[Ticli-Otops]

I hate this so much. I feel completely worthless. All I can ever think about is that I don't want to be alive for another second. I just don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of waking up screaming, and crying... and not having anyone there to help me calm down. I hate sitting in my living room watching tv, and just randomly crying. I hate randomly getting scared out of my mind, and start having a panic attack. I would give anything to have someone to just sit here and hug me, when i'm scared. I can't stand to be alone. If I don't have someone right there, with me... I get really freaked out. I don't have anyone, though. No one wants to deal with my "problems".It's too much for them. I recently lost my best friend, too.... My... only friend. Seriously. I'M 15! I shouldn't have to watch my back, where ever I go. I shouldn't wake up in the middle of the night bawling my eyes out, and screaming. I shouldn't randomly start crying,no matter where I am, who i'm with, or what i'm doing. I shouldn't feel so hopeless... and so lost. I shouldn't constantly have panic attacks,and be forced to not have my medication. I just can't stand not having anyone to actually be here with me. I just want someone to sit here with me,and help me calm down, and stop crying. :'c I hate everything...so much....

[optimize990h]

(((Hugs))) I have felt the panic and feat you describe. I have dull my feelings to function but one of my meds help. check with P-doc to see what will help. You ate not alone. take care.

[opilione]

Just happened to see this... I'm sorry that you have so many rough times, especially in the wake of losing a friend. There can be good times ahead though, right? Can you think of what those might be? and how to make them happen? That usually helps me during harder times--just knowing what I'm doing will get me somewhere better down the line.

[Broken Angel]

I can relate... I hate it too...But the only thing that can keep you strong is to have HOPE...

[layla11]

Hi, I can relate to what your talking about. What is going on in your life? Are you seeing a doc or therapist? You are 15 do you have a parent that you can go to. I have problems sleeping also. I m off work right now and up awake alot. Your not alone here. You can post cries for help here, just like you did. Talk about it here.

also I know about the backstabbing, I didnt and still dont have any friends except here.

[sleeping prophet]

Your statement about being alone and having panic attacks speaks volumes about your needs. Anxiety can usually be controlled. You may need meds and support.

When you feel better you might want to investigate teen group organizations and/or youth groups at a church.

Most people, teens included, do not want to talk about feelings. They are afraid others will view them as not "normal." But, I have found that many people have the same feelings I have but they afraid to say so. Were all humans, we all have flaws.

I suffer from Bi-Polar. Sometimes the days are hard to get through. You are at a young age. Because of you age you may have a good prognosis if you act now and don't withdraw.

Good luck, have faith and don't be concerned what others think. Your journey may help others someday.

[shezbut]

(((hugs))))

I am very sorry to see that you're in such pain and intense fear. I can relate a lot to your loneliness, major depression, and panic. I've been there as well. I was a huge loner throughout my childhood, which didn't help my perspective towards life any.

Your post implies that you aren't seeing or talking with anyone to help you through these tough times, is that right? Have you tried getting in to see a T? Perhaps when school begins in a couple of weeks, you can talk with your school counselor about your misery to get their assistance?

I do know that schools are trying to be much more active in helping teens work through their feelings of intense loneliness, fear, and depression nowadays. I'd certainly advise you to try talking with others at school, to make a connection or two. Hopefully, these connections will go on into life out of school as well.

Do try to get in to see a T, as well, and share these things that you're struggling with.

