It might just be me, but does anyone else get the feeling they have a "ring of bad luck" surrounding them, and who ever, or what ever enters this ring goes wrong?

i get this feeling because so many things i try fail, i go into them with a positive attitude, but 99% of the time i get disappointed and let down.

it could be anything from people passing away through to things like being conned out of alot of money.

the list of things gone wrong in my life is long, i know other people have had it worse than me but theres always something going wrong, it is very rare i have good luck where i feel hapy witht he way something has gone. heres a quick run-down of bad things happened in my life (from past to present):

i was an "accidental" baby, my mum and dad only wanted 2 children, they had my brother, and my sis came along. they were happy with that. then my mum found out she was pregnant with me. apparently my dad was devastated by it and he left home for a few days, until he came round to the idea and came home. i have been told since so young that i wasnt meant to be and i wasnt wanted as a baby.

my mum and dad split when i was very young, and they often fought with eachother when us kids were home. they both became alcoholics.

i was told by my mum that my dad raped my auntie before my mum and dd split, and that that was part of the reason they got divorced. my dad to this day doesnt know i know this. he knows i know something is wrong between him and my auntie (auntie being my mums sister) but he wont ever say what it is.

i was sexually abused at 10 years old several times by my brother.

i was regularly bullied in juniour school, was always the "outcast".

went on holiday to corfu in which i caught an infection in my ear which left a hole in my ear drum meaning i lost most of my hearing in that ear (have had an operation on it but still dont hear much out of it)

i was regularly bullied in high school, again, i was always the "outcast".

i was stalked by someone when i was at high school, it was an middle-aged man, he used to follow me home from school and wait round my street. the police were informed after several occasions of him following me, luckily he didnt do anything to me.

my uncle who i was close to died when i was about 12/13 years old.

my mum died when i was 14.

i fell in love with someone at 14 years old, only for them to cheat on me 4 months later and break my heart. i still feel for her today.

my grandad died when i was 14.

another of my close uncles died that same year.

i slipped into depression at christmas of 2001, i was still 14.

i was badly bullied in school, not physically i must admit, but had rumours spread around about me and made me disliked by most people, except true friends.

after trying hard at my G.C.S.E's i failed them due to mental issues (my depression was still there) at 16.

left school (that is the only positive in this list)

i had an allergic reaction to medication i was on that hospitalised me due to siezures i was having.

i had a part time job in a small shop, and was fired for stealing around £200. was arrested because of this and spent a few hours in a prison cell.

i slipped into severe depression, nearly committing suicide. became afraid to leave the house and didnt talk to many people. had breakdowns on a regular basis.

developed an eating disorder, refused to eat.

my sister got violent one day whilst taking drugs and tried to stab my dad, i stood in her way to stop her, and was nearly stabbed myself. it was only the fact that she couldnt bring herself to stab me that stopped her.

at 17 years old, i got myself a permanent job after fighting my depression and eating disorders. only to nearly get sacked for a big misunderstanding between me and another colleague.

failed my driving test after trying really hard at it.

we tried to buy a house in Cyprus this year, only to find out we were being conned, lost about £10,000.

my beloved dog of 13 years had to be put down a few weeks ago.

and so the list can go on and on, i could list the not so major things that went wrong but i will be here all day and the post would be too big. i know some of the things listed above are my own fault, but it still makes you wonder whether there is this "ring of bad luck" surrounding me and my family.
and i also know that, like i said above, other people have experienced worse than me, but that doesnt stop me getting down every so often.
Do other people feel the same about their lives? if so, post here, id like to hear about your lives?

Sorry about the huge thread guys! the list is certainly long. and thats the edited version!

[hillbunnyb]

ok darlin, you've had the bumps. sounds like your a bit depressed and afraid this is to be your life...... Whoa Nelly!
(as we say out here in the wild west).... i betcha some good has happeden too. Could you make that list as well. ?.

When i was your age, 400 million years ago, i was running a broken tape in my head of all that had gone wrong, too. it really put a crimp in my style. i had to dig deep for the goodies, but, they were there in my memories, too.

just think how strong you are to have survived it all. your posting here tells me you're interested in moving on with healing and i congratulate you!

There are 2 reasons for postiong this today, 1) to let others have an insight into my life, and 2) to look at and be grateful for the positives in my life. there arent many of them, i will admit, but im not writing that list because im depressed. i used to be, it used to get to me so much. but no more. today i am feeling positive, more so now i have posted that list, but more so because today i am looking to the future, and another reason for doing list is because im cleansing my mind, im going through all the events and filing them, leaving them where they belong...in the past. apart from the abuse issue, which i am dealing with now.

i am looking to the future, and i know, if i work hard for what i believe in (starting my musical career, and one day raising a family of my own) i will achieve them, they are not out of reach. who was it that once said "nothing is impossible".

i truly believe these events have happened for a reason, and it was the positives that kept me going (i wouldnt be here today without them) and i find the positives withink some of the negatives within that list, for instance, i can proudly say ive been in love, i knwo what its like. i know how to grieve, and i am very strong. so there are positives in everything. the biggest positive would have to be (as ive said in other posts) the fact that all these things have given me so much material and emotion for my musical career. theres no bigger postive than that, next to it making me so strong for the rest of my life.

who can argue with that

simon, i really admire you...as you already know. we're close. your self-disclosure today will continue to cleanse you and it will remove a lot of obstacles that have been in your way. it has worked for me here and it will work for you.

PCers know that i've been to hell and back more than once and i've always held on to PC for dear life. and always told what was going on and got a lot of love and support funneled through the "internet tubes" back to me. (joking about a senator here who thinks that the internet is a series of tubes)

i've always felt your compassion and have known that you're wise beyond your years. you helped me, through numerous PMs, recently and i gained a lot of insight into what i needed to do for myself. this is a cliche', but "what doesn't kill us, helps us"......and i strongly believe it to be true. i'd be dead long ago, if i didn't believe that.

you are a very unique individual and i cherish my friendship with you. i'll always be here for you and i'll always have your back........love, pat