[J-Greens]

Lurker here.
But, this is an on-going problem, that is confusing the hell out of me.

I'm twenty-five, born in eighty seven. But, why, oh why do I look, feel and act fifteen?

I don't get it. I'm:

• Holding down a job for the last five years
• Financially comfortable after paying rent
• With an separate cash ISA
• Living with my sole surviving primary family member (Dad)
• Earnt my driving license
• Paying car insurance and driving regularly etc...

and yet...

• Still suffering from acne after thirteen hellish years
• Generally look younger than my age, commented on by everyone
• Literally no self esteem
• Still have no identity or direction
• Career-less, I've only stayed in my current job because of economic outlook
• Still fighting against the expectations of Dad & what Mum & Nan would of wanted
• Friendless and socially adrift
• Prefer teenage movies, literature and tv dramas (Made in Chelsea, Dash & Lily, Battle Royale, Breakfast Club, Juno etc...)
• Poor health
• Non existent romantic relationships past or present
• Just emotionally annihilated

I know I'm not in an ideal place, with literally no support systems in place and generally just surviving from week to week, but why am I getting younger or stuck at fifteen/sixteen and not moving on? I've been to two weddings in the last two years and now colleagues at work are building families and generally moving on in life. I'm either older or equal age and yet moving backwards?

Can anyone make any sense of all this?

[hamster-bamster]

Acne is very treatable by prescription topical retinoids with, optionally, OTC benzoyl peroxide. That, as a piece of practical advice.

Acne can and does persist into middle age in many people, especially when exacerbated or caused by side effects of medications, so you are wrong putting acne in your list of things that make you look as if you were fifteen.

I would consult with a dermatologist.

[H3rmit]

Have you explored WHY you feel emotionally annihilated? If not, this should supply some answers.

I'm sure dealing with the acne would help both the self esteem and the overly young appearance. What do you think?

About the careerless and lack of direction, to me this is the most difficult to solve. I have the same problem - lack of focus on something particular in this world, but I am exploring actively. Are you? Of course this can be associated with many disorders, but it's not my job to pathologize things for anyone, including for myself.

Solving the emotional and physical issues could help in solving the deeper issues, which can also be tackled directly. However, if you are escaping into movies (not saying you are, but I've had a tendency to do so, or with books) then you are not dealing with these issues directly. Since you haven't described struggling with them, I interpret that maybe you have been letting life's flow carry you in whatever direction.

Also, what are these expectations other people have of you? Do these play into the other 3 concerns of yours that I referred to?

[J-Greens]

Thanks for the replies so quickly.
I'd like to reply with positives, but, unfortunately....

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I would consult with a dermatologist.

I'd like to, but get even get an appointment with a dermatologist requires a visit to the doctors, which equals impossible.

Originally Posted by H3rmit

Have you explored WHY you feel emotionally annihilated? If not, this should supply some answers.

Well my money is on CPTSD events back in primary & secondary school.

Originally Posted by H3rmit

I'm sure dealing with the acne would help both the self esteem and the overly young appearance. What do you think?

Probably. I don't see myself ever being free and I don't think it makes much difference now. I can't go back and repair the past in the past.

Originally Posted by H3rmit

Also, what are these expectations other people have of you?

The expectation to go to College/Uni and continue the family profession. I tried going down a voluntary route and ended up leaving twice because I just wasn't any good at it. But it's about the only decently paid career direction I have, judging on paper.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by J-Greens

I'd like to, but get even get an appointment with a dermatologist requires a visit to the doctors, which equals impossible.

Well my money is on CPTSD events back in primary & secondary school.

Probably. I don't see myself ever being free and I don't think it makes much difference now. I can't go back and repair the past in the past.

Why is it impossible to see several doctors? Relating to the trauma?

I understand feeling hopeless about change, but I also understand that implies certainty about impossibility to change, which is illogical. We can't know the future. You are much younger than me and I am still trying to change further. I have changed radically and overcome much since your age (past 25 years). So maybe I am the bigger fool.

I know what PTSD is - I'm guessing CPTSD is a variant. So, no therapy or healing on that for you?

Living with my sole surviving primary family member (Dad)

Still fighting against the expectations of Dad & what Mum & Nan would of wanted

These are the two things that stand out to me and seem to tie the rest together save the skin condition.

[hamster-bamster]

Ask a GP for a prescription for a Retin-A - maybe the GP will prescribe. Benzoyl Peroxide is OTC. You need 8-10% Benzoyl Peroxide. Drugstore.com carries it. Benzoyl Peroxide does not work well by itself, but catalyzes the action of prescription tretonoids - you still need a prescription.

[J-Greens]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

Why is it impossible to see several doctors? Relating to the trauma?

No, I don't like them or trust them.

Originally Posted by H3rmit

I know what PTSD is - I'm guessing CPTSD is a variant. So, no therapy or healing on that for you?

