hey guys, ive just got back from the vets. had to get my dog put down as he had a tumour on the liver, we only found out this mornin about the tumour, then, 4 housr later we had him put down so its abit of a shock really. weve had for nearly 13 years now, i feel quite upset to be honest coz 13 years is a long time, i was only 6 when we got him.

my dog, charlie, was my dad kinda best friend. my dad took him everywhere with him, and charlie didnt like being without dad, so my dad seems really distraught by it.

i had to stay strong today for my dad really, we found out about 1pm that charlie will need putting to sleep and so my dad has been upset all day, ive managed to keep in my feelings and stay strong for dad, it was only until i got home and was alone in my room that i let it get to me, i mean, i dont no if it sounds pathetic to you guys me gettin upset by it, but 13 years is a heck of a long time to have a pet, especially considerin im only 19.
my other 2 dogs are lookin abit lost at the moment, im pretty sure they know whats wrong.

i am worried now though because my dad has a tendancy to drink when he gets abit down, hes already drank half a bottle of scotch, or whiskey, whatever the stuff is! and hes had 1 or 2 cans of beer, i hope he doesnt slip back into his alcoholic stage thats hes been in before, hes always on the borderline of going back into it and i think this might push him over the line. i dont know what to do, i dont know what to say. if i say something about the drink he gets real nasty about it and then drinks more to try to prove a point (no idea what the point is!), hes real defensive about it and i have tried in the past everythin i can possibly think of to bring it up, ive said it in so many different ways, taken so many different approaches but because he knows how close to it he is he gets really defensive and angry.

i really dont know what to do at the mo...any suggestions guys?

[Sabrina]

I am so sorry for your loss!!!

I have no suggestions or anything profound for your right now, but I would like you to know that I am so sorry about the loss of your beloved friend!

You are very strong to stay strong for your Dad and family.

My thoughts will be with you!!

[(JD)]

I recently went through this as a scare with my 14 1/2 yr old lab... so I know the heartbreak. The only thing that I ever found that fills part of the void is a new pet. Does he like either of your other 2 dogs, maybe you could loan him one to keep him company until he decides about getting a new dog?

I suggest keeping track of him.. and as difficult as it is with men... share out loud how horribly sad this is... though you all knew it would come one day?

Sometimes also the loss of a pet reminds us that life does end. Reviewing our own mortality comes into the picture at that point.

The grief process includes several stages...help him talk through all of them as they come and go... and encourage him to NOT drink at this time of sadness... maybe by being open about it will help give him strength? TC

[SeptemberMorn]

Simon, I'm so so sorry for your loss! No one things you're weird because you feel the loss of your friend! They are just like a family member! They have a part of your heart! Of course, it hurts!!

I don't know what to tell you about your dad, never having had to deal with someone who drinks, myself. My approach would probably be to not say anything to him since you say he gets mean and defensive. I'm addicted to cigarettes and it pisses me off when I'm told I should quit, so that part, I can understand.

Try what Sky says. She's really wise about those things. Maybe if you help him by sharing your grief with him, it will help enough so that he won't go on a bing.

Best of luck to you, Simon, and don't forget, you've got grieving of your own to do. Take care of YOU first.

the only problem is...my dad shuts down when emotions are involved, he drowns his sorrows using alcohol and he always wants to be on his own, i suppose its just his way of grieving. i live with my dad so the other 2 dogs are his anyway but they are only 6 and 7 years old, he loves them too but not half as much as he did charlie.

it surprises me actually, for a bloke, i am open, strong and caring, i know what to do in times of crisis, suppose its cos ive been there before with alot worse. i usually take on the role of the rock, whereas my dad, brother and sister cant, they refused to go with my dad to the vets earlier which i completely understand, but it meant i had to go and be there for my dad if anything.

in reply to what you said about it making us review our own lives, it does yea, althoguh i havent looked at my life, it brought back alot of memories of my mum passing, even though this isnt fractional as hard, it still brought back similar memories and emotions.

i will be there for my dad, i have to remain the rock for him and others. i will encourage him to open up and confide in me, he thanked me just a minute ago for being with him today and making all the arrangements, but i told him he doesnt have to thank me, and that its just wat i do.

[OneAndMany]

I couldn't make it past the first paragraph (the situation is just too sad). I do want you to know how sorry I am for you and your family.

