Self Medicating

When sober I am severely depressed and have seriously had some...bad thoughts. I have stopped speaking to my friends (to be honest, I only have one) and have experienced great loss in the last month.

I have been diagnosed with BiPolar but to be honest I never ever get the good side of BiPolar, no mania, only severe depression. So far I have been in a depressed state for the better part of 3 years now. I am on anti-depressants but they only seem to kill off my emotions and keep me "blah" all the time, when I am not swinging to depression.

I find the only time I can feel sadness, joy, or laughter anymore is when I am self medicating with alcohol or drugs. Under these circumstances I feel normal and happy for a change.

I don't know what to do anymore and I am lost and adrift. I am worried about telling too much of this to my shrink for fear he'll want to hospitalize me when in truth I don't want interference. What I want is to be normal again.

My question to anyone reading this is this: am I the only one self-medicating? What should I tell my shrink and more importantly what is happening to me? Why can't I just go back to where I was before all of this came about? I want to feel emotions again and be happy and not so incredibly messed up all the time.

Right now I am so drunk I am numb (literally) and am the happiest I have been all week. Is this so wrong?

(((littlebutt)))

The problem with self-medicating is that the issues causing you pain aren't being dealt with. They're merely being ignored for now. When you do stop drinking, those underlying issues will still be there (probably with some new prob's as a result of your alcoholic tendencies) waiting to be dealt with.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect in dealing with my issues ~ I'm not! But, I do know that using alcohol and/or drugs to make it through is avoidance. Those emotions will be there when you do stop self-medicating.

I'm sorry for your pain and desire to escape the ongoing struggles. I can relate. Best wishes sent your way!

Sorry you are feeling so depressed, it sucks! I know, I feel the same way most of the time. You are diffidently not the only one that has self medicated, try going to an AA or NA meeting and you will find almost everyone there self medicated at one time or another. Going to NA and AA has helped me to find that I am not alone with the way I try and deal with life, I was isolating myself so bad I was scared to even be around people when I was not drinking or drugging. I hope you are not as bad as I was and still am some days. Too bad the feelings we feel when drinking don't last we always have to sober up, then life is twice as bad! If you need to talk PM me anytime, I can relate.

I tend to self medicate, and quite honestly I don't see how psychiatric drugs are any different...they are supposed to reduce symptoms and can only do so as long as you are taking the drug. So I see no real difference.......so far I have found cannabis more effective than any psych meds prozac makes me psychotic and this of label anti-histamine I got prescribed for anxiety attacks only makes my feelings of detachment worse as well as making me lethargic and tired. If I medicate self medication, or taking a prescription a doctor gives me my goal is reduction of symptoms so I feel better and thus am more functional.....not to have worse symptoms caused by the drug.

I probably have different views on drugs than a lot of people here though...oh and I don't know anything about your therapist but I was fine talking to my last therapist about it and they didn't try and get me hospitalized or anything.

Hi Littlebutt ~ First you need to stop self-medicating and second you need to tell your doc that your meds are NOT working! And I would question your diagnosis for SURE! If you never experience the mania, then you probably are just severely depressed, and NOT BP!!!!

I would ask to be tested again, as I really don't think you ARE BP. I think you are strictly depressed and your medication is NOT what it should be for depression. BP meds & depression meds aren't always the same, so something needs changing!

Talk to your doc. Something isn't right. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

I used to drink and do pills occasioanlly and it would give me a pick up, now it just makes everything worse, I've only drank once in I dunno how long.....

Self-medication is a symptom of meds not working. A med change might be necessary.

Self-medication can also mean alcoholism, or in the case of cannabis, substance abuse..

In any case, I'd be sure to go explore both possibilities with your psychiatrist.

Thanks for all of the comments, I really do appreciate it. I think that I agree with Hellion the most on this one. I will address this with my psychiatrist and try to adjust my medications. I have sometimes thought that my diagnosis was wrong so I might just take your suggestion and get the retest.

hmm, in my state that is debatable, we have Medical Marijuana and some research indicates it has uses for some mental disorders. Personally I would only see excessive use of a substance as substance abuse(I certainly cannot claim I've never done that). If psychiatrists prescribe meds which are drugs, doesn't that indicate drugs can be used to relieve symptoms? but yeah I am being rather rhetorical I don't expect answers for that its just my thoughts on it.

There have been multiple times I have been better off smoking cannabis than doing nothing to alleviate the symptoms, drinking can numb things but I don't really like drinking for that reason because then I usually end up drinking too much. I am willing to try prescription alternatives(probably not forever just being honest), but so far I've tried prozac and that didn't end well, and I also got hydroxyzine prescribed recently to help with anxiety attacks main problem with that is its an anti-histamine and I hate the effects anti-histamines including this one have. Makes me feel even more trapped in my head or detatched then I already might be feeling at the moment, but maybe they'll find something that actually reduces my unpleasant symptoms instead of making me feel worse.

Littlebutt- I need for you to know that I am in the same boat right now. I've even started to wonder if I need to go to AA meetings. I've been self medicating with wine, either to numb my pain or to give me the strength to even get on here and talk to people. Right now I am completely sober and I dread this evening because there is no wine in the house and I know I'm too depressed to go and get any. I keep trying to remind myself that alcohol is a depressant itself but in the moment it's like I just need it to freaking function. I wish you the best!

I used to drink ALOT.... undoubtedly this must have done some brain damage (and probably put me in my current situation). I'd like to think so anyway, it would give a hint as to causation. Anyways, I did this to escape from reality, so self-medicating.

Yeah, Hellion, I get your drift, and personally I wish I could take THC instead of meds. But you know some weed can trigger paranoia and make MI worse. If you are lucky enough to get THC, go for it...but meds are still the safest way to control symptoms IF, I say IF, you're on the right ones.

Well cannabis can be used as a 'medication' at least in states with MMJ legal. But what drug works best to reduce someones symptoms and make them more functional varies based on the individual. I mean some people find prozac helpful and I found it hellish. I'd say the right meds can help someone, but that people are not always prescribed the right meds and sometimes that can make things worse for that person.

Being totally sober- no meds or anything, sucks. atleast for me. (i guess meds are still "drugs")