument last night. She called me and the first thing she said was "I not do nothing momma and he spanked me" so I chewed him out. Talked to him today a little more calmly and he says "You don't discipline her, she's bad and wasn't listening and kept telling me no" to which I explained all it takes in those cases is a simple time out and it straightens her out. She only has to go in time out once a month if that and it works every time. She's a good kid, really good and listens well for a 4 year old.

Then he went on to say she doesn't know how to write all of her letters and wont eat all of her food when it's time to eat. I explained over and over she's only 4, not even in pre-k yet, of course she doesn't know how to write all of her letters, but she does know some and can easily recite the alphabet and has been able to for almost a year. And the food thing is TYPICAL for 4 year olds, you don't spank them because of it you just tell them "OK well you're not getting anything else until dinner" you know. But he flips out over the smallest things. He says he wont spank her any more since he "didn't know" I did the time out with her. But I don't believe him so I may go send social services to be sure he hasn't left any marks of any sort. I know his anger, I know how violent he can be. But I'm trying to think rationally so I don't know just yet what I will do.

I have a GOOD kid, she never says no to me, she listens well, she's a great kid for only being 4. She does have her off days but none that ever warrant spanking. I've popped her hand twice I will admit when she was about 1 1/2 because she threw a fit at a catholic church (two different occassions) and slapped me so I popped her hand but that was it and was the only time she tried to hit me or anyone.

He just looks for reasons to get upset, it's almost like he enjoys being so angry and he looks for anything and everything to not like and be angry with someone. I'm going to do some research and when I have her back home I will send the info to him