Safe hugs,

Elizabeth

[January]

Hi Simon,

I am so sorry for your loss. I am also very sorry your Dad has begun drinking over it. It may be that the best thing to do is try to stay out of your Dad's way while he's drinking. It doesn't sound like words help.

Stay safe and be good to yourself.

I wish you the best.

January

[hillbunnyb]

Oh too sad. I had to have one of my bunnies put down last month because of a fast growning tumor. It hurts sooooo bad to loose our furry friends. I'm glad you feel your feelings.

Try talking to your Dad when he's sober. Talking when he's drinking won't do either of you much good. Do you have AA groups nearby? I found the Adult Children of Alcoholics group in my town to be VERY helpful in figuring things out as regarded my father's behaviors..... make some sense out of a senseless situation.

How's about a new puppy for Pop. Nothing cuter than a brand new puppy face licking your face........ maybe it could help fill in his painful blank.....

[drunksunflower]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
hillbunnyb said:
Oh too sad. I had to have one of my bunnies put down last month because of a fast growning tumor. It hurts sooooo bad to loose our furry friends. I'm glad you feel your feelings.

Try talking to your Dad when he's sober. Talking when he's drinking won't do either of you much good. Do you have AA groups nearby? I found the Adult Children of Alcoholics group in my town to be VERY helpful in figuring things out as regarded my father's behaviors..... make some sense out of a senseless situation.

How's about a new puppy for Pop. Nothing cuter than a brand new puppy face licking your face........ maybe it could help fill in his painful blank.....

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I think hillbunny gives some great advice.

The only thing I would say is hold off on the puppy til had time to grieve. Then maybe in a wee while scope out the SPCA (not sure what you call it, but the animal shelter) and if there is a cute puppy casually take Dad past and see how he reacts?

i am sorry for your loss - it is so hard to lose doggies.

x

oh simon i'm so sorry about your dog........

[Christina86]

Hi Simon,

I know how you feel. I'm 20 now, but a few years ago we had to put down a cat, who had ALWAYS been in the family, since before I was born (she was 21 when she was put down). I'm now facing that grim possibility with our family dog and another cat. Its not pleasant, I'm so sorry that you found out about everything quite like that. *hugs*

I'm afraid I don't have any advice about how to help your father, but I wish you the best in dealing with all these things.

Please feel free to PM if you want.

A new puppy is out of the question, my dad has made it clear that he doesnt want any other pets.

hes not very well today, see, what happens is when he drinks, he gets real moody, then when he goes to bed he cant sleep cos of the drink, then he has a panic attack which makes him even more uptight etc, then he gets up the next day feeling ill and tired, so he drinks to escape it. thats how he gets into his alcoholism. i wouldnt ever dream of mentioning AA to him, he would get so cross if i did, and thats the last thing i need to do is to upset him.

ive been out most of the day today and i got home about 20 mins ago to find him sat in the living room in the quiet holding his stomach, and i have just been told he isnt feeling well today (feeling sick) so my betting is that he had an attack in the night and has now made himself feel ill. it is sooooo frustrating because theres nothing i can do that can help him. its quite sad really, ive lost one parent to drink and my other parent is a borderline alcoholic...what an example to live by, ay!

[SeptemberMorn]

Simon, your dad is fully aware of what he does to himself. I'm sure he's kicking himself in the butt about now. The best thing you can do for him is be gentle and kind to him. He'll appreciate that more than anything... even if he's cross with you.

Hang tight! We're here for you, ok?

[ster]

I am so sorry tohear this I know how much it hurts to lose a dog. They are more a part of us then anyone knows. They have a web site called the rainbow bridge it for owners that have had dogs die on them. There is also one about the star It is an old indian myth if you want give it let me know.