It's Complex-PTSD which is different from PTSD. No, I've never disclosed anything to anyone about, barring my online footprint.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Ask a GP for a prescription for a Retin-A - maybe the GP will prescribe. Benzoyl Peroxide is OTC. You need 8-10% Benzoyl Peroxide. Drugstore.com carries it. Benzoyl Peroxide does not work well by itself, but catalyzes the action of prescription tretonoids - you still need a prescription.

That requires a doctor's visit. Sorry.

[J-Greens]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

Why is it impossible to see several doctors? Relating to the trauma?

No, but I have a damaged relationship with my doctors and it has led to me generally avoiding them. I'd prefer to move to a newer, closer surgery but that would cause problems.

Originally Posted by H3rmit

I know what PTSD is - I'm guessing CPTSD is a variant. So, no therapy or healing on that for you?

C-PTSD is short for Complex PTSD relating back to primary & secondary school events, but no, I've never spoken about it. I've managed in time to erase all memory of anything pre-2006, which was when I left school/college. That's served me well.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Ask a GP for a prescription for a Retin-A - maybe the GP will prescribe. Benzoyl Peroxide is OTC. You need 8-10% Benzoyl Peroxide. Drugstore.com carries it. Benzoyl Peroxide does not work well by itself, but catalyzes the action of prescription tretonoids - you still need a prescription.

Requiring a visit to the doctors...at least it's an option. I might look at going private for a dermatologist & psychologist though. Costly, but vastly quicker and off-record...

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by J-Greens

No, but I have a damaged relationship with my doctors and it has led to me generally avoiding them. I'd prefer to move to a newer, closer surgery but that would cause problems.


C-PTSD is short for Complex PTSD relating back to primary & secondary school events, but no, I've never spoken about it. I've managed in time to erase all memory of anything pre-2006, which was when I left school/college. That's served me well.


Requiring a visit to the doctors...at least it's an option. I might look at going private for a dermatologist & psychologist though. Costly, but vastly quicker and off-record...

So, basically, most of the problems you don't want to deal with. Hence you are stuck. Hence not progressing. Not to be harsh, but this seems to be where things stand until you decide you are willing to make the effort to change things.

[J-Greens]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

So, basically, most of the problems you don't want to deal with. Hence you are stuck. Hence not progressing. Not to be harsh, but this seems to be where things stand until you decide you are willing to make the effort to change things.

But this topic wasn't meant to be about all the other issues (There's other boards for those) but on the confusing issue of going backwards. Why is it at age twenty five I'd prefer to watch Love Actually rather than say, Argo or Les Miserables? Why is it I still look fifteen, feel fifteen and to be honest, at times, act fifteen?

It doesn't make sense for me to be getting younger.

The other issues I know, need addressing but there are fundamental questions that I can't find the answers to before moving on, so that's on pause. This issue I can identify, research all the options, ask for clarification and then move on knowing all possibilities and conclusions.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by J-Greens

But this topic wasn't meant to be about all the other issues (There's other boards for those) but on the confusing issue of going backwards. Why is it at age twenty five I'd prefer to watch Love Actually rather than say, Argo or Les Miserables? Why is it I still look fifteen, feel fifteen and to be honest, at times, act fifteen?

It doesn't make sense for me to be getting younger.

The other issues I know, need addressing but there are fundamental questions that I can't find the answers to before moving on, so that's on pause. This issue I can identify, research all the options, ask for clarification and then move on knowing all possibilities and conclusions.

You're not getting any younger, for sure. Time's Arrow was fiction. You're remaining at a previous state, and as your chronological age progresses, the previous state is relatively more and more distant. Your reference frame is moving, like if a car creeps forward at a stoplight and you feel you're rolling backwards. Since everyone else is progressing, as you point out, relative to you, this seems to explain things quite economically.

[spondiferous]

Welcome to PC.

I'm 34. I still get bouts of acne. I still feel like I have no direction. Unlike you, I'm not financially 'secure'. I still love the things I loved as a teenager. People gasp when I tell them my age. So I'm with ya.

[J-Greens]

Originally Posted by H3rmit

You're not getting any younger, for sure. Time's Arrow was fiction. You're remaining at a previous state, and as your chronological age progresses, the previous state is relatively more and more distant. Your reference frame is moving, like if a car creeps forward at a stoplight and you feel you're rolling backwards. Since everyone else is progressing, as you point out, relative to you, this seems to explain things quite economically.

So, (Continuing this analogy) when will the lights change?

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by J-Greens

So, (Continuing this analogy) when will the lights change?

My hunch is the lights will change when you decide to try to figure out what is keeping you stuck and you work on making changes to move forward.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by J-Greens

So, (Continuing this analogy) when will the lights change?

They've changed several times. You can step on the gas any time.

If you're out of gas from idling too long, then you may need someone to help push while you steer.

[tinyrabbit]

Why can't you change doctor?

