Dad called

My dad just called out of nowhere this morning. It's been a very long time since we had last talked. There was no reason to call really, I guess he just wanted to say hello.

I got a little pissed because he's started to minister to me. My dad's a Minister, and sure it's apart of his life but I feel as my father he should have at least a little bit of respect and not preach to me for 20 minutes over the phone about God, and to not worry about anything and to leave it to God. I'm sorry but I'm unable to do that, of course I would never say that to my dad because he would probably start praying.

I think that's the only reason why he calls, ever, is because he feels the need to press God on me. The reason I say this is because he didn't even ask how my kids were, or how school was or anything, he just started to talk about God.

Maybe he is feeling a bit guilty... thinking about being a father on Father's Day? IDK.. but does seem to be more about him, than you (the phone call.)

BTW prayer doesn't hurt a bit...it would be ok, don't you think? I mean, you have ppl here praying for you.

(((des)))

OMG....I just realized it's Fathers Day, that's why he called. I forgot to wish him a Happy Fathers Day.....hmmm I feel bad, but I don't think I should.

There's no harm praying for me at all, but I feel very uncomfortable being prayed with......It's to much explain to be honest.....but I agree being prayed for by others is good for me, and I appreciate it.

Yep bein Father's day he probabley wanted to hear his little girl say "Happy Father's Day" to him

Hi Desirae -

I think your father is missing the mark, but maybe it is emotionally easier for him to preach than to let his guard down and just show you love, in a way you are probably yearning for, and want desperately.

That's why it is hard for us to understand how much God loves us, b/c our earthly fathers for whatever reasons are often unable to open up their hearts, and tell us how proud they are of us, and how much they love us.

I'm sorry your earthly Dad, just skipped over the things that are so precious to you at this time -- like your beautiful children, and the fact you have taken the big step of going back to college!! You are one amazing young lady in my book.

I'll say a prayer that next time your Dad calls, he is more collected and focused, and will ask about what matters most to you.

Hugs and love,

EJ

I agree it being Father's Day he wanted to hear his daughter tell him happy father's day. I am so glad my dad talks to me about God. I know when it is his time to go where he will be going and to me it gives me great comfort because I know when my time comes I will see him again.
His job as a minister also is to minister to everyone. just a thought.

Hi Des,

I'm glad you did a better job of blocking Father's Day than I did.

Hugs,

EJ

It's ok to tell your dad that you don't want to talk about God, if it makes you uncomfortable. Tell him you don't need a minister, you need a dad. Ministers are a dime a dozen; dads are much rarer.

And if you do want to talk about God, tell him you'll let him know.

((((((((((Desirae)))))))))))) I believe that Maven hit the nail on the head... but maybe this is all your dad can be. IDK I wish FD had been a day of pleasure for more of us ....... I don't even know how to contact mine and even wondered if I would if I could. As for step dad, well saw him day before and didn't say a word, he is the worst possible case of a father and even a worse husband if that is possible.... there is a man that welllllllllllllllll I am rambling sorry
This is your thread and my heart goes out to you that your Dad doesn't know how to be a Dad, can communicating with him help at all?

Desirae,

Sounds to me like your dad really did call hoping to hear the "happy father's day". It also sounds like he only knows how to communicate as a minister & not as a father or just as a plain person. Sometimes when a person has spent their whole life being something they only know how to be that.

For me, prayer is kind of a sore subject. I grew up in a Christian home with parents that were so into religion & thinking that their way was the only way to be a Christian. They actually turned me off of formal religion, especially my Mother.

She was diagnosed with cancer & immediately told everyone in her church & all her friends. She had not taken care of the tumor until it was stage IV & was the size of my fist.....telling me that is was only the size of a small marble a few months before. She started praying that she would be completely healed & told me that everyone else was praying that she would be completely healed too. She told me that she "knew" she would be healed because everyone was praying for that. I also guess that in a chat with her pastor, she told him that she didn't think that I was a christian because I didn't go to church.

