[Needin Help]

I'm currently in college (but on winter break). I am struggling with too many issues at once: Depression, OCPD, Learning Disabilities, and ADHD. I see the school psychiatrist once a month for meds, and once a week (when school is in session) I see a therapist on campus (a graduate student).

I have been struggling to get through just three classes, and the is with me not working - because work took too much of my school time from me. My learning disabilities make school very tough for me, but my obsessive compulsive personality (OCPD) just makes completing an assignment ten times worse.

My therapist has me doing self affirmations and lots of misc. worksheets, but when I read the self affirmations it just makes me more sad, because feel the statement will never be true for me, and just can I not feel like I have any control to change my feelings about myself. I feel like I have nobody to turn to and that nobody cares whether I live or not. I even told my therapist that I wouldn't mind dying (but I have no plan to hurt myself), so she said we can't meet while school is out, but that she would email me at our normal meeting time to see how I was doing. That day and time came and went without an email from her. Maybe it's just my OCPD, but having a specific day and time they I should expect an email had me on edge thinking about how I need check my email so I'm not making her wait for a response, so when the day/time came and I got nothing, I felt like there is nobody left that I can count on to help me.

I should mention that the school counseling center (with licensed and practicing professionals) said that they could tell that they wouldn't able to help me within the 16 session limit so they referred me to the community counseling center (also on campus) which has educational psychology graduates as the therapists. I went ther for two semesters (getting a new graduate student with each semester), but ther is a two semester limit, so after the two semesters I reached out to the psychology clinic on campus (which uses clinical psychology graduate students as the therapists). The first semester was ok, and I really felt like I could get somewhere with the therapist assigned to me, but after the semester was over they decided they needed her somewhere else, so had I to start all over again last semester with a new person (who I don't really feel understands my struggles). I am supposed to have her again next semester, but then that's what they said about the previous one. I feel like it is just hopeless that I will ever get better.

I'm sorry this was so long. Thanks for reading it.

[allimsaying]

Dont expect perfection. Sure it could be better and with input from people about how the system has its downfalls, in time, it can improve. You are factoring yourself out of this equation. Like you depend on them, they depend on you. I hear you are sad and lonely. I wish you didnt feel that. If you put it all together, the help you get at school (not perfect) and the help you give yourself (in reaching out), maybe some combination can get you thru these trying times. Granted, none of it is perfect but with life, they left out the guarantees. Be your own strength to the best you can, lean on helpful others as needed. Its not all perfect but trying is ok. Give yourself and others a break. Sometimes what you see as a failure is better than what the competition could pull off. You never know til the buzzer rings.

[ManicD]

It's true the best help you will ever get comes from within you. But sometimes you can get help from the outside. There are people that care whether you live or not. I am one of them. Focus on school and learning what you want to learn. Focus on where you want to be when the spring time comes. Do something nice for yourself. Find something you like to do. Do you like video games or computer games? Find something that is yours and you like to do. Obsession isn't always a bad thing. I'm obsessed with having clean dishes. But you know what, I feel great when I get to eat from the clean dishes.

[Needin Help]

Originally Posted by ManicD

It's true the best help you will ever get comes from within you. But sometimes you can get help from the outside. There are people that care whether you live or not. I am one of them. Focus on school and learning what you want to learn. Focus on where you want to be when the spring time comes. Do something nice for yourself. Find something you like to do. Do you like video games or computer games? Find something that is yours and you like to do. Obsession isn't always a bad thing. I'm obsessed with having clean dishes. But you know what, I feel great when I get to eat from the clean dishes.

Funny you should mention doing something for myself because that's what my "homework" is for the 3 weeks that I am out of school. I'm supposed to pick from hundreds of options one thing to do for myself each day, but I've spent almost all for my break sleeping and lacking the motivation do to do anything. I did go to lunch and the movies today with my friend, but that's only because I felt obligated to not leave her hanging. I wish I could find the motivation myself, but I find that the only thing that motivates me is the thought of disappointed someone else, otherwise I could care less if I disappoint myself. - Well, not really, I usually just beat myself up for being such a failure and not getting done what I had planned, but its never enough that I feel motivated to go through with what I had planned.

[InfiniteSadness]

Feel the same way... its terrible.

Originally Posted by ManicD

It's true the best help you will ever get comes from within you. But sometimes you can get help from the outside. There are people that care whether you live or not. I am one of them. Focus on school and learning what you want to learn. Focus on where you want to be when the spring time comes. Do something nice for yourself. Find something you like to do. Do you like video games or computer games? Find something that is yours and you like to do. Obsession isn't always a bad thing. I'm obsessed with having clean dishes. But you know what, I feel great when I get to eat from the clean dishes.

thanks for that post.... i too feel a lot of the time their is no hope- and it's pointless to continue trying

i'm not going to rattle on about what little i've got at the moment.. no friends, family who don't talk to me, no stable education, a lot of physical and mental problems, i'm not going to rattle on.

but i do sometimes think... well, after all i've been through, after the wreck i've made of life, why me- why am i still here.

i should have my spot taken by someone else

[Needin Help]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

thanks for that post.... i too feel a lot of the time their is no hope- and it's pointless to continue trying

i'm not going to rattle on about what little i've got at the moment.. no friends, family who don't talk to me, no stable education, a lot of physical and mental problems, i'm not going to rattle on.

but i do sometimes think... well, after all i've been through, after the wreck i've made of life, why me- why am i still here.

i should have my spot taken by someone else

You just said what I've been thinking as well..."why me - why am I still here?" I've been thinking this so much lately, especially in light of the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe that there is a higher being ("GOD," if you will), so why did "he" take them, and leave me? The only thing I can think of is that somehow "he" thinks that my presence on Earth is needed for some reason; I just wish I knew what that reason was.

I will tell you, "Shattered Sanity," you have made several comments on these forums that have aided me in getting through the day, and even choosing let another day come, so if for no other reason, KNOW that you are here to make a difference in the lives of those reading the forums.

Originally Posted by Needin Help

You just said what I've been thinking as well..."why me - why am I still here?" I've been thinking this so much lately, especially in light of the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary. I'm not a religious person, but I do believe that there is a higher being ("GOD," if you will), so why did "he" take them, and leave me? The only thing I can think of is that somehow "he" thinks that my presence on Earth is needed for some reason; I just wish I knew what that reason was.

I will tell you, "Shattered Sanity," you have made several comments on these forums that have aided me in getting through the day, and even choosing let another day come, so if for no other reason, KNOW that you are here to make a difference in the lives of those reading the forums.

the tragety at the school was indeed sad.. i feel so sorry for those poor families that have to live with it.

you bring up a valid point... if their's a god why does he let us suffer and stay here- i think your theory about finding our own purpose has some sense to it, but at the same time- i think their's only so many times we can dust ourselves off and say, okay... let's have another crack at this.

glad some of my comments helped you- that's great