Invalidation?

How do you deal with being invalidated? Especially by controlling people, or those in positions of authority. It is a huge trigger for me. They seem to blame me and never forgive me. Yuck. Yep, just like my parents

This is truly not about anyone here. I have worked through some conflicts both here and elsewhere and I am grateful for that. But some things remain unresolved and I feel hated, worthless..... the list goes on

I think you are working through it, Fuzz.

Just by realizing that your parents behavior is what triggers your feelings of invalidation with people in authority is huge.

What did the flower tell you before?

It's not always about you.

Sometimes people let their own issues get in the way of how they deal with others.

They don't realize that how they treat someone, or the vibe they put out there, is really a reflection of their own hang-ups and insecurities.

It's a two-way street Fuzz. Not always your fault.

hated? worthless? MY fuzzybear????? Not Not Not.!!!! Get that crap outa yer head, pack of bleedin' lies, insecure bully behavior by insecure bullies. Get yer self talk up to speed kiddo. Don't take it on. Shirk it off. Hang with folks who can pump you up, let you vent, find a way to laugh at the jerk's behaviors and not take it personally. Hard Hard Hard to shift this around inside, but, for me, worth it, worth it, worth it.
Don't let the boogers get you down, is my motto.

thanks for your wise replies

(((((((((((( Petunia )))))))))))))

) )) ))))))))))) bunny ((((((((((( (( (

{{{{{ Fuzzy }}}}}}

I'm no good for advice right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

thanks (((((((((((((( Gemstone )))))))))))))))

I'm very sensitive to feeling invalidated, and I've got the whole history of parents invalidating, too. It's an awful feeling, and at least in my case it often leads to self-doubt and self-loathing simply for feeling something different or more intensely than others might. Since I've been reading up on Highly Sensitive People and recognizing that I am one of them and that 80-85 percent of the population is not, I'm much easier on myself about it. I still get triggered when someone tells me to lighten up or that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. But I remind myself that to me it IS a mountain, and this is true despite it being a molehill to others.

But it's not easy, and feeling invalidated sucks. I'm sorry you're dealing with that, too.

(((((fuzzy)))))

gg

IMO we allow ourselves to be invalidated by giving ppl who don't deserve it the power to invalidate us... Consider the source of the invalidation? "Controlling people" do that for a reason... to make them feel more powerful and in control... it has nothing to do with YOU (((fuzzy))) it's all about their inabilities.

What can be difficult is when someone we admire and respect and KNOW they are caring..and if THEY invalidate us.. well then you just must confront them and hopefully it's only been a misunderstanding

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recognizing that I am one of them and that 80-85 percent of the population is not, I'm much easier on myself about it. I still get triggered when someone tells me to lighten up or that I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. But I remind myself that to me it IS a mountain, and this is true despite it being a molehill to others.

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Right on, GG! Thanks for those words!

Thanks gg, it sounds like you understand what I go through..... sorry you struggle with that too. I must definitely get that book!! I have really felt like I am an alien being at times.... it's good to know I am not (just a bear ..)

(((((((((( gg ))))))))))

Thanks ((((((( Sky )))))).... I am only now really starting to understand more about "Controlling people" and that it is NOT all my fault......

I do identify and understand!

(((Fuzzy)))

((((((((((((( Sabrina )))))))))))))

Here's a website for you Fuzz, to see if it HSP pertains to you.

http://www.highlysensitivepeople.com/

thank you (((((((((((( Petunia ))))))))))))

I found an excellent article on Invalidation when I was in my last attempt at a romantic relationship (the one that brought me here to the forum). Now I recognize the behavior with big red flags flying. I'll see if I can find the article and post the link here.
Happy thoughts,
Patty

Fuzzybear,

For me, there is nothing worse than invalidation. I posted in the Rate and Review section of this site a wonderful book called "Nasty People-How To Stop Being Hurt By Them Without Becoming One Of Them" by Jay Carter. This book is all about invalidation.

When I posted it in Rate and Review, the words got kind of jumbled because I was trying to write the publisher's name and it was too long to fit. I got the book at Barnes and Noble, and you may be able to find it on their website.

I know how hard it is when you do not feel validated.

Love,
Sujin

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Fuzzybear said:
How do you deal with being invalidated? Especially by controlling people, or those in positions of authority. It is a huge trigger for me. They seem to blame me and never forgive me. Yuck. Yep, just like my parents

This is truly not about anyone here. I have worked through some conflicts both here and elsewhere and I am grateful for that. But some things remain unresolved and I feel hated, worthless..... the list goes on

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It's so hard to shake off negative associations that result from our past. I'm sorry your parents invalidated you. I don't think parents realise how painful that can be, and how indelible that pain can be.
You've been so brave in working on those issues, and although I'm sorry to hear that they have not been revolved, I think you should give yourself credit for what you have accomplished. You're so terribly hard on yourself.
You're not hated and you're certainly not worthless. I know that doesn't dispel how you're feeling, but say it out loud if you have to, so that it will hopefully sink in eventually.
(((Fuzzy)))

thank you ((((( Seeker ))))) ((((( Sujin ))))) and ((((( heartspace )))))