[thomas.szass]

you might not want to hear that; it gets better and give it time but it will happen. Just share how you feel in life and people will help. If you can try to nurse hope or any positive hope in life

[Open Eyes]

(((Ticlie Otops))),

It sounds to me like you are struggling with PTSD. Are in in therapy? You cannot heal on your own if you have PTSD, you need to work with a therapist so you can learn how to deal with these unwanted nightmares etc. Ofcourse you want someone to comfort you. You have a very troubled history to work through and get support with.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by thomas.szass

you might not want to hear that; it gets better and give it time but it will happen. Just share how you feel in life and people will help. If you can try to nurse hope or any positive hope in life

Yes it is possible that time will help, but the idea of just sitting and waiting for that to happen is NOT a good idea when there are other options out there such as medication, and therapy, and options for help with mood disorders being added all the time. And while people you share your pain with may indeed care very much, frankly it is rare that they are in a position to help. Depression and other mood disorders are complicated, and however frustrating the journey might be, it is always advisable to talk to the caring professionals who know the most about these things. And btw, one of the most common characteristics of depression is an absence of hope.....and it's pretty hard to nurse something that many times is just not there.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Broken Angel

I can relate... I hate it too...But the only thing that can keep you strong is to have HOPE...

But sometimes you need HELP to find hope again, as it can disappear when you are depressed.....it most commonly does. That's why one needs to reach out for help......

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Ticli-Otops

I hate this so much. I feel completely worthless. All I can ever think about is that I don't want to be alive for another second. I just don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of waking up screaming, and crying... and not having anyone there to help me calm down. I hate sitting in my living room watching tv, and just randomly crying. I hate randomly getting scared out of my mind, and start having a panic attack. I would give anything to have someone to just sit here and hug me, when i'm scared. I can't stand to be alone. If I don't have someone right there, with me... I get really freaked out. I don't have anyone, though. No one wants to deal with my "problems".It's too much for them. I recently lost my best friend, too.... My... only friend. Seriously. I'M 15! I shouldn't have to watch my back, where ever I go. I shouldn't wake up in the middle of the night bawling my eyes out, and screaming. I shouldn't randomly start crying,no matter where I am, who i'm with, or what i'm doing. I shouldn't feel so hopeless... and so lost. I shouldn't constantly have panic attacks,and be forced to not have my medication. I just can't stand not having anyone to actually be here with me. I just want someone to sit here with me,and help me calm down, and stop crying. :'c I hate everything...so much....

I'm so sorry about all the pain you're going through, and I pray that you will reach out for help soon. Sending hugs and good thoughts.....

[LiveThroughThis]

Ticli-Otops, I was in your place in a big way when I was your age. At your age I had severe, crippling depression. If I didn't cry--I usually held it in--I was angry ALL the time. I had a few panic attacks, but I think I just had a general unease and anxiety all thruout my teen years.

I know all too well the feeling of waking up and knowing you're alone. I had a completely absent father, and a mother who was stretched thin and simply could not relate to what I was dealing with. I spent a lot of my high school years sleeping; it was the only way I had to cope. I also had close friends decide over summer break they no longer wanted to be my friends---with no reason given, and these were girls I had a lot of classes with. I learned early to depend on myself, to get used to my own company, even though I was miserable all of the time. I'm not sure how I graduated. I was hospitalized one time but it was fruitless. The one thing I did have--and I don't know your history--was Alateen. My dad is an alcoholic, and at the time no one I knew had alcoholic parents. Alateen is for children/teenagers of alcoholics. That place may have been what kept me alive; I could walk in that room bouncy or completely miserable, my hoodie masking my face, and I was totally embraced and accepted as I was. Plus, there were kids in there who knew EXACTLY what I was going through--no one else in my life did. That healed a lot for me. Maybe there is a place like that for you where you live?? In its own way it was a high point in terms of self-care.

I hope you can find something--or someone--whom you can be yourself to: cry, anxious, whatever, and they can be there for you. It is so hard when you're a teen and your options are more limited than an adult's.

Feel free to message me if you want. Maybe now that you're reading this you're feeling some better.

[Ticli-Otops]

It just makes me feel worse because the guy that I completely fell for, betrayed me. I told him all of my deepest secrets... and then I found out that he's been cheating on me the whole time we've been together. HELLO DISEASES. He carelessly had sex with me, knowing the risks. And now there's no way I can ever take it back. I hate this. :c