After the surgery, her surgeon told her that "he got it all". & she kept telling me that she trusted him because he saved her life...& God had put him there to heal her. I continued to watch her go downhill & her surgeon kept telling us that "he got it all". I knew he was lying but couldn't do anything about it & my mother continued to believe that God was going to answer the prayers to heal her. As she continued to get worse, she continued to ask me when she was going to get better because all the prayers were going to be answered. Her pastor continued to assure her that her prayers were being answered & I kept watching her get worse & worse. How could I tell her that God wasn't going to answer her prayers the way she expected & that he was going to answer her prayers in his own way & it wasn't going to be with the results that my mother expected. After all, she didn't believe that I was even a christian anymore because I didn't go to church. It wasn't until the last few weeks that I had her in a nursing home close to my home & I had the pastor from the church I belong to come & see her. That was when she was told that the cancer had taken over her body but by then her cognative abilities were so bad that she didn't understand what she was being told. I don't think that she ever believed that God wasn't going to heal her in this life because with what little bit of cognative ability that was left, she kept asking me when she was going to get better like she was praying for.

She was hanging on to life so desperately that the night before I had to go back into the hospital to be treated for my weight loss, I took her hands & told her that God was going to answer her prayers the way he felt was right & that the answer wasn't going to be what she expected. I had to tell her that it was important for her to let go & let God take over. I told her that he had a place for her in heaven & that my father was there waiting for her. I was with her for about 1/2 hour before having to leave & I felt a small squeeze from her hands when I finished talking to her. I guess it was her way of telling me that she finally understood what I was telling her & that it was going to ok. I got a call the next morning in the hospital letting me know that she died just after I had talked to her.

I am sorry I got off track from your post......it's just that the subject of prayer is very tough for me. Religion is a difficult issue with parents even when the parent isn't a minister. It has to be a hard situation for you especially when he doesn't even seem to care about your family & just wants to preach at you. I don't know how to fix a relationship like that because people have such strong feelings about religion (expecially a minister) that they aren't much willing to back down & just carry on a normal conversation.

I hope that you will be able at some point to let your father know that you need a father & not a minister everytime you talk & that you will let him know when & if the minister part is needed.

Debbie

Eskie,

Thank you so much for sharing that story, I understand exactly what you mean when you say prayer is difficult for you. Prayer and religion is very difficult for me as well, my dad (when he was around in my life) shoved Christ, Christianity, and Prayer down my throat. He took something beautiful, mysterious, and ones own personal relationship with a higher power and made it scary and ugly for me. I was forced to attend ministry meetings 3 nights a week, "get togethers" in the projects while my dad ministered. I was even forced to be saved and have the "bad" spirits casted from my body, I was 14 and 4 men from the church restrained me while this took place.

I know that was years ago, and by now, I should have found some sort of peace from those horrible experiences with my dad and religion, but I haven't quite opened up yet and still to this day if somebody was to ask me my religious preference (uncomfortably, because of shame) I would say atheist.

I actually have discussed this with my husband and asked him why he considered himself atheist as well. Obvisouly we rarely discuss the topic because just talking about being a non believer puts a fear in the back of my mind, like Christ himself is going to cast me straight to hell for not believing in Him. I think my husband feels the same sort of fear because he will not allow anybody to say the Lords name in vain in our home. His mother is a religious fanatic as well.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your mother and the cancer. I too have experienced this situation and that can truly affect your perspective on religion and God as well. My Grandmother (the woman that has cared for me most of my life) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was given 6 months to live. I was heartbroken and terrified and she was as well. I was pregnant with my second baby and I was afraid my Grandmother would have missed seeing her. Fortunately Brooke was born and Grandma was alive and semi conscience of what was going on. I think she held on to life as much as she could so she could meet her, after Brooke was born my Grandmother deteriorated quickly.

I think witnessing her fight for her last breathe and pass away was very traumatic for me. You know in movies, books, and stories you hear that death is peaceful and some what beautiful. Well I immediately realized that it was very untrue, there was no light showing it's way to the heavens above us, her spirit didn't leave her body in a foggy mist, and she didn't smile or laugh as though God was reaching out for her. It was just death.....a cold quiet death.

Of course, although I was not a believer, I prayed for her and told her to not be scared because she was going to be at peace. At the moment I was terrified and was just trying my hardest to keep calm and collected, but I think apart of me believed that she was going to be at peace and would be able to look down on me from the heavens.

Grandma was unable to say anything, but she did squeeze my hand, I think that was her way of saying goodbye to me, that she loves me.....at least that's what I want to believe because it makes the experience tolerable.

I don't think you talking about your experience with you mother was off subject because like I mentioned before it runs hand in hand with religon.

It meant so much to me that you shared this story, it even made me cry a little......lol....don't feel bad, I was just happy that somebody understands, I felt alone there.

Thanks so much Debbie, I really appreciate you sharing this with me.