[happiedasiy]

Some people like me keep the same young face for life untill you find out you looking more like your mother, I am 40. Or for you father.
Enjoy it,
As for the skin condition use soap and water without perfumes or cream.
Laundry detergent without perfumes. Tide clean is good for sensative skin.
Pay attention to what your skin type is.
Why and when you break out.
It could be allergies unusual sensitivity to a normally harmless substance that provokes a strong reaction from a person's body. The body is sensitized by the immune system's response to the exposure of X.
It could be stress?
It could be yor diet. I know if I have a slice of pizzia I'm gona get a pimple everytime!
Living with Dad, sole suvivior is noble and comfortable thing but it can be a reason why you feel like your not moving forward. Try to reframe how you feel about your circumstances and continue to learn something everyday.
Sorry to hear you lost your mom and nan.
Warm thoughts to you and Dad.
H.

[NWgirl2013]

Not to laugh, but LOL. I love all kinds of movies still, teen movies included. Have you seen '17 Again'? It still cracks me up. Love Actually is part of my permanent Christmas collection. Taste in movies is just that.

Maybe I have a juvenile sense of humor, sometimes. It doesn't make me a kid. I just never lost that kid-like sense of fun. I can still see the humor & I still can get into the emotions. Not everyone gets that, but that's okay by me.

I looked 16 until I was almost 30. Consider it a good thing.

I am saying, accept that about yourself, your youthful appearance, taste.
They call it 'finding your way' in the world because it is about you finding your own way of being.

Immerse yourself in something to get yourself out of your own head. You have to be brave and try something maybe a little out of your comfort zone sometimes/all the time, if you want to grow, and grow up.

You sound capable & responsible. There is nothing wrong or backward about you. You have the perspective of 25 years of living, so in fact, you are not 15 at all. Feeling it is a feeling. But it isn't the only feeling.

I'd say, embrace who you are. You sound just fine to me...Now we just gotta get you to believe it too

[J-Greens]

Originally Posted by pbutton

My hunch is the lights will change when you decide to try to figure out what is keeping you stuck and you work on making changes to move forward.

Originally Posted by H3rmit

They've changed several times. You can step on the gas any time.

If you're out of gas from idling too long, then you may need someone to help push while you steer.

Eh? I'm lost now.

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

Why can't you change doctor?

Both Father & I are with the same surgery. If I were to switch and anything medically were to happen, I'd get quizzed. Since he hasn't known diddly squat for the last 15 years, I don't want to start blabbing now.

Originally Posted by happiedasiy

Sorry to hear you lost your mom and nan.
Warm thoughts to you and Dad.
H.

Thanks. Although separate dates.

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

I am saying, accept that about yourself, your youthful appearance, taste.

But why? Why accept something I don't want. I don't want to get ID'd all the time, or covertly patronized when I go out at night. I don't want to feel like I have to hide my interests, my tastes - because they don't match my age, but I am.

[Junerain]

I'm 40, not financially stable, but emotionally stable, which is worth its weight in gold I have true, deep friendships which give me lots to do and experience together, my family relationships are strained, but that's because I have learned who I am and know I don't have much in common with my family. I am confident, and happy as a clam! But in my twentie's I was much like you...give it time, you will find your niche in life...I kept putting myself out there, meeting more and more people, some in support groups for mental illness, some in church, even some out in the bar scene! Out of all the people I was meeting, maybe 4% became real friends over the years...about to spend time with one of them now

It puzzles me that so many in this thread would focus on physicality, instead of the heart of the issue- your emotional growth

Work on who you are as a person, your emotional life...the rest will fall into place..

PM me anytime, I relate, I care about you

[winter4me]

you talk of "erasing memories" and say "this has served me well." Clearly, if you are here expressing your sense of feeling trapped, unable or unwilling to grow up in your own eyes, this has NOT served you well. it is not unusual to be terrified to change, to challenge yourself and actually DO something different---and you will have to do something different in order to feel differently.
perhaps, you are fine where you are. you don't have to fix problems if you don't want to. and don't worry about looking young, it won't last forever....one day, no one will comment on your stated age.
ball is in your court...

[LovelaceF]

How old were you when you lost your mom?

[eseb]

I'm 29 with a 10yo and a 7yo and have been married 11 years and feel the same exact way! I have no self-esteem or direction. I am going to college for ANOTHER degree and still can't figure out what to do with myself. I also am constantly told I look and sound younger than I am and still have acne... I will be 30 this year!

I have no advice though. I know how it feels to feel like you don't know where you want to be in life even when things seem to be going well.

[J-Greens]

Originally Posted by winter4me

you talk of "erasing memories" and say "this has served me well." Clearly, if you are here expressing your sense of feeling trapped, unable or unwilling to grow up in your own eyes, this has NOT served you well.

I don't see the correlation? Those memories aren't pleasant. I can remember non-school memories much easily.

Originally Posted by LovelaceF

How old were you when you lost your mom?

19. I looked about fifteen at the time. Horrific.

Originally Posted by eseb

I know how it feels to feel like you don't know where you want to be in life even when things seem to be going well.

I wouldn't say life was going well. These problems are making life harder...