I would suggest two things.....don't mention the drinking right now...he's not going to stop
just because you ask him to or "remind" him
of how much he's drinking anyway.
Secondly, focus on the medical condition and the inevitability of doing the right thing, i.e. you didn't want to see Charlie suffer, it was the humane thing to do, etc., maybe hearing the facts will sink in and register.

im feeling quite impressed tonight actually. after writing my last post i went out to the cinema and wen i got back i found 2 big bars of my favourite chocolate on my desk with a note reading:

"Simon
A little pressy for being so helpful yesterday when i needed someone. Thank you so much for doing all the things for me - much appreciated
Dad"

i thought that was real nice of him, its completely out of character for him to do that but it was quite touching and it makes me feel good to know hes recognised and cares. my brother and i had a chat earlier and he said that my dad said he was so glad i was there yesterday when charlie was put down, they said they were proud of me being strong for dad when he needed me, and that i was able to be strong for him and keep it all in until i get on my own. that too makes me feel better. but the thing thats made me feel the best is that after i read the note my dad had left i went downstairs and had a 2 hour long talk with my dad about stuff...about charlie, about my mum, about my birth lol, about allsorts really, i just thought it would help him to have someone there for him to have a chat to.

he said to me he hasnt drank too much today either, and i didnt even mention alcohol, so im glad he recognises that it is an issue but hes trying to stop it, which makes me feel proud of him. i told him that too.

he started saying that when he popped to the vets today to pay for charlies treatment the vet was all sympathetic to him which made him cry, and he said he felt like an idiot for cryin in public cos hes always been brought up to hide his emotions and be strong, so he said he felt like an idiot for crying, but i reassured him its natural and that the vet wont think less of him for it, i said they see it everyday and they understand so i said to him not to worry, i think that helped. he also said he felt an idiot for crying in front of me, my bro and my sis yesterday but i again said that i understand and expect him to do that, i said that its only natural and id never think any less of him for doing that. i really do think he feels better now after our chat, i think it helped him to be able to talk to someone for a little while. i do feel proud of him and i told him so a couple of times too, i just reassured him by making him feel that the way hes reacted to this situation is completely natural and that he has to go with the flow and if he feels like cryin, then he should let it out. he agreed too. hes experienced worse in the past though, he lost both his parents when he was 21/22, they died 1 year apart from eachother. so hes no stranger to heartache. but charlie was like his best mate so i can see why hes taken it badly, i understand completely.

so all in all i think hes ok at the moment, hes gone to bed now as he has work tomorow, i have been signed off for the week because ive injured my shoulder.

sorry bout the long post. hope your all well.

wow simon...what a wonderful post! so glad that you and your dad had a good chat.....but....what happened to your shoulder?

ive had a bad shoulder for about 4 weeks now, its repetative strain injury from the job i do. i work in manufacturing so i use alot of screwdrivers, soldering irons etc so its taken its toll on my shoulder and my gp told me to rest it for a week. the weathers great here at the mo, will be 30 degrees today so im gunna make the most of my week off and sunbathe.

later today charlie will be cremated so me and my dad are going to pick up his ashes, im not quite sure how my dad will cope doing that but i will make sure he knows im there with him and for him. we are scattering his ashes in charlies favourite walk not far from here.

will let you know how it goes later. speak soon.

p.s. hope everyones ok today.

hi.

we collected the ashes earlier and my dad, my sis and her boyriend and me took them up to charlies favourite walk not far from here and we scattered them there. my dad seemed to cope well, i asked him shortly after we got home how he fel and he said hes relieved its all over now, he said it was ok.

he hasnt drank either since sunday and he admitted last night that he thinks it was the drink that made him ill in the first place, so at least hes recognised the issue and hes definately dealing with it. i feel proud of him to be honest.

thanks for being here for me guys over the weekend, im glad i could turn to you, i feel so happy and safe talkin on here, its doing me so much good too. thanks again.

[SeptemberMorn]

Simon, I just caught up on your posts here. I can't tell you how proud I am for you!!! You are ONE FANTASTIC SON!!! So happy that your dad recognized what you've been doing for him! Chocolate, even!! That's impressive and thoughtful of him!! Woohooooo!!

Hey! If you ever need a mom or grandmom, HERE I IS!!! LOL

You should be struttin' your stuff, young man!!

aww thanks Septembermorn, i might just take you up on that hehe.

i cant describe how helpful this site has been to me, im seein my councillor next tuesday so i will thank her for telling me about this site. i am so grateful to all of you for your support so far. long may it continue. speak soon

[SeptemberMorn]

hehehe Like they say here in the States. "I dare you! I double-dog dare you!!" You can't turn that one down! LOL

PS I LOVE your tag line!